Adventures in Photo Captioning...

The Versus [drinking] Game of the Week (Buffalo at New Jersey)

I spent all day yesterday moving. I've been ready for this for about a week now, but thanks to some confusion involving an insurance company and the senility of the old lady whose place I moved in to, I had to do everything yesterday. It was brutal. And now I had to get up and be to work by 6 this morning. Awful.

The best part? After this brutal day I set everything up and found out that this dumbass forgot to turn off her cable. That meant that, sure, I'm able to siphon hers, but they won't let me switch my better cable over here. I had the first chance to watch the Wild in full all season, but the game was on FSN (Channel 61) but she only wants up to 25. Thank goodness I can watch all the public access I want. I guess what I'm trying to say is Monday can't come soon enough. Beeeeer.

DRINK

... on every shot if you are a fan of either team. If you live in Buffalo OR New Jersey, I'm doing you a favor.

... if the commentators hypothesize as to exactly how Elias got the hepatitis during the lockout.

... once for every syllable of Pierre-Luc Letourneau-Leblond's name that is not pronounced. Drink twice if what they say is still longer than your name.

... when Kevin Weekes is sho.... Kevin Weekes is still alive?! Let's all just drink to that!

... until this makes you throw up. It shouldn't take long.

...once if Maxim Afinogenov is declared chancellor of a small European principality based solely on his name.

Q&A With Pond Hockey Producer Andrew Sherburne

Over the past week, I have had the pleasure of exchanging emails with one of the producers of the new documentary film Pond Hockey that debuts in select theaters tomorrow. Andrew Sherburne was nice enough to give us some of his time, and put up with a couple of my inane questions. Our discussions are as follows.

To get the best reading experience out of this, imagine the two of us smoking pipes during a fireside chat in his study. The walls are lined with many leather bound books and a large portrait of Wayne Gretzky rests above the mantle.

BMR: First off, why did you choose pond hockey to be the subject of the film? What was the motivation behind it?

AS: Growing up in Minnesota everybody played hockey. It was a part of life, no different than going to school or playing tag. We had been wanting to do a hockey film for a few years and when the US Pond Hockey Championships started up in Minneapolis we knew there would be a story, so we started shooting. As it turned out, the story was much more than just a standard sports tournament doc - will they win or won't they - it became a study in the changing culture of sports.

BMR: You're talking to die-hard hockey fans here, but for those of us that haven't grown up in an area of the continent where pond hockey is prominent, what's the big deal? Why is this any better than hockey on an indoor rink?

AS: Basketball on the scalding blacktop, baseball at the neighborhood sandlot and hockey on a frozen pond. There's sports for the love of playing and then there is competitive, organized sport. There's a big difference, and even though both have their place, why wouldn't you choose endless puck on the pond over a climate-controlled arena? There's just something special about skating on a frozen lake with the wind in your face, frozen toes, snowbanks for boards, your sticks in
the middle and all of your buddies on one rink. You play until the light is gone, not until the buzzer sounds.

BMR: Since pond hockey tends to be backyard style, did the tournament games end only when someones Mom came out and yelled that dinner was ready?

AS: No, but I noticed that everyone did run inside when the last keg was tapped.

BMR: Is there anything, in your opinion, that can be done to get more people playing outdoors?

AS: There are so many reasons why outdoor hockey is less common these days. Video games, over-scheduled families, even global warming. But I think that the ponds still thrive in places where there's a community around the rink. It takes a special person to play for hours by themselves (Gretzky). Most of us love playing on the pond because that's where our friends are. It's a snowball effect, the more people that are out there the more people will want to be out there.

BMR: Video games, families and global warming... That's a very interesting list of enemies that pond hockey has. Have the Pond Hockey Overlords discussed any plans for world domination and eliminating their enemies?

AS: Well, we successfully lobbied for the NHL to be taken off of network TV. We thought that would help get people off the couch, but it just didn't last. Now we're working on dismantling the free markets, hoping people save money by skating outdoors for free. That plan is working out well so far.

BMR: You guys interviewed Wayne Gretzky in the movie. If you can even put it into words, how was that?

AS: Amazingly normal and simultaneously awesome. There's nothing like meeting one of the greats and feeling like its just a casual chat. He's such a busy guy but once we could find a time to meet he was more than happy to talk about his experiences growing up.

BMR: What pro/former pro players did you encounter at the US Pond Hockey Championships?

AS: We've been back for three straight years. Phil Housley's been out there, Tom Chorske, Gordie Roberts. Those guys won Stanley Cups and Housley's the second highest scoring American ever. There they were duking it out with a bunch of rink rats and former college standouts. Krissy Wendell, current USA team captain was out there playing with men. There were quite a few other guys who had played in the NHL, the minors or overseas for a few years. Let me put it another way, I certainly belonged behind the camera, not on the ice.

BMR: OK, be honest. When the teams picked sides, who got selected last?

AS: Actually Don Beaupre was there, but goaltending isn't allowed. That probably didn't help his draft stock.

BMR: In ten words or fewer, explain why hockey fans need to see this movie.

AS: It's the opposite of the Love Guru. Also, Gretzky.

Mr. Sherburne is one of the filmmakers behind Pond Hockey, which opens tomorrow in select locations. It was developed by Northland Films who have produced many feature films. Pond Hockey is the company's first documentary.

Tuesday's Hockey News

Hey look! It's Tuesday. That can only mean one thing. OK, two things: It's some type of two-fer Tuesday at every radio station on Earth and it's time for another edition of Tuesday's Hockey News. Speaking of Tuesday, does anyone know if Domino's is still doing that Two Times Tuesday thing?

Vermont Icecats - Issued a press release condemning our analysis of their arena project last week. They then rambled on incoherently about how BMR is "the man" and is holding them down. The release was issued incomplete, as the PR manager fell asleep mid-paragraph, with the TV on and a half empty pint of Ben and Jerry's melting in his lap.

Lockton Lemurs - Have announced that they are filing for bankruptcy after losing a lawsuit in Minnesota Supreme Court last week. The Lemurs were being sued over the "Big a Lemur to Lockton Arena" Promotion in which fans were encouraged to bring Lemurs to the October 16th game against the Minnetonka Marauders. Six fans were bitten by rabid Lemurs in what is being called the biggest disaster in MJCCHL history.

Minnesota State University - Forward Zach Harrison scored a shorthanded natural hat trick against the North Dakota Fighting Sioux. And, as you probably figured out, this is the one that isn't fiction.

You Don't Know Stamkos

Thanks to reader Michael B, we've got a look at a new Nike spot featuring Tampa's Wonder Child, Steven Stamkos. It is in recognition of Stamkos' first game in his hometown of Toronto, which happens to be tonight when the Lightning faceoff against the Leafs in the Big TO at 7:30pm. (OK, so he was technically born in Markham, Ontario, but it's a suburb of Toronto.)

Here's a little more info on the ad:

Even before becoming first pick in the 2008 NHL Entry Draft, Steven Stamkos had a history of being first. But that was then - and no one makes it in the big leagues by living in the past.

Today (Oct.28) marks the first time Steven Stamkos will play in his hometown of Toronto as an NHL athlete. The moment only happens once in a lifetime. To mark this significant date and introduce Stamkos as a Nike athlete this Just Do It (JDI) spot had been just released online.

It's a pretty sweet commercial, if you ask me. All the footage from his childhood really makes it great. Gotta love Nike. You can always count on them to make sick commercials, no matter the athlete or sport that is involved.

Highlight of the Week: 10/27/08

Mondays here at BMR mean a look back at the best plays from the last week. During the regular season and throughout the playoffs, I'll be recapping the best videos from around the NHL during the last seven days.

In keeping with our YouTube diet, I've selected only one highlight to grace our weekly feature. But let me tell you, it's a good one.

On Friday night, the Ducks were in Anaheim to face the Senators for a rematch of the 2007 Cup Finals. Ah, the memories. During the second period Todd Marchant of the Ducks scored one of the wackiest goals you will ever see. Honestly, I still can't figure out what happened here. The announcer does a great job but, well, it's still over my head (and probably Alex Auld's too! Zing!).

Next week we'll be back to our regularly scheduled YouTubey goodness, assuming the doctor allows it. Can't have our diet causing any unforseen complications now can we?

A Handy Guide to What You Missed This Weekend: 10.26.08

OK, so I think I've finally got this figured out. Since there aren't usually a lot of updates here on the weekend, I'll recap what we missed in one handy post each Sunday. How does that sound to you?

[ Flyers Fan Attempts to Perpetuate Stereotypes of Philadelphians ]

The city of Philadelphia is nicknamed the city of Brotherly Love, but if you're familiar with their fans, it might as well be anything but. I'm not saying that it's a bad city or that everyone in it sucks -- it's not and they're not -- but sports fans in Philadelphia really don't have much of a reputation. It goes all the way back to the alleged booing of Santa Claus in 1968 (no, really) and has carried into the present day, most recently with the booing of [Name Censored], although that one was forgivable and pretty much expected.

But Saturday night, one lone dumbass did all he or she could to perpetuate this stereotype that has plagued the city for generations. Here's the gist of it, from the Courier-Post via FanHouse.

The Flyers thought they had won the game 3:14 into the extra period when Brodeur made a spectacular save on Simon Gagne.

Immediately after referee Dave Jackson waved off the goal, a fan on the second level hurled a smoke bomb onto the ice. It took a couple bounces and landed in front of the Devils bench, where Flyers captain Mike Richards pushed it with his stick.

And this got through security, how?

Around the internets, this episode is garnering a lot of laughter -- and well it should be. But it begs the serious discussion of how this was allowed to happen and that we should remember it could have been a lot worse. The conduct of fans in America makes us look like PBS when compared to our counterparts in Europe and South America, who are a lot closer to Girls Gone Wild. But on Saturday night, for a brief moment, one fan in Philly resembled a soccer hooligan and the situation, a complete joke. So let's take this event seriously, figure out how it can be avoided in the future and thank our lucky stars it wasn't a more serious type of bomb.

[ Winter Classic Goes Really, Really Old School ]

This weekend the NHL unveiled the jerseys that the Hawks and Wings would be wearing at the winter classic this year and it was way, way old school. We're talking your grandparents kind of old school. I can't really describe this better than the NHL did on NHL.com:

Chicago will wear a primarily black jersey with red and beige horizontal body stripes that was worn by the club in 1936-37... Detroit will wear a white-based jersey with a single red body stripe inspired by the jerseys initially worn by the club circa 1926-27.

Yup. They're going pre-WWII old school. Now that's what you call straight ballin'.

[ Questionable Rear End Advertisements ]

And the image of the week comes to us from the UFC and it's mixed martial arts fighting. You either have to have a lot of guts, or a good sense of personal self respect if you put an ad for "Condom Depot" on your rear. What caused this fighter to sign that ad deal, I have no idea. But we will be in negotiations with the Depot to put banner ads up here on BMR as soon as we are as desperate as that guy.*

* - We don't ever plan to be as desperate as that guy.

Doug Weight Refuses to Go Quietly Into the Sunset

Yes, it's time once again for your weekly Islanders related post. So sit down, relax, and don't get too bored.

For everyone out there who thought that Doug Weight was another washed up has been, after signing on Long Island as a UFA this summer... Well, you're wrong. At least for now. He's got six points through seven games and last night proved that he's going to give his all by destroying poor Brandon Sutter.

While I know we've been trying to maintain a YouTube diet here at BMR, I think this video is worthy of a post. Maybe we're not supposed to do the whole YouTube thing, but I give into temptation way too easily.

On Saturday night while 14 other games were going on, the Islanders took on the Hurricanes in New York. The Islanders lost 4-3, but not after letting 60 shots loose on Canes netminder Cam Ward. Yes. SIXTY. I had to do a double take, too. In the midst of Rick DiPietro getting hurt again, and an announced attendance of 11,219 -- horrible for a Saturday night, even by Islander standards -- Weight delivered a hit that sent Carolina's Brandon Sutter into another century. Right now, I imagine Sutter is trying to figure out why it feels like he's in a small western town circa 1847 and why no one seems to understand what hockey is. But for a 19-year old that partially grew up on Long Island, you have to feel for the kid.

And for the people who complain about how a fight seems to start after every big hit, this is Example 1A as to why that is. It's really a disservice to your team to not show emotion after your 19-year old teammate gets lit up.

And finally Canes GM Jim Rutherford makes a great point about how the NHL handles hits like these:

"The league should at least stop saying it's concerned with hits to the head, because it's not," Rutherford told TSN.ca. "I've had four players - Erik Cole, Trevor Letowski, Matt Cullen and now Brandon Sutter - get badly injured on hits to the head and only one of the guys who hit them was suspended. So don't tell me the league is concerned about hits to the head because it's not.

"I realize there are only two ways you can go on this. Either you have a penalty for head-checking, like they do in the Ontario Hockey League, or you don't and we don't in the NHL and I understand that and that's fine, I guess, but don't tell anyone you care about protecting the players' heads because it's not happening."

Reader Commentary Theatre, Episode VIII

Flickr

Hey look! It's Friday and RCT is posted. You get a two for one! It's your lucky day sunshine.

Have a great weekend and enjoy the 21 games being played tonight and tomorrow. We'll have full coverage all weekend, you can be sure. If you need more of Ryan you can find him here, and always remember to tip your editor if you see something neat.

"It's still better than Apple or Pilot Inspektor."

- BlackCapricorn on Brain Cramp in 3... 2... 1...

So wait, how does a stringed instrument help me upload my YouTube clips? What if I don't know how to play (or have) a viola?

- WufPirate on A Handy Guide for Beginners: Hockey Blogging Part II

Is it a sign that I read this blog too much that as soon as I saw that save I thought "Save of the Year Round 4!!"?

- Mina on Dear Meester Melrose Rock

Brain Cramp in 3... 2... 1...

When asked whether she and her husband had any more unusual names up their sleeves, the politician said: ‘We did. We never got to get our Zamboni in. I always wanted a son named Zamboni.’

-People Magazine

JR > Philadelphia

Hey kiddies! How is the glow of your monitor treatin' ya? Getting a nice tech-geek tan? Hahahaa. I slay myself.

But we have more in common than you think. Right now I bet you're going "oh no, you're the mighty JR, what could my feeble self possibly have in common with you Lord Roenick?" Yeah, I couldn't believe it either... We're both humans! Bahahahaha!!

Oh, man. I'm awesome.

Anyway, ever gotten fired? Yeah, I know you did. That's why you don't work at GameStop anymore. Well, the Flyers, they're my old employer. And the other night was awesome. I mean, did you see it? We let them hang around... Give up six goals... Hang around some more... And then BAM! At the very last second, I left them weeping. Hey, if you didn't see it -- shame on you if you missed one of my games -- here's the videotape.

That's all for now kiddies. Peace!

-JR

Let's trade Gaborik for Finland

The new Wild team log

This is how the last couple weeks of October are going for me: My old computer died. Had that thing since 2002. We had some good times, and it had pretty much all of my old files, since I'm too cheap to put Office on my laptop. I found out that due to some massive organizational changes, my work schedule in December is going to be all messed up, and I will be working Christmas Eve and Christmas for the second year in a row. Also, next week I'm moving, and I have to do it all by my lonesome. This month sucks.
At least I have my hockey team, right? At least there is some sameness there, right?
Oh, shit.

There are three ways that this could end that won't destroy me emotionally.

- Gaborik resigns with the Wild

- Gaborik is traded for a package included exclusively Finns. It would be whimsical, and frankly, Finns are awesome. I would love to have a monopoly on the Koivus. Looking at this delightful site, my new favorite on the internet, it appears that the best trade partner would be Flyers, who have Sami Kapanen, Lasse Kukkonen, Antero Nittymaki, Kimmo Timmonen, and Ossi Vaananen. Wild radio guy Tom Reid would lose his mind pronouncing those names. Also, fun fact, Sean Bergenheim is a Finn. The hell?

- The Wild get back a ready contributor as well as a prospect or two. The Wild are able to contend right now, despite the Gaborik situation. Sure, trading Gabby would be best long term, but why should we destroy our chances this year? The best idea would be a trade to a team ready to make the jump, someone in the east, and someone with enough prospects to make it worth our while. By golly, I think I just described the Habs!

After those facts, this is the trade that would make me happiest... Gaborik for Koivu and one of the Kostitsyn's. If not them, maybe Guillaume Latendresse. Or all four. Probably all four.

The Versus [drinking] Game of the Week (Philadelphia at Atlanta)

I could have found a much worse picture of a fuzzy navel LisaShea.com

Assuming I haven't destroyed your liver in the first two weeks of the season, I think we're just about ready for another game to drink for. After the week I've had, I'm all for drinking, even if it is in the middle of the week. This is probably going to be the only time we'll have the Thrashers available for national consumption, so let's take full advantage. And since it is in Atlanta, I suggest peach schnapps. You're watching hockey, so the girly drink is canceled out. It's physics. Besides, the orange juice in the fuzzy navel will do you good.

DRINK

... when there is a terrible "thrash" pun. Ilya Kovalchuk is thrashing the Flyers! Atlanta is getting thrashed! What the hell is a Thrasher?! Stuff like that.

...if you would like to 'thrash' Flyers puck dropper Sarah Palin ...If you plan on voting!

... if this is the first time you've ever seen the Thrashers. Turn off the game and go back to baseball if this is your first time watching the Flyers.

... going into commercial breaks, if Atlanta rapper Ludacris has a ho in your area code.

... once if the Phillies are mentioned, twice if they speculate on whether Chase Utley would look good in skates, three times if there is a graphic showing Utley in skates, finish all that schnapps if they do the same with Ryan Howard.

... when Kari Lehtonen makes a kick save, twice if you thought Kari was a girls name.

... right now if you channeled Buccigross when I wrote "kick save"

As always, I expect more ideas in the comments.

WOOOOO WE DID ITTTTTT!!!!

Give yourself a pat on the back, dear reader! (Or, if someone is sitting near you, have them pat you on the back and then return the favor -- but only if they also read BMR.) We have officially made it 48 hours without posting a YouTube video. A noble feat, to be sure. I spent all of two days minutes brainstorming up ways for us to celebrate. I bet you'll never guess how I decided for us to celebrate. Go on, take a guess. I'll wait for you.

Got it? Did you say "with a YouTube video?" Well then you're right! There's no better way to enjoy our accomplishment at Embedded Video Rehab than by going right back on the junk, at least that's what the guy outside Circle K told me last night. So enjoy, and pretend Stephen Colbert's balloons and confetti are our own (Hey, with a budget of nothing, it's hard to afford your own balloons and confetti).

And a couple side notes: This is the link to my latest at FanHouse. Handy Guides will not be shown today because, well, it was shown yesterday (I got excited). And Ryan will be in tomorrow for his usual Thursday visit of drinking games and awesomeness.

Coach-O-Meter 3000: New Threat Level STAMKOS

All night, the scientists at the BMR Institute have been intently watching and re-watching tonight's Lightning/Thrashers game, analyzing and dissecting Coach Melrose's first win.

If you didn't catch the game tonight (i.e. most of us), the Lightning won 3-2 on overtime, but not before they surrendered a 2-0 third period lead that included a Thrasher goal from Todd White with under a minute to go. But all's well that ends well, as Vinny Lecavalier scored 1:46 into the overtime period to put the Bolts and Melrose in the win column for the first time this season.

Anyway, back to the scientific stuff. Given the nature of the win -- you know, almost blowing it to Atlanta before finally deciding that Melrose should escape a Bob Hartley style execution -- the scientists in the lab tell me that they have had to add a new threat level to the Barry Melrose Coach-O-Meter 3000: STAMKOS. They had to do it in a hurry since I requested a full report from them following the game, so they didn't get a chance to make it all nice and purty, but it's there.

After much deliberation, the scientists decided that Melrose is not safe enough to be downgraded to LECAVALIER while his first win should temporarily rid him of the RICHARDS level. Due to both of those sentiments, they have decided that a new, middle ground needed to be created. This is how the scientists have described this new level to me:

"STAMKOS: You still have a job, and things are looking up, but you're not off the hook yet. You have to prove that you can get by on more than charm and good looks."

There you have it, folks. Today, you can relax on your drive to work but be warned, we are not out of the woods yet. Another five-game losing streak and we're on the fast track to KOULES. And you don't want that kind of firestorm in your lives, do you? Maybe you do. Sick bastards.

Tuesday's Hockey News

Today is the day before Hump Day, so that can only mean one thing -- it's time to take a look around the hockey world at the top stories of the day.

Vermont Icecats -- Have announced plans to build a new arena... someday... You know, whenever they get around to it, man. But first, they need to buy some more bud.

Madison Marsupials -- Traded their mascot Mary, a female kangaroo, to the country of Australia. In return, the Marsupial's owner, Craig Hanson, will now be un-banned from visiting the country. He was originally banned from Australia after stealing a baby kangaroo in 1992.

Following up on a story from September 30th, the Billington Police Department has filed charges in the case of the murder of the Billington Buffalo mascot, which was an actual buffalo. The Billington Town Prosecutor is bringing charges against a group of six Native Americans who appear to have unknowingly jumped the space time continuum from 1842 to the present day. The Time Traveling Native Americans, who appear to be wholly confused about the whole situation, were unavailable for comment.

A Handy Guide for Beginners: Hockey Blogging, Part II

I'm still trying to figure out how best to post Handy Guides. So today, we're going to take a break from what we've been doing and kick this particular Handy Guide old school. Ya feel me?

Bumper sticker of the week, by far. Flickr

About this time last year, I did a Handy Guide detailing how to blog about hockey. A lot has changed in the blogging landscape, especially in hockey, since that post was written. So today, this Part II strives to update you on everything you need to know about this ever-changing environment we blog in. Hopefully you can learn as much reading this as I did writing it. Wait, no. Proceed with caution, dear reader.

Do convince a large internet conglomerate with an established base of viewers to let you write for them. Also insist on getting lots of money, the ability to work from home and hordes of commenters who say they don't like you but come back every day anyway. These types of companies are desperate, hiring anyone who will show them interest. Hell, they even let Devils fans work for them. (I keed, I keed)

Do not add BallHype 'Hype It Up!' buttons to the bottom of each of your posts. While it may make your sense of self worth increase minimally by having a few people hype up your post, it's not worth the countless hours of sleep you will lose refreshing the page constantly to see how many votes you have gotten. Take it from someone with experience, it's not worth it. Unless you have a post that you're absolutely, positively sure will get a +20. But that's every one of your posts, right?

Make sure to continue using an out-dated Blogger Template. So what if everyone else has a unique URL and design for their blog? Your standard Blogger Minima Template really shows off your skills as a web developer and your boundless creativity. Maybe someday you'll create your own theme or move to WordPress where things are easier. But you're lazy. Not today. Minima for life, baby!

Use Cover It Live for all your live blogging needs. Gone are the days when you would have to tediously record your witty thoughts throughout a game. Now all you need to do is throw out random barbs in your Cover It Live chat room. The chat is mostly guided by your readers whom you've given producer powers to because, well let's face it, you're not that interesting all by yourself.

Bash the MSM any chance you get. If there's one thing Bloggers and their readers can all agree on, it's that the MSM can suck it. You're guaranteed at least a +10 on BallHype with that diatribe you wrote railing about that journalist from [insert city here]. And remember to remind the moron how you don't live in your parent's basement anymore. You've got your own loft in your town's local arts district now! Man, you sure showed him/her!

YouTube is God's Gift to Bloggers. Now anyone can break a story! You don't have to be at the game or have any access behind the scenes. All you need to do is hit the record button, upload and viola! Show everyone that awesome goal/save/hit they missed! Your readers will thank you for it. Without you, they would have never been able to kill those 47 seconds of their work day.

Oh, yeah. Almost forgot...

It's Official -- We Have Seen Everything There is to See

I know I promised to not get into anymore politics. I know I promised not to talk anymore about [Name Censored]. But there are absurd things and then there are things that are so absurd and come from so far out of left field I cannot help but post about them. This is one of those times.

Speechless does not even begin to describe how I feel about the following image, which was reported earlier today in the New York Daily News.

Yep. There ya go. It's [Name Censored] wielding a hockey stick in one of the weirdest comic books I have ever seen. How's that for nightmare fuel?

Epic Fail: When Members of the Media Act Like (Gasp!) Fans

I hate to even have to do this, but I call it like I see it. The following comes from Mark Madden of the Beaver County Times (No really, that's an actual "media outlet"*):

If Ovechkin won’t respect Malkin’s status as a superstar, the Penguins can’t respect Ovechkin’s status as a superstar. If that means that Eric Godard does Ovechkin a favor by rearranging his face, so be it.

Malkin shouldn’t retaliate personally. That’s not his job. It might help Malkin’s street cred, but what if Malkin broke a finger? The reward is dwarfed by the risk.

Does any of that even make sense? All I really took from it is that, apparently, AO said something disrespectful of Malkin and Malkin should have Godard do his dirty work.

This begs the following questions:

1) Why do any of the Pens give a rats ass about what AO may/may not have said about them off the ice?

2) Is this honestly this writer's justification for going after AO?

3) Are there currently any wormholes in Beaver County causing people to become trapped in a different part of space and time where professional athletes are expected to act like fifth graders on the playground?

4) If statements like these don't belong in the press box, how on Earth does Madden's? (Or maybe this is why he isn't in the press box.)

And to conclude this segment of Epic Fail, we're going to hit the way back machine because, you see, this isn't the first or the last time we're going to see such Epicness of Fail.

"Crosby's got a bad RIGHT ankle? How will it stand up to a two-hander? The Senators have to find out."

- Don Brennan, Ottawa Sun

Remember folks, you can always rely on your local paper to give you in depth and coherent analysis that you can't find anywhere else.

* - term used very loosely

Caution: Geniuses at Work

Sometimes you find cool stuff on the internet (and sometimes you find message board trolls hiding in your C:/Progam Files folder). And once in a very, very brief while you find something that is absolutely brilliant and reminds you why exactly the internet was created -- and no, porn and spam are not the reasons why.

So today, this popped up in my Google Reader courtesy of the fine folks at The Jumbotron.

"Legend has it that if you break them open, they are full of the most glorious hair gel ever."

Awesome. Simply awesome.

Highlights of the Week: We Need Some Cooling Off Time

Mondays here at BMR mean a look back at the best plays from the last week. During the regular season and throughout the playoffs, I'll be recapping the best videos from around the NHL during the last seven days.

OK, let's face it. We have a problem here. Well, I have a problem. I have become a YouTube-aholic. And, well, I can admit I have a problem.

That's why today we're going with an edited version of Highlights of the Week. I need a break. You probably need a break too. Also, following this post, there will be no more You Tube videos on this blog for 48 hours.

But I can't say this is totally my fault. Obviously, I'm the editor around here, so I'm responsible for all that goes on. But honestly, the saves these goalies have been making have been ridiculous. Brodeur, Niitymaki, Price a couple of times... It's really been pretty absurd. I'm not pinning it all on them. Not even most of it. It's just, well, it's hard for me to quell my YouTube addiction when they're doing things like this and this.

So anyway, we're going with one highlight this week, since you've seen so many at this blog during the last seven days. It comes from -- Jeez, who else? -- Carey Price on Saturday night against Phoenix.

Sunday's Handy Pocket Guide: Oren Koules is Slowly Turning Into Mark Cuban

Every Sunday, Wednesday and Friday this season we'll take a look around the NHL with BMR's Handy Pocket Guide. We screwed up last week but from now on it will be posted three times a week. Promise.

[ Tampa Bay TV Producers Heart Oren Koules ]

What's better than watching a shootout? Why, it's watching Tampa Bay Lightning owner Oren Koules' reaction to every save and goal during the shootout! Judging by the video to your left, it seems like the producers at Sun Sports really are drinking the Koules-Aid (hahahahahah GET IT?!?!). Either that or they get paid for every time they put him on camera.

Ladies and gentlemen, the NHL now has it's own version of Mark Cuban. Now it's time to place bets on how long it will be until Koules has his day working at a Dairy Queen. I'm giving it two weeks, at which point he'll make a comment about his team being softer than the soft serve at DQ. The folks at DQ then get agitated because they insist that, no, their soft serve is in fact softer.

Here's what I imagine it could look like:

[ San Jose Will Not Let You Get Political ]

Kudos (not Koules) go out to the Sharks today. Last night, the Flyers were in San Jose and even though the team did not bring [Name Censored] to town with them, the Sharks chose to leave politics at the door - literally.

One blogger's sign (pictured right) was not allowed into the arena due to it's political implications.

Upon entering the HP Pavilion, I was stopped by an usher in purple.

"Sir, you can't bring in the sign," the young man said.

"I've brought in signs before - why not tonight?!?"

"Sir, your sign is of a political nature, and we can't allow you to bring it inside."

While the Blogger was rightfully pissed, the Sharks did the right thing. All we heard after [Name Censored] dropped the puck in Philly was how politics should not be mixed with sports. The Sharks are only carrying out that sentiment and for that, I salute them. Even if the sign was in good fun, a policy of abstinence from political statements of any kind is a good one. Keep that stuff in the political arena, where it belongs. And this rant is not intended to trash on this fan's sign, it's more to high five the Sharks.

[ Beer: Now More Valuable than American Banks ]

I don't mean to give you a double dose of political socio-economic analysis, but this one just has to be mentioned. Unbelievably, beer is now a more valuable commodity than certain American Banks. But of course there's a catch -- you have to live in a state that will give you a refund for you old beer cans.

From GuestofAGuest.com:

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of AIG stock one year ago you would have $44.34 left.

With Wachovia, you would have had $54.74 left of the original $1,000.00.

With Lehman, you would have had $0.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago…drank all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214.00 cash.

So there you have it, beer is officially a safer retirement fund than owning stock in a bank. How about that.

[ Wall-to-Wall Coverage of Oilblogo-gate ]

Just in case you were a little confused about this post from Friday, here's a little further explanation. The Oilers do not understand how to deal with bloggers. At all. And they're being dicks about it. Due to all of that, a lot of people are getting upset because of how a certain blogger was treated. If you would like to read more on the subject, please check out the following links (grabbed from EMac at FanHouse because I'm lazy). Thank you, have a good day.

Neate Sager
Battle of Alberta
Deadspin
The NHL Arena
Battle of California
On Frozen Blog
Sports Snipe
The Pens Blog
Going Five Hole
Can't Stop the Bleeding
Boston Blue Line
Cycle Like the Sedins
The Cult of Hockey
HF Boards
Hot Oil
Oilblobosphere!
SNN Sports
Empty Netters
Wrap Around Curl
Five Hole Fanatics
Strange Deadfellows
The Big Lead
Scarlett Ice
Puck Daddy

Dear Meester Melrose Rock

Dear Meester Melrose Rock,

I have ceen your conteest with Carey Price and Meester Brodeur. Meester Melrose Rock I would like to bee inclooded in your conteest. With this email I have ettached my submission. It is of my game from Saturdey. Meester Daniel tell me et is very nice save. You see now, OK?

Thank you meester Rock.

-Antero

Reader Commentary Theatre, Episode VII

It's the new and marginally improved edition of RCT, now complete with roman numerals in the title. This way, we can tell them each apart a little better. And so you can collect 'em all.

Sometimes they poop out t-shirts. Never had the guts to catch one.

- Mr. Plank on Air Sharks Return, Take Control of West Coast States

It's like dueling banjos! But with hockey sticks!

- Wrap Around Curl on Save of the Year Competition: Round Three

...every time someone brings up the Luongo-to-Vancouver trade. (Double if you're a Cats fan.)

- Nightfly on The Versus [Drinking] Game of the Week (Florida at Montreal)

A Call to Arms

Today dear readers, we are engaged in a battle for our very (blogging) lives. We are under attack and must defend ourselves in the only way in which we know possible -- out voting them in a web poll.

Over at the NHL Arena, they've been having a Battle of the Blogosphere contest. Basically, they pit one blog against another in epic battle after epic battle, until one blog is standing. They're still in the first round, and have presented us with our first challenger -- Battle of New York. While BoNY is a respectable website, they must be stopped. We cannot let their excellent NY area coverage trump our coverage of drinking games and ice girls.

So yeah, anyway, if you want go and vote over at the NHL Arena. A vote for BMR is a vote for freedom and ice girls. Two things I'm sure you enjoy.

The Edmonton Oilers are Afriad of the Power of the Internets

"That someone who is passionate about the team writing for other fans is viewed by the organization as some kind of threat is patently ridiculous and narrowly shortsighted."

- grease trap

Yours Truly: Hey, you there up in Western Canada!

*startled Albertan turns around*

Startled Albertan: Hey... Um... What's up?

Yours truly: You've heard of the internet right?

SA: Did you really just ask me that? Do you think I'm some hick?

YT: Sorry, I didn't mean to offend. It's just that it's 2008 and the Edmonton Oilers don't seem to fully understand it yet.

SA: The Oilers don't understand something... You don't say?

YT: Good point. But even with all the boneheaded things Kevin Lowe has done, you would think there would be people somewhere in the organization who had their head on straight.

SA: Yeah, it's a big organization and he's just one employee. Any rational person would make that assumption.

YT: OK. So we've established that. But then, why are they so afraid of the internets?

SA: What do you mean?

YT: Well, Covered in Oil, a serious, respected and very popular hockey blog (unlike this one) was recently kicked out of the press box. The reasoning seems to be nothing more than some sort of paranoia. Could Ted Stevens be at the helm of their PR and Media Relations departments?

SA: Could be. Or maybe Kevin Lowe is in charge of more things than we first thought.

YT: Good point. Damn you Lowe! DAAAAAMNNNNN YOUUUUUU!!!!

SA: Take it easy man. It's only the press box. All that blogger will be missing out on is some free food and a strong feeling of smugness due to his clear superiority over the common man. And the Oilers, well, all they get is bad press for not understanding modern technologies.

YT: Touche. You are very wise, sir.

SA: Yeah, not everyone in Alberta is living in 1954. You would be surprised.

Melrose Coach-O-Meter 3000 Threat Level: RICHARDS

Thanks to the brave scientists at the BMR Institute, today we have quite a treat for you. I am proud to unveil the brand new Barry Melrose Coach-O-Meter 3000. How awesome is it, you ask? It's 992 years into the future awesome. And is it ever bright and shiny! It will certainly distract you until we post another picture of ice girls.Today's threat level is RICHARDS. This is the 2nd highest threat level, meaning the coach may be on the hot seat. After an 0-2-2 start with the Bolts and some choice words for his star players, Melrose may be shooting himself in the proverbial foot. So be warned, dear reader. You must proceed with caution if your name is Barry Melrose. But then again, Barry likes to throw caution to the wind. So maybe proceeding with caution is out of the question. Ah, hell with it. Let's take this thing head on. Bull by the horns. Stuff like that.

Hello, I'm filing for the entry draft

Prospect Paul Kariya

A secretary at the NHL offices answers the phone...

"Hello, I would like to file for the entry draft. I am a gifted stick handler and have a nose for the net. As you can see by my picture, I am obviously fresh out of college -- University of Maine, if you were wondering, and would love a chance in the NHL."

"Mr. Kariya, you can't file for the draft, you're 34 years old and have been in the league for 14 years."

"How did you know it was me?"

"You sent me a picture."

"Oh, right. So you all still remember I'm in the league? St. Louis is still an NHL team?"

"Yes, Mr. Kariya, of course we remember. You scored 65 points last year and already have 6 this year. And yes, the Blues are still in the NHL. For now."

"But I still look like I could be in the entry draft, right?"

"Good bye, Mr. Kariya."

The Versus [drinking] Game of the Week (Florida at Montreal)

Did you think last week was the only time we would be doing the VDGOTW? For heavens sake, people, they sell alcohol all the time! I'm in the process of moving, so I could definitely use an excuse to drink. Florida - Montreal on Monday sounds like a good enough reason to me. As always, add your own rules in the comments.

DRINK

... every time they make a comparison between Miami and Montreal, twice if they refer to the St. Lawrence riverfront as a "beach".

... if you tuned in to watch Olli Jokinen

... every time a comparison is made between Carey Price and great Habs goaltenders of yore like Jose Theodore, Jocelyn Thibault or Jeff Hackett. What's with the J names, Montreal?

... if the Panthers Ice Girls made the trip, drink when they get some camera time. If they didn't, drink every time the camera catches a Montreal girl who looks good enough to be an ice girl.

... if they replay the Richard Zednik injury from last year. Chug for as long as you turn away from the TV.

... because you're watching the FLORIDA PANTHERS.

Save of the Year Competition: Round Three

I don't think the NHL has had such a competitive competition (can I say that?) for save of the year so early in the season.

First it was Carey Price with an absolutely stunning stick save during the pre-season against Detroit. That was the kind of save legends are made of. We all thought that was where the competition would end, and declared it over before the season even started.

But no, it would not end there.

Last week Marty Brodeur made a stick save of us own to try and one-up Price. He wasn't about to let the youngster steal the show and push him off to the side. So naturally, Marty stayed up all night thinking up some hair brained scheme, which as it turns out, worked quite well actually. His stick save came with only :13 left in the Devils home opener against the Islanders. With his team clinging to a 2-1 lead, he did what he does best.

So, naturally, Carey Price had to come back and try to one-up Broduer. It's a good ol' fashioned gentleman's quarrel. Price couldn't sit around and let Marty steal all his thunder so last night, he made his move. Diligent reader Grrrreg sent in this clip of Price from Montreal's 5-3 defeat of the Flyers in Philadelphia last night. You might have to wait to see a couple angles on this play, as the overhead view may be the best. But it was a really sick play. So sick in fact that even all the Flyer fans in attendance got faked out, thinking it was a goal. Even Danny Briere thought he had scored, but Price picked the puck out of the air while laying flat on his back, and secured it in his crotch -- a very nice glove save.

This is sort of turning into a really entertaining game of H-O-R-S-E between goaltenders. It's your move now, Broduer. Let's see what you got.

Whoa.

Really sad, scary, makes-you-take-a-step-back news coming across the wires tonight. Apparently Alexei Cherepanov, a 19-year old kid in the Rangers' organization currently playing in Russia, collapsed and died on the bench during a game yesterday.

Cherepanov was the Rangers' first round pick in 2007, a really promising young kid.

Here's the situation from SovSport via Yahoo:

"He collapsed on the bench on the 18th minute of the third period in the game against Vityaz Chekhov after a collision with Jaromir Jagr [his teammate on Omsk in the KHL]. He went to the bench and his heart stopped. He was taken to the emergency room at a local hospital where the best doctors in town worked for about an hour trying to resuscitate him. He was pronounced dead at 22:55 Moscow time (2:55pm EST). "

I'm not sure what there really is to say about this. Just really sudden and saddening. All the best to his family and the folks in Russia. I can't even imagine... RIP, Alexei.

Are You Looking to Hire an Intern?

Usually I don't get too personal around here or shamelessly plug things, as you can probably see from the lack of published solicited material (How many times have I given into those persistent folks at Versus? Zero, to be exact.). This is an exception, and will likely be the only one. But I'd like to apologize in advance for this post having nothing to do with today's NHL news nonetheless.

Let's get to the point.

These are exciting and scary times for me right now. I'm going to be graduating college this spring and moving on and into the (shudders) real world. Assuming the economy continues it's current trend, I won't have to worry about getting a job after I graduate because we'll all be fighting guerrilla wars in some type of post-apocalyptic world.

Or maybe not.

But anyway, in order to graduate I need to get an internship this spring for course credit. That's the final hurdle standing between myself and a diploma. That's where you may come in. Are you looking for interns this spring? Am I someone you could imagine interviewing or possibly hiring?

You do? I am? Well sir/madam, do I have a deal for you!

I am looking for an internship position in the Sport and Entertainment industry that would run from January through at least April 2009. 40 hour weeks are perfectly fine if necessary and I will not be taking any classes during this time (too good to pass up, huh?).

Here's a quick rundown of some of the things that I can provide for you and your organization.

• Currently pursuing a B.S. in Sport and Entertainment Management that contains the equivalent of a minor in Business.
• Graduating on time from a major university in the American Southeast (It's a surprise, contact me to find out which one!).
• GPA above 3.5.
  
• Cultural experience in different regions of the US (Southeast, Northeast, urban and rural).
• Hard working (Have you seen the blog?) and technically held four jobs this summer. OK, so three are seasonal, but still.
  
• Already has great experience in operations, managing personnel in addition to public and media relations.
• Relocation is not a deal breaker.
• Hours are very flexible.
  
• Would prefer a job in hockey, but is open to any job in the field. Jobs in entertainment, food service management and venue management are not out of the question, either.
  
• Already has prior experience in golf, soccer, football and college sports organizations.
• Not too shabby with a camera (http://www.schultzimages.com).
• Excellent knowledge of computer software; MS Office, many Adobe products, understanding of web publishing.
  

That's the abridged version. If you would like specific information, to see a resume or simply have questions, please do not hesitate to contact me at melroserocks@gmail.com.

Now back to your regularly scheduled hockey shenanigans.

Highlights of the Week: No Puck Dropping from [Name Censored], We Promise (10/6-10/12)

Mondays here at BMR mean a look back at the best plays from the last week. During the regular season and throughout the playoffs, I'll be recapping the best videos from around the NHL during the last seven days. They might be fights, goals or Vice Presidential Candidates dropping the ceremonial faceoff. Anything, really. Kind of like what goes on here every day of the week.

No matter who you are planning on voting for this November, I think we can all agree there has been enough talk about [name censored] dropping the puck at the Flyers game on Saturday. It's done, [name censored] more or less got booed, let's move on.

And move on, we will. There were plenty of other great videos from the first real week of the NHL season. Here's a look at the top plays from the last seven days, the [name censored] edition.

5. Jarome Iginla Knocks Down Willie Mitchell

There's nothing more gratifying to fight fans than watching a big knockout. I don't think Willie Mitchell ever loses consciousness, but he took a heck of a shot from Jarome Iginla. That leads Kent of Five Hole Fanatics to wonder who, exactly, is the Flames enforcer.

"Also, does anyone get the feeling that Iginla is a better scrapper than our current "enforcer" (although Roy now has more goals than Iginla, so...)?"

4. Nashville Area Woman gives Sean Avery the business.

Man, this lady has some guts. Avery is the biggest mouth in the NHL and he looks, well, stunned when some random lady sitting next to the penalty box goes off on him. +5 to her, wherever she is. You have to fast forward to the last 15 seconds of the video to catch it, but the rest of it is entertaining, too.

3. Zach Parise Beats the Penguins

If you're a Pens fan, this is going to bring up some bad memories. Saturday night the Pens surrendered a 1-0 third period lead, as Patrick Elias banked a shot off of Hal Gill and past Marc-Andre Fleury. In overtime, Travis Zajac threw a ridiculous lob pass to Zach Parise who ended the game.

2. Jordin Tootoo vs. Boris Valabik

It's quite possibly the most mismatched fight you will ever see, at least in terms of the fighters' size. Valabik is 6'7" and Tootoo is 5'9" but as you probably know, Tootoo is a pretty good fighter and also apparently isn't afraid of anyone. Just make sure you turn off you speakers, the audio on this video is ridiculously loud.

1. Def Leppard Does Not Understand the Stanley Cup

You've likely seen this video by now, but if you haven't, you'll be left dumbfounded. I didn't realize that the Stanley Cup needed an instruction manual on how to handle it. Now I know.

Oilers Snatch Victory From the Hands of Overtime

AP/Jimmy Jeong/Yahoo

Time for a little west coast love. We don't give 'em enough as it is and since Ryan in Minnesota doesn't exactly qualify as west coast (to those of us on the eastern shore, it might as well be), I would say the folks out there are due for a little.

I have no idea how they did it, but the Oilers -- OK, so they're not exactly on the coast per se -- managed three goals and a 'W' while being out shot 33-19. Pretty impressive, but all the more so because they did it in sweet ass throwback unis. I could have sworn it was Gretzky and Messier skating around out there instead of Penner and Gagner. And that is of course ignoring the difference in skill between those two pairs of players. But seriously, how sweet are these unis? They're a little odd when put into a modern context, but there's nothing like bright orange and true blue (believe me, I know).

Anyway, I honestly didn't see enough of the game to make any serious statements about it. For that, I'll yield to the authorities at Lowe Tide and Covered in Oil. However, it's pretty clear Dustin Penner was more or less completely responsible for the outcome in this one. He scored twice in the third, first breaking a 1-1 tie and then a 2-2 tie. His second was as clutch as clutch can be, coming with 5.4 seconds remaining in the third. Please, you watch...

Sunday's Handy Pocket Guide: Palinmania Edition

Every Sunday, Wednesday and Friday this season we'll take a look around the NHL with BMR's Handy Pocket Guide. Keep it with you when you go out. Sleep with it under your pillow. Just don't trust it to watch your kids. Remember, it's only a blog post... But is it really just a blog post? Or is it more than that? I digress...

[ Sarah Palin, Predictably, is Not Liked in Philadelphia ]

Do we really have to talk about this? Did anyone not see this coming? Ah, screw it. Let's just get it over with.

Sarah Palin -- AMERICAS #1 HOCKEY MOM WOOOO -- showed up, winky eye and all, to drop the puck for the Flyers game last night. And while BOOOOO she was BOOOO BOOOO BOOOO BOOO BOOO and then BOOO BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Palin: Hey, what're dey saying about me Anna?

Palin's Assistant: They're saying "Poooo-lin! Pooo-lin!"

Palin: Oh, gotcha. Someone should tell em how to pronounce my name don'tcha know.

Marty Biron was clearly rattled by all the pre-game fanfare. He was chased during the first intermission after giving up 4 goals on 14 shots. The Rangers failed to score on Antero Niittymaki and hung on to win, 4-3. Niittymaki is Finnish for "Rubberstopper" in case you were wondering.

[ Bruins Fans Find Cure for In-Game Boredom ]

Kudos to these folks who have started a new craze that is sweeping the nation. Teenagers everywhere are giving up drugs and video games to play, yes, Jack Edwards bingo.

There's no better way to spend your Saturday night than playing a bingo game modeled after a former Sportscenter anchor turned NESN play-by-play guy. Come for the mild sexual innuendos (Mid-air fungo job!), stay for the creepy high school yearbook smile!

Warning: If used as a drinking game, may result in loss of vision, liver, consciousness or wallet. Also may reminisce about time spent as Little League World Series announcer.

Batteries not included.

[ New HNIC Theme Involves No Babies, Sheep or Gunshots ]

Disappointment is abound now that it has become official that the new Hockey Night in Canada theme is not "Hockey Scores". This morning, a nation is in mourning (Ha!).

But, you know what, if they weren't going to pick "Hockey Scores", then "Canadian Gold" was a solid pick. In a few years, the nation's youth won't even remember that there ever was an old theme. You can also assume senile old people won't remember either.

Seriously though, can you get a classier piece of work than this? Certainly a solid choice to replace the old theme song. Dolores Claman can suck it.

[ Jaroslav Halak Wants to Play for Toronto ]

Credit goes to the guys at Four Habs Fans, who have posted an exclusive interview with Habs goaltender Jaroslav Halak. The Habs defeated the Leafs 6-1 last night, but that doesn't mean Halak is happy about playing in Montreal, or with Carey Price. As the saying goes, the grass is always greener on the other side.

Here's an excerpt:

Toronto pley like five guys who love play together. If I pley on Toronto teem I play hard with my teem, I would dance with my teem and sing with my teem. I just want to dance. Stupide refereee make game so difficult for Toronto teem and always give power pley to Mantreal and Mantreal always score becase so easy to make score when you have more people on ice then other teeem. Oh good for you Meantreal! You win wimbledon final becase you play alone and nobody in other side of net! So Mentreal make 3 alone Wimbledon goals and put champagne everywhere in room becase they win Toronto. So sad.

The Curious Case of Rick DiPietro and the Smoke and Mirrors of Injury Reporting

Bruce Bennett/Getty/Yahoo

So now that the NHL has no rules on injuries, the lines haven't become blurred -- they have disappeared altogether. It's a magical world of speculation and assumptions out there now. Teams are trying to keep injuries a total secret and some of them are not doing a very good job of it.

In the case of Islanders' netminder Rick DiPietro there is the following evidence:

Exhibit A: Friday night, TSN reported the following: "The New York Islanders received some unwanted news just one game into the new season as the team learned that goaltender Rick DiPietro has swelling and fluid around his surgically repaired left knee."

Exhibit B: From IslandersPointBlank.com: "DiPietro denied the report from TSN today that he had swelling around his knee. “That story was completely untrue,” said DiPietro. “I don’t know where they got it from.” The goalie said if his knee was in bad shape, he would not have been in the lineup tonight."

So where does this get us? Nowhere. It's a typical case of 'they said, he said'. All we get to do now is make assumptions. Fun times, huh?

Fans like us (or probably only me, in this case) are left out in the middle of the ocean. It's hard to believe TSN when the team vehemently denies the report, despite the credibility of the source. But it's hard to believe the organization when you see the action taken. Actions speak louder than words, and Saturday night they showed us that DiPietro is not 100%.

The actions of the organization just do not jive with what should happen if DiPietro is feeling well enough to play. Case and point; backup Joey Macdonald started on back-to-back nights, including the home opener. If we assume that DiPietro is fine and dandy, there are a few things that do not happen.

1. You do not start Joey Mac two nights in a row. No way. No how. Only exception being if he is supposed to be the next Brodeur, and from all accounts, he isn't.
2. On top of that, you don't start Joey Mac on the second night of the back-to-back if that second night is the HOME OPENER. The Coliseum was sold out last night and DP is your biggest on-ice marketing tool. You have to showcase your star, especially with expectations being as low as they possibly can be coming into the season.

All of that points to DP not being ready to go, and for the organization to say otherwise, well, it doesn't look good.

However, there is another explanation. The team could be unbelievably cautious with their biggest asset. That makes sense, right? Not really. It still doesn't jive. If you don't want to risk playing him, why was he on the bench last night? If you're that afraid of putting him on the ice, he should not be the #2 option. DP should be up in the press box, as far away from action as possible. Yan Dannis should be called up front Bridgeport to backup Macdonald. So they're saying that DP isn't ready to start a game, but if Macdonald were to get hurt in the first period, DP could go the rest of the way? Yeah... Riiiiight...

But really, the Islanders are not to blame for all of this confusion. They're just doing what's in the team's best interest (I sure hope so, at least). The real culprit to blame is the NHL. While NFL teams put out detailed reports about the players on IR each week, NHL teams are required to do nothing but play a shell game with their fans. Yet again, the buffoonery of Bettman and the owners shines through. You're trying to protect the players -- even though you really are not, something that I won't get into right now -- but all you do instead is further alienate a frustrated fanbase. But it's OK. We're used to it. All the fans that aren't are tuning out the NHL and watching football or the MLB Playoffs right now instead.

Air Sharks Return, Take Control of West Coast States

As you can see here, the Air Sharks ignored the Zamboni since it was using a fake fin to disguise itself. Liz E

Good evening, internet land.

Tonight I bring you grave news. The NHL season has returned and with it comes joyous times but also the devastating carnage thanks to another attack from Air Sharks.

Air Sharks are a new super breed of Shark that is able to leave the ocean and wreak their havoc on land. Forget Jaws, you now don't have to be anywhere near water to be in danger.

BMR San Jose Bureau Chief Liz E was on hand Thursday night as the Airborne Demons of the Sea launched their first attack on North America. Two of them entered HP Pavillion in San Jose during the game between the Sharks and Anaheim Ducks. Liz bravely took pictures with her camera while the Air Sharks circled the arena, devouring spectators and players. She escaped unharmed and a witness to the destructive capabilities of Air Sharks.

Reports coming in at this hour say that the Air Sharks have now taken control of California and most of Oregon. The US Army has been dispatched to the west coast, but it is believed there is little they can do, similar to what happened when earth was attacked by Transformers.

Additionally, it is believed that JR escaped the attack unharmed. Joe Thornton, however, was devoured whole.

Stay tuned to BMR for more information as it becomes available.

Reader Commentary Theatre

IdiomsByKids.com

Ah yes, it's the day late edition of RCT. Half the price of fresh baked RCT, but still satisfying.

There's actually a record number of featured comments this week because you all kicked so much butt. I'm glad to see you all working so hard... Or spending less time doing actual work so you can sharpen your commenting skills. Either way, enjoy the following commentary goodness...

Sources from Toronto say the bus was quite a steal, but in rather poor condition, as the former tour bus for Guns N Roses. "man, that was hard to clean up", said an MLSE representative yesterday.

- Loser Domi on Tuesday's Hockey News

I'm happy with this european opening of the season. It's nice to see the nhl thinking about its european fans. But I'm more skeptical about a future expansion in Europe. Not only because of travel and logistics, but also because of the cultural aspect of things. Europeans who love hockey already have favourite teams and enemies. I'm not so sure the prestige of the nhl brand would be enough to divert fans from their original teams to support new franchises. Especially if there are only 6 to 8 of them in Europe.

- the soft european on Why in the World Are You Opening in Europe?

he can't help it, it his how the Crosborg was programed

- Jaredoflondon on An Unsolicited Letter to Sidney Crosby

He gets two cents? You make me pay to write here....

- Ryan on An Unsolicited Letter to Sideny Crosby

Man, not even the cat is picking the Blues to go to the playoffs.

We're screwed.

-StlBlues67 on Your Obligatory (and Belated) Pre-Season Prediction Post

Marty Brodeur's Answer to Carey Price's SOTY

Marty Brodeur must have been pissed off watching us all crown Carey Price's stick save as the save of the year -- during the pre-season.

I can imagine Marty, half crazed, sitting a dimly lit basement with random crap strewn about... He's just sitting there in front of an old TV watching the replay of Price's save over and over and over... Just sitting there and stewing over it.

Last night the Devils opened their season against the Islanders and Marty made what was easily the save of the game. He shut the door on Mike Comrie with about :13 left, protecting the Devs' 2-1 lead. And yes, it was a sick stick save.

So, Carey Price, it is now your move. You have been challenged by the Council of Elders. They would like you to prove your worth to them. Accept, if you dare.

Your Obligatory (and Belated) Pre-Season Prediction Post

Snowcrest.net

Well as you probably know, we're not shy about writing up those posts that everyone and their dog also writes up. You know, everyone has season previews and predictions this time of year. The NHL Blogger Handbook clearly outlines all of the duties we have to fulfill this time of year as a licensed NHL blogger.

Hey, there are certain things everyone has to do. And this is another one of those posts. So we're a day late and a dollar short (pretty good in this economy) with our predictions, but here they are anyway.

Feel free to debate and nitpick in the comments but remember that we're only bloggers. We live in our parent's basement and gave up on getting our degrees because we discovered the joys of Adult Swim on Cartoon Network and eating icing right the container. Wait... Or was that just a dream I had last night. Eh, either way, here are your predictions, with the following disclaimer from Ryan: "I would provide any rational insight if I had any, but alas, I do not." He may or may not have used a dart board to aid in the selection process (e3). I may or may not have had my cat assist me by throwing rolled up print outs of NHL lineups around the living room to see which one she ran after with the most voracity. That is according to sources close to my cat (e4).

Oh, and these predictions take division winners into consideration. At least mine and Ryan's do. There's no telling if my cat understands divisional play.

EASTERN CONFERENCE
		Kevin's Picks		Ryan's Picks		Kevin's Cat's Picks
1		Pittsburgh		Montreal		Washington
2		Washington		Pittsburgh		Carolina
3		Montreal		Washington		Islanders
4		New Jersey		Rangers		Rangers
5		Philly		Boston		Philadelphia
6		Boston		New Jersey		Atlanta
7		Tampa Bay		Ottawa		New Jersey
8		Ottawa		Carolina		Buffalo
9		Rangers		Tampa Bay		Toronto
10		Buffalo		Philadelphia		Ottawa
11		Carolina		Buffalo		Florida
12		Florida		Islanders		Boston
13		Islanders		Atlanta		Pittsburgh
14		Toronto		Toronto		Montreal
15		Atlanta		Florida		Tampa Bay
WESTERN CONFERENCE
1		Detroit		San Jose		Nashville
2		San Jose		Calgary		Phoenix
3		Minnesota		Detroit		Chicago
4		Dallas		Anaheim		Detroit
5		Chicago		Vancouver		Minnesota
6		Anaheim		Chicago		Vancouver
7		Calgary		Colorado		Colorado
8		Colorado		Dallas		Calgary
9		Nashville		Minnesota		St. Louis
10		Columbus		St. Louis		Dallas
11		Vancouver		Nashville		Columbus
12		Edmonton		Edmonton		Los Angeles
13		Phoenix		Phoenix		San Jose
14		Los Angeles		Columbus		Edmonton
15		St. Louis		Los Angeles		Anaheim
Runner Up		Washington		Pittsburgh		Dallas
Champ		Detroit		Calgary		Philadelphia

William Shatner's Stunning Rendition of the Miracle On Ice

One of the most epic moments in hockey history, at least here in America, is the 1980 Miracle on Ice. I don't need to remind you what it is or why it was significant. You know all that. What I do need to do, however, is show you how when Dan Patrick applies his brilliance to something, it turns to gold.

Thanks to the Media Hounds at Awful Announcing, comes the sound byte to end all sound bytes. OK, that's over hyping it, but it is kinda cool. From AA:

I think it was about a year ago when Dan Patrick had William Shatner on [his radio show] and made him recreate some of the most famous Sports calls ever. Well one of the ones he did that day was Al Michaels' "Miracle On Ice" call and Michaels just happened to be the DP Show today and of course Dan just happened to have the clip handy.

Simply epic. If Shatner had been calling that game instead of Michaels, I think everyone watching would have slept rather peacefully. Instead, people went out, got drunk, rioted and then set a few stray cats on fire.

For the Last Time, Barry Melrose Doesn't Write Here (But Thanks for Including us in Your Article)

The Sports Business Journal is a nice news magazine. They are the Sidney Crosby of tracking what's going on in sports business. Or, if you need another comparison, they are the Darren Rovell of print media. They know their stuff, is what I'm trying to say here.

Anyway, point is that they came out with a nice feature on NHL blogs again this season.

RANDOM ACID INDUCED FLASHBACK: Last year we were ranked 5th by Sports Business Daily, which is pretty much the same thing as SBJ, except daily. It's great and all, but blog rankings are the most subjective things in the known universe. Woop-dee-freakin-do. A few party favors were sounded in celebration.

/END FLASHBACK

This year, SBJ took the reins and just did a general roundup of blogs so as not to offend anyone (except those who were not included). And let me tell you, the people who do research for them on these sorts of things are nothing short of Paris Hilton. Eh, they're not that bad. Really more like a drunk Ben Stein. Here's the screenshot of the article. They have it all pretty down pat. At least until they get to us.

I'm not entirely sure what they mean by "keeping in touch with... Barry Melrose."

If they meant, "keep up with Barry Melrose through the editor's unhealthy stalking obsession of the new Lightning coach," then yes, they would be correct. How-ev-ah, it kind of implies that the blog is written by him... Or that he's a commenter (I suspect BlackCapricorn)... Or that he actually contributes to this site in some capacity.

Sigh. I'll cut the rant and make this quick.

In summation:

1. Thank you, Sports Business Journal for the kind salute.
2. For the one millionth time: BMR is not affiliated with Barry Melrose or ESPN or the Tampa Bay Lightning. Not in any way. Not at all. Never met the guy, but I would assume he's very engaging.

I say this just in case, I guess, any new readers who found us through SBJ are confused. Apologies to them in advance. But please, stay a while and have some queso dip. Just don't ruin my butt groove in the futon.

The Versus [Drinking] Game of the Week: (Toronto at Detroit)

I have drawn the assignment of Thursday writing here at BMR, which, this week, happens to coincide with the day Versus is airing their first pair of games on the season. It won't always be the case, but the Versus games are the only games that us plebians without the NHL package can share as a group, and that should be celebrated.

If you've read the past couple weeks, you'll realize that I'm not so good with "previews". What you may not know is that I AM good at drinking. True story, I snapped awake about half an hour ago with a case of the "I drank way too much Captain Morgan last nights". I'm not sick, per se, but if you have ever set sail with the Captain, you'll understand that I'm losing 6 pounds today, one way or another. So, since drinking is on my mind, and the fact that its hockey's real opening day and I'm not going to sleep again anytime soon, I figure we should kick off our first drinking game of the season.

If you don't know how this works, you've never been to college or lived in Manitoba. I'm just going to give you a run down of some suggested situations for when to drink. Other ideas are encouraged in the comments. Here we go!

DRINK

... every time Mats Sundin is mentioned. Twice if they suggest he might end up in Detroit. Thrice if they mention that Nik Antropov has to pick up the offensive slack. Chug if you're a Leafs fan.

... every time they show a team captain. I still have Captain on the brain.

... every time the word "opening" is used, like "opening night", "opening period", "opening goal", or "Van Ryn checks Hossa into the boards, opening a large gash across his forehead."

... if Jiri Tlusty's past indescretions are brought up. Take off your pants and drink three more times if they actually mention his wee wee.

... when the Red Wings score. No. Kidding. I don't want to kill you.

An Unsolicited Letter to Sidney Crosby

Here at BMR, we're all for diversity and letting everyone have their two cents -- even though the economy isn't doing so good. To stay true to that, over the next few weeks we'll be showcasing some work from loyal reader and die-hard Penguins fan Mike, more commonly known as Malkin's Bodyguard. The following is his first submission.

Dear, Sid the Kid.

What’s up, man? I can call you that, right? Sid the Kid, I mean. I’ve always thought you’d be cool like that. Anyway, you don’t know me but there’s some stuff I gotta ask you. When you say you’re “not mad” at Marion Hossa, you’re joking, right? Remember when Alex Ovechkin beat you out in Rookie of the Year voting? It hurt, didn’t it? You thought you deserved it, didn’t you?

Well, why don’t you just say it?

Listen, I know ever since the end of the lockout the NHL has had a revamped sense of marketing, with a focus on promoting its young superstars. I also know that one of the best and brightest of those superstars is you; one Sidney Crosby. I get that. This is all for good reason, of course. You’re a young, good looking stud. The kind of kid my parents wish they had and my ex-girlfriends wish they dated. You’re always with the “aw, shucks” attitude and the “please,” “thank you,” and “you’re welcome’s.” It’s the kind of stuff sponsors dream of. Plus, you’re pretty good on the ice too. You’ve apparently done everything that has ever been asked of you, and the NHL couldn’t be happier. That’s terrific.

I, however, have a complaint. Every interview you give and every answer to every question you’re asked is starting to come off as the same canned response. Do you even listen to the question anymore, or do you just recite the next answer from the queue? For God’s sake kid, show some personality. We’ve seen the attitude on the ice so why can’t we see it off the ice too? I’m not asking you to call out a teammate or to let loose some sort of racial slur (ed. -- Wouldn't that be a fun exercise?), but the next time someone asks you what you think about Marian Hossa, say what you really think! You think he’s a punk, don’t you? You are dedicating this whole season to making him eat his words, right? Ovechkin won Rookie of the Year and now has his own Hart trophy too. Please tell me that this pisses you off. Please tell everyone that it pisses you off!

Just look at the responses you’ve given in your recent interviews. I'm paraphrasing slightly here:

They’re a good team. Give credit to them. They took it to us pretty good tonight. We have some things to work on, but give them all the credit. Some nights you go up against a team that is just better than you.

He’s a great player. He has world class speed and a world class shot. He’s got world class teammates. I’ve got world class teammates too, but give them credit. Those are some world class teammates. Plus, he’s a great player too.

I like lots of charities. I don’t like any better than any one better than any of the others, but I do like lots. There are lots of world class charities. Some of those charities are just great. All charities are good because they give charity, of course, but some charities are world class. That’s not taking anything away from non world class charities; it just means they aren’t world class. Yet.

You see what I’m getting at here, Sid? We get it. You’re a nice guy. You’re a likable chap that doesn’t want to offend anyone. Your parents raised you well and all that. That’s great, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t becoming a bit stale. Show some personality once in a while. Call someone out for a cheap shot. Let the fans know that, no, the other team wasn’t better and your team just stunk tonight. Please, please, please tell someone – anyone – that you want to end up with more MVP awards, more points, and more Cups then Ovechkin. There’s nothing wrong with that. You want to be the best and it is OK. We all know you could have just as easily won that Rookie of the Year award. Just say you know it too.

Above all else though, just one time, can we please hear you walk up to a microphone, clear your throat, then say: “Marian Hossa, get bent. We’ll see you in the Finals.”

Thanks for listening, Sid.

-Malkin's Bodyguard (Mike)

Why in the World Are You Opening in Europe?

That was the first question posed to the commish when he appeared on Boomer and Carton, a radio show on WFAN in New York City. You gotta give 'em credit, they have brass balls for asking that question right off the bat. Either that or they didn't care if Bettman hung up on them.

Anyway, after opening the interview by saying the NHL was opening somewhere in Kazahstan, Carton leads off with the aforementioned question.

"Why in the world are you opening up the season in Stockholm and Prague?"

Bettman's answer wasn't riveting as you might expect. He basically went on to say that the NHL is 'the most international of all the North American sports leagues'. Yes. That is exactly the reasoning we were all hoping for. Anyway, the rest of the interview can be heard here, and yes, I am quite a few days late on this.

But the real reason I mention this is because I wanted to address an egocentric argument being thrown around the blogosphere and MSM. For some reason, a lot of people seem pissed off about the NHL opening overseas. Now let's be fair, I don't think anyone is really losing sleep over this, but people are questioning it more than complimenting the move. And honestly, it's not really that bad of an idea if you're the NHL. Let's see here...

1. Thwarting of the KHL... Remember that pesky league in Russia that tried to poach a bunch of NHLers? Yeah, they might be a legitimate threat. It's pretty easy for the KHL to lay claim to Europe, so why not try and remind people that the NHL is still the biggest and the best? If anything, it should slow down the KHL after all the steam it picked up this summer.
2. The world is now a global marketplace. We all know it. Businesses have been globalizing for years. Hell, people were doing it long before Chris Columbus discovered this continent. Slowly but surely the sports world is realizing that they can now peddle their wares over seas. Just look at the effect Yao Ming and Ichiro have had on their respective sports leagues. Some sort of NHL subdivision in Europe isn't a pipe dream, sooner or later it will probably be reality -- unless someone beats the NHL to it.
   
3. Is it really that offensive to the North American viewer? Honestly, are Ranger fans going to be pissed that they are only going to see 41 home games at the Garden? Probably not. Pittsburgh, New York, Tampa Bay and Ottawa are all still going to have home openers. They are all still going to play a crap ton of games on North American soil. Let's not cry about two games you spilled on the carpet and kind of went to waste.

That's all there really is to it. It must have been a pretty simple meeting over at NHL HQ. Europe is a somewhat neglected market that eats up the NHL and we might have competition there in the foreseeable future, not to mention present. Let's toss them a bone by playing a couple games over there and act like they mean something. Sounds good to me.

Tuesday's Hockey News

Tuesday can only mean one thing here about BMR. Yes we're only one day away from humpday, but more importantly it's the day we take a look at the interesting hockey stories that the major media outlets have missed. It's a segment that is not cleverly titled -- my marketing professor would be upset -- but, hopefully, is still entertaining.

ECHL - Suspended Indiana Riverhawks forward Cam Greesen three games for attempting to joust with a Portland Fightin' Ferrets player on Saturday night. The Portland player was cut Sunday night. The pair dropped the gloves, skated to opposite sides of the arena, mounted their netminder, and charged at each other. Neither play was seriously injured. Today, the Portland player was signed by Medieval Times.

Edmonton Oilers - Have signed the baby in the picture to your right to a three-year contract. The value of the deal is estimated at about $4.5 million per year. Kevin Lowe reportedly had the child cloned from Ryan Smyth's DNA. In 2022, this signing could be a steal -- if the kid re-signs.

Toronto Maple Leafs - Have announced plans to take a portable dressing room around town in order to "put fans first." The replica was constructed inside a tour bus and will give fans an inside look at the team if, you know, it was the actual dressing room and wasn't a random bus.

Wait, no, that last one is true.

After 0-2 Start, Barry Melrose Has Choice Words for Star Players

AP/Mike Carlson

Barry Melrose has always been very open with us. Through all those winters spent on the ESPN set in Bristol, he was never afraid to give people an honest, open evaluation -- even if it was a bit edgy. He was always more civil than Don Cherry, but still had a knack for brutal honesty.

When he took the job as Bolts head coach, you had to wonder if the straight talk was going to carry over. For a few months from the time he was hired through the summer, he said all the right things. You know, the canned public relations responses.

And then the Bolts went 0-2 in Prague, getting banged around by a team that was anything but a sure thing to sit atop the Atlantic Division. They also made a seemingly desperate trade today, only three days into the young season.

Things aren't going well in Tampa, at least at the moment. And yesterday we found out that Barry Melrose is still not afraid to tell it like it is. Following the team's second loss to the Rangers on Sunday, he had some choice words to describe their on-ice play.

"We don't compete," Melrose said. "We're too easy to play against. Until that changes, we're going to have trouble. We have a lot of skill on our team, but skill means nothing if you don't work hard."

...

"My biggest problem was I can't play Gratton's line every shift," Melrose said. "It's probably the lowest-paid line we've got on the ice, but by far the best line in the last two games.

"I hope our guys are embarrassed. We've just got to get our great players playing as hard as our lesser players and we'll be fine."

It's great to see a coach, much less ANYONE, in pro sports telling it like it is these days. We live in an era of canned responses and agents talking in player's ears so this sure isn't the norm and is a nice change of place.

How-ev-uh, it will certainly be interesting to see how this is taken in the locker room. Especially since it's directed at the team's big money makers. If it's taken the wrong way and this team continues to lose, you have to think Melrose is digging himself a mighty big hole. Either way, he might be making enemies with the wrong guys.

Highlights of the Week: 9/29 - 10/5

Mondays here at BMR mean a look back at the best plays from the last week. During the regular season and throughout the playoffs, I'll be recapping the best videos from around the NHL during the last seven days. They might be fights, goals or hockey players posing as rockers. Anything, really. Kind of like what goes on here every day of the week.

Ah yes, the regular season is finally here. It doesn't quite feel like it, as most teams were still in pre-season mode this weekend, but it's here nonetheless. It feels awkward, new and exciting all at the same time. Kind of like high school, with the exception of the excitement.

Here's a look at the top plays from the past week.

3. Virtual Mike Komisarek scores greatest goal ever virtually scored.

So if you have ever searched for hockey videos on YouTube, you might notice that there are a crap ton of random NHL 09 highlights on there posted by, presumably, thirteen year-olds. Most are about as pointless to watch as, well, random crappy videos made by thirteen year-olds. This one, however, shows us one of the best goals ever scored. Or ever not scored in reality. What? Anyway, the video:

2. Sean Avery is not a fan of Don Cherry.

In an interview last week on CBC's "the Hour" with George Stromtoolongofalastnametofigureout Avery had some rather kind words for the HNIC commentator; "He's a staple as far as Canadian hockey goes. And I grew up watching Coach's Corner, and he serves a purpose. But he really does not know shit about hockey." I knew this was going to be a fun year in Dallas!

1. You've already seen it, but it's worth another look -- or three.

It's the hockey clip that has been all over the internet this week. Carey Price's stunning save has has garnered so much attention that even With Leather took notice. When they start mentioning hockey for reasons like this, and not just making stale 'hey, remember how nobody watches hockey' jokes then you know it's something special. Well, they still made those jokes but at least it wasn't for a bad reason.

Caution: Zebra Crossing!

I know that this is the second video I've unleashed on the blogosphere from tonight's Leafs/Jackets game, but I think it's worth the cost. These are two teams that could make us all collectively vomit if we hear too much about them, but then again I can't remember a referee ever throwing a better hip check than the one Marc Joanette tossed out tonight. Get some, Jason Chimera.

And to make officials everywhere cringe, the Leafs go right down the ice for a goal. Good thing it's not the regular season and better yet that the Leafs weren't on the losing end of the play. That story alone would have singlehandedly fueled the Toronto media for weeks!

h/t NowHockey.com

EuroTrippin': Rangers Sweep in Prague, Temporarily Avert New York Media Implosion

AFP/Joe Klamar

For one weekend, everything looked good for the New York Rangers. Somewhere in New York City, Scotty Hockey is smiling contently after watching his team take two games from the Lightning in Prague.

Amid some controversy and a poor pre-season showing that had fans tugging on their collars (1-5 record in the States), the team took off for the Czech Republic hoping to avoid further trouble. Ranger fans were probably thinking along the same lines -- let's not make this worse. But were things even that bad to being with? Was it all overblown in the media?

It all started on Friday when there was a minor dust up before the team even took the ice against the Lightning when Prucha-gate went down. With 20+ relatives in attendance in Prague, it was reported that Prucha would not play in front of them, as he was benched by coach Tom Renney. But, hours later, it turned out to be a big misunderstanding, depending on who you believe.

"I didn't change my mind, I made up my mind," said Renney.

Or maybe he just realized that the dumbest thing he could have done was sit Prucha in his home country. Or maybe I'm jumping to conclusions. Either way, there was a dust up that was pretty aggravating inside the locker room.

And then, to pile on, there was Larry Brooks' scathing report about the organization's direction.

It doesn't compute. None of it computes. This entire disjointed training camp does not compute. Jumping from city to city and country to country with split squads in order to jam in three Garden gates and eight preseason games altogether? Ridiculous.

Carrying 15 forwards into the season and against the cap because management can't make a decision on which of the glut of million-dollar fourth-liners to cut? Absurd.

Having Jim Schoenfeld, the assistant GM, on the ice at every practice barking out instructions as if he were a member of the coaching staff? Outrageous.

Then again, it's Larry Brooks. Take that with a grain of salt, I guess. It was also published in the New York Post. They're never above a bit of sensationalism. But you always have to wonder how much of it is right on the money or, worse yet, if it's even half of the problems going on.

Fast forward to tonight, and winning changes everything... Or maybe it just quiets all the naysayers. The Rangers took two-of-two from the Lightning over the weekend, out shooting them 80-40 and outscoring them 4-2 over two games. Total domination more or less, even if it didn't quite show on the scoreboard.

“We used the time well to get to know each other,” [Wade Redden] said. “It was good for everyone to get away and just focus on what we’re going to do and what the team is all about.”

Redden might be on to something. An escape from the New York Media Circus may be all this team needed. Prague provided a nice escape but now it's back to living under the big top. And despite the loss of media feeders Sean Avery and Jaromir Jagr, the clowns are still going to have their fun.

Reader Commentary Theatre

It's time once again for a belated Saturday edition of RCT. That gave everyone an extra day to get those last minute entries in. Hopefully you made the best of it and are enjoying opening day, which you probably can't see if you live outside of Canada or Europe.

Well, maybe you can see it, but dreams you had while spending Friday night in a drug induced coma do not count. Onward, ho to the comments of the week!

Some fans open their presents on X-mas Eve so can't we have a game between say the Thrashers and the Desert Dogs and the loser franchise folds.

-BlackCapricorn on It's Christmas Eve, But It Feels Really Weird

The Habs are only going to go as far as Huet goes?

Whoah- you just blew my mind.

- Mr. Plank on Your Obligatory Northeast Division Preview

It's Christmas Eve, But It Feels Really Weird

These European starts to the season keep getting weirder and weirder. Like, tonight is the NHL's Christmas Eve (or Hanukkah Eve, whatever you like) and it absolutely doesn't feel like it.

For four fanbases, their teams are opening the season an ocean away. That reeks of excitement, doesn't it? Tampa and Pittsburgh are technically the home teams tomorrow, too. So they have pseudo home openers tomorrow.

For the rest of the league, it's business as usual. There is still a whole slate of pre-season games through Monday night. Hell, most teams don't really even start their seasons until Friday or Saturday -- there are only four games on Thursday night to open the season.

So what do we make of this? It's not your traditional opening night. There aren't 12 cities hosting home openers. There are a couple of teams playing in front of hopefully raucous European crowds and beamed back home on CBC (sorry, America). That's not a bad thing. I'm all for playing in Europe. It just feels weird and awkward. Not quite like school picture day in middle school, but closer to random neutral site pre-season games, except they mean something. But who am I kidding, these teams will still have 80 games to play when they get back. Are we really missing that much?

A Rough Start for a New Ranger Beat Writer

And Ranger fans aren't exactly pleased. That's my latest over at FanHouse.

Your Obligatory Pacific Division Preview

Time once again for a disjointed, scatterbrained preview from me. Fortunately, most of the games played in the Pacific Division are on so late that nobody can watch and see how I may or may not be wrong. Probably will be wrong.


San Jose Sharks

JR baby!

Now that I have that and the Chevy Chase as Land Shark references out of the way... The real meat of the issue for the Sharks is getting several guys who have excelled in the past, like Jonathan Cheechoo and Patrick Marleau to come around and not suck as bad as they did last year. Shouldn't be a huge deal right? Absolutely not with JR in town! Oh, and Joe Thornton can still get it done. San Jose is certainly a good team, but can they be a great team? Yes.

What's new: Rob Blake, Dan Boyle, Brad Lukowich. Um..... How was your summer?

Questions that Need Answering: Shouldn't Thornton be getting more love? Aren't the 90's over? Isn't it time to drop the teal?



Anaheim Ducks

The Ducks are everyone's favorite professional sports franchise named after a major motion picture, outside of the Seattle Mariners.* Brian Burke is still captaining this ship, so it's really just a matter of time until they teach Francois Beauchamin to be a complete asshole. The Ducks will only be successful as long as George Parros continues to live life with a big bushy moustache and long flowinghair. And by "successful" I mean tolerable. But honestly, I fell asleep for 45 minutes working on this. Ryan Getzlaf is good, but so very dull.
* - Not true

What's New: Brendan Morrison replaced Burke's former Canuck fix as Todd Bertuzzi took off. Marc-Andre Bergeron, Mathieu Schneider also took off. Teemu Selanne has already stated that he is coming back next year. so that's nice.

Questions that Need Answering: Can the Ducks possibly keep up with their pace of the past couple years? Will they employ the knucklepuck?

Dallas Stars

Cleveland had their hearts ripped out when the Browns moved to Baltimore. Seattle felt the sting when the Supersonics fled to Oklahoma City. Minnesota.... has gotten over the Stars. Norm Green isn't in control anymore, and frankly, Mike Modano is just dreamy.
At this point, Marty Turco has gone from unreliable youngster to grizzled veteran, which means nothing, except that he's older. If the Stars put everything together though, that's going to be a hell of an offense. Mike Ribeiro led the team in points lest year, but there are about 5 guys on the team that could carry that mantle this year. Also, Texans are big fans of dudes in the fashion industry, right?

What's New: Oh, not much. What's new with you?

Questions that Need Answering: Will Sean Avery fit in? Just kidding, of course not. Will Brett Hull provide the steady leadership in the front office that the Stars need? Again. LOL. Did you know that Jere Lehtinen was still alive?


Phoenix Coyotes

For years, the only thing that the Coyotes made me wonder is it Kai-yote-ees or Kai-yotes. Now I wonder if Olli Jokinen can walk down the streets of Phoenix unmolested. This season, they went out and nabbed Jokinen to compliment Shane Doan. But seriously, the Coyotes main page features Derek Morris. The Coyotes are going to be bad, is what I'm trying to say.

What's New: Jokinen. Todd Fedoruk. Trying.

Questions that Need Answering: Can you believe that Radim Vrbata was the second leading scorer last year? Do you think that Winnipeg really misses this team?


Los Angeles Kings

The Kings went out this offseason and traded away some of their top players, like Mike Cammalleri and Lubomir Visnovsky, getting in return a buttload of draft picks and Jarret Stoll. They still have Alexander Frolov, Anze Kopitar, Patrick O'Sullivan, and, if things go right, 1991 Wayne Gretzky.

What's New: Rob Blake, Cammalleri and Visnovsky are gone. Anze Kopitar got a new lightsaber!

Questions that Need Answering: How many years out are the Kings? 2 years? 3? Can we expect the Kings to spend more time on the IR than the rest of the Pacific Division combined?

Your Obligatory Southeast Division Preview

Today we've taken the internet by storm. Four posts? That's Tie Domi-like crazy talk. So to cap off this quadruple post October Kickoff Party, we'll do another division preview. Tomorrow Ryan will be in to finish off the division previews with the Pacific. He's the Kevin Nash to my Sean Michaels (circa 1994), for those of you old school WWE fans out there. I do all the big flashy stuff and then he pile drives a guy or two through the mat to bring it all to an explosive ending.

If you want to check out any of our previous division previews, follow this link.

Atlanta Thrashers

The Firefly Forest gives us some great advice regarding Thrashers and automobiles:

Curve-billed Thrashers are perhaps one of the snoopiest birds I've ever seen. If I leave a door to my house or garage open, before long a Curve-billed Thrasher will be inside exploring around. It's almost as if opening a door to my house creates a powerful vacuum that sucks them in. No car windows can be left open beyond the tiniest crack in my driveway or you'll either find a Curve-billed Thrasher inside or the irrefutable evidence that one's been there in the form of bird droppings all over your upholstery.

It's funny that they mention this. I was in Atlanta last summer and left my windows open a bit so to try and cool off the car a bit while I went into a restaurant for lunch. About an hour later I came out and went to my car only to discover that Ilya Kovalchuk and Don Waddell had pooped all over it. I knew it was them because they scampered off after I hit the 'unlock' button on my keys. Really strange organization they're running down there.

In all serious, things don't look good for the Thrashers this year. They do have a shot at the playoffs, but I honestly wouldn't peg them higher then seventh. They're in a historically weak division, so that should help, but the Lightning, Caps and Canes are all poised to very solid teams this year. The Thrashers, not so much. They did have a 34-34-8 record last season after Bob Hartley was let go, but that just isn't going to cut it and there weren't any summer acquisitions that make me think otherwise.

What's New: Ron Hainsey should help out lots on the blueline if he can continue what he started in Columbus. John Anderson is the new coach and Jason Williams and Marty Reasoner were also brought in... But they're players.

Questions That Need Answering: Why, oh why, did Don Waddell poop in my car? Can we just have the All-Star Game in Atlanta again this year so that I can attend again?

Washington Capitals

One of the nicer surprises in the NHL last year was the resurgent Washington Capitals. They won 10 of their last 11 games to take the division crown from the Hurricanes by two points. The team re-signed a lot of their own young during the off-season, with the only major moves being letting long-time goalie Olaf Kolzig sign with Tampa and snapping up Jose Theodore. Trusting your netminding to Theodore is questionable, but he did have an excellent year last year. He's back from the netherworld where goaltenders go to die and here to destroy the living. I suggest evacuating the DC area immediately.

What's New: The goalie. A rejuvenated fanbase.

Questions That Need Answering: Can AO actually improve upon last year? Does thinking about that give you nightmares, too?

Tampa Bay Melroses Lightning

Has any team ever had a wilder off-season than the Lightning in the history of off-seasons? I can't say I remember one. I don't even know where to start with this team. There's the rockstar owners, the TV analyst turned coach (Have you heard of him?), the one and only Gary Roberts and the list goes on and on. Most teams don't have decades like this. The Lightning packed a whole bunch of wild moves into three months. But I'm getting off-topic, I'm not done here. They also added Ryan Malone, the #1 pick in the Stamkos Lottery, Vaclav Prospal (again), Mark Recchi, a division rival's netminder, Matt Carle and Andrej Meszaros. Whew. I'm gonna sit down for a minute.

What's New: In addition to everything, there are also now big expectations. With all those additions, it will be interesting to see if Coach Melrose can it all. But with such big acquisitions also come expectations. This team is expected to win and they are expected to do it now. This team is also really, really scary. They could either implode and go down in a spectacular ball of fire or they could be one of the top teams in the East. I don't think anyone is really sure what to expect right now.

Questions That Need Answering: How long till this circus falls apart? If this were really a circus, who would be the bearded lady?

Carolina Hurricanes

The Canes stood pat this summer, making some minor additions here and there. Unbelievably, they missed out on both the division title and the 8th playoff spot by two points last season. It gave meaning to the term 'Southleast' but this year it looks as if the division is poised to shake that moniker. The Canes are one of the teams looking to do just that. They did lose Bret Hedican and Glen Wesley, two important parts to their defense, but they don't look like they will be taking a step back this year. Joni Pitkanen was a nice addition and they added the re-born Sergei Samsonov in January and he put up 32 points in 38 games. How that happened, scientists will never know.

What's New: Erik Cole is out, as he was dealt to Edmonton for Pitkanen. The defense is going to have a much different look to it.

Questions That Need Answering: Would this really be a Hurricanes preview if I didn't say the word NASCAR? (sorry)

Florida Panthers

There were big shake ups in South Florida this summer as the Panthers made a multitude of moves (say that five times fast). The most notable was the FedEx-ing of Olli Jokinen out of town. He was shipped to the desert prison of the Coyotes for Nick Boynton and Keith Ballard. Jacques Martin stepped down as coach and named Peter DeBoer his successor. The team also picked up Bryan McCabe and Cory Stillman on the free agent market.

What's New: A lot. A new coach and lots of fresh faces around the organization. The defense should be solid and up front the team is putting a lot of trust into a group of young kids. It should be an interesting year in Florida.

Questions That Need Answering: Can the Panthers please start making and selling a cologne called Sex Panther? That would be hilarious LOUD NOISES

We haven't done one of these in a while...

Carey Price Makes Early Submission for Save of the Year

This might even be save of the decade. The announcers pretty much go bonkers and who can blame them. Really an unbelievable save by Price last night in the pre-season bout between the Habs and Red Wings. Take a look...

Yeah, he just kind of turns his head, goes 'oh, shit', and then proceeds to backhand the puck away from the net with his stick. That is freaking sick stuff if you ask me. It's going to take a lot to beat that for save of the year, even though the season hasn't acutally started yet.

Your Obligatory Red Wings... Err... Central Division Preview

Contrary to popular belief, there are teams in the central that are not named the Detroit Red Wings. I know that it sounds like an abstract concept really, but it's the truth. But hey, I can't tell you what to believe.

Anyway, here's #4 in our NHL season preview that we are obligated to do for all of you lovely folks out there. If you missed any previous editions, please check them out by clicking here.

Chicago Blackhawks

Whoa! Hey, look at that! It's not the Red Wings!

And look at all that I just wrote. How many Hawks fans do you think I was able to piss off in a mere three paragraphs of writing? The over/under is about 52. Yes it's a rejuvenated fanbase, but that doesn't mean the United Center is bursting at the seams.

Anyway, if you're looking for trivia points, the young child pictured above who looks like he wants to punch the cameraman is actually Logan Couture (via Sharkspage). He has nothing to do with the Hawks, it's just a neat photo.

But yes, we are here to talk about the Hawks. They have got to be the feel good story in hockey right now. This franchise seems to have done a complete 180 in the last year and is heading in the right direction. They missed out on the playoffs last year by a mere three points and still have three of the best kids in the game -- Jon Toews, Patrick Sharp and Patrick Kane. Given these kids a few more years and this team is going to be sick. The Hawks should sneak into the playoffs this season especially with the edition of Cristobal Huet. Oh and they're no slouches on defense either, what with Seabrook, Keith and a host of others.

What's New: Cristobal Huet is in and the Bulin Wall is out. Added Brian Campbell through free agency. Scotty Bowman joins the front office.

Questions That Need Answering: Really, the biggest question is 'how much are these guys going to improve?' We know they have tons of talent and now they just need to go out there and show everyone how far they can go with it. Other questions are as follows; with the Hawks having only 4 players on the roster born in the 1970s, is it more like sleep away camp than an NHL team? Does Patrick Kane have a fake ID? If so, shouldn't he be able to get into any Chicago bars he wants anyway?

Detroit Red Wings

Oh, hey. There they are. This part of the preview should basically write itself... Wings won the Cup last year... Favored to win it again... Seven division titles in a row... Something about Marian Hossa... Yawn. Damn team is so repetitive and boring.

But honestly, there's not a whole lot to say about these guys that you don't already know. You know about Hossa. Last year in the playoffs we saw a really scary side of Johan Franzen that probably even he didn't know he had. We also saw the Red Wings do whatever the hell they wanted during the playoffs, save for a couple of games. The addition of Hossa makes them downright frightening. Honestly, just skip the horror movie antics and start running for your lives right now. It's reached that point.

What's New: Ty Conklin is in for the retired Dominik Hasek. Marian Hossa, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Questions That Need Answering: How much does it hurt to get in the way of a speeding freight train? Is there an NHL team out there that cares to find out? How badly would you (or I) like to be Mike Babcock right now?

Columbus Blue Jackets

So we are now seven years into the Blue Jackets' existence and they still have not seen the promised land. Seven years is a long playoff drought and it may feel even longer if you've never tasted them. But here we are and Scott Howson has done a nice job retooling the team to try and turn things around this year. Probably the biggest hurdle facing them is that they're in a good division in an even better conference. In the East, you could make the argument that they might be in the mix for the eighth spot. Not so in the West.

Nonetheless, the team made some nice acquisitions over the summer and hopefully for them they will pay off. Huselius is a good addition, as he once again escapes the jaws of Mike Keenan. Also in the mix are RJ Umberger and a cluster of less-impactful players. Pascal Leclaire, who laid his life on the line for Canada last year, is back with a nice three-year deal. The Blue Jackets don't have a lineup that looks very intimidating on paper, but aren't going to be push overs either.

What's New: Christian Backman, Fedor Tyutin, Raffi Torres (who just hurt his shoulder), RJ Umberger, Mike Commodore, Kristian Huselius.

Questions That Need Answering: Why doesn't this team actually wear blue jackets instead of jerseys? I could see it now... Mid 90s denim jackets from Calvin Klein with each players' name sequined on the back. Simply FABulous!

(Poor attempt at Predator humor that has already been done a million times.)

Nashville Predators

Is there a more frustrated fanbase in all of hockey? They pack the arena, but are still in danger of losing the franchise. A ticket drive helps and gets the team through the season, a season in which they arguably overachieved on the ice, and yet here we are again with rumors of Jim Basillie buying the team and moving them to wherever he pleases.

(Warning! Tangent! Warning!)

By the way, can we just go ahead and blame America's economic problems on Boots Del Biaggio? Apparently he owes lenders about $170 million. I mean shit, that's gotta count for something.

(Train veers back on track)

So we were talking about the Predators. They did squat in the off-season in terms of bringing in people. They shipped out a few players, but kept the roster basically the same. At this point, if I'm a Preds fan, I would be happy this year if my team stayed put and made the playoffs. Sometimes it's the simpler things in life. Trust me, I know. I'm an Islander fan.

What's New: Who's Gone: Marek Zidlicky, Chris Mason (sucked anyway), Jan Hlavac, Martin Gelinas.

Questions That Need Answering: Who gets Del Biaggio's stake in the team? Mmm... Can I have some steak myself?

St. Louis Blues

It's been tough times in St. Louis in recent years. They haven't been to the playoffs or had a winning record since before the lockout. And now there is a serious injury with highly touted #1 pick Erik Johnson suffered while golfing. To pile on, their biggest off-season addition was Mike Weaver. Hoo boy. It might be another long season in St. Louis. The folks there might be, ha, singing the blues!!! hahahahahaha GET IT?!!?1!

Woooo. I just love a good pun.

Sorry, I'll stop.

What's New: Not a whole lot. Lots of key young players got re-signed (Jackman, Oshie, Eller) so it's apparent things are heading in the right direction. It might just take some time. Doug Weight has departed along with Jamal Mayers and Martin Rucinsky.

Questions That Need Answering: Do you feel lucky, punk? Well, do ya?