Saturday, May 31, 2008

It's Live Blog Night, Oh What a Night

Bruce Ciskie and myself will be live bloggin' all the action of tonight's Game Four at the FanHouse... Be sure to stop by if you're in the neighborhood. If tonight's game is anything like Game Three, we're in store for a heck of a night. The game starts at 8PM EST, so I imagine we'll be getting things started around 7:30.


Let's get it on!!

(C) BigJohnMcCarthy.com

To Tampa or Not to Tampa -- That is the Mulleted Question


I'm a little late on this, and I apologize, but it's really because I've been trying to figure out how to cover this. The truth is that I have no idea. But here goes anyway.

Rumors are flying wild about a potential move for the Mullet to ESPN. The key word there is 'potential'. That's because the folks in Tampa who want to hire Melrose, well, they don't even work for the team yet. So right now, even though the web is alive with tales of the Mullet returning to an NHL bench near you, it's far from settled.

It's so up in the air at this point that the Mullet Himself is still talking as a happy and content ESPN employee. But (and it's a big one) he is not shy about his interest in going back behind the bench, all of which can be seen in the video attached to this post.

So who are we to believe -- Multiple sources or the Man, the Legend?

Many times, the sources are right and the accused is only trying to leave their current employer as smoothly as possible. We see this in regards to coaching moves all the time. On the other hand, there's no better source than Barry Melrose.

Right now, I'm just shrugging my shoulders and preparing for the Tampa Bay edition of 'Barry Melrose Rocks'. 75% less John Tortorella and 43% more silver and black. But best of all, hockey in a tropical climate.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Suck It David Stern (Only Applicable to Detroit Readers)

From the AP:

PITTSBURGH (AP)—The Pittsburgh Penguins’ first victory over the Detroit Red Wings on NBC drew the best overnight rating for a third game of the Stanley Cup finals in six years.

Pittsburgh’s 3-2 win on Wednesday night earned a 2.8 national rating and an 18.2 rating in Detroit, beating out the 15.9 rating for the Pistons’ matchup with the Boston Celtics.

Game 5 of the NBA’s Eastern Conference finals drew a 5.3 national rating.

OK, so the NBA did better during Games One and Two if I remember correctly, and also stomped out the NHL nationally but it's time to take notice. The NHL is slowly but surely becoming a serious player again. Very slowly. Very. Slowly. OK... Barely. But hell, I'll take any victory we can get. *Waves pom pom*

OK, This Might Be Crossing the Line

Is creating a mannequin depicting an opposing player being hung by a noose that is attached to a hockey stick crossing the decency line? Is it just playoff fandom? You decide.


AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar/Yahoo

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Mark Messier is N-N-N-Not the B-B-Best Com-Commentator


Around these parts, Mark Messier has no fans. You could say that we don't get along, but I've never met him. But the video to your right, well, it sort of makes me feel bad for the guy.

Yeah, I said it.

Now, it's hilarious when this guy lets the waterworks go. We know this. But somehow, bumbling around on a national stage while completely keeping his composure (and by that I mean not crying) kind of makes me feel bad for the guy. I'd almost rather he followed up stuttering around with a nice, healthy cry. It would be funny. Instead, he looks helpless, afraid and it kind of makes me feel bad for the guy.

And, of course, the big problem here is that this is only an eight second clip which is completely out of context. That's like taking one sentence on this blog and making a generalization about everything we believe in. That's not something I can get behind.

Oh, and I'm really beginning to question Versus. For a while there they were making steady improvements but it seems as though they stopped doing that at some point earlier this year. This may prove to be the tipping point that everyone looks back on and asks 'where did it all go wrong?' Then again they could trot out JR next week and would have Survivor-esque ratings. Not as high as the first one, but definitely in the neighborhood of the second season.

h/t Plank, Wyshynski



Tuesday, May 27, 2008

It Can't Really Be Avoided, So We Might as Well Talk About It

REUTERS/Rebecca Cook

I'm not sure if you've been paying a lot of attention to hockey lately. As you can see from the recent posts, I haven't exactly kept up with all the hoo-ha surrounding a certain matchup between two certain teams. (And yes, it is in fact a Hoo-ha Two Times Tuesday at Domino's, so make use of that while you can.) There's some major series going on or something, and I can't hide from it any longer.

So here goes.

Yes, Gary Roberts cheapshotted Johan Franzen.

Yes, Chris Osgood is the worst actor since Stephen Baldwin despite the fact that Biodome is sort of entertaining.

And no, the Penguins aren't dead yet. At least give 'em a chance to play a game at home before you write them off. Although, I can certainly see them setting fire to the Wings and winning Game Three before Detroit realizes what is going on and shuts them down in Game Four.

There. I addressed it. We can finally go about our lives without having that metaphorical elephant in the room.




Just kidding. I have more rational thought than that. I kind of owe it to you anyway.

So where do to start? Might as well start with Game One. What a swing of momentum we saw in that one. The Pens came out of the gates in the first period like they were, how do I say, a hockey team. They played great hockey and it looked as though we might be in for the kind of series that many had anticipated. But then, something happened during intermission. Either the Red Wings figured out the Pens or the young Penguins finally showed their youth and lack of experience. Somehow, I can't see it being the latter. After such a great playoff run and good start in a hostile environment, it's tough to say that they all of a sudden lost their nerves.

In the time it took the Zamboni to go over the ice, the Wings figured it out. During the next five periods of hockey, the Pens were powerless. They couldn't break the Detroit blueline and even when they did, they couldn't get a shot through to Osgood. Not to take anything away from Osgood, but I don't think anyone anticipated the Detroit D to play like this. We knew they were good. No, really good. What we didn't know is that they could absolutely suffocate arguably two of the greatest players in the game today. Kudos to them and Osgood because following the series' opening period, it wasn't until the third period of Game Two that the Penguins managed to put more than six shots in a single period.

Continuing with Game One, it showed us the right way to send a message to a team much like Game Two showed us the wrong way. The Wings poured it on in the third, keeping their top lines on the ice when the game was clearly in their hands and their favor. It might be seen as running up the score, which is understandable, but there was a clear message being sent. We're the Red Wings. We're not going to stop coming at you until you prove you can beat us. It worked. The Wings added two goals within the last three minutes of the game, as if to flex their muscles and intimidate the youngsters for Game Two.

Speaking of intimidation and Game Two, Gary Roberts showed us the wrong way to go about it. For a guy that is loved -- loved -- in Pittsburgh, it can't be justified. Blatantly going after the Wings' banged up star Johan Franzen in the third period of Game Two. I know it's hockey, he this stuff happens all the time. Yes, he's technically helping his team. That doesn't make it right. I would just figure that a guy like Roberts would be classier about it. I guess not.

There are different ways to send a message, some better than others. Maybe if the Pens had concentrated on putting at least one puck past Osgood, that would help them more than trying to take out an opposing player. Now they're in the situation where they have scored only one goal against Detroit since the lockout -- and that was in December of 2005. I know it sounds irrelevant, but there can be a huge mental block associated with this. They would have been able to say that they can beat Osgood. They would have cleared a mental hurdle. Now they're stuck with what they haven't done. What they haven't accomplished, even if it is small. Trust me, for some athletes (some) this can make a difference.

Let's see... What else?

I don't think it needs to be explained any further than this YouTube clip. Chris Osgood is a diver. It's nothing new. But I view this in a similar way as I view the Roberts/Franzen incident. It's hockey, it happens. Yes, technically he's helping the team. But does it make him classy? No. Does it make him cheap? I think so. But I'll certainly give him credit for being able to sell the entire crowd on his acting job.

Hey, it's all only my two cents. I'm not telling you what to think just giving you, hopefully, a different point of view on the subject. Let's enlighten each other, shall we?

Now if you've actually read this all the way through, read this... James Mirtle and Pensblog will be chatting tomorrow at 1PM over at FanHouse and, of course, a live blog will follow later that night during Game Three. See you there!



Monday, May 26, 2008

Thank a Vet

hey mando on Flickr

No, not the animal kind.

See you tomorrow. Enjoy the food but remember who the big deal really is.

Oh and if you're around, FanHouse liveblog tonight.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Finally, Cherry and Melrose on One Screen

Last night, Don Cherry and Barry Melrose shared a TV screen on ESPN's Sportscenter. Somehow, someway, the Earth is still rotating this morning. But thank you, ESPN for creating the ultimate matchup in hockey commentating. I need to go lie down. My brain hurts.




Friday, May 23, 2008

Wings vs. Pens -- In Your Words

We've got a bunch of entries into the SCF contest, and here are some of the best...

Also, I'll be live blogging Game One at FanHouse tomorrow night. Feel free to stop by!

Pens in 6. Its going to be one of those changing of the guards series, one that ultimately shifts the landscape of pro hockey. I think the Pens have the right number of high impact, annoying (*cough* Crosby *cough*) players that will be in the headlines for years to come, while the Red Wings are getting old and some of their top players aren't much longer for the league. Mostly though, I'm still pissed off at what the Penguins did to the North Stars in 91, and as a Minnesotan, I'm pretty used to my teams flailing when they get to the big stage, so since I've thrown my weight behind the Red Wings, I've pretty much screwed them.

-Ryan from the Vic Times

who will win: Detroit

number of games: I'm always terrible at this part, but I'll say 6

why: Well, at first I was going to use my tried-and-true method of flipping a coin, but it rolled away and I lost it. Then I asked my Lil Lindros Bobblehead, but he didn't say anything. He just sat there silently judging me (or looking for his pants after an all night bender, I can never tell with him.) Lacking all other sources of prognostication, I decided Detroit would win since their color is red and red things, like sports cars and fire, usually go fast (although that still doesn't explain stop signs...)

-Loser Domi

I'm going with Pittsburgh in 6. Why? I have no idea. I don't even watch hockey that much and when I do, I'm blinded by the sportcoat designs of the Oompa Loompa otherwise known as Don Cherry. Plus, it's freaking June. The last thing on my mind right now is some ice, especially when I'm half naked outside and it's still hot. But I do know this. I was shocked to learn last week that both the Dominator and Chelios are still playing, much less still alive at this point. How old are they, 45? 50? Sid the Kid and his sidekick Malkin will blow by these clowns and hoist the Stanley Cup. But since the first two games will be on Versus, I could honestly care less since that channel is buried deep in the 300's and it's out of the way of everything I watch.

-Jason M. a serious hockey fan

And my favorite response...

This is the chance the NHL has been waiting for. Baseball had their Black Sox scandal. The NFL had "Spygate". The NBA had Donaghy, the 1984 draft and the 2006 Lakers/Blazers series. Hell, even hockey's inbred cousin ice skating had Tonya Harding and Sale and Pelletier.

This is the NHL's time to become a major player in the world of sports and to fix a series to get the best result possible; Sidney Christ's ascension into hockey heaven by winning the Cup over the San Antonio Spurs of hockey, the Red Wings. If ever there can pressure brought to bear on the refs, promises of cushy jobs to aging veterans (Chelios I am looking at you!) and even convincing Barry Melrose to take out Zetterberg's knee in order to get the San Jose job and stop blowing Chris Berman just to maintain his crappy ESPN gig, then THIS is the year the NHL comes down and hands the Cup to the Black and Gold.

They have to make the fix look convincing so I am going for 6 games 1 at home to help quiet the "Hockeytown can't sell out" detractors and 1 on the road so NBC can get as many games as possible to remind us once again how much American coverage sucks compared to even the lowliest Canadian coverage (Sportsnet, don't make me come over there).

Sincerely yours in Sidney,

Blackcapricorn

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Your Last Chance to Make Your Opinions Known

Just wanted to remind everyone that there's still time to get in those last minute entries for the SC Finals Pick 'Em Contest Thingy. All entries are due before 6pm EST on Saturday, but if you want to see your opinions in lights (80 watts, to be precise), you should send them in ASAP.

Here's the breakdown: Email me (melroserocks@gmail.com) who you think is going to win the series, how many games it's going to take and a short paragraph on why. The best responses will be featured on the site, so get creative!

When this whole thing is said and done, one lucky winner is going to win themselves a guest post on the site (don't worry, it's not going to turn into Deadspin). Here at BMR World HQ, we'll conduct a drawing of all the correct predictions and pick one name out of a hat. One name to rule them all!

So that's all there is to it. It's quick and painless.

A Legend in On-the-Fly Advertising


Taking a quick break from hockey here... Check out the picture above. You probably can't read it, in fact I know you can't read it cause it was taken by my crapass cell phone camera. Let me translate for you what could possibly be the greatest advertising campaign the world has ever known.

The following was spray painted, in orange, on the back windshield of what appears to be a crappy Toyota Camry:

"RIMS 4

SALE

18" $350$"

I kid you not. Sheer genius.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

JR Returns for Another Year, All is Right in the World

Hoo boy. Christmas came early this year! TSN is reporting that we're going to have at least one more year of JR to entertain us! Whether or not you think I'm biased -- you've got to admit the guy is entertaining. And if you don't believe me, just wait till he retires and becomes a broadcaster. It will likely give new meaning to the words 'tape delay'.

Given that it's 1 AM right now, I couldn't reach JR for comment. He's probably sleeping. Or partying. Who knows. I'm sure he'll be around at some point to discuss this, but why he never gave us any hint is beyond me. Leaving us hanging, as usual.

I can't complain, though. We've got half of the dream team signed on for next year. What sayeth you, Mr. Melrose?

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Your Obligatory Finals Prediction Post (Obligatory Contest, Too)

We've made it, folks. The year-long journey is almost over. If you team hasn't made it this far, and chances are it hasn't, then thanks for sticking with us anyway. If your team is still alive and kicking, cherish these days you lucky sob.

But another season is in the books, save for seven more games (if that). It goes by so fast!

To make this fun, I've got one last little competition in store. We had fantasy hockey and college basketball. Now we've got some Stanley Cup Finals Pick 'Em. It's pretty simple. Email me (melroserocks@gmail.com) who you think is going to win the series, how many games it's going to take and a short paragraph on why. The best responses will be featured on the site, so get creative!

When this whole thing is said and done, one lucky winner is going to win themselves a guest post on the site (don't worry, it's not going to turn into Deadspin). Here at BMR World HQ, we'll conduct a drawing of all the correct predictions and pick one name out of a hat. One name to rule them all!

So that's all there is to it. It's quick and painless. I'll start us off...

I'll take Detroit in seven. I still think that at some point having MAF in net is going to come back to bite the Pens. This is that point. But it's going to be a good series. Both teams will walk into the Thunderdome and only one will come out. And they'll be a limping, bloody mess. This SATURDAY NIGHT ON WWE RAW!!! HELL IN A CELL!!!! YOURE EITHER THERE OR YOU'RE A WUSS!!! I'M COMING FOR YOU MESSIER AND THERE'S NO WHERE YOU CAN RUN. YOUR TEARS WON'T SAVE YOU NOW CAUSE THE PAIN TRAIN IS COMING!! WOOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Red Wings vs. Penguins: Who Do You Loathe More?

From a marketing and PR standpoint, this is probably one of the best Stanley Cup Finals match ups that Gary Bettman and NHL HQ could have hoped for. You've got the face of the league and a hockey mad town (basically Buffalo but with past success) going up against one of the most dominant teams of the past decade, that just so happens to reside in a top 10 American market. It's the Red Wings vs. the Penguins. It's two teams you don't like. One's star player is Cindy Crosby the other is the Evil Empire. But hey, at least they're not the Flyers, right? Whatever.

With all due respect to Kissing Suzy Kolber, let's break this bad boy down.

Team

Pittsburgh Penguins -- Detroit Red Wings

City

Pittsburgh, PA -- Detroit, MI

Crappy Nickname

The Steel City -- Hockeytown

Dump in Dire Need of Replacement

Mellon Arena -- Joe Louis Arena

Most loathsome player

Do I even need to say it? -- Name one.

Unlikely Star

Marc Andre Fleury -- Johan Franzen

Most annoying characteristic

Fan base actually believes this isn't rigged to favor Sidney -- Have a goalie, but really don't need one until Lidstrom retires

Most annoying form of smug

Mario Lemieux's Smug -- The smug that emanates from crowning yourself Hockeytown, USA.

Another reason to be annoyed by their city

The Pittsburgh Steelers and the terrible towel. Nuff' said. -- The Pistons' death grip on the Eastern Conference.

OK, just name anything you don't like about these places

The size of Ben Roethlisberger's head -- Did I mention that they call it Hockeytown?

Biggest mis characterization

Bitter, cling to guns and religion -- Redneck town

Quickest way to piss off fanbase

Gary Roberts sucks -- Wear Avs jersey

Line we're all tired of hearing

WWGRD? -- It's the economy's fault!

Reason to show a little sympathy

Almost lost their team to Hamilton, of all places -- The Lions are really, really bad

Reason you're still going to watch anyway

So you understand what Pensblog is talking about the next day -- Seeing them make the Finals is sort of routine, and you like routine



Sunday, May 18, 2008

Preakness Goes Off Without a Hitch, Red Wings Euthanized After Game Five Loss

REUTERS/Mark Blinch

Yesterday was the 133rd running of the Preakness and the horse racing world was on edge, hoping to not have a repeat of the Kentucky Derby two weeks earlier. Eight Belles, the second place finisher in the Derby, broke both front legs after the race and had to be put down on the track. It was a sad sight, and one the sports world surely did not want to see again.

On Saturday night the second leg of horse racing's triple crown, the Preakness, concluded without any major problems. All the horses left the starting gate, and all of them finished. But tragedy would strike in a fashion eerily similar to Eight Belles, but it would not be on a race track. It would be at Joe Louis Arena in Detroit.

"We did all we could do for them," Red Wings coach Mike Babcock said after his team's Game Five loss to the Dallas Stars. "For all intensive purposes, they were lifeless out there. They didn't show any heart out there. They didn't show any desire. To come out and play like that in front of the home fans is unacceptable."

Following their loss to the Stars, the Red Wings apparently broke down and were euthanized on the ice in front of their home fans. Young fans watched in horror, but it is just the nature of a vicious and violent sport. A sport that trains people to skate around on ice for entertainment, many times starting before they can walk. Saturday, the stark reality of ice hockey reared it's ugly head. The Red Wings looked sluggish and lifeless in Game Five, prompting a serious decision to me made. They have now let the Stars back in the series, but are still leading 3-2.

"We did all we could for them. At the end of the day, they were beyond saving," said Babcock. "It's especially hard to do it to the young ones. The older ones -- Hasek, Chelios -- this should have happened to them years ago."

When asked about what the game plan was for Game Six now that he was without a team, Babock responded with the typical dead pan coaching response.

"We're just going to take this one game at a time. We're still leading the series. Sure, this is going to make it that much harder, but we're going to come out and play some hockey on Monday."



Saturday, May 17, 2008

Melrose and JR, an Unbeatable Combination

Barry Melrose to coach in San Jose along side our good friend JR? Well, the position is open and the Mullet doesn't have any reservations about coaching again in the NHL. He even went so far as to say that it was the best job on the market. All of this came in an interview earlier this week with Sharkspage's PJ Swenson.

Here's the money quote:

Former Los Angeles Kings coach and current ESPN analyst Barry Melrose said in a short telephone interview today that he is still interested in a head coaching position. "Once you are a head coach, you are always a coach" Melrose said. He believes the position in San Jose is the most desirable opportunity on the market because in his opinion the Sharks could compete for a Stanley Cup next season.

Asked about the feelings of disappointment by players and staff after a second round exit to Dallas in the Western Conference Semifinals, Melrose said, "They should feel disappointed, they should still be playing".

That's right. You should feel shame for your early playoff exits! Feel it! Feel it!

Is Anyone Out There? (Echoes)

Just a reminder if anyone is around right now, feel free to stop by FanHouse and say hello!

http://sports.aol.com/fanhouse/2008/05/17/wings-stars-game-five-live-blog/

Friday, May 16, 2008

Live Bloggin'

Tomorrow I'll be liveblogging Game Five of Wings/Stars at FanHouse along with Matt Saler and the man, the legend EMac. Feel free to stop by and join in the fun. If you've seen the other FH live blogs lately, you'll know that it's more of a live chat than a running blog. We're using the cool software from coveritlive.com, so you'll be able to add your comments during our chat. Fun times for all!

Here's the link to FanHouse: http://sports.aol.com/fanhouse/category/nhl/
And, if you're bored, here's a link to my nonsense: http://sports.aol.com/fanhouse/bloggers/kevin-schultz/

Your Obligatory Friday Fun Time

Well, that's about it for another week around here. I'll probably post something up later, but there are no games tonight so I imagine most of you will be out being productive with your lives. I'll certainly check back in before tomorrow's Game Five in Detroit for sure. I'll also being doing double duty on Saturday, filling in for Ryan over at the Victoria Times. This is the second or third time I've done that, and it's always a good time. Be sure to stop by and hang out. We'll be talking about hockey and, believe it or not, sports that are not, in fact, hockey. They do exist! But until then, have a good weekend everyone!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

2008 Playoff Beard Awards

Last year, I did a piece called Playoff Beard Comparisons. You loved it, I loved it, Best Week Ever loved it. It was a good ol' fashion internet firestorm, kind of like what happens whenever Erin Andrews sneezes, and I think it's safe to say that a good time was had by all.

Well, it's that time once again. Playoff beards are blooming on NHL players like spring flowers and the Sharks are making their annual early exit. It's a great time to be a hockey fan! (Offer not valid in San Jose.) The beards, the high tempo hockey and, oh yeah, the quest for Lord Stanley's Cup. It's good to be a hockey fan in May. Today, we're here to discuss the most important things in hockey right now. Not Sidney Crosby's boyish good looks. Not Elisha Cutherbert's new boyfriend (although that could be fun). Playoff beards. Let's go to it!

Our first contestant today is none other than Jaromir Jagr of the New York Rangers. Mr. Jagr has since departed for the golf course, along with his Ranger teammates, but his playoff beard still lives on as one of the best ever -- if only for it's English creeper-rapist style.

Jaromir Jagr

English Creeper-Rapist

This beard, my friends, is why I am proud to present to Mr. Jagr our award for Creepiest Playoff Beard of the Year. You Mr. Jagr, above all others, achieved great success in the field of 'looking like a creeper-rapist'. For your brave efforts and ingenuity, please enjoy this commemorative plaque and a guest appearance on America's Most Wanted.

Next, we present the award to the player who looks most like a muppet. This doesn't really have anything to do with beards, but that doesn't really matter. It just so happens that Marian Hossa of the Pittsburgh Penguins looks a little bit like Beeker. Hey, this isn't a bad thing either. We love muppets!

Marian Hossa

Beeker

Congratulations, Marian. I look forward to seeing you in the next Muppets movie!

Of course, some stars declined to go with the bearded look. This is, in fact, a recent photo of Colorado's Joe Sakic. Joe? What happened? Where's your beard? Sakic is one of the greatest ever to play, but did not partake in the tradition of bearding himself up. I'm disappointed Joe. I'm disappointed. Maybe if you had one, your team would still be playing right now.

Our next contestant is Derian Hatcher of the Philadelphia Flyers. Derian went for a wilder look this year, with curly hair and a big ol' beard. Well done, Derian. Well done. Hatcher's look alike? None other than our friends from GEICO Insurance. And we mean that with the utmost respect. I mean come on, how can it be bad to look like someone with his own TV show?

Derian Hatcher

GEICO Caveman


Our next contestant, who missed out on the competition last year, has really outdone himself. He has pulled off a double whammy. He has married Willa Ford while looking exactly like David Arquette! Now that's an impressive combination.

Mike Modano

David Arquette


This next beard is an absolute work of creative genius. Colorado's Ben Guite might not be the best player on the ice, but when it comes to creativity with his beard, he is well ahead of the pack. He's taken on a tough subject, Lemmy Kilmister from the heavy metal band Motorhead, but I think he's passed with flying colors. The only issue is that we can't really see if there's long hair under that helmet! For his work, I am proud to announce that Ben is the recipient of the award for Innovations in the Field of Playoff Beardery. Sorry Ben, we weren't creative enough ourselves to come up with a plaque for you.


Ben Guite

Lemmy

And finally, we get to what you've all been waiting for -- the MVB. The Most Valuable Beard. This one clearly took a lot of planning and a little eccentricity. Now this guy is a great hockey player on the ice. That's no secret. He's so good that he was recently drafted by the Miami Dolphins of the NFL. This guy may not have come through on the ice as his team didn't even make it through the first round of the NHL playoffs, but when it comes to beards, he came through for his fans with flying colors. His impression of the unabomber is second to none.

Without any further ado, I am proud to present the MVB of the 2008 Stanley Cup playoffs to Alex Ovechkin for his unabomber-styled beard! And we do know for sure that Alex isn't a crazed, murdering psychopath. Congratulations Alex!


Alex Ovechkin

Ted Kaczynski

Thanks for coming to the 2008 BMR Playoff Beard Awards, folks. I know it must have been hard for you to get through since I know how much you complain whenever you have to read more than 250 words. So if you've made it all the way through, congratulations and please drive home safely. We'll see you next year!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Flyer Fans, As You Might Expect, Do Not Take Kindly to Red Wings' Fleeces

Way back in March, we ran a BMR March Madness pick 'em pool. Hockey fans picking college basketball games. Go Figure. Anyway, the winning prize was a guest post here at BMR and, by virtue of his prognosticating power, Alex from Los Angeles beat us all and was awarded said guest post. His words follow the conclusion of this sentence.

FansEdge.com

It's been over a month since Kansas earned me the right to a guest post as winner of the BMR NCAA tournament pool, and ever since I've been waiting for the muse to strike so I could use that post. Today was that day, and it's about time...

So here's the story.

I live in Los Angeles, where hockey ranks somewhere between the L.A. Galaxy and yoga, and so my Flyers fanhood is not well understood. One of the few people who get it - or so I thought - was my boss, who, despite being a Rangers fan, is a good enough guy. He doesn't mind when I listen to Flyers games online at work. He's enough of a fan that he even flew back to New York for Brian Leetch's jersey retirement. He gives me crap about rooting for the Flyers, and I give it back to him about the Rangers. I kind of figured he understood the concept of team loyalties and rivalries.

That was until today.

This morning, a gift arrived in the mail for him from a friend who apparently doesn't know too much about hockey. It was a Red Wings fleece. For a Rangers fan. To my surprise, my boss wasn't immediately repulsed, but instead said he couldn't wear it because it was too big.

Then he offered it to me. I told him thanks, but due to the Flyers' sweep at the hands of the Wings in the '97 Cup Finals, I would never wear a Red Wings shirt. Ever. I had tickets to Game 5 of that series, too. Screw you, Fedorov.

It was a pretty nice fleece, though, so I offered to give it to a misguided soul I know who roots for the Wings. My boss, however, seemed a little taken aback that I had refused his gift in the first place, and decided that he would instead send it to another friend of his. Fine. Whatever.

Later on, he handed me the fleece and told me to put it in the mail. His friend is a Maple Leafs fan.

Sheesh.

***

Since I have this opportunity to post here, I'm also shamelessly going to plug www.uclahockey.org. Buy some stuff and support my old team.

And finally...go Flyers! Crosby's playoff beard is a joke!



Feeny, Man, You're Doing It Wrong

Bruce Bennett/Getty/Yahoo!

Hey Feeny, if that is your real name, I think you missed the boat here. I just had one request for you, and you blew it. You failed your mission. But that's OK, I'm going to give you one more shot to see if you can make it up to Mullet Nation and I.

From April 29th:

Maybe that guy is out there somewhere reading this post or one of the other ones out there on the internets. Old Guy with a Sign, if you're reading this, get yourself on camera with a sign that says "Messier Sucks." I will be forever grateful. You can, of course, use funnier variations on that phrase. In fact, that would certainly get you some bonus points. So if you're reading this, God speed and you can do it. The Mullet believes in you.

Old Guy with a Sign... Feeny... Whoever you are time is of the essence. The way the Pens are playing right now, you might have only one more shot at this during Game Four on Thursday. So let's get to it. Show the world our message!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Newfangled Suggestion Box Thingy

Funnypop.com

If you're looking at the website here, and not reading through an rss reader or something, you'll see that I've added a suggestion box on the left side. The question is pretty simple -- what do you want to see more of around here? If you click on the question itself, you can make a suggestion of your own or you can vote for a suggestion that someone else has already made.

So basically, if you want more "JR Time" then suggest that. Or you could throw in things such as "Hamsters on fire" or "random lolcat pictures." Anything you want, really. So give it a go! Hopefully this will make out relationship that much better. Doesn't that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside? I know I'm feeling a bit fuzzier and it's not from the stuffed animal I just ate.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Words of Wisdom with Brett Hull

Retro 90s. Gotta love it.
Art.com

Thank you for joining us once again on BMR's Words of Wisdom. Tonight, our guest is none other than Dallas Stars General Manager, former Ambassador of Fun and retired NHL sniper, Brett Hull. Brett couldn't be with us today since, well, this is a blog and nobody important cares so we're going to have to make due with what we've got. What have we got? Brett's interview with the National Post.

If you are not familiar with Brett Hull, then you may remember him from such famous roles as I Don't Want to Play for My Home Country, Awkward Conversations with Don Cherry, and Random Celebrity Softball Game Photos. All are impressive roles to say the least.

Today, the NP talked with Brett about his latest role, General Manager Whose Team is in the Conference Finals and Yet He Has No Managerial or Business Experience. It's lengthy, yes, but it's quite a riveting story and the cinematography is fantastic.

In this new role for Hull, he takes on lots of different personas. For example, this is one he likes to call the 'Goaltending Expert'.

National Post You were a goal scorer and a teammate of Dominik Hasek in Detroit. And you know Chris Osgood, whose been around a long time. So, do you have any tips for Dallas’ shooters in the Western final?
Brett Hull The way goalies play goal now, they are all the same. There are only certain places you can shoot today on an NHL goalie and score. Those are places you need to shoot when you get your chance, and it all depends on where you’re getting that chance. It’s not like the old days, when you could come down the wing and take a slap shot along the ice and the goalie would stand up and kick his leg out and miss it.

Yes, here we find some insight into how Hull scored so many goals during his career -- the goalies back then were buffoons. It's true, and yet still funny.

NP How has the new gig as the Stars assistant GM impacted your golf game. BH I’m not the assistant GM. I’m co-GM. NP My bad: co-GM.
"My bad." Did he really say that? Who says the MSM is out of touch with today's youth!

NP So, was [your cup winning goal against Buffalo in 1999] a goal?
BH Absolutely. People don’t understand that the league changed the rule about [the skate in the crease] and never told anyone. The GMs knew about it, but nobody else did.

What?????

BH Guys were skating down and scoring on empty nets, and skating right through the crease, and it would be no goal. So they said if you have possession and you are in the crease, then it is a goal. I’ve told this story 12 million times and people either don’t listen, don’t want to listen or they don’t give a s---.

I mean... OK. I guess. Sure.

NP What is your guilty pleasure?
BH Can I say tequila?

Ah, great advice for the kids.

NP Do you have any hidden talents?
BH I do a pretty mean New York Times crossword puzzle.

This is why I love Brett Hull. Really! I do!

NP Finish this sentence for me: Old scorers never die they just… BH Learn to score off the ice. NP Good answer. BH Thanks.
Awesome. Simply awesome. I'd like to thank Brett for taking the time to sit down with the National Post. He's simply one of the funniest and most straightforward personalities out there. You gotta love that. That's all for now, make sure you join us next time on BMR's Words of Wisdom!

Will Home Cooking Turn the Tide for Stars, Flyers?

This picture is completely irrelevant, but still funny.
CBC.ca

Last night, the Penguins took Game Two in Pittsburgh from the Flyers by a 4-2 score. They're up 2-0 in their best of seven series, as are the Red Wings out west (if Detroit is really all that far west).

On Monday and Tuesday both series will shift back to Dallas and Philly, respectively. Both are also critical dates for the home teams. Going down 3-0 -- especially against teams this good -- is basically a death sentence. It's a must win. It's whatever you want to call it. No matter what you choose to call it (po-tay-to and/or po-ta-to are both acceptable), they're big games.

Conventional wisdom tells us that the Wings and Pens are more than likely to take one road game, and then close out the series in either Game Five or Six. But the Stars and Flyers have been anything but conventional this year. The Flyers got to this point without winning a single game one. The Stars, for what it's worth, took the Sharks to overtime in four-of-six during the semifinal round. And, despite sounding like a broken record, you can always go back and look at the way they fell flat on their face in March, winning only two games all month. Logic and reason has no place here, as Chris Osgood and Mike Ribeiro showed us on Saturday night.

So here we go, folks. The next two nights can show us one of two things. They're either going to show us who will likely be in the finals, or they're going to signal that we may be in this for the long haul. Hopefully, for the sake of good hockey, it's the latter. And that's not a knock on the first four Conference Final games that we've seen. Except for Game One in the West, they've all been pretty close. But close isn't good enough and the Flyers and Stars are going to have to shape up or ship out.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

And We'll Leave the Final Word for Wyshynski

Today is BMR's 1st birthday and throughout the day our friends, both real and fictional, will be stopping by to join the festivities. To wrap it up, here's Greg Wyshynski from Yahoo! Sports.


To be honest, I always felt the name of the blog was misleading. Does Barry Melrose, indeed, rock? If we mean "rock" in the sense that he's wicked cool, I'd have to disagree -- he's more like that burned out English teacher in high school that you try and goad into conversations about Jack Nicholson films because you know he stopped caring about 15 years ago. If we mean "rock" in the sense that he's actually rock 'n roll ... again, I must disagree, because he's always seemed like the guy at the concert who screams out the name of a song that the band will obviously be playing at some point, in most likely in the encore. Yeah, dumbass, the Meat Puppets are going to play "Backwater." It's, like, their only song. Oh well, name aside, Schultz is one of the funniest hockey writers on the Web and this site really doesn't suck as much as so many people tell me it does. On a daily basis. Devils in nine, if they kept the series going. Out.

Greg Wyshynski

Happy Birthday from PensBlog (Who are, You Know, Actual People)

Today is BMR's 1st birthday and throughout the day our friends, both real and fictional, will be stopping by to join the festivities. Joining the party now are the boys from Pensblog.



May 11 is sometimes a big day. Without factoring in leap years, Mother's Day lands on 5/11 every 7 years. Probably. Whatev.

But in 2007, that all changed when Barry Melrose Rocks came onto the internet. Now, every year, 5/11 is a glorious day that makes everyone think what their life would be if BMR wasn't in the bookmarks bar in Firefox.

Barry, you invited us to guest-blog on BMR this season, and we enjoyed the opportunity. NHL blogs encompassing the entire NHL are few and far between. While some people don't have content or are real lazy, you have somehow achieved to combine both while bringing BMR to heights reserved for Al Gore.

You've become a daily stop for us, and we hope we are the same to you.
Happy Birthday.

-Pensblog Staff

ALL YOUR BIRTHDAYS ARE BELONG TO STASTNY

Today is BMR's 1st birthday and throughout the day our friends, both real and fictional, will be stopping by to join the festivities.

CREDIT THIS MOST AMAZING IMAGE OF YOUR RULER TO CBS SPORTSLINE

*Paul Stastny appears out of thin air*

I AM THE ONE YOU CALL STASTNY. ON THIS MOST GLORIOUS DAY FOUR YOUR PATHETIC BLOG I WISH YOU THE BEST AND THE WORST OF CIRCUMSTANCES.

I AM ALL KNOWING ALL POWERFUL AND ALL ENCOMPASSING. I AM SO MANY THINGS THAT YOU CANNOT EVEN FATHOM THEM WITH YOUR PUNY HUMAN SIZED BRAIN. MY BRAIN IS LARGER THAN YOURS AND IS CLEARLY SUPERIOR BECAUSE OF ITS ENLARGED NATURE. MY CAPS LOCK IS ALSO SUPERIOR. I DO NOT NEED TO HOLD DOWN "SHIFT KEY" LIKE ON YOUR STUPID ELECTRONIC INPUTS. MY ELECTRONIC INPUTS ALLOW ME TO HAVE CAPITAL LETTERS AT ALL TIMES.

ON THIS MOST GLORIOUS OF 24 HOUR PERIODS FOR YOU, YOU MUST REMEMBER TO BOW TO ME IN MY AWESOME POWER. I DRIVE A FORD TAURUS. I HAVE HAD RELATIONS WITH SIX HUNDRED AND MILLION WOMENS. MY ANNUAL SALARY CAN BUY MORE RIMS AND OTHER ASSORTED AUTOMOBILE ACCESSORIES THAN YOURS. THE CAR THAT I DRIVE IS, HOW DO YOU SAY, PIMPIN.

PRAISE BE WITH YOUR MOTHERS.

THAT IS ALL.

You Nerds are Still Here? Is World of Warcraft Not Working?

Today is BMR's 1st birthday and throughout the day our friends, both real and fictional, will be stopping by to join the festivities.

Courtesy BMR San Jose Bureau Chief Liz E.

Wow. Have to hand it to you guys. When I first started checking up on you nerds around here I figured you would get bored in a week. Either that or your mommies and daddies would cut off your internet because you waste to much time on it. But you can't get enough of JR. I'm that damn awesome.

Maybe in another year you could actually go out and do something with your lives like me. Wouldn't that be something? But that's why they pay me the big bucks. That's why the ladies love me. JR has it all on lock down. You keep loving me, and I'll continue with the ridiculous performances that make you wish you were me. Like the time I imposed my will on Iginla, Kiprusoff and the entire city of Calgary. Classic. Freaking classic. And don't you forget it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to Malibu to tan and get my game on. It takes a lot of work to look as good as I do. See you in the fall, nerds. And happy birthday or whatever. Who cares.

-JR

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Only 49 More Years Until We Get That AARP Stuff

YourBabyToday.com

Sunday is a landmark day in BMR history. It's a year to the day we started this little jamboree. Being that our birthday is on a Sunday, it's almost fitting. Sundays are for laying around and slacking, which we usually do when it comes to posting on the weekends. But this weekend will be different. All kinds of friends are going to be dropping by to say hello. And I mean all kinds. I know most of you don't tune in on the weekend, but if you choose one weekend all year to pay attention, this might be it.

Don Cherry, Hot Pink Suits and Your Eyesight


By the looks of it, the world is still spinning. That's if I could see right now. My eyes are still recovering from watching Don Cherry on Sportscenter last night. Cherry wore a hot pink suit, which jived nicely with John Buccigross' pink tie. Apparently Bucci only got half of the memo on the night's attire.

On Sportscenter, Cherry did split screen talk with Bucci from Pittsburgh, PA. Melrose, however, was sitting comfortably in ESPN's headquarters in Bristol, CT. Hey ESPN, what do we have to do to get these two on the same sound stage?

But today, dear readers, I have a question for you. Both Melrose and Cherry were up to their usual entertaining antics last night and what I want to know is who had the more ridiculous statement. Was it Don Cherry who called Detroit 'a redneck town' or Melrose who called Evgeni Malkin's second period goal 'a 1000 mph slapper'. The latter probably has a few grains of truth in it, but what I think doesn't apply here. What's your opinion? Who made the more ridiculous statement?