After all, nothing says hockey like a thoroughly greased mullet.
::::::::::::::::::
Analysis, rambling and rants from around the NHL (from guys and gals who are NOT Barry Melrose).
Folks, I am proud to announce that this is a pointless milestone postBMR's 500th post. Champagne and hookers for all!*
Believe it or not, it's been 500 posts and 11 months since this little waste of time was started up. The big birthday is coming up soon and I personally can't believe it. It feels like we just met yesterday. But I guess that's what happens when you have a nice, loving relationship (or when daddy doesn't come home drunk all the damned time).
So this is the point in the conversation when I try and pawn you off to stay around by offering you some kind of incentive. The problem with that is I don't have anything to give you. No free pizza or anything, sadly. But what I can do is promise that the shenanigans and insanity will continue for another 500 posts. That's barring I don't win the lottery and retire early. But that would actually give me more free time than I already have and probably positively impact the blog. So I guess you win either way. I can safely say that this is a win-win situation for you! That's something... Right? Right???
* - Actually there's no champagne and hookers are currently reserved for Spitzer and (maybe) Avery.
Believe it or not, I still write for FanHouse. I've been slacking, but that will soon change, beginning with today's column: The Top 10 David Amber Columns
Over at ESPN.com David Amber writes a lot of 'top 10 list' type columns. So I think it's a simple natural progression to do a top 10 list of those columns. Hopefully you enjoy it. If you really like it, feel free to print it out, take it home and paste it on the refrigerator or give it to the cat. They'll probably enjoy it. If you have a significant other and are skilled at origami, I imagine you could get pretty creative with it as well.
And fear not! I'll be back with something more insightful and lengthy tonight.
If Eliot Spitzer was Client 9, then Sean Avery may have been Client 10. That's if you believe some reports that have been floating around linking Avery to the prostitution ring that is believed to be the infamous Spitzer servicers.
Of course, the story comes from the Daily News. A rag tabloid highly reputable newspaper in New York. So it's got to be complete crap have some credibility.
Avery's name and his personal cell phone number were in a client database for Davis' operation that was obtained by The News.
The spreadsheet contained the personal information of some 2,000 men, some of whom confirmed to The News that they had used the X-rated services.
Of course, Avery denied having anything to do with it. He said that it was probably one of his enemies, which he has a lot of, that put his name and number in there. And he also added the following:
"I do know that if I ever was to venture into one of these establishments, I definitely wouldn't use my own name," he said. "I think that that would probably be stating the obvious."
That's a pretty fair point. I think it's safe to say that in this case he's either telling the truth or a complete idiot. We may never know which one it is. What we do know is that it's just another episode of Avery being Avery. For those of you not familiar with the show, here's a quick recap from this season.
Not to rip off the Daily Show or anything, but if I was in charge, this would be my moment of zen at the end of the show. Sausages on skis! Thanks to Home Run Derby for it.
This story comes to us from the ESPN's Talking Heads Know Nothing About Hockey Department here at BMR in conjunction with the Department of Bullshit.
Around the Horn is without a doubt the most ridiculous talking head sports show out of all the talking head sports shows on TV today. Four journalists yell at each other via video conference from their headquarters at local papers around the country. It's all moderated by a suave, good-looking, young host.
Now, despite that not-so-gracious description, I do enjoy the show on occasion. Where else can you find every different viewpoint on the day's hot sports stories in only a 1/2 hour? You'd certainly spend much more time on the internet before you got so many different opinions. And of course, in the end, we the viewers are left to decide it all for ourselves. So it's not that bad. But, as you might have suspected, having all opinions represented certainly lends itself to having some stupid ones. OK, people are different. Therefore, they will have differing opinions. But some opinions are so ludicrous that they can only be things that were said for the sake of being said and to arouse an emotional response from the viewer. If that's the case, then I guess it's safe to say they did their job.
Today, BMR's Department of Bullshit has teamed up with the ESPN's Talking Heads Know Nothing About Hockey Department to hold accountable to the offenders of some heinous crimes.
The Plaintiff: The Department of Bullshit and ESPN's Talking Heads Know Nothing About Hockey Department.
The Defendants: Bill Plaschke, Tony Reali and Woody Paige from ESPN's Around the Horn. They are accused of having no idea what they're talking about when it comes to discussing the on-ice incident involving Patrick Roy's son.
The Evidence: The following video from Around the Horn shown earlier this week on ESPN and previously mentioned in FanHouse's Ice Sheet.
Yours truly, Judge Schultz, is presiding over the case.
First defendant up is Bill Plaschke who writes for the LA Times. In case you skipped over the video, here is his testimony.
"This is hockey. This is minor league hockey at it's finest. These guys are wearing pads, nobody is getting hurt. Coaches order their players to be thugs all the time in this sport."
I have a feeling the NHLPA would have an issue with players being ordered to be thugs "all the time". Not only is that a sweeping generalization that is clearly untrue, I don't remember the last time a goalie wore pads on his head. After Roy rips the mask off the other goalie, he is clearly has the ability to be injured. There's no padding there. While it's true, this was an entertaining video, that doesn't make it OK and that no suspensions are necessary. Hindsight also shows us that the QMJHL thought suspensions were necessary.
Next up, Woody Paige.
"Father and son have done this. Patrick used to go after other goaltenders. You have to suspend him because this was premeditated and it did cause some damage and he did flash an obscene sign."
Calling for a suspension for a player who flipped his lid? I can't find anything objectionable about Paige's comments. It is certainly true that this was premeditated and something Patrick Roy was known for through out his career, although I can't recall Roy ever flipping off the fans.
Following Paige's statements the host, Reali, asked Paige how he knows the attack was premeditated. Paige responds by saying that "his father said go do it," which is scoffed at by Plaschke and Reali.
"According to reports, it was at that point that father Patrick told his son to go after Nadeau. Jonathan Roy skated towards the opposing netminder and landed a series of punches without any retaliation, then saluted the opposing fans before starting another fight with defenceman Sebastien Rioux."
After reviewing the video tape it is clear that Paige's comments are not out of line and are, in fact, in line with what many in the blogosphere have said about the incident involving the Roys as well as the supporting evidence from TSN. While popping a McDonald's bag on air makes absolutely no sense, it is clearly no indication of one's intelligence on hockey.
The ruling: I hereby find Bill Plaschke and Tony Reali guilty of not doing their homework on this subject and additionally find Plaschke guilty of knowing nothing about hockey. Woody Paige, while ridiculous at times, has been cleared of all charges.
What we have here is a clear example of two people trying to make Woody Paige, who usually appears to know a thing or two about hockey, look like an idiot. Their plan has backfired miserably, making him look pretty darned smart in the process.
When I started this whole thing, I figured Barry Melrose would stomp everyone else out. He's still in the lead after the preliminary round, but MacGyver and the tag team of Randy Johnson and JaromirJagr have both put up a hell of a fight.
Now that we've narrowed the field, we'll take the top two vote getters from the first round and pit them against each other. It's one final battle for mullet supremacy of the known universe... With whom do you stand?
Voting will be open for a week, so vote once and vote wisely! With only 111 votes in the preliminary round, your vote is sure to count. To aid your decision, here's another quick breakdown of the contestants.
Barry Melrose
The clear favorite in this horse race.
Probably the one guy at ESPN who may be as awesome as Kenny Mayne (seriously Kenny is teh win).
As you know, I'm not the most knowledgeable when it comes to the Western Conference. But far be it from me to discriminate! If I'm going to make ridiculous comparisons of Eastern teams to random celebrities (if you can call your mom a celebrity) then I might as well do the same for the West. I'm an equal opportunity blogger. Without any further text, here is your uncoordinated breakdown of the race out west (or really just a breakdown of the Northwest division).
*3rd place: Minnesota Wild (89 points, 5 games to go)
Last 10: 3-3-4
Remaining opponents: COL (2), EDM, VAN, CGY (1)
Most resemble: The bash brothers. Now that Boogaard is back this is all that really comes to mind. Fridge, Simon, Boogaard, and all on the same sheet of ice. Scary. I was going for a Mighty Ducks reference but if you want to use some roided up baseball players instead, go right ahead.Breakdown: The Wild haven't won a lot of games lately, but they sure are making the overtime point count. They're ahead in the division and in the third spot via tiebreakers, but they are still only three points up on the 8th place team. They're not out of the woods just yet. On the plus side, they have the opportunity to knock out their competitors down the stretch. (we'll skip the Ducks since they're pretty much in at this point)
5th place: Dallas Stars (89 points, 6 to go)
Last 10: 3-7-0
Remaining opponents: SJ, PHO (2), LA, ANA (1)
Most resemble: The titanic (both the movie and the ship are acceptable references). The Stars are tanking it into the playoffs better than anyone else at this point.
Breakdown: What a difference a month makes. The Stars were the hottest team in the league during February, going 12-2 in the month. March has been a real bitch to them, as they have two points and a 1-7 record to show for the month. Seriously, think about this for a second: On February 29th the Stars were second in the entire Western Conference and had 87 points to show for it. Today they're in 5th and are sitting on 89 points. Three weeks. Two points. Wow. Simply stunning.
6th place: Calgary Flames (88, 6 to go)
Last 10: 5-4-1
Remaining opponents: VAN (3), EDM (2), MIN (1)
Most resemble: Zeus because they more or less control their own destiny. It's a stretch, I know.
Breakdown: Talk about the scheduling gods throwing in a curve ball. The Flames have five games against two of the teams nipping at their heels in the standings. They're sitting in sixth place so I think it's safe to say that they are in control of their own fate at this point. Consequently, they also hold the fates of Vancouver and Edmonton in the balance. Get destroyed, and those two sneak in while the Flames are left on the outside. Beat 'em up, or at least tread water, and you're in. 7th place: Vancouver Canucks (86, 7 to go)
Last 10: 6-4-0
Remaining opponents: CGY (3), COL (2), EDM, MIN (1)
Most resemble: OK, I really just needed an excuse to post this pic of Pamela Anderson and Fin again. Breakdown: Things are getting hairy in the pacific northwest, as the team's stud netminder may (or may not) miss some of the stretch run. Roberto Luongo's wife is expected to give birth soon and he has not given a definitive word as to how much time he will miss to be with her. We'll see how this plays out, but we all know how much he means to this team. Oh yeah, and they've got five games against the teams directly above and below them in the standings. This should be a fun run to the finish.
8th place: Colorado Avalanche (86, 5 to go)
Last 10: 5-5-0
Remaining opponents: VAN, MIN (2), EDM (1)
Most resemble: WTF Cat. Just because Theodore's play, 2.44 GAA and .910 save percentage make my head hurt. I mean jeez, he hasn't put up numbers anywhere near these since before the lockout!
Breakdown: Again, the divisional play in the Northwest is going to go a long way in solving this question. All five games are extremely significant for the Avs. Two against the team directly ahead of them, one against the team chasing them and two against another team that's only three points ahead of them. Again, a team that holds its own destiny. Win and you're in. 9th place: Edmonton Oilers (83 points, 5 games to go)
Last 10: 8-2-0
Remaining opponents: CGY (2), VAN, MIN, COL (1)
Most resemble: Doc Brown and Marty McFly. They're the kid that always seems to get out of the sticky situations and are teamed up with that kooky old guy (Kevin Lowe).
The breakdown: Who would of thought a few months ago that the Oilers would be this close to a playoff spot? They just finished up a nice four game homestand that saw them take six of a possible eight points, but that's where the going gets tough. They play four of their final five on the road against divisional opponents who all happen to be ahead of them in the standings and in the playoffs as of right now. My head wants to explode with the mere thought of the possibilities. The fate of the entire conference lies in the Northwest. All I can say is that this is going to be a hell of a ride. When's the last time we could say that all five teams in a division had a realistic shot at making the playoffs? The problem in the Northwest right now is that they'll probably play each other out of the post season.
10th place: Nashville Predators (82 points, 6 games to go) Last 10: 4-6-0
Remaining opponents: CLS, STL (2), DET, CHI (1)
Most resemble: Major League, the movie. Do I really need to explain this one?
Breakdown: The Preds are a heck of a story. Most people picked them to finish in the basement and they still came out and were in this thing the whole year. They're four back with six to go, which isn't a great situation but they do have a game in hand on the Avs and Oilers. The best news for the Preds is that the three teams ahead of them play each other during this stretch run. They have a favorable schedule as well, as five of their last six are against teams below them in the standings. They've got a good shot and the problem is that they haven't been playing their best hockey lately. I like their chances, but they're going to have to step it up. 11th place: Chicago Blackhawks (80 points, 6 to go)
Last 10: 4-4-2
Remaining Opponents: CLS, DET (2), STL, NSH (1)
Most resemble: Botox. After Rocky Wirtz took over the team, the Hawks have been revitalized better than the face of a 45-year old Californian woman's face.
Breakdown: In all seriousness, the Hawks are pretty much out of it. They are six out with six to play, a figure that doesn't bode well for any team. It was great to see things turn around in the Windy City this season and although an 11th place finish doesn't sound good, we all still know that the Hawks are going to be a force out West in the near future.
In the fantasy hockey world, this week is the big cheese, the whole enchilada if you will. It's time to put up or shut up, go big or go home. It's championship week. OK, it's actually two weeks long if you're in a Yahoo league, but I'm trying to be dramatic!!
In the BMR fantasy leagues we have two championship matches of our own. In the first league, it's the Phoenix Pharts against Lasers Go Pew Pew.
The second matchup pits yours truly against Two Line Pass.
Thanks to everyone who played this year and good luck the rest of the way! I'm sure we'll have another round of this in the fall so stay tuned for that as well as the results of the final round on April 7th.
I'm really late on this but we're going to talk about it anyway so deal.
Alex Ovechkin hit the 60 goal mark Friday night against the Atlanta Thrashers. It's a pretty big deal.
AO is the first player to accomplish the feat since the 1996 season. Yeah, freaking 1996. If you had asked to me guess when the last time was a player hit the 60 mark I would of said 1934. It seems like we've been enduring this clutch-and-grab trap-the-life-out-of-the-game style of hockey much longer than 12 years. So thank goodness we can finally, officially, say we're past that (I know there's still a lot of that but play along). It was a curse on my life that made me question the intelligence of mankind on a daily basis. Kind of like when boy bands were popular in the late 90s/early 00s. They were the kind of thing that made you wish global warming would get it over with and destroy the Earth already.
But just think about what that year mans for a second. 1996.
Hockey Blog in Canada had a great synopsis on the whole situation, including a list of things that were going on in the world in '96. Here's a few more that really make you feel how long ago that year was if you're like me and have no grasp of time and other such concepts. I walk around half the time thinking things that happened in 1999 happened last week. That's where I'm coming from on this one.
In 1996...
Y2K computer crashes weren't a glimmer in anyone's mind.
Nintendo 64s had not yet been released. Nintendo FREAKING 64s.
The OJ verdict was only a few months old.
Britney Spears and Paris Hilton were 15.
Google had not yet been founded and we were still at the beginnings/middle of the internet boom.
Now if none of that had any effect on you... If you still can't grasp how long ago 1996 was... If it still feels like yesterday... I guarantee this next one will get the point across.
Here it goes.
In 1996...
Tupac and Biggie were still with us.
Now you understand. It feels like they've been gone since before time.
First off, thanks to everyone who submitted poll ideas on Monday. They were all pretty solid and I may be using some of them in the future. Today, we're going to start a poll thought up by Scotty -- who rocks the best mullet?
This will be a two part battle to the death. Six contestants will enter. The bottom four vote getters will go home and hopefully cut off their mullets. The top two vote getters will come back next week to engage in an epic battle of greased up mulleted goodness for the title of Mulleted King of the Universe.
Hey, it's Saturday. What do you expect?
Before you vote by using the handy dandy widget on your left, here's a breakdown of the contestants that will be vying for your love and admiration. Choose wisely!
Barry Melrose
PROS
Sports the longest living mullet on the east coast.
It's Barry Melrose. Nuff said.
Has been one of the few ESPN employees to not be named in a sexual harassment scandal.
CONS
Does, in fact, work at ESPN.
Joe Dirt
PROS
Had a movie made about him.
CONS
Was portrayed by David Spade in said movie.
Tag Team: Early 90's Jaromir Jagr and Randy Johnson
PROS
Two of the best athletes in their sport during their prime.
The two most recognizable mullets in sports.
Won three two championships (both Jagr) and are still playing today.
CONS
Looked like complete jokes.
Brian Engblom
PROS
Has a job in TV. I guess that counts.
That's about it.
CONS
His mullet will always play second fiddle to Barry Melrose's.
Does not supply Yahoo Image Search with large, user friendly images.
MacGyver
PROS
Adored by housewives everywhere.
Played by Richard Dean Anderson.
Can make anything out of a swiss army knife.
Has made guest appearances on the Simpsons.
CONS
Unrecognizable to anyone under the age of 30.
Billy Ray Cyrus
If you vote for him, you need to seriously re-examine your life.
Remember, every vote matters! And this time it actually does cause there's not, you know, millions of people voting. Polls close Wednesday at midnight.
If you remember, a few weeks back Joy Russo and THE Barry Melrose of ESPN mentioned this here blog on their podcast, the Melrose Line. I really appreciated the plug and wanted to contact them to say thanks and maybe talk some hockey.
Funny story.
You see, ESPN doesn't want you to contact their employees. If it seems like they're the only website in the known universe where you can't contact an author of a story, podcast or what have you, you're not alone. Apparently it's impossible to email some of these people.
That's not the case around all of the internets, as you may know. At the Miami Herald there is a running commentary between Dan LeBatard and his readers. Here at BMR there's a contact widget thingy on the left sidebar and I've talked to dozens of you. At other parts of ESPN you can contact writers. Bill Simmons, for one, has a handy dandy feedback form. And I don't think I need a hyperlink to remind you how much reader interaction John Buccigross has. But when it comes to writers who don't base many of their pieces off of reader feedback, they're nowhere to be found. Take Scott Burnside, Russo or David Amber and, well, you're out of luck. This leaves me completely confused. Maybe there really is a 'contact' link and I'm not looking hard enough. That could be it. But if not, what's wrong with a little chit-chat?
This isn't a knock at Russo or Melrose, either. There's a good chance that they don't have much choice in the matter. Since ESPN is a corporation, it could be that it's a decision made high up on the ladder. Maybe not. Who knows... So guys, if you're reading this, drop me a line at melroserocks [at] gmail [dot] com if the mood strikes you. I'd love to hear from you. Otherwise, well, thanks for the mention and have a nice weekend! (that wasn't sarcasm)
...but I don't get this sub-headline. Granted I'm not a great linguist, but how is it getting late early for Florida? Is there now a separate time zone for senior citizens?
Yup, that bracket challenge is still open. Try it, you might even win yourself a guest post. The ball is round and it bounces, which I guess after last night isn't much different than hockey. But there aren't nearly as many white people and it's a lot warmer. No Gary Bettman either. All of those are clearly positives.
If you want to get in on BMR's bracket challenge skills competition festival then by all means read the next few lines of text.
Click "Join a group" and enter "90777" as the group ID # and "mullets" as the password. Make sure you make your picks before the first game on Thursday (Noon EST).
And here's more of the Swedish Chef so that this post has a purpose. Oh and major props to Zorkon, Master of the Universe for having the best Yahoo screen name ever.
Now that has to be the most confusing post title ever. Hopefully it catches your attention and gets you to read the post and Hype It Up if you like it. In all likelihood, you'll probably just x-out this window and go back to whatever gambling/porn/instant messaging you were doing.
But if you're still with me, we've got something special. Breaking down the teams caught up in the midst of the Eastern Conference playoff chase. I'm not talking about the Devils who pretty much have a spot all locked up at the top. F*** the Devils. No one cares about them anyway (sorry, Wyshynski). I'm talking about the blue collar teams. The choke jobs. The mini-miracles. The teams who are scraping around in search of a few points to try and make their post-season dreams come true. Kind of like drug addicts except not. We've got seven teams right in the thick of things for the 8th and final playoff spot in the East (that's if you're counting the Rangers and Leafs) and somebody has got to go home unhappy. Who's it gonna be?
6th Place: New York Rangers (85 points, 9 games to go)
Last 10: 7-2-1
Remaining Opponents: NJD (3), PHI, PIT, NYI (2)
Chances most resemble: Your mom. They're not going to let you get away with it.
The Breakdown: With two guaranteed wins against an Islander team that has given up down the stretch faster than Poland, all the Rangers have to do is be even money in their other seven games. They're five up on the Flyers right now, and those two games against the eighth place boys from the Iladelph can help to strengthen their lead.
7th place: Boston Bruins (83 points, 9 to go)
Last 10: 3-4-3
Remaining opponents: MTL, TOR, OTT, BUF (2), NJD (1)
Chances resemble: Ray Bourque-era Boston Bruins, choking down the stretch. You remember them, the team that made the playoffs 24 straight seasons from 1972-73 through 1995-96 and had zero Cups to show for it. Only difference -- they probably aren't going to get into the show.
The breakdown: Two games against Buffalo will help decide the fate of these two teams, but all their other opponents are going to be tough. Five games against three of the East's top four teams. Stick a fork in 'em.
8th place: Philadelphia (82 points, 8 to go)
Last 10: 4-3-3
Remaining opponents: NYI, NYR, NJD, PIT (2)
Chances resemble: Peter Griffin. They've been screwing things up for the past month or two, but somehow manage to find a way to hang onto the 8th spot. They were in 8th on March 1st and are still there despite playing crappy hockey. Somehow, someway, against all conventional logic it will probably work out in the end.
The breakdown: Four games against the Devils and Penguins aren't going to help things, but they'll find some way (playing for the OT point, most likely) to make those games worthwhile. It's going to come down to how much they can beat up on the Islanders and Rangers. If they can take six points out of those four games, they should be fine. Just barely.
9th place: Washington Capitals (80 points, 8 to go)
Chances resemble: David Blaine. They're annoying and always seem to hang around no matter how much you ignore them. How they're back in it after Nick Backstrom's gaffe is beyond me. Everyone was writing them off after that. This is also what happens when the Bruins and Flyers are playing not to lose.
The breakdown: They should win tonight in Chicago and Friday in Atlanta. Two gifts from the scheduling gods for a motivated team. That should push their win streak to six and put them in the top 8 by the weekend. With the only tough games left being against Carolina and Florida, they've got the easiest schedule of any of the teams in the race. I think they get in over the Bruins, and probably knock out the Panthers in the process. Or they could just choke completely. I have no idea.
10th place: Buffalo Sabres (79 points, 9 to go)
Last 10: 4-4-2
Remaining opponents: MTL, BOS, TOR, OTT (2), TBL (1)
Chances resemble: Trucker hat wearing frat boys. They're everyone's trendy pick, but all they really are is crap.
The breakdown: What everyone seems to overlooking is that they're 4-4-2 in their last 10, the worst record of the bunch except for Boston. They also got a gift from the scheduling gods with games against Tampa and Toronto this week. Forget it after that though, they play six of their last seven against Montreal, Ottawa and Boston. If they take care of business against Boston, Toronto and Tampa they have a shot, but I don't think they're playing well enough at this point. They need to hope someone ahead of them falls on their face.
11th place: Florida Panthers (78 points, 8 to go)
Last 10: 7-2-1
Remaining opponents: CAR, ATL, TBL, WSH (2)
Chances resemble: Cinderella. The clock is going to strike midnight on them sooner or later. They're going to need to keep up their torrid pace down the stretch to get in. It's tough to see them doing that. But it's OK, they have looks on their side.
The breakdown: They're the hottest team in the East, having won 7 in a row and have yet to even go into overtime in the month of March. Even though, it's hard to believe three teams from the Southeast will get in because two would need to sneak in at this point. They have just about as easy a schedule as Washington, but the two games against the Caps should all but decide which of the two is going to get in. If they take those two, they can get in, but they're still going to need a little help.
12th place: Toronto Maple Leafs (76 points, 8 to go)
Last 10: 6-3-1
Remaining opponents: BOS, BUF, OTT, MTL (2)
Chances resemble: Screech from Saved by the Bell. They're annoying as hell and never seem to go away.
The breakdown: Somehow, we're still talking about them. It's a miracle in itself that they're still close enough to be mentioned but to be fair they've won three of their last four. To continue being fair, those were two wins over Philly and one over the Islanders. Not that impressive. It's hard to imagine them doing anything with this schedule. All five northeastern teams are in the hunt, but there's not a chance in hell all five of them will get in. The Leafs need both Boston and Buffalo to choke, and while that's possible, it's not probable. What can they do about it? Get 14 points out of their last 8 games. That could sneak them in.
From 197 feet away, Vesa Toskala cannot stop the unrelenting machine that is the New York Islanders. Our master plan to secure a top 3 draft pick is succeeding, and we are making you look silly in the process. Actually, the only silly part is that the Leafs are still considered in the playoff hunt, but I guess at this point anything is possible.
Do you want to know the punchline of this joke? Sure you do. This was the only goal the Islanders scored all night in a 3-1 home loss to Toronto. It took a gift of a goal just to get on the scoreboard against the team that is directly ahead of you in the standings. I'm also betting it will be Rob Davison's only goal in an Islander uni. Any takers?
Even newer, new video footage has arisen on the YouTubes. Thanks to the folks at BoC for pointing it out.
I move that we suspend Pronger for the rest of the season, including playoffs. Maybe he should be suspended for life for the way he blatantly stomps on Kessler's chest multiple times. I don't know about you, but I'm about to register ChrisProngerHatesAmerica.com and start a petition to at least get him deported from the country. He's clearly a threat to our national security. Just see for yourself. I mean for the love of hockey, he has a giant hand that controls him! What the hell is that about!?!
See what I did there? With the cleverness and the blind, sweeping statement about politics? That's why I'm still on Blogger...
Anyway, I've been trying to figure out another fun poll that we can all engage in for quite some time now. You know what I have? Nothing. So, when I have no material I go to the people who give me more material than George Lucas gets at a Star Wars' fan writers convention (another poor analogy that shows why I'm still limited to Blogger). You guys are the best, and I mean that sincerely.
So here's your task... Come up with a poll for the site. Feel free to leave your ideas in the comments or by dropping me an email (melroserocks [at] gmail.com). You could probably make signs with ideas on them and hold them up at an NHL game and try to get on TV with something that says "How sexy is JR? A hot tamale or on fire?" That would be a bit harder I would imagine. Anywho, I'm looking forward to your ideas. Let 'er rip!
I know it's not hockey, but I figured it would be fun if we all got together to do a March Madness pick 'em. We could always use more bragging rights around here, no? I think it's hard to not like March Madness, even if you don't like basketball. I know college basketball isn't too big in Canada, but hell you can just pick whichever teams have the coolest mascots. Those people usually end up winning anyway. The luck factor is HUGE.
And as an added incentive, the winner gets to guest post at BMR. Whatever you want to write about, you got it. Unless you write something about Mark Messier being awesome. Then we might have a beef... But I digress.
Click "Join a group" and enter "90777" as the group ID # and "mullets" as the password. Make sure you make your picks before the first game on Thursday.
So good luck and God speed! Hopefully we don't get any Ranger fans winning... That would suck (kidding).
And here's the Swedish Chef because he's so freaking awesome.
What didn't look like much of a race about a week ago has now turned into five team race for the final spots in the East. As you can see from the chart on your right, there are clearly some teams in the East that want to be in the playoffs and some who don't. Maybe playing for 7th and 8th place is really "playing to lose to NJD/MON/PIT/OTT" (take your pick) but it's still the playoffs. You still have a chance. With any luck, you might even be able to sneak into 6th and play the winner of the Southeast. But buyer beware, playing the Canes right now is nowhere near as easy as a task as it was a couple months back. This is a team on a tear (8-2 in their last 10).
But it's not just Carolina. The whole Southeast division appears to have awoken from a winter slumber. The Panthers have a seven game win streak, the Caps have won seven of 10 and the Canes are hot as previously mentioned. Who would have thought even a month ago that this would be the case? Who would have thought Sergei Samsonov --SERGEI FREAKING SAMSONOV -- would be helping Carolina by playing at nearly a point per game pace. And didn't we all bury the Caps after Nicklas Backstrom scored on in his own next? That was only last Sunday if you can believe it. I sure can't. At least we (more so I) can't complain this race is boring anymore. And hell, right now the Islanders are looking at picking up the 5th pick in the draft and could be in the top 3 with any luck. Everything is working out after all... At least until we knock out a few of these bubble teams, then there will be a few depressed cities who got their hopes up for nothing. But that's what March is all about. Who's in? Who's out?
Gotta love Pensblog. They came up big on this one.
"Rewind to Chris Simon's suspension:
“In addition, while the act itself was extremely dangerous, the fact that this is the eighth incident requiring the imposition of supplementary discipline on Simon compelled me to impose a very severe penalty in this case.”
Wow. By the way, this was Pronger's 8th suspension of his career, too."
Colin Campbell = owned.
My FanHouse buddy Earl Sleek also had a great post on the subject. To simplify Earl word's... Colin Campbell = pwnd by the tubes.
"This post is to marvel at the power of a united hockey internet. While the unveiled video may offer an official excuse for Colin Campbell to change his position, I’m not falling for that explanation. Instead, I’m going to associate every one of these new suspended games to the growing power of the internet outcry, and it’s a pretty special thing to see. Journalists, message-boarders, bloggers, and commenters all chimed in very strongly with a loud cry for justice, and wow it seems to be getting results. The league seems to be listening. Even if tonight’s decision goes against everything I’ve personally been preaching, I don’t know if I’ve ever been as proud of the hockey internet as I am tonight. It’s just fascinating to see a cumulative voice of the fan make change in an often-stubborn league."
I'm still not 100% convinced that we, the people, did this... But if in fact we had any influence whatsoever. Even the smallest, tiniest, bit... Ice cream sundaes for all!
Marty McSorely was a beast back in the day. We know this, but I think we may have forgotten a little. Enjoy watching him as he beats the hell out of Jeff Odgers. And Arturs Irbe looks on, and seems pretty confused about this whole fighting thing.
It's time once again to take look behind the stuffing, behind the fur and find out who mascots are on the inside. What are their hobbies? What do they do in their spare time and, most importantly, why do they like to eat children? This time, Calgary's Harvey the Hound is in the spotlight.
Thank you for taking the time to talk to us today, Harvey.BARKBARKBARK
First off, what brought you to Calgary?SAUSAGES!!!
That's interesting. Now I've been told that you were the NHL's first mascot. What was it like to break the mascot barrier in professional hockey?LOTSOFSAUSAGES!!!
Have you met Willie O'Ree at all? He broke the color barrier in the NHL, being the first African American to play hockey. WOOFWOOF!!GOFLAMESGO!!!
How have things been between you and Mike Keenan in Calgary?HEGAVEMESAUSAGES!!
And speaking of coaches, do you still hold a grudge against Craig McTavish for ripping out your tongue?KILLKILLHATEHATEMURDERMURDERMUTILATE!!!!!
Of course there was also the time you were attacked by a bunch of zombie children. How are you coping?LOTSOFSAUSAGES!!!
Thanks, Harvey. It was nice to meet you and good luck the rest of the season.AREYOUGOINGTOPAYMEINSAUSAGES?!?!
If you're looking for the post where I tell you all things about yourselves that you already know, this would be that post. As you know, a few weeks back we took an unscientific poll as to which team's fans inhabited the site the results of which you can see on your left. We had almost 500 responses which was easily 450 more than I thought we would get. In the end, thanks for taking the time to vote and giving me some interesting fodder for the day.
As we can see from the slightly more organized results on the left, the champions are the Pittsburgh Penguins. Of all the results, this is the one that surprised me the least. Probably due to our massive man crush creepy internet friendship with the Pensblog, a lot of Penguin fans have been funneled over here and found the grass nice enough to take up residence. For that, I am very grateful. There are also a bunch of Pens fans around the blogosphere, so I can't say it's that much of a surprise to see them so well represented. The same goes for the Capitals who finished in third place. I don't think it's any secret how many of those devils are running around the interwebs.
In second and fourth were the Sabres and Red Wings. Now those two surprise me mainly because there's no website funneling all of them over here. They have big time, serious fan bases though and I imagine that's probably the reason.
Now the real surprise was fifth place -- the Rangers. How that many of you put up with an Islander blogger is beyond me. But I do appreciate it. Speaking of the Islanders... Apparently pro-Islander bias goes a longer way in attractive Ranger fans than it does Islander fans. Go figure.
The rest of the teams in the top 15 all have serious fanbases, which makes it no surprise that they would be nicely represented on the internet. That's not to say the rest of the list has shitty fanbases. Look how far down the Sens are on the list. Chances are they just haven't found the internet yet. There are also at least 43 of you that care about those crazy Paul Stastny/Minnesota Wild world domination posts. Glad to see those aren't going to waste.
Another note is that there are more people on here confused about the sport of hockey than there are Bolts fans. I'm sorry Tampa Bay. I imagine there are more Bolts fans here and they clicked "what's a hockey" to try and be funny, not realizing they wouldn't get to vote again.
Again, thanks for voting. I hope we all learned a little bit about each other.
Leafs' fans are a source for never ending entertainment around here (sorry Domi). But today, boy, today do we have something! Yes, today we do not mock the Leafs fans. We laugh along with the Leafs fans. It's really hard to hate them when they're down anyway. It's a lot more fun to hate on good teams (example: New England Patriots).
The point: It turns out that this guy has been video blogging the Leafs the whole season with a routine installment of his video series entitled "Leafs Fan Reaction". Original, I know. But stay with me here, it gets better. It also turns out that I wish I had know about this earlier, because the guy is absolutely hilarious and it's fun to follow along with him (yay for false hope!).
Now I know what you're saying about this video. "Five minutes is way too long to for me to keep my attention in one place." I know, it is for me too. That's why I only watched the first two minutes. But it's a good first two minutes! Anyway, take a look at it and if you get bored, fast forward to the :55 second mark and enjoy. It's hilarious and a completely accurate description of what I imagine NHLers actually say on the ice.
Erin Andrews... Excuse me... TheErin Andrews sat down with the Chicago Tribune the other day and weaved some yarns about her experiences and encounters with some of the greats of sport. Naturally, Jeremy Roenick was part of the bunch. This little snippet, sent in by our own WufPirate, gives us a sampling of Roenick's ways with the ladies.
"One of then first interviews I ever did was with Jeremy Roenick, and he had been cut from lip to cheek by a skate or stick. At the intermission, he was still bleeding pretty good. I get very queasy at the sight of blood, which is odd, considering hockey was my first sport. So I say: "OK, guys, I'm here with Jeremy Roenick,'' and I look at him and say: "Oh, my God!'' I totally spaced out and forgot that he had scored two goals. It was uncomfortable and I didn't know what to say. JR's such a good guy. He just says: "It's gross, huh?''
That line can work miracles. Historians believe Abraham Lincoln said that one infamous night, getting five telegraph numbers in under sixty seconds.
Panic has set in and the National Guard is being called into Colorado as we speak. Sunday, the Peter Forsberg saga took a turn for the worst as the Swede missed yesterday's game with a groin injury. He is listed as day-to-day and may miss up to a week. To make things worse, Forsberg is still goalless since his return, but did manage two points in Saturday's game.
With the news of Forsberg's injury and continued goal scoring drought, Paul Stastny's hunger strike has taken a turn for the worst. CNN reports that he is heading towards the Denver Millennium Bridge. We'll keep an eye on the situation.
In other parts of the Avalanche lockerroom, which looks more like a war zone, injuries are starting to mount. Adam Foote also missed Sunday's game with injury, joining Ryan Smyth and Marek Svatos on the injured list. On Sunday, Jordan Leopold and Ruslan Salei left the game with injuries. With so many injuries in such a short period of time, the Avalanche find themselves clinging to 7th place in the Western Conference standings, only 2 points clear of the 8th and 9th place Canucks and Predators. There is clearly only one option left for a team that is crumbling and decimated by injuries...
It's funny how things work sometimes. The Leafs, left for dead about a month ago and mired in inner turmoil, have been playing pretty well lately. Depending on who you ask in the Canadian media, they may or may not have a chance at the playoffs.
It is just far-fetched enough in this crazy, tumultuous, and controversial Maple Leafs season that making the playoffs no is longer out of the question.
Actually, with all that has gone on, a near calendar of calamity, the Leafs may be just astonishing enough to finish eighth in the Eastern Conference.
Currently in 12th spot in the NHL's Eastern Conference with 68 points in 67 games, the Leafs are on pace for 83 points this season, eight fewer than when they placed ninth last year and missed the playoffs. The team needs an 11-3-1 record in its final 15 games to reach last season's 91 points.
According to playoffstatus.com, which takes into account strength of schedule, there is a 95-per-cent chance the Leafs miss the playoffs this season. The website ranks Toronto's opposition over the next 15 games as the most difficult of all teams in the conference.
Tonight, the Leafs lost 2-1 to New Jersey leaving them 8 points behind Philadelphia for the 8th spot in the conference. With 12 games to go and the Flyers having a game in hand, it's tough to believe that they have any shot. In all reality the Sabres, four points back, are about the only team left with a serious shot at playing in more than 82 games.
At the very least, he has all of his bases covered.
Unable to deal several high-priced veterans at the trading deadline, this appeared to be a lost season for the Toronto Maple Leafs in more ways than one.
A recent resurgence, however, has put the team’s focus back on making the playoffs.
I'm with Mirtle on this one. Stick a fork in them, something we all did a while ago. I guess some people just like to pull it out and torture Leaf fans a little longer with false hopes. And the full disclosure is that I'm writing the Islanders off too. I'm not trying to pick on the Leafs here.
Glad to see Rocky Wirtz is doing things right in Chicago as legends Bobby Hull and Stan Mikita were welcomed back last night. Read more about it from the Globe and Mail...
The much anticipated return of Peter Forsberg to the NHL has hit a serious roadblock. You see, things were going well for the Colorado Avalanche. At the trade deadline they plucked Forsberg from the "Scott Niedermayer and Teemu Selanne Free Agent Indecision Market" (the SNTSFAIM) after Forsberg had said he wasn't going to play anymore. That was after his agent said he wasn't going to play but before that he said he was going to play. It's all very topsy turvy, but back to the matter at hand. The Avs had a nice young core of players, Joe Sakic returned from injury and Jose Theodore, rather miraculously, stopped sucking all the time.
Then it happened.
Forsberg's return started in the worst way possible. He didn't score. FOR TWO WHOLE GAMES (OK, maybe not the worst thing. The worst would be "pulling a Hossa". But the point remains.). TWO. GAMES.
At this point, things are starting to fall apart in Colorado, and it's not just the small town of South Park this time. There is panic in the streets, unrest if you will. Inside the Pepsi Center, the air is thick and chokes you out of sheer tension. Players are panicking. Fans are on their last nerve. Paul Stastny has started a hunger strike until Forsberg finally scores a goal (or until the Minnesota Wild are vanquished, whichever comes first). Jose Theodore has relapsed back into a Propecia binge, which actually may be good considering his recent performance. Joe Sakic is... Well... Nothing really phases Joe Sakic. But the point reminds. Chaos. Utter chaos.
BMR will continue to watch this situation as it develops. And Paul if you're reading this, please, just stop. Anyone who knows teenage girls knows that starvation is just a cheap ploy for attention.
There was another blog with a similar post that inspired me to write this, but I can't for the life of me remember where I saw it. If you know, let me know.
But today I want to examine one of the funnier parts of being in charge of this site. I get to see all the silly search terms people use to get here. Of course, "Barry Melrose" "Barry Melrose Rocks" and "Mark Messier's tears" are common search terms that direct people here. But what are the one in a million, random, creepy ass hits that we get from random creepy ass people searching the interwebs? Well, glad you asked. The following is a sampling of the best and weirdest with my comments in parenthesis.
body laziness (isn't that what the internet is made for?)
brian burke is a jerk
caveism (there was really one for caveism!! I'm so proud)
concussion made from jello (I didn't know they make those)
dog as a lure to molest (now we're getting into the scary stuff)
difference between jersey girls and trash (there is none, duh)
dumb things to do in montreal (yell bombe in a crowded street?)
There are just pages and pages of these and they are freaking hilarious. I'll post more but right now I need to catch my breath from laughing so hard. And there are still some I left out for being too graphic. Like the one about doing a certain thing to a certain animal in a certain infamous Mexican city. Yeah the human race is a scary, scary thing. I think I might go live in a bunker from now on to stay away from you freaks.
I think this is an appropriate way to follow up the previous post. And just in case you were wondering, no we did not hand the blog over to Pensblog Charlie or Johan Holmqvist for the day. But I think it's safe to say Scott Parker may not approve. JR says that he can take these guys -- fighting or dance fighting.
It's time for another edition of this week in fascism fashion. Glad you could join us! Check for us next week at 3am on HGTV. Our guest will be Tinkerbell, Paris Hilton's dog. But enough about that, let's get started with this week's show!
First off it's our winners and losers of the week. And I've got to give a big 'L' for looooosers to the Boston Bruins. Their (potentially) new unis looked like something out of a mortuary. Oh my gawd. Too much black! And what is that on your elbows?? Livestrong bracelets were so 2006 folks. Ew.
The winners, or winner I should say, of the week was Swedish superstar Daniel Alfredsson. Best known for starring in those hi-larious knob hockey videos, Danny really out did himself this week! He goes from cardboard cut out to runway stud with this dashing fedora. That's not to be confused with a Fedorov. A Fedorov is a type of Russian drinking game played with two revolvers, a bottle of vodka and a mail order bride. I'll let you figure that one out for yourself. Use your imagination! But the paparazzi was all over Danny when he walked into the dressing room earlier this week. Those murders of privacy and killers of freedom over at Scarlett Ice had all the juicy pictures.
Well that's all for now. I hate to cut things short but it's window treatment Wednesday at Bed, Bath and Beyond! Gotta get some new shears to go with my brand new love seat!
I don't know what just happened. Let's never speak of this post again.
And that would be 'tough as nails' as mentioned in a post on Parker last week. Over the weekend Jon Swenson from over at Sharkspage filled me in with some good info on Parker from last year when he was in San Jose. Apparently the guy is as tough as he looks in this picture and still takes time out for the fans. You gotta love any player who does that. The video on the right is Parker blowing up a favorite around these parts, George Parros. It's quite impressive to watch how quickly he circles his prey before he attacks. I've never seen anything like it. The following comes from Jon...
"not only do average NHL players fear him, Parker scared the bejeebus out of legitimate NHL heavyweight enforcers. Last year against Anaheim's top heavyweight and porn mustache champion George Parros, Parker dropped him with 2 punches that did not even land flush. Parros was flat on the ice before the fight even started. Hard to get a fight photo when no one wants to come near the enforcer. But I did run into him twice on the street, and he was signing autographs and joking around with a few younger fans each time."
Gotta love that. Sounds like a class act and a hell of a fighter. Scott Parker is my new favorite player. I can't decide if I would like to meet him, though. I would be too afraid of the right hook.
Lots of things to catch up on from this weekend, so why not cram it all into one big hyperlink of a post? I see no reason to the contrary.
Let's all agree to not fake this injury report, OK?Ryan Smyth took a nasty hit into the boards, the corner of them to be exact, but is out of the hospital and doing OK. Or at least as good as we can hope. The injury 'appears' to be a concussion and if I see one injury report that says upper body soreness I'm going to lay the smackdown on them. NEXT SUNDAY NIGHT! LIVE!! ON PAY-PER-VIEW!!! Seriously. It's time to stop bs-ing the injury reports. My cat runs into the wall trying to case rolled up pieces of paper but I bet she knows a concussion when she sees one. I guess this is a lesson to any stars that don't sign with the Islanders. Bryan Berard learned it the hard way, too... kidding... kidding. Jeez.
Lessons in blogging.JP shows us that any time is a good time to mention Tony Romo and/or Jessica Simpson. But apparently Cristobal Huet beats out 2 Girls, 1 Cup. That's an upset of Miracle on Ice proportions if you ask me.
Get some. I like Bill Simmons, but he doesn't know a whole ton about hockey, this we know. We all have our weak spots. I, for one, don't know anything about basketball, football or wine tasting. But when someone breaks down an another person's argument so well and in such good taste, it should be applauded. Today, I direct your applause to BoA.
Hockey players are people, too. I'm not entirely sure what prompted it, but Eric Nystrom of the Quad City Flames (Calgary's farm club) did an impromptu striptease recently. Somehow creepy and hilarious at the same time. I imagine Pensblog Charlie approves.
53 shots. FIFTY THREE. And they didn't put one in the back of the net. Not one. And the Panthers don't have Luongo anymore. I give up (that's twice if you're scoring at home).
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