YOYEE: New Year's Resolutions

Continuing with Your Obligatory Year End Extravaganza...

So many to choose from! Blackcat.ca

Every year, people make New Year's Resolutions to try and fix certain aspects of their lives and practice self improvement. Every year, many of those resolutions fail. Believe it or not, celebs and NHL players are no different. They've got things to improve on and practice, just like the rest of us. Tonight, I'll take a look at some resolutions for the New Year that could help out some of favorite teams of the frozen sport.

San Jose Sharks: Continuously repeat the phrase "home is where the heart is" during all 2008 home games.

New York Islanders: Try to not create news that will become easy material for comedians.

Edmonton Oilers: Finally get around to getting rid of Kevin Lowe... Yeah, like that's going to happen. That's like asking Paris and Nicole to stay out of jail.

Chicago Blackhawks: Keep on doing what you're doing. And maybe draws up plans to build a huge statue of Rocky Wirtz.

Tampa Bay Lightning: Figure out a way to get those cement shoes off.

Minnesota Wild: Regain control of the universe.

Detroit Red Wings: Is there even room for improvement?

St. Louis Blues: Locate the opposition's net.

YOYEE: Best of the Blog... or What We Screwed Up the Least

It's been a fun year, folks. BMR has been around for about two thirds of it, and what a two thirds of a year it was! There was text messaging, Handy Guides and, of course, JR.

The response to a year-end feature was underwhelming, but that's OK. I'll give you guys a break since most of you are probably off doing better things for the holidays than reading a blog. You know, spending time with family or something. That's respectable, so I'll give you a break!

The following are some of the "best" from BMR this year, and I use that term very loosely. First some reader favorites and then some favorites of my own. Enjoy!

And now, Your Obligatory Year End Extravaganza!

Epic Battle Update: All Your Universe are Belong to Paul Stastny (11/13)
This Week In: "Oh $%#$, We Messed Up" (10/9)
If This Had Lasted Any Longer, Bill Clement Might of Had a Seizure (6/5)
A Handy Guide for Beginners: Hockey Blogging (8/13)
If Only Text Messaging Was More Popular in the NHL (7/10)

And some of my favorites:

Gary Bettman's Hit List (10/16)
NBC Does Not Care About Your Precious Overtime (5/19)
A Handy Guide for Beginners: Fantasy Hockey (8/29)
PSYCHE! Got You Losers Good! (10/4)
The Coach Incompetence Advisory System: Pre-Season Edition (9/27)
Dallas is the Snarkiest Team in the League (9/6)
Analyzing the New Canucks Jerseys (8/30)
Justin Timerblake Plays LA King in Surprisingly Realistic Role (8/24)
A Handy Guide for ESPN: How to Not Ruin Hockey (8/1)


For those of you who still want more reading material, you can check out the "Best Mullets Ever" on the left sidebar. Those are the top five most viewed posts. You can also take a look at the archive, which is arranged by month.

The New Year's BMR Live Blog Spectacular!

Not sure why I used this photo. It somehow seems poignant. Flickr

Tomorrow we'll be having the first-ever live blog here at BMR. It's going to be a heck of a time with special appearances by... um... me. And I guess regular commenters like Loser Domi, Ryan and Justin might be there too. It's a star-studded event. Naturally. Feel free to hang around and join in the fun of making sarcastic quips about NBC Sports. Bob Costas imitations are stongly encouraged.

The shenanigans will start at about 12:30 EST tomorrow, provided I wake up in time. If you're headed out to Buffalo for the game, or just doing some random crap, be safe out there tonight. Happy new year!

Signs of the Apocalypse: Andy Sutton Pulls a Howe, Gary Roberts Hurt

Photographic evidence that Roberts is, in fact, hurt. Jim McIsaac/Getty Images

It's been a while since we have had any updates on the fate of the known universe, but since so many odd things are happening tonight, this is no better time to get you caught up. In fact, so many weird stories are popping up in the hockey world, (you know, the kind of things that should only happen "when pigs fly") tonight just may be the end of the world.

First up is the immortal and worshiped (at least in Pittsburgh) Gary Roberts. If you remember, a while back the Thrashers mistook Mark Recchi for Gary Roberts, obviously because Roberts is so darned cool. Roberts is on such a high pedestal that the phrase "what would Gary Roberts do?" is sweeping through Pittsburgh. But you already knew that. What you didn't know is that the potentially immortal Roberts broke his leg during the Penguins game tonight against the Sabres. If it is true that Gary Roberts can be stopped, then what about the rest of us?

But the best quote on the situation comes from ESPN and is a true testament to what Roberts is all about.

"A stretcher was brought out but Roberts did not use it."

Simple, to the point and Bad. Ass.

Oh and, cause I know we all love things like this, I'll post the video when it becomes available on YouTube. This could potentially be the type of play that you watch in horror, but somehow can't look away. All joking aside, I'm certainly wishing the best to Roberts right now. Gary, get well soon buddy!

In other apocalyptic news, one of the most unlikely players in the NHL had a "Gordie Howe Hat Trick." Think about it for a second. Who could achieve such a feat?

Andy Sutton. Yes, Andy Freaking Sutton. In the Islanders' 5-2 win over the Devils, Sutton had a goal, his first of the season, an assist and a fight to achieve the prestigiously dubbed feat. If Andy Sutton is doing a darned good Gordie Howe impression, then you know the apocalypse must surely be upon us. Yikes.

In more normal news, Alex Ovechkin had four goals and an assist against the Senators. Now that is something that doesn't make my brain hurt.

Addressing Some Insanity

The guys at the Pens Blog pointed out an interesting insanity epidemic this morning in our nation's capital. Apparently, at a Washington Capitals message board, there's a little unrest about the game played between the two teams on Thursday night.

Turns out, Alex Ovechkin got hurt during the game, in what was almost a scary situation. Kris Letang of the Penguins fell, and almost cut Ovechkin in the netherregoins. Ovechkin ended up begin OK, but didn't return to a game that would end in overtime, 4-3, in favor of the Penguins.

Said Caps coach Bruce Boudreau after the game, "it took the doctor so long to get down here (the bench), we couldn't get him back on the ice."

Almost on cue, the internet conspiracy theorists were out in droves. You know the type. The same kind of folks who think the NHL still employs the second assist to help Crosby (I can't find the link, but trust me, those people are out there).

One poster had the following to say:

"...isn't that convenient, the Penguins are losing by a goal and the Caps best player gets injured and the Pittsburgh doctor takes his time getting to the dressing room and Ovechkin never gets back on the ice. Is this the ECHL or the NHL? I know at Verizon, the doctor sits directly behind the Caps bench and literally follows an injured player into the dressing room. Yet in Pittsburgh it takes him ten minutes..."

First off, it's insane to think that there's enough of a rivalry between the Caps and Pens to believe that either team would actually, you know, purposely deny medical service to the other. Sure, there's a rivalry there, but this is simply ridiculous and inhumane. Who knows, the doctor could have been attending to someone else at that moment in time. We have no idea, so there's the same chance that there could actually be a perfectly good reason for this as there being a perfectly bad one.

That's not to mention there was clearly no intention on Letang's part to injure Ovechkin. Again, is there a rivalry between these two teams? Yes. Is it one big enough for the Pens to try and sabotage a last place team that isn't even in their own division? Highly unlikely. The Pens simply don't need to waste time trying to sabotage the Capitals because the last place Capitals are doing that on their own already. This argument would hold a grain of salt if both of these teams were in a heated playoff race of some sort. Or anything remotely close to that.

Another poster replied with the following statement. My comments are in bold.

"I mentioned the same thing late last night on my website about the potential disaster had it been a Clint Malarchuk-like injury."

First off, thanks for the shameless plus and blatant "what if" situation. Those two forces always combine for intelligent conversation.

"But this morning, I began thinking that the cut on Ovie's leg could have been just as bad -- if not worse. There is a main artery running through the leg that could have resulted in significant blood loss. Think no further than the death of Redskin Sean Taylor."

Ah, a nice Sean Taylor reference to appeal to our emotions! After seeing the play, it's hard to imagine Ovechkin having a main artery severed by nothing less than laying down on the ice and letting another player stomp on his thigh. Ovechkin wears hockey pants for a reason, and with Letang falling away from him, it would have been hard to imagine a serious situation occuring. Nonetheless, I'll bite. If, we assume, something super serious did occur, trainers would be on the ice instantly and 911 would certainly have been called. The fact that 911 was not called in this situation certainly makes it clear that Ovechkin was not, in fact, injured badly.

In a sport as physically grueling and violent as hockey, there should always be AT LEAST one doctor within a stone's throw of the dressing rooms. The league office needs to take a serious look into this and, depending on their findings, issue some sort of fine or commensurate punishment (giving a draft pick to the Caps would be nice!) to the Pittsburgh organization.

Again, that's what the trainers are there for. They're the first responders, if you will. Certainly the fact that it took a doctor 10 minutes to reach the dressing room was somewhat distressing and is something the Penguins should look into. That being said, to make the jump of associating this situation with Sean Taylor or Clint Malarchuk, is absurd. Had a horrific situation occurred, it's hard to believe that the Penguins would have sat back and done nothing. Actually, it's insane to believe.

Update: Sean Leahy points out that the Washington Post mentions that the Pittsburgh doctor was in the middle of treating a Pens player at the time AO got hurt. I'd also like to point out that this likely does not represent most Caps fans.

Pascal Leclaire Refuses to Give Up

George Hainsworth, it's time to worry. Your single season record of 22 shutouts may soon be in jeopardy. OK, maybe not, but this kid in Columbus is making a heck of a run.

Last night, Blue Jackets goaltender Pascal Leclaire earned his seventh shutout of the season.

Let it be known to all that Pascal Leclaire will surrender to no man! Not Gary Bettman, not anyone. Especially not you, Mr. Hainsworth.

If you're keeping score, Leclaire is currently on pace for 16 shutouts. It's no 22, but it's still damned impressive. Only six goaltenders have ended a season with a double digit shutout total since 2000-01, Marty Brodeur recording the highest total, 12, last season.

Memo to David Amber: Top 10 Lists are Like So Totally Lame (Oh My Gawd)

As it so happens, I like to have some fun with other writers from time to time. Usually it's because I really enjoy what they write, but other times it's because they're a Ranger fan. This time, I'm just here to help out a writer in need.

David Amber, of ESPN fame and employment, is a good writer and a great on-air personality. The problem is, well, David needs a little more creativity in his entries. Not the kind of creativity that comes from drug use or alcoholism (the only disease you can get yelled at for having, thank you Mitch Hedberg) like many great bands have come to realize, but the kind that comes from incessant repetition of the same idea. I don't know if his job title at the World Wide Leader is Chief Officer of Top 10 Lists or something, but apparently that's almost all David writes these days, save for some interviews. David, buddy, I'm here to help, not hurt. Let the lists go. Please, put them down and back away slowly. It's OK.

See, David writes a lot of Top 10 lists. A. Lot. Imagine if every post I wrote was a Handy Guide for Beginners, or if every John Buccigross column was musically themed. Oh, right. Never mind.

Anyway, today I bring to you the Top 10 signs that David Amber needs to stop doing Top 10s.

10. Your wife asks you to come to bed and you reply, "not right now, there are lists to be done."

9. When Dave Letterman does a segment titled Top Ten David Amber Top 10 Lists.

8. The moment your boss told you that endless top 10 lists were awesome.

7. When you do a Top 10 Jock Straps List.

6. You admitted that you do have a problem and need help.

5. People begin to wish that you were one of the writers that went on strike.

Ah who am I kidding? Top 10s suck.

There is, Somehow, One Florida Panthers Fan

But she isn't there for the hockey anyway.

h/t FanHouse
Image (C) Getty Images

Your Obligatory Year End Extravaganza

Google image searching "Dick Clark" is a bad, bad idea.

Well, it's about this time of year that everyone and their dog is doing some sort of a "year-end recap" or a "best of 2007" shindig. Not to be left out of any popular trend, BMR is going to go down the same path. YOYEE, the worst acronym ever, or Your Obligatory Year End Extravaganza as it can also be called, is going to be my effort to recap all the fun things that happened around here in 2007. We're only about 8 months and 300 something posts old, but there's certainly some good stuff there. At least I'd hope so.

Anyway, here is where you come in. Either leave in the comments, or email me (melroserocks[at]gmail[dot]com) your favorite posts of 2007. Whatever you liked, for whatever reason, send it in and hopefully we will, you know, get enough submissions so that this is something that can actually be tallied up and unveiled down the line. So have at it! Feel free to peruse the archives and labels as you like. There's also a handy little search box on the left side if you're looking for something in particular.

YOYEE is in no way endorsed or acknowledge by Dick Clark. Rockin' and/or rollin' totally is, though. Dude.

Story Time: Bettman and Project G

Somewhere deep inside NHL HQ, Mr. Bettman sits behind a rich mahogany desk, petting his large, dark eyed cat. It is appropriately named "99" after the greatest scorer the league has ever known. The office is dark, except for a lamp on Bettman's desk and a TV, which is showing a replay of Marian Gaborik's five goal game. Bettman is pouring through the video tape, celebrating the achievements of his long troublesome secret robot goal scoring agent, Project G.

An artist's rendering of GB. (C) Cartoon Network/Adult Swim

GB: Haha! Look at this 99! We have finally succeeded! Soon all will know hockey as the greatest sport on Earth. All will be mesmerized by it's abundance of goal scoring! Finally, all of our patience and persistence will have paid off!!

*99 purrs affectionately*

GB: Yes, we had tried for so long and failed so many times. There was Project 88 and Project Reebok. And who could forget Project Daigle? He was supposed to be the one who brought us back to the glory of the 1980s. There was always a concussion or malfunction of some kind to set us back. But we may have finally found a break through. Project G!

Project G was thought to be a lost cause, with so many groin malfunctions and what not. We worked so long and hard to create a perfect scorer for the post-lockout NHL. His physique was perfect along with an uncanny scoring touch and speed. All that happened though was injury after injury.

But look at this tape, 99! It's magnificent! Five goals in one game?! It's been 11 long, painful years.

*GB forwards through the video, mesmerized by the scoring and convinced that the NHL has finally turned the corner*

Finally!! We will soon return to the glory days of the 1980s! Project G will continue it's dominance of the NHL, while no one has the slightest idea that it is a machine and not a man. MWUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

*As the video concludes, Gaborik tweaks its groin while being carried off the ice by jubilant teammates. GB sits in stunned silence, while buzzers go off in the background, indicating a malfunction.*

GB: Aw, come onnnnnnn. You have got to be kidding me.

*pages secretary on phone*

GB: Maria, tell Project Penguin Take Over to turn it up a notch. And get me some scotch.

Announcing BMR's First Live Blog

The plan is to use cardboard cutouts instead of actual players. Canada.com/Getty Images

Live blogging is something that I've been meaning to do for a while, and what a better time to do it than while you're all hung over on New Year's Day? The NHL Winter Classic pits the Penguins against the Sabres at Ralph Wilson Stadium on January 1st, and I'll be enjoying the game from, you know, the comfort of my own home and blog. Care to join me for random blurbs and incoherent thoughts?

The game is at 1PM, that's 8AM Hawaiian, and there should hopefully be all kinds of nonsense in the comments. So if you're sick of college football, or flat out don't care about it, stop by New Year's Day and take in some hockey. And who knows what else.

Aaaaaaand We're Back

I'm finally back from Atlantic City, and the short summary of the trip was that it was a success. I actually won a poker tournament while I was there, so that was pretty cool, and finished up money on the trip. That's probably the most important thing. I imagine if I had come back down money I'd be trying to get all sorts of sponsors and things on the site to recoup the losses. That would have been bad, since it would have been crappy sponsors. Ever see the infomercials for "miracle spring water" or "miracle hankercheifs?" Yeah. Not a good scene to imagine.

First off, I'd like to give a big thanks to everyone who held the fort down this week... Sean from Going Five Hole, the guys from the Pens Blog (biggest blog free agent signing of the year right there), Ryan from the Victoria times and Loser Domi from her sort of self-titled Leafs blog. These are some great writers, and even better people. Many thanks to them.

Right now, I'm off to the Islanders/Capitals game at the Coliseum. The Isles are coming off a win over the Penguins in which they scored four goals for the first time since November 1st. Quite possibly the biggest waste of money I can find tonight. If I make it out alive, there will be an update later tonight, otherwise I'll talk to you tomorrow. There will definitely be something up early on Monday too, and I'll be taking off Tuesday for the big day. I know I just got back from vacation, but we will be on a normal schedule starting Wednesday. Promise. Have a safe and happy holidays everyone!

How the (pre-2004) Boston Red Sox Made Me a Better Leafs Fan

Right now, Kevin is on vacation in Atlantic City wasting countless sums of money at blackjack and poker tables. In the meantime, some of the best and brightest from the hockey blogosphere will keep things under control. Today, BMR is proud to introduce Loser Domi from The Wonderful World of Loser Domi as your linguistic overlord for the day, with a surprise guest to follow later.

When Kevin asked me to guest post here, I was stoked to say the least. Then I realized that I would have to actually write something more substantial than a picture of me holding a sign or YouTube videos.

Kevin mentioned in the email that he asked me because "The stuff on your blog is pretty neat, and it would be nice to get a pro-Leaf voice around here, if only for a day. lol" (thanks Kev, it means a bunch!) That line got me thinking about something that I've had in my back pocket for a while. Ahem:

How the (pre-2004) Boston Red Sox Made Me a Better Leafs Fan
By Loser Domi

Now I know what you're all thinking: "But baseball is slow and boring, Domi. What would that have to do with hockey?" I agree with you that baseball is slow, but bear with me—I work it all out. I'm not a baseball follower, but I consider myself a Red Sox fan simply out of respect for my grandfather, who died in 2006. He was a big fan of the Boston Red Sox, even though he slept through most of the games. He had an expression that went, "root for the Red Sox, but bet on the Yankees." After reflecting on that saying, I've come to a conclusion that it has a sense of healthy skepticism, humility and faith in it.

"Root for the Red Sox", that is to say that it would be great for the team to win and it would be a bright spot in a fan's day. However, "bet on the Yankees" suggests to me a self-realization that just because I support a team, it doesn't mean that team is the best right now. It's kind of like my post "The Realistic Fan"—just because I like the Leafs, it doesn't mean they are the best team. And, just because they aren't the best team, it doesn't mean that I don't like them.

I think that growing up in a region full of Red Sox fans pre-2004 helped steel me to be a Leafs fan. Hearing Habs and Senators fans taunt me about "1967! LEEFS SUCK LOLZ!!" doesn't faze me that much, mainly because I had to hear about eighty-six years between World Series for the Red Sox. Does it suck that the Cup hasn't come around in my life time? Hell yes. But that doesn't mean that it will never happen again.

I'm not sure if this is a Zen-type of thinking, mainly because my knowledge of Zen is skeletal at best. I suppose that if you wanted to, you could meticulously research any sports team and analyze their history, but it seems like a pointless exercise to me. Teams and players can change drastically in such a short matter of time as to make history a non-factor. A drastic change in your team can happen at any time—your star goalie could blow out his knee or a historically
under achiever can bloom into an unstoppable ass-kicking machine. Take, for example, Nik Antropov. At this time last season, I would have dismissed him as only good enough as a human speed bump. Now, he's one of the Leafs' better scorers (I'm too lazy right now to look
up the exact numbers.)

In a way, my grandpa's expression is kind of like the saying, "hope for the best, but prepare for the worst." It seems like a good plan for living in general and not just for sports. Yes, seeing the Leafs not win sucks like an Electrolux, but it isn't like I'm depending on them to put food on the table or anything like that. Then again when they win the Stanley Cup again—hopefully it doesn't take as long as the Red Sox did to win another World Series—I will be one happy Loser.

Whew! That was a long post! I feel like I should reward you guys for making it all the way through, like maybe with a picture of ice girls. Unfortunately, Toronto doesn't have ice girls. Instead, here's Inga Skaya, representing Canada in the Miss Universe pageant rockin' the Blue and White.

Ference Watch, 2007-08

Right now, Kevin is on vacation in Atlantic City wasting countless sums of money at blackjack and poker tables. In the meantime, some of the best and brightest from the hockey blogosphere will keep things under control. Today, BMR is proud to introduce Ryan from The Victoria Times as your linguistic overlord for the day.

Even Andrew Ference doesn't know if this is a current team photo Boston Bruins via Flickr

One of the things I like best about hockey, outside of a well executed power play, a bone crushing hip check and Brian Engblom's hair is how crazy everything can get with little to no warning. Everything about the game can be wonderfully planned and organized, but then it takes one incident to make things go nuts. GMs are no different. This is about the time of year that they go batshit insane.

This is the time of the year when GMs decide their struggling team needs to be completely blown up, and they need to make a 13 player trade. It can totally change the course of the season, or it can lead to some strange looking sights, like this. Many people claim they can't see it coming when the trades start flying, but it's easy if you just know where to look. The NHL trading season doesn't truly begin until a Ference gets traded. Last year, Andrew was involved in a four player trade, in which he was dealt to Boston. Two of the previous three years, Brad was involved in multi-player deals. I'm not exactly sure why this seems to happen, but I imagine the conversation goes like this.
"This trade doesn't seem even quite yet..."
"Got any Ferences?"
"Sure do!" And then you have a done deal.

If you've ever played any version of an NHL game over the past few years, and simulated an entire season, but without fail, the Ferences are even traded in the virtual world, for Vladimir Orszagh or a third round draft pick. When even EA knows to program a trade into a video game for realism, it's time to call that player a journeyman. Where are the Ferences now? Andrew is still with the Bruins, believe it or not, while Brad is toiling in the Red Wings minor league circuit. He's a prime candidate to get traded this year, probably to the Preds. No reasoning there, it just seems right.

Of course, I would be remiss if I didn't warn you about some other good indicators of when the active trading season is about to commence. Think of them as honorary Ferences.
Doug Weight: Just traded to Anaheim. He's working on his lifetime Ference achievement award.
Wayne Primeau: On a "traded every other year" plan. This is an off year.
Any number of generic French Canadiens. Look out if more than three Chouinards Bouchards Belangers or any other French name you've heard but can't put a face to gets traded.
Anson Carter: Unfortuantely, he's playing in the Swiss leagues right now, but there's still a chance Kevin Lowe accidentally trades for him.

Keep an eye on the TSN transaction page so you can be fully warned if and when the trading season heats up.

Never fear. Kevin should be back tomorrow, so long as he hasn't won so much money that he feels the need to keep going, or he lost so much money that he couldn't pay for his hotel and got a Gary Roberts style beating.

BMR Turns 500

Right now, Kevin is on vacation in Atlantic City wasting countless sums of money at blackjack and poker tables. In the meantime, some of the best and brightest from the hockey blogosphere will keep things under control. Today, BMR is proud to introduce Ryan from The Victoria Times as your linguistic overlord for the day.

John M. Heller/Schultz images

Hi everyone, I'm Ryan. I'll have something a little more coherent this afternoon, but I was poking around and it appears that the last post was #500 for BMR (I think it counts unpublished posts too, but still. Any reason to drink champagne), which should not go unnoticed. How should we celebrate? I say we should celebrate the way everything here is celebrated. With Snoop and Gary Bettman.

True Life: I Am A NHL Mascot

Right now, Kevin is on vacation in Atlantic City wasting countless sums of money at blackjack and poker tables. In the meantime, some of the best and brightest from the hockey blogosphere will keep things under control. Today, BMR is proud to introduce [Adam and Derek] from [The Pensblog] as your linguistic overlord for the day.

==============================

Huge thanks to Kevin for letting us do this today.
We'll wrap things up tonight with a recap of some NHL stuff.

In the meantime, we have no lives.

...............................................

BLADES THE BRUIN

He's too busy posing for borderline homoerotic pictures to care if you're starting a forest fire somewhere.




SABERTOOTH

The only pictures we could find of Sabertooth depicted him in the old uniforms.




YOUPPI
( means "Hooray!" in French )

Youppi is a beast.
He's the only mascot in North American sports history to be the mascot for two different teams.
The Canadiens adopted him when the Expos left Montreal.






SPARTACAT

"That's gay"




CARLTON THE BEAR

The old Maple Leafs Garden was on Carlton Street.
It looks like he's contemplating suicide.




THRASH

One of the top 5 pictures on the internet.




STORMY THE ICE HOG

A pig? What?
Some big wig for the Hurricanes made his fortune in the farming business.




STANLEY C. PANTHER

snore




SLAPSHOT

Former mascot: Owen Hart




THUNDERBUG

There are more recent pictures of Thunderbug, but we couldn't pass up this Mexican.




SPARKY THE DRAGON

He's on loan from an arena football team.




NJ DEVIL

Look out. It's a devil.




ICEBURGH

Iceburgh played a pivotal role in the 1995 thriller Sudden Death.

..............................................................................




TOMMY HAWK

For the love of God, don't Google Image search "tommyhawk" with safesearch off.




STINGER

What'd you expect?
Then again, what's the deal with an insect?
"Blue Jackets" is in reference to Civil War soldiers.




AL THE OCTOPUS

This is not so much a mascot as it is a prop.

Having an actual mascot wouldn't be feasible since no one goes to Red Wings games anymore.




It was either this or a picture of dustballs. But that is tacky.
Yeah, they're probably staying in Nashville, but it doesn't matter.




LOUIE THE BEAR

Solid. Name another mascot in sports that wears a suit.




WILD WING

The logical choice would have been Darkwing duck. Huge mistake.




BAILEY

Solid mascot. It is a shame the team it supports is so bad.





HOWLER

Janet Gretzky was turned down, so not bad for a second choice.





S.J. SHARKIE

All business.




HARVEY THE HOUND

If your name is Harvey. You are a joke. Simple as that.
Harvey found himself in a controversy when Oilers coach MacTavish pulled his signature tongue out in frustration during a game.
Kevin Lowe offered the tongue a 2-year, $6-mill deal.





HOWLER THE YETI

It kind of looks like that thing from the "Neverending Story."
You could really freak people out with that.




FIN THE WHALE

We are only using this picture because we want the courts to decide what happen here.

====================

The following teams do not have mascots.
So we decided to give them one.



They can't afford one because Kevin Lowe is running the show.
A good choice would be the Exxon Valdez.

But why not try something different.
The Oilers mascot:


What an actor


Next up are the Dallas Stars.



No idea what this could be.
Maybe an EXIT sign, since they make early first-round exits each year.



Easy one here:


Gordon Bombay.

You have to ask yourself, would Emilio really turn this down?



Somewhere along the line, you'd think someone would have made a mascot for the Rangers.
There are so many places you could go with this.

But in the end...

Teddy Ruxpin beats out the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.


Do it




And last, and always least, the Flyers.
We assume no one in Philly thought of getting a mascot, because people don't think out there.

Since the Flyer organization is a joke...


Doink the Clown

Wednesday Morning Job

Right now, Kevin is on vacation in Atlantic City wasting countless sums of money at blackjack and poker tables. In the meantime, some of the best and brightest from the hockey blogosphere will keep things under control. Today, BMR is proud to introduce [Derek and Adam] from [The Pensblog] as your linguistic overlord for the day.

.......................................

Well this is fun.
Kevin gave us the keys to his blog for the day. That is kind of like giving Dany He.....

Wait nevermind.
We'll keep it clean.

Anyways, good night of action last night.

The major stories?

How sick are the Flames? [Five Hole Fanatics ]
They go six for six on their road trip.



The Hurricanes stun the Leafs. [ Canes Country ]
The Canes score two goals in under two minutes to tie it. And then score with 33 seconds left in OT.



Roberto Luongo robbed the Devils all night. [ Waiting for Stanley ]

There is a bunch more that happened. You know where to go for that.
And of course the Pens lost, but whatever.


We'll be around here all day, so feel free to email us [thepensblog@gmail.com] or just log off


Peace

Bettman's Not Going Anywhere, So Let's All Move On

Right now, Kevin is on vacation in Atlantic City wasting countless sums of money at blackjack and poker tables. In the meantime, some of the best and brightest from the hockey blogosphere will keep things under control. Today, BMR is proud to introduce Sean Leahy from Going Five Hole as your linguistic overlord for the day.

Hi folks. Your fearless leader Kevin is currently "making it rain" in Atlantic City right now, so I'll be blog-sitting today (Wipe your feet!). While Kevin is probably sitting at a Blackjack table right now with his good buddy Jeremy Roenick, I'd like to share my thoughts on everyone's favorite Commissioner, Gary Bettman.

Yes, yes I know, you don't like Gary Bettman. Heard it all before.

"He's an NBA guy." Sure, yes okay.

"Bettman isn't in it for the fans." Blah, blah, blah.

Let's put this to rest right now people: Gary Bettman is not going anywhere.

Ok, are we done? Can we stop whining about him? I'm not a Bettman-apologist, I'm just a realist. I don't agree with many of the things that's happened during his tenure as NHL commissioner, but I've come to terms that ultimately, Bettman's status as commissioner is up the owner's, with whom he works for and not the fans.

If you are one of Gary Bettman's 30 bosses, you've got to be pretty happy with the little guy. He's seen revenues go into the billions and expanded into non-traditional markets which (so far) have worked for a number of years. Bettman also "won" the lockout for the owner's, implementing salary cap restrictions for each team, thereby allowing the teams to generate more profits.

The bottom line: Gary Bettman is making the owner's, his bosses, money and they have to like that.

Sure, during his tenure there's been two work stoppages, including one that wiped out an entire season, but there's no use bitching, because he will be commissioner next year and the year after and the year after and so on. As long as the owner's pockets are fattening, Bettman will still be charge of the NHL and there really isn't anything we as fans can do about it.

What we can do as fans is continuing supporting the game we love and continue throwing out ideas to improve the league and the game in general. Fans hated ties, so the shoot-out was born. Fans wanted open-ice hockey, so the red-line was eliminated. Our voices are being heard and the NHL is probably the most fan-friendly league out there. It's really up to us to help improve the game. If we want to see NHL'ers in the 2014 Olympics in Moscow, I think we could make it happen if fans were loud enough.

You may hate Gary Bettman to no end, but it's time to move past that. Time to concentrate on something feasible. Time to start picketing against those ugly new Canucks uniforms.

Please Do Not Adjust Your Browser

Well, that about wraps it up for me this week. It was a long, hard... um... day. It was tough, but I made it. Somehow.

Anyway, I'll be back around these parts of the interwebs on Saturday, potentially Friday, depending on how things work out. For the time being, I'm off to Atlantic City, beginning with an awesome 11 hour drive. Can't wait for that.

While I'm gone, some awesome bloggers will be holding down the fort here at BMR. Tomorrow, Sean Leahy from Going Five Hole will step in and, well, the rest are a secret for now. Be safe kids and don't give the scary new folks any trouble.

Gary Roberts is Full of Rage and Destruction

Last Tuesday Gary Roberts, a 41-year old beast of a man, took down Philadelphia's Ben Eager. It marked what was likely the first time all season that a Philadelphia Flyer had been the on the receiving end of a beating, considering all the suspensions that they have earned.

As if he was a man possessed by wildebeests, or maybe just the spirit of Sly Stallone, Roberts decided to go up against New York Islander defenseman Andy Sutton on Saturday night. Completely ignoring the fact that Sutton is 6'6, Roberts put up his dukes and the end result was Roberts handing out another can of whoop ass. Suffice to say that the results were not pretty. For Sutton anyway. To be fair, Sutton did put up much more of a fight than Eager, but in the end it was Roberts who ended up on top.

Before you watch the video, let me remind you that Roberts was giving up three inches and about 30 pounds in this bout. Gary Roberts, clearly, is inhuman.

h/t Going Five Hole

Checking in With the Goons

It's been a while and I'd say it's about time to update the standings for the BMR Bad Boys Award. How this works is that the team with the most total man games of suspensions will be crowned champions. The budget around here doesn't really provide for any actual awards, but there's certainly bragging rights to be had. Yes, lots and lots of bragging rights.

Since the last time the standings were updated, the Carolina Hurricanes got themselves on the scoreboard with a one game suspension from Scott Walker. Walker head butted Ottawa's Mike Fisher, in a blatant attempt to kick-start his team's run at the Bad Boys Championship.

That championship run will be a mountain to climb, as the Flyers continued to build their lead in the standings. Thanks to a three game suspension from Riley Cote, the Flyers now have lost a total of 52 man games due to suspension. It's going to be hard for any team to catch them, so the rest of the NHL had better get it's act together quick.

Corporate Overlord Update

Sunday's headlines will certainly all center around Chris Simon's ability to consistently respond incorrectly during critical game situations. He has on-the-fly judgement rivaling only Isiah Thomas.

Here's what's been going on at FanHouse this week...

New Russian League May Soon Test NHL's Influence in Europe

The Ice Sheet: "Point and Laugh While the New Guy Butchers It" Edition

The New England Patriots Will Stop at Nothing to Record Your Team

NHL Beware: Two Philadelphia Goons Return from Suspension

And some other notable things from around the blogdome while you were busy basking in the Mitchell Report.

Coaches Cold on High Scoring (The Globe and Mail)

Ducks Make Move: Add Weight, Cap Space (Taking One for the Team)

Summer of Change, Autumn of Return? (On Frozen Blog)

George Parros Does the Unthinkable

John Ulan/AP

That's right folks, George Parros is going to forever alter the course of world politics. SignOnSanDiego.com and Going Five Hole are reporting that Parros will cut his hair and shave his mustache today. There's no telling what effect this will have on the fate of the free world, but we can only hope for the best.

Things may not be as dire as they appear though. As it turns out, this is a yearly event for Parros. From Sign On San Diego (whose meaning was lost long ago but is believed to mean "land of the long haired mustached guy" in German):

Parros will cut his hair and donate it to Locks of Love, a nonprofit Florida-based charity that provides hairpieces to children who've lost their hair because of medical reasons.

Since Parros began his pro hockey career, he has been growing his hair long each season to make a donation. The charity requires donated hair to be at least 10 inches long and cannot be bleached.

Fans were invited to join Parros in donating their hair, and the Ducks said all the spots were filled for today's “Cut for the Kids” event at the Newport Sports Museum in Newport Beach.

Before Parros goes through with this, I think that he needs to do one simple thing -- post a YouTube with him yelling the phrase "I am all that is man and you will bow to my MAN-stache!!" from the top of a mountain. George, let's make this happen.

Your Obligatory Mitchell Report Post

Mike Segar/REUTERS

I know this doesn't have a whole lot do with hockey (but wait for the conclusion I tie it all in! Promise!), but it's Friday and frankly I need to take a breather after spending two hours on the darned Ice Sheet last night. If you're wondering, I did in fact butcher it.

Right now I'm going to take a few moments, and I promise only one post, addressing what the entire sports world is talking about; the Mitchell Report. To sum it up in one sentence, it detailed the the steroid/HGH/etc usage of 85 present and former major leaguers.

First point: If you didn't see this coming, you're probably not from this planet. After players set decades and decades of statistical marks, it should have seemed a little fishy when one 15-year period came along and obliterated it all. Sure, players improve and technology, fitness training and many other factors affect sports. Eventually, there will be someone to break every record that has ever been set. BUT, when so many records are obliterated in such a sort period of time, not to mention the enormous growth of many players themselves, you knew something had to be up. This is really just telling us what we already know, expect in so many words. When Hank Aaron broke Babe Ruth's home run record, it was the culmination of the inevitable. When Mark McGwire passed Roger Maris' record for home runs in a single season, as long as you looked past the size of McGwire, you could also easily assume that it was another culmination of the inevitable. When it happened six times in a four year span, it only proved the notion that something fishy was going on.

In recent times, steroids have been as much a part of baseball as a double play. It was really a matter of time until all of this came to a head. It's the sad reality of the situation. The saddest part though, would be the distinct possibility that the claims made in Mitchell's report are not all truth and not all substantial. I'm no lawyer, but from what I read from trusted sources, it appears much of the evidence would not hold up in court. That's the problem. It's impossible to tell who bought steroids for medicinal purposes, who is wrongly accused and, of course, all the players who used steroids for cheating purposes and got away with it. It's a whole big vat of slander.

Before I get too off track, I need to stress that the Mitchell Report was really thanks to all of America, more so the people behind baseball, being too naive and potentially covering it all up. Prior to the release of the report, I listened to ESPN's Karl Ravage (career journalist), John Kruk (former player) and Steve Phillips (former GM) engage in a round table discussion on ESPN. The whole talk consisted of each one defending why they had no ideas that steroids were such a problem in baseball and defending why, if they did know anything about it, they did nothing. For Ravage, who admitted to not hearing about steroids until the last five or so years, it's a shame. When confronted with the notion he told about how he was confused and didn't understand their power. While that's a fair point, it's just further proof of the lack of investigative journalism that exists in the country today. Couldn't Ravage have asked questions? Isn't that what journalists get paid to do?

And today we should all not be so naive as to think that a scenario like this doesn't exist in hockey or other sports. Bryan Berard and Sean Hill are among the vast minority of NHL players who have failed a drug test. It would be too naive to think that they may be the only ones. I'm not saying there's a baseball-sized problem in hockey, it's just that we can never be too sure. Think about it this way. Think of how many people you know that have gotten a speeding ticket in the past couple of years. Now think about how many times that person (and feel free to include yourself) has probably sped in the same time frame. Most people don't get caught, and drug tests are no different. The rate at which offenders are caught may be higher for drug tests, but there's always people who can get away with it.

What Could You Possibly Hope to Learn From Don Waddell?

So I don't re-post content here that I post at FanHouse (save for the links), so that the sites don't overlap each other and I want to keep posts fresh, etc. Being that I don't know how many of you actually check out FanHouse, and this YouTube is particularly well done and hilarious, I really need to share it with you.

During last night's Thrashers/Bruins game in Atlanta it looks like the Thrashers' front office staff decided to have a little fun with the Bruins and the NFL's New England Patriots. If you're not aways the Patriots and New York Jets have been going back and forth all season about who videotaped whose game from the sidelines. Check it out...

To Be Fair, TML Bashers Have No YouTube Skills Either

A few weeks back I went on a little bit of a rampage, posting various items at the FanHouse and BMR about how hilarious the Toronto Maples Leafs are. Some of it was deserved, and some of it was frankly some good ol' piling on. Today, I've got a theory for you to ponder. Could it be that at least part of the reason for all the madness in Toronto is caused by TML haters themselves?

Look, I know if I had people like this (see right) bashing on me all day and night, I might go a little nuts from time to time, too. So head on over to the right side of the post, watch the video, and if you decide after doing so that you want two minutes of your life back, well than don't come crying to me.

Next time we joke about the poor image editing skills of TML fans (they use MS Paint for crying out loud!) let's just remember that they may not be as bad as their haters. I mean seriously, what does Sir Mix-a-lot have to do with hockey??

I do have to give the video +2 for a sick burn, though.

"What do the Leafs and Titanic have in common? They both looked good until they hit the ice."

Well played. But -10 for making me think about Celine Dion.

Gary Roberts Will Destroy You and Everything You Stand For

Is it me or does Ryan Getzlaf look drunk? Jim McIsaac/Getty Images

By now you've probably heard about it, but I'm going to reiterate the point anyway. Gary Roberts absolutely destroyed Philadelphia's Ben Eager (who?) last night. I mean he deployed an army of hay makers we haven't seen since the heydays of Mr. T and Sly Stallone.

The Penguins ended up losing the game, which took place in Philly, by a count of 8-2. Sometimes it's not about the score, though. Sometimes it's about whose 41-year old vet beats the tar out of whose 23-year old punk kid. If we're playing by those rules... Game. Set. Match. Pens.

And if you haven't seen it, or just want a good laugh before you call it a day, check out the video of the destruction.

The Unthinkable Has Happened: JR on IR

So I know that JR hasn't been around these parts in quite some time (I mean jeez, he's busy playing hockey!) but he was put on the injured reserve today by the Sharks, along with Cheech -- but nobody cares about Cheech. Roenick had 14 points in 26 games up to this point, with five of his six goals being game winners (!). This was by far a huge bounce back year for the King of Sega Hockey, as he was well on his way to destroying his point totals from the last two seasons of 22 and 28 in 128 total games. I figure that the least I could do to show how much I'm personally going to miss Roenick during his time on the bench (which may only be a week) is to make him a 'get well' card.

Update: Apparently I can't read. Cheech has the groin injury and Roenick is having some problems with his knee. Crap. I guess this just makes it all the more creepy then.

Your Obligatory Corporate Overlord Update

Here's what you may have missed from the FanHouse, if you need some extra reading to go with your morning.

A Handy Guide for Beginners: How to Properly Bash Hockey (12/11)

Thrashers Acquire Gary Roberts -- But Only in Their Dreams (12/10)

Marc Savard Gets Pop Star Treatment on VH1 (12/8)

More entertaining reads... complete with a Freddie Mercury sighting:

I'll tell you how Jesus feels: great. (Battle of Alberta)

Random Internet Blog Trade Rumors of the Week: A Whale of a Deal (Melt Your Face-off)

Islander fans know how to rawk (We Are the Postmen)

Melrose Visits Newark, Devils Fan Fights Ignorance with Ignorance

Newark certainly appears safe, but is it fun? This picture says no, but I've never been there so I am not one to judge. Mike Derer/AP

Last Friday night (jeez am I late on this), the Mullet himself, Barry Melrose, took a tour of Newark before taking in a Devils' game at the Rock. If you recall, there was a big hullabaloo about the comments Melrose had about Newark a while back. It caused such a stir, I even renamed the blog for a couple days.

As you can imagine, Devils' fans were not too happy with Melrose and let him know it. Deservedly so. And then I saw this quote.

"What it said is it showed his ignorance on his part being an upstate New
Yorker," Devils fan Matt Hughes said. "Not knowing what was going on and opening up his mouth before knowing all the answers to the questions."

Great. Freaking great. Not only was Melrose being ignorant by trashing on Newark never having been there, but now some Devils fan is calling out upstate New Yorkers for being ignorant. Now I know there may be a lot of farms up there, but that doesn't prove anything. This is the 21st century and I think we can all agree that there are certain factors which have no bearing on your IQ, place of birth being one of them.

It's really pretty funny that where there's ignorance, there's apparently more ignorance. To be fair, I think that Matt Hughes should visit some schools and colleges in upstate New York and tell me that they're all full of ignorant people. Visit Syracuse University, for example, and tell me that they're all a bunch of ignorant hicks because they're from upstate New York. Jeez. Some people.

Look, I understand why Devils fans jeered at him and heck, I would probably join in if I was one of them. Nonetheless, there's simply no excuse for compounding ignorance with more ignorance.Oh yeah, and Melrose is from Saskatchewan, which is in CANADA. But to be fair, he does currently reside in upstate New York.

The Day the Hockey Died

Cause Gary Bettman's a P-I-M-P John M. Heller/Getty Images

Today is a not-so-happy anniversary for many of us around the hockey world. This marks the 15-year anniversary of Gary Bettman's appointment to commissioner of the NHL. I do enough Bettman bashing around here so I'm going to be nice and lay off the guy. He's probably a nice person, even if his managerial skills are, well, questionable.

All I'm going to do is ask you to think back and try to remember December 11, 1992. Think about what the NHL was like back then...

• The league was about to start a big television deal in America with FOX.
• It was arguably the height of the sports' popularity in America... depending on who you ask.
• A Canadian team would win the Stanley Cup in 1993, a feat not repeated since.
• Mario Lemieux had just won his second Stanley Cup, which had been preceded by a few Oiler teams winning the whole enchilada, led by you know who.
  
• The first of the last truly successful batch of expansion teams had been brought into existence. (Before you jump on me I know there have been successful teams since, but for the most part, the majority of successful expansion came before this time.)
• Bill Clinton was about to take the oath of office for the first time.
• Hockey cards with game-used crap on them had not yet been invented.
  

Did I miss anything?

General Body Soreness, South Park and an Extremely Manly Man Oozing of Manliness

I am George Parros and I will destroy you with my MAN-stache!! John Ulan/AP

Esteemed reader/commenter/blogger Ryan, from the Victoria Times (an awfully nice bunch of people who probably have cheeky and fun Minnesotan accents don'tcha know), checked in the other day. Asks Ryan:

Why do people associated with hockey, players, coaches, management, etc. always say that someone is sick with a "flu bug."? Is this the only ailment players ever get? And why not just say that someone has the flu? Why do they have to say "flu bug"? When Elias was out with hepatitis, I was expecting Brian Engblom to say he has a touch of the flu bug of the liver. Can you clear this up for me?

It's a confusing thing that the NHL, and really all sports, have going on right now. Every where you look there's teams completely making up injury reports to keep their opponents off balance. For example, I do believe that Patrice Bergeron is currently out with a severe flu of the skull (too soon?). Today, "injury secrecy" is the name of the game in all sports. We see it in football all the time (see: Bill Belichick) and it has found its way into hockey more and more. If you want to be serious, last season Rick DiPietro had a nasty collision with Montreal's Steve Begin. I don't have the video handy, but it was pretty obvious that DiPietro suffered a concussion or some sort of head/neck injury. The Islanders announced that DP had "stiffness in his neck" and "general body soreness". And no, that isn't a joke. That being said, the flu bug is hitting hard everywhere. The reason why I didn't post this weekend was because I had "general body laziness" with a touch of the "weakass flu."

Another medical related question. My brother and I were watching a game a while back, and Manny Fernandez went down in pain, and the color guy said it looked like he "tweaked his knee". What does a tweak feel like? My brother and I envisioned Manny screaming "TWEAK!! TWEAK!!" in uncontrollable agony as he rolled around on the ice. Is this what happens?

Actually, I think a tweak is something more like this. That little creature pops out of a person, kind of like a creepy alien sci-fi movie, whenever someone 'tweaks' a muscle. The darn thing is just so small, not to mention 2D, so it can be hard to see. Marian Gaborik is actually chronically plagued by the tweak.

My third and final question: Do you wish you looked like George Parros? I do.

George Parros is an absolutely ridiculous looking human being. He's about one long beard away from being the NHL's version of Johnny Damon. Right now, he's like a bad guy from Zorro. Even worse, he also looks like he would fit in perfectly on either a 1970's baseball team or adult movie. I can't say I envy him for any of that, but I would imagine the ladies love him.

And the best part of all this -- take a look at the picture accompanying this post and imagine Parros yelling "I am all that is man and you will bow to my MAN-stache!!" It's uncanny, really.

Alex Auld to Take Over Bruins' Hallway Duties

CP

When Tim Thomas got hurt, the Boston Bruins had a huge problem when it came to goaltenders. No, they had a perfectly capable backup to replace Thomas -- Tukka Rask -- who has overcome the fact that the he is a caveperson. The real problem for the the Bruins; who was going to sit in the hallway between the rink and the entrance to the locker room?

Today, the Bruins have found an eager replacement in Phoenix Coyotes' netminder Alex Auld who will now guard the hallway. For Auld this will come as a relief since he encountered some problems in the Phoenix hallways. "It was crowded everywhere I turned," Auld said. The good news for Auld now is that the hallways in Boston will be mostly empty, as the Bruins are averaging about 14,700 fans per game.

Oh, the humanity. The thought of crowded locker room hallways makes me want to gag.

Checking In

Sorry for not updating fully, but I've got a little work to get through this afternoon. After that, I'm home free. For now, you can check out the latest from the FanHouse and the rest of the interwebs.

The Sky is Falling!! (And It's Barely December)

Mike Keenan Implosion Watch: Day 79

Elsewhere:

It's a Festivus Miracle! and Canada is cold... (Battle of Alberta)

The Swedes Never Hug Ozzy (Behind the Jersey)

IIHF Shrinks its Rinks (On Frozen Blog)

An Open Apology to the Main Stream Media

Dear Main Stream Media:

I'd just like to start by saying how very, truly sorry I am about this whole "blogging" thing. I didn't realize that one schmo typing internet gibberish from his parent's basement would cause such a fuss. Really, I'm sorry. We used to be such good friends, too. Remember when you would meet me on the TV in my living room after class? Even late at night, you were there for me with your ever-running Sportscenters. How did everything go so horribly wrong?

We used to understand each other and help each other out. You with your funny Kenny Mayne, helping me to forget about my troubles. In turn, I watched your shows, read your newspaper and magazine articles. One time, I even bought one of your Sports Illustrated TV offers because you were going through a rough patch!

Actually, I guess the real question is, when did you change?

I've always been here, giving in to your new features and mediums. When the internet first came about, I visited your official website loyally looking for the newest news and views. I remember way back when I used to look forward to the morning paper everyday to see if my team had won on its west coast road trip.

Back then, you used to be cool. You used to be hip. Then, one day, I started to make some new friends. I branched out and became more social. I grew up. The whole time, you did nothing but ignore me and tell me how we were falling apart. Now, it's like we don't even know each other. Sure, when we pass on the street you're holding hands with that guy, but it's OK. I'm over it. We smile and nod as we walk by each other, but then I can hear you say horrible things behind my back. Things like, "I wish you didn't exist," "you're always making shit up" and "you can never be as good as me." You know something? That hurts. That really freaking hurts.

What happened? It's not like I'm trying to step on your turf. I never claimed to be a journalist. I never thought for a second that I could do your job better than you. And heck, nowadays you're all over the TV. I would kill to be on TV! I would never mess with your gigs. You gave me my start for God's sake! I wouldn't know anything about sports if it wasn't for you. It's just that I have a real passion for sports. I love them so much, that I need them 24/7. I need to watch them, hear about them, read about them, talk about them and now, type about them. I guess that's just what happens when all you ever did was feed me sports all these years, simply encouraging me to watch, read and talk about them more and more. Just because you're old and out of touch doesn't mean we can't still be friends. Heck, maybe all you really need is a make over!

But really, come on. You are equally to blame when it comes to making things up. You're starting to try and imitate me too, with your "media blogs." Don't even get me started on this you two-timer. All I will say is, isn't imitation the most sincere form of flattery?

Wait. No, stop. I didn't mean that. I'm sorry.

Look, I could sit here and blame you all I want, but that's not going to change anything. The last thing I want to do is fight with you. I can't stand it when we fight. What we need is a solution. Yes, that would be a good, positive start. How about this... I promise to stop playa hatin on you so much, if you'll just get off my back and let me do my thing. I still watch you. I still read your columns, especially the online ones (I even link to them!!). Maybe we could even collaborate on some stories. Heck, I'll man up and apologize in front of everyone. How does that sound?

No? You don't like that idea?

Please, honey. Be reasonable! Everyone knows that you can't stop change and progress. Sometimes things are just meant to be a certain way. Look, I want what's best for you. That's why I want you to come on over here and try out blogging for yourself. What if...

What?? I'm a dirty cheating back stabber?

Well fine, then. Have it your way. Maybe I'll see you at the class reunion in twenty years. Oh, wait. No I won't, cause you'll be long gone by then. Long gone and forgotten. How do you like them apples??


Sincerely,

Kevin

Your Frozen Fantasy Sport Update

Here's a look at the BMR fantasy leagues through nine weeks. For comparisons, check out the last post from October 25th. In the first league, the Phoenix Pharts, Blues 4 SC and Winged Wheels have held steady near the top, while Eric Douglas Rules made a jump from 8th to 3rd with help from the Ottawa twins, Dany Heatley and Daniel Alfreddson. They've got Jason LaBarbera in goal, which is absolutely ballin' and the gutsiest thing I've seen. Well played. To offset Eric's jump, the Plausible Failures put on some lead boots, falling from 2nd to 11th.

And props for the entire league here, since there's only one team that hasn't checked in on the league in the last two weeks.

...and in the second league we've got about three "dead" teams, but that's no biggie. Miraculously, my team is still on top, thanks mainly to Ryan Getzlaf, Dany Heatley and (who else) Pascal Leclaire. The Howe Hat Tricks, Whatsthisdiskthing? and Two Line Pass have all also held steady in the top five. The biggest jump was made by the Eskimos, moving from 10th to 7th. It's really odd how virtually everyone has stayed put. Not really sure why that was. Any ideas?

Suggested NHL Auction Items

(C) NHL Auctions

Truth be told, sports leagues are really starting to grasp at straws when it comes to finding new revenue streams. Take, for example, the folks over at NHL auctions. Right now, they're selling what could be a fans' dream (albeit an odd one) -- a spot in the Vancouver Canucks' team photo.

Online auctions in general are crazy things. One day you can buy Boston Red Sox manager Terry Francona's used chewing tobacco (it was from the World Series, you see), the next it's a urinal signed by the Chicago Cubs.

Personally, I see off-beat online sports auctions as the next big thing. So, to help our friends over at NHL auctions, here are a few things that they should consider selling... Feel free to add your own in the comments.

Tickets to a Mike Keenan Management seminar

Training session for aspiring GMs, hosted by Mike Milbury

John Ferguson Jr. Humble Pie

Harvey the Hound's tongue

Tickets to a Panthers game (sorry, that was low)

A dream vacation to Philadelphia Flyers team building camp

An autographed Mark Messier jersey, soaked with his own tears

Todd Bertuzzi autographed hatchet

Your Obligatory Corporate Overlord Update

At the FanHouse:

Zamboni Fires: A Matter of National Security

Not to Be Outdone by Toronto, Montreal Creates Chaos of Its Own

Better writing from the blog-o-seum:

The Ice Sheet: The Problem in Philadelphia (FanHouse)

That's a FH round table on the Flyers' situation. It's a good read, except for the part where Eric left out me passing out after having a serious discussion. Those are tough on the ol' noggin.

Win a Chance to Be in the Canucks Team Photo! (Going Five Hole)

Panic At Guy Lafleur's Disco It's all in a day's work for the Pens Blog.

Toronto Radio Station Eats It's Words (ESPN) OK, that's not really the title. But that's what it's about.

With two franchise saviors on the mend in Montreal, the team turns to Jaroslav Halak. Ow! My groin! (Four Habs Fans)

James Mirtle has the best sub title of the day... and he's now the closer at DeadSpin.

In Philly, All You Need is a Pulse

Sean Kilpatrick, AP/The Canadian Press

Leave it to Yahoo! Sports to provide us with some unintentional comedy. I've bolded the important part for emphasis.

"The Philadelphia Flyers have given defenseman Braydon Coburn, who has shown an ability to move the puck, a two-year contract extension worth $2.6 million the Philadelphia Inquirer reported"

Is there a signing bonus for breathing?

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(C) CBC

As you probably know by now, Hockey Night in Canada did an eight minute segment on hockey blogging during Saturday night's telecast. All in all, it was a pretty unbiased report and gave great information. They presented both sides and didn't appear to take one. That's some damn good journalism. Actually it was so encouraging, there's a lot of good news. You can read the good word here, over here or if you still need another link, here.

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It's all heart warming that a large media outlet such as the CBC had a nice segment on blogging. And then Kevin Allen, President of the Professional Hockey Writers Association (PHWA) makes a pretty ridiculous statement, a statement that I'll get to an a minute.

Allen started out with a negative, calling blogs the "wild, wild, west." There's some truth to that. I wouldn't go so far as to say all bloggers do is drink, shoot each other and kill Native Americans, but I understand his analogy. Unless he was comparing this all to a bad Will Smith movie. In that case, I'm just confused. I guess if it's fair, but I'm going to make a comparison of my own -- just to get you thinking. Today's mainstream media is like 19th century England. You know, the ship is sinking but everyone's too snobby to admit it.

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To Allen's credit, he then described bloggers very well; some are closer to being actual journalists, while some are plain fans and don't claim to be anything else, and there others at other points. Now that's an accurate description of the blogosphere-zone-world... Then we moved on to the ol' bloggers wearing jerseys in locker rooms argument. Please, people. I'm with Allen on this one. Now I know that we're more fan than journalist, but when a rich friend invites you over, you don't go there wearing a sweatshirt and socks with sandals. I won't go any further on this point to keep from beating a dead horse.

CLICK FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP WITH THE CLICK

OK, so finally we get to the ridiculous statement I was hinting at before. At the 3:20 mark of the video, Allen says that bloggers have no accountability. Sure, some of us don't. If you post anonymously, then you have no accountability, but the sacrifice is that people will take you with a grain of salt (cough, Eklund, cough). For the rest of us, there sure as hell is accountability. There's lots of it, in fact.

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For one, there's every other blogger in the world holding you accountable. As much as we all seem to get along, this isn't a utopia. Bloggers take shots at other bloggers. Bloggers debate with other bloggers. If you get your facts wrong, and boy do I have a nasty habit of doing that, your commenters will let you know you messed up if other bloggers don't. We don't all eat our young, but I'm not going to act like it doesn't happen -- bloggers do, believe it or not, go after other bloggers on occasion.

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Then, of course, there's the fact that just like journalists, we're putting our personal reputations on the line with every word we say. Let's take, for example, a blogger who has a day job that doesn't have the least bit to do with journalism. We will pretend that our imaginary blogger works as a manager of a large and somewhat prestigious hotel. Now, let's pretend that blogger makes racially insensitive comments on their blog, while not using a fake alias. Do you see where I'm going with this? You don't have to be named Don Imus to hurt your reputation if you say something dumb. And don't think that bloggers can't get fired, either. Those of us who are blogging self-employed can't, but if you write for DeadSpin, FanHouse, etc, then you've certainly got a job interest to hold onto.

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All in all, is there less accountability in the blogo-zone-o-matic? If anyone knows your real identity, absolutely not. You had better believe that there is accountability, for those who choose to take the responsibility of it... Oh, and the clips HNIC used for cut scenes, those were not the least bit annoying... As long as you think randomly loud and obnoxious mouse clicks are not annoying. Cause they're not. Definitely not annoying.

Marc Andre Fluery Faces His Toughest Test Yet...

... and the Pens still lose in a shootout.

Sorry, I had to.

Checking In

Apologies for not posting this afternoon. I'll have something up in a few, and lots more Monday afternoon. For now, here's the FanHouse weekend posts.

High Intensity Swedish Hockey Movie Film!

The Bruins Are Using Scare Tactics to Get All-Star Game Votes