STATE OF THE BLOG ADDRESS

If you read one post all week, let it be this one. Things are going to be changing a bit around here. We're not moving anywhere, the personnel is just going to get mixed around.

Nothing is finalized yet, but as of January 5th I am taking a job that may ask me to stop blogging. Actually, they mentioned that they would want me to during interviews, but nothing has been said since. We'll see what happens when I go in there. I may have to take a break for a while depending on what they say. It's only for six months, so I might just be like DiPietro and held out the rest of the season for my own good. Oh wait, the Islanders aren't putting him on ice for the year are they? Well, it's a good idea, but I digress.

However, no matter what happens with me, this blog shall live on. I just won't be writing for it. Ryan is still going to be here doing his thing, but in a more prominent role. Daddy's giving him the keys to the '76 Corvette, you could say. We are also in negotiations to bring in a few more folks on a full time basis. They're good people and you probably are already familiar with them, but I'd rather not say anything too concrete until we know for sure what's going on.

Yeah, in seven days this may be goodbye -- for me personally, but not the blog. If I do have to step away because of work, it will likely be from AOL as well. Just figured you all should get a heads up. We'll see what happens.

So that's that. There's a lot of things going on and we have a lot of ideas, but there's not really anything set in stone. It's kind of like the State of the Union Address, with much less clapping. And suits. I definitely do not wear a suit while typing.

Paul Stastny Hurt, Snowblower Appointed Master of Universe

Some interesting news out of Colorado the last few days... Fantasy Hockey Legend and Master of the Universe Paul Stastny has broken his arm and will be out of service indefinitely for the Avs. The news comes as a shock all around the galaxy, as Stastny has long thought to have been indestructible.

In the short term, the Elders of the Galactic Council have appointed the snowblower that mangled Joe Sakic's hand Interim Master of the Universe until Stastny recovers. Condolences for Stasny have poured in from across the universe, as far away as the Zorklax Galaxy and from our owm Milky Way.

Many galactic politicians fear that Master Stastny's injury could have a disastrous effect on human-snorcon relations in the Belluo Nebula. Tensions there were already tight as peace negotiations fell through after the assassination of Snorcon leader Myylef Nuooo. Experts are afraid that the region could yet again erupt into chaos.

In an exclusive interview with CNN Universal, the snowblower that mangled Joe Sakic's hand was very quiet about what it planned to do as Interim Master of the Universe. Then someone realized that it was not plugged in and it proceeded to attack Wolf Blitzer.

Why Patrick Kane will be in the league forever

For most people, not just hockey fans, EA Sports' NHL 93 (I had 94, so I'm going with that image) is their first brilliant sports video game (Madden took a little while to get it's legs under it). One of the best teams, the Blackhawks, featured quality young players that ended up having (even still) long successful careers. Let's take a look at some of those studs:
Jeremy Roenick
Chris Chelios
Eric Weinrich
Keith Carney
Bryan Marchment
Tony Amonte
Ed Belfour

And yes, I'm aware that I'm the first person to ever call Bryan Marchment a stud. But the point is, thats a roster full of guys who had long careers in the league.

Here we are in 2008, getting ready to pop into 2009, and EA has done it again. NHL 09 is simply the best video game I've played in years. I got to bed at night dreaming about it. There are days in which I'm supposed to go to work, but instead want to call in sick. I created myself as a free agent, just to see who would need my services, and I was signed by the Flames. Because of this game, I hate the Flames less.
But that's not why you came. See, EA Sports released this piece of video gaming brilliance at about the same time the Blackhawks are stockpiling an impressive cast of youngsters. In 15 years, will we be dusting off the 360 and reminiscing about when these guys were young and still playing together?
Patrick Kane
Patrick Sharp
Jonathan Toews
Andrew Ladd
Duncan Keith
Dustin Byfuglien

Something to think about...

The Rare Occasion in Which I Agree With a Toronto Media Member

Whoa, don't let that title catch you by surprise there. I'm not rooting for the Leafs or anything it just happens that, somehow, Damien Cox of the Toronto Star and myself are on the same page. Now he's not saying anything earth shattering. In fact, all he's saying is that John Tavares is the real deal. But, despite that, it's still amazing to say I agree.

It's a derby in which the Maple Leafs, not yet bad enough to get better, must have a horse.

Brian Burke knows it, Dave Nonis knows it and even Ron Wilson, you have to believe, knows it.

John Tavares' special performance on a big stage for Team Canada in the opening game of the world junior championship in Ottawa on Friday night was just the latest piece of compelling evidence that made it clear the Leafs need to be at least in a position to win the draft lottery and land the No. 1 overall pick next June.

Any other day I would say this might be more fanboy trash coming from Toronto, but when it comes to a kid as special as Tavares, it's not. I guess you could say I'm developing a creepy man crush on the kid. As you may remember, I wrote a short essay about this on Monday.

The only difference between myself and Cox -- and it's kind of a big one -- is that last Monday the Islanders had lost nine in a row and were 13 points out of the 8th playoff spot in the East. As of 4:30 this morning when Cox's article hit the internets, the Leafs were 5-5 in their last ten and only five points out of the 8th spot in the East. They still have a chance whereas the Islanders will have to play better than .600 hockey for a few months to climb back in this. I kind of question Cox's faith in his team when reading this, as they're certainly not done in the Everybody Wins League. But then again, these are the Leafs. It can be painful to watch sometimes.

ZOMG LOL

I don't have words for this one. Just watch.

Merry Christmas!

I know it's late, but since I didn't post today, I wanted to wish you all a Merry Christmas! I hope you all got to spend time with loved ones and those loved ones gave you exactly what you wanted. Me? I got a TV stand, a cooler full of beer and a bit of a flu bug. Ho Ho Ho!

A Christmas Carol from the San Jose Sharks

If you've ever wanted to see a shirtless Joe Thornton in a teal Santa cap singing Jingle Bells... Well, there's probably something seriously wrong with you. Or maybe you're on drugs. Either one.

But whatever your dysfunction, are you in luck today! Thanks to Comcast Sports Net in San Jose (and a h/t to Puck Daddy), we've got Thorton, Ricci and a whole bunch of other folks from the Sharks organization singing an odd rendition of Jingle Bells.

And to answer your question, JR was sadly not involved at all. Why make a video like this and leave out the best actor in the organization, the world may never know.

They're Trying, They're Just Not Good at This

AP

Apologies in advance for two Islander-related posts this week, but last night was my first visit to the Coliseum this season, so I think some thoughts are appropriate.

First off, the push for the Lighthouse Project is everywhere -- as it should be. Even the ice girls' snow shovels have signs advertising on the Lighthouse. I don't know why you need to advertise there, but then again I'm not working for marketing.

Next up is the crowd. For all the lumps attendance at these games takes there was a good crowd last night. 14,227 on the score sheet which I can verify for you was not exaggerated. I expected to see the place looking like a ghost town but it wasn't. Probably because of the holiday, but it was close to 90% capacity, and it looked like it too.

And finally there is the on-ice product. Or what vaguely resembles one. Let's get this straight -- this team, as was rostered last night, sucks. But that's what happens when you combine a youth movement, 200+ man games lost to injury, playing without your #1 netminder and with only two of your top seven defenders. They have even lost 9 in a row, 10 including last night's loss.

Howevah, this team didn't act like it was the worst team in the league and on a morbidly long losing streak. They didn't act like they were getting beat by the third worst team in the league. They hustled, forced turnovers in their offensive zone and played hard all night long. That was the biggest shock of the night to me. Again, let's be clear -- they're not very talented. But that being said, and maybe this was a one night only show, they were playing hard for their jobs (many of which will likely be in the AHL sooner rather than later) and/or hard for their coach. Down 2-0 to a bad Atlanta team in the second period, the Isles could have folded up and gone home. They didn't. They rallied back to tie the game at two. Maybe it was holiday spirit. Maybe it was a fluke. Maybe it's because the roster is loaded with kids. But it's good to see a team going full tilt, even if full tilt can't buy them a win. Heck, if they play like this and manage to get Tavares, I'd say it's a win-win.

Fantasy Hockey Update

It's been a while since Ryan altered you all to my embarrassment of a fantasy hockey team, so it's probably time that we give you another look at what's going on in the BMR fantasy leagues.

First up is the Invitational league.

I'm happy to report that yours truly has moved out of last place, thanks to the help of Loser Domi's team. It's still a close race, however. On the other side of the standings, Earl Sleek is still holding strong in the 2nd spot, but did surrender his first place standing to Plank. Plank's team has been on fire, jumping from fifth the last time we saw them, going 51-22-9 over that time.

The biggest movement though came from the boys at Pensblog, who plummeted from third to 10th. Welcome to the basement, boys.

In the free-for-all league, things have also been shaken up quite a bit. Mascots-R-Us is now in the top spot, moving up from the 10th spot they held six weeks ago. Yours truly has moved from 5th to 2nd and the former top two teams have plummeted in the standings. Stamkos Schmamkos and Tugnutt were the top two teams six weeks ago, and now they're 10th and 11th. I guess that's what you get for taking Tugnutt and Stamkos' names in vain. Or something.

I'm also glad to see my roommate is still stuck solidly in last. That's because I get to say "suck it Jason" again. Suck it Jason.

All I Want for Christmas is Some Tavares

It's almost Christmas, and as a male 20-something that has a laptop and an XBOX 360, I have about everything I need to keep myself occupied for long periods of time. This makes it really hard for people to buy things for me. That's OK though, it usually makes my bank account a little happier.

But this Christmas, there is one thing I would like. It's for the Islanders to do what they didn't the 2nd half of last season and tank. Not that I wish them harm, I want the best for each and every one of them. But sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can start to move up in the world.

I know what you're thinking. What kind of low-life would ever root against his favorite team? Well, this one. I'm willing to do what no fan should ever do, if only because my team is the NHL equivalent of the Washington Generals.

OK, I know it all sounds ridiculous. But there has been only one team that has (arguably) been worse than the Islanders during the last 15 seasons, and they have only been in existence for 8 of them.

Right now the Islanders are locked in a two horse race with the Lightning for title of the worst team in the NHL. The winner gets the best chance of obtaining the #1 overall pick in the 2009 draft through the lottery. The winner of the lottery then gets, presumably, the consensus pick of John Tavares. It's no guarantee, but it's as good as an opportunity as any team can get.

In the post Milbury era, the Islanders have not picked higher than seventh. It's been thirteen years since they've had a top 5 pick and the worst GM in the history of the franchise hasn't had a hand in the decision making. To be fair he did draft Rick DiPietro and Roberto Luongo, but outside of those two he didn't make any significant selections after the 1996 draft when the Isles used their first three picks on JP Dumont, Dan Lacoutre and Zdeno Chara. Beginners luck, you could call it.

But there's a reason this comes to mind during this time of year. December and January are the annual collapse of the Islanders, no matter how well or poorly they had been playing during October and November. Since the lockout the team is a combined 33-46-7-4 in December and January. If you combine their October and November records since the lockout, they are 47-42-3-4. In three Feburarys, they're 18-10-2-2.

As the holidays come and go, so do the Islanders.

The same has happened this year, only much, much worse. The Islanders are winless in the month of December, 0-8-1, after starting the year a decent 10-12-2. It's the same as any other year, only this year I want the bottoming out to continue. Sure, it's not good for anyone involved. Fans, players, staff. No one will enjoy it. It's also a little ridiculous to say that one 18-year old is going to change the direction of a franchise. But another early exit would make this the 15th season in a row that the Islanders have not won a playoff series. During that time the franchise has twice selected from one of the top two spots in the draft. Those picks were used on Rick DiPietro and Wade Redden. One changed the face of the franchise, the other turned out to be a two-time all-star defender who puts up almost .5 points per game.

If it's a 50/50 chance that Tavares is going to be a franchise changer, I'm willing to take that chance. At this point, the Islanders should be, too.

And Now Back to Your Regularly Scheduled Blog

Well, I'm back from Vegas and ready to get this thing going again. A big thanks to everyone who took the time to fill in here; Pensblog, Wrap Around Curl, Steve Lepore and of course Ryan. They're really all a great bunch of people and did a great job over here the last few days.

As for myself, I never adjusted to the Pacific time zone, so I'm still on Eastern time. I woke up about 8am everyday out there. So I guess that kind of worked out. All the traveling took its toll on me, so I'm heading to bed right now, but I can promise you I'm going to hit the ground running in the morning. We've got a lot of get to.

Remembrance;

In times like these we must be vigilant! We must stand strong and remember the history that binds us. We must never forget the Spokane Chiefs dropped the Memorial Cup. Despite efforts by the organization to mask this incident. It was an act of glory. One of great amusement.

It'd be like if the kids on the Breakfast Club decided to not act like they had bared their souls and danced that awesome dance in the library that one time in Saturday detention. It'd be like if Claire tried to be like "oh no, John Bender has no idea what color my undies are." They both know. We all know. There is plenty of column inches and youtubes to chronicle Captain Chris Bruton's bumble. But it's ok. It's charming and adorable and could potentially be worked into the next terrible hockey movie that Hollywood will decide someone like Michael Bay should direct. I mean, it could become a Jeopardy question. That might be a stretch. Whatever. The point is NEVER FORGET!

Anyways, thanks for letting me invade for the day. I hope y'all had fun. Also, watch the World Juniors. Keep an eye on Canadian netminder Dustin Tokarski. He is gonna make it hot.

"Mats! You F--king Bitch! We Can Work It Out!"

Kevin is out of town, so holding down the fort will be Ryan and a star studded cast of guest posters who will be stopping throughout the week. Please welcome your overlord for the day, the critically acclaimed and criminally under appreciated Wrap Around Curl.

Hey guess what? It's a post about Mats Sundin. I planned to write about him a few days ago when Kevin invited me to bloggysit. And when I say "about" I mean around and such. But since he is all stitched into a Canucks sweater, let's take it head on.

Wow Mats, what a dick move. I know I am a bit fresh to this whole being a Leafs fan thing. But I think I can understand the Leafs pain. See, back in the day I absolutely loved and adored Alex Rodriguez. When girls were fawning over Leo DiCaprio in J-14 I was reading the Sporting News and clipping pictures of A-Rod. I played shortstop in softball, but quit because I thought the whole underhand/different kind of ball was sissy. There was the worn Rodriguez shirt that I rocked on the regular. I was a sick puppy. And then something in my room that could only be described as a "shrine."

The number that broke my heart? 252. He went to Texas for 252 million bucks and I pretty much never watched baseball ever again. Perhaps there wasn't glory in being a Mariner. I don't know. But the team had charm and did not suck entirely. Cash grabs aren't cute, babycakes.

But why did Mats have to go all Rob Gordon? When Rob was on the decline with Laura, he admitted he wants to see other people. And then goes on a path to find himself/someone new. He visits old girlfriends and pursues potential new interests that are different than Laura. Mats took some time and went to Sweden to be one with his peeps and then started flirting. While Rob is messing about he found out that Laura is seeing someone new and decides calling her and reminding her they are split up but could perhaps be together again. Oh and I haven't figured out which Leafs best represents Ian. If you know, drop it in the comments. Then Rob thinks he might be down with Marie DeSaille because when she sings Baby I Love Your Way, it's tolerable. Which honestly, is probably on my Top Five for songs that make me dry heave. He figures he can stick with Marie because he loves the idea of being with a musician. She'd write an album about him, and tuck things in the liner notes for him. Mats went elsewhere to win, apparently.

The thing about all this is, some think that Mats will come back to Toronto, after he gets this all out of his system. Well, Rob did decide screwing other people was boring. And Laura decided she was miserable without Rob and being together just made sense. It could all come back to that. But I imagine it would be awkward. Though, it would be remedied with Sonic Death Monkey, nay, Barry Jive and the Uptown Five.

The Versus [drinking] Game of the Week (Pittsburgh at Buffalo)

Mmmm.... Nog

So Kevin is on vacation in Las Vegas, and I am in Minnesota with plans to go to Fargo this weekend. We're both going to be seeing snow on our trip, but I suspect Kevin is going to be having more fun, mostly because he doesn't have to drive in it. Trust me though, Fargo is a lot like Vegas, but people just don't know about it. For example, walking the streets late at night could get you in a lot of trouble. In Fargo, it's because of hypothermia, but no mind. Well, now maybe they have the same problem. This is the last drinking game before Christmas, and, in fact, since both Christmas and New Years Day fall on Thursdays this year, it may be the last one of the year. In that spirit, you're drinking eggnog (special eggnog, of course) for this one, and at the end of the game, plant a sloppy kiss on your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/pet.

DRINK

... every time the Winter Classic is mentioned. Chug during highlight clips.

... if someone in the room says "mistletoe". Then punch him. Right in the head.

... if there are any bad Christmas puns. Happy Hockeydays, for example. Or Rudolf the red nosed Tallinder.

... finish your glass if anyone at anypoint suggests that Thomas Vanek is better than Crosby. Fill another one and drink that too if it's Vanek.

... if there are any celebrities in the crowd. Ha! Kidding! This is Buffalo! Instead, drink every time something crawls out of Pascal Dupuis' eyebrows.

NHL, TV Partners Should Act Swiftly to Show off Sharks

Kevin is out of town, so holding down the fort will be Ryan and a star-studded cast of guest posters who will be stopping throughout the week.  Please welcome your overlord for the afternoon, Steve Lepore from Puck the Media.

Hi everyone.  Hopefully you know me if you read this fantastic website, but if you don't, I sure hope you'll check me out.  Today, I had a whole Kevin Schultz in Vegas Drinking Game (Complete with me referencing the entire script from "Swingers") planned out, but instead - much to all of your dismay - I'm going to talk about hockey, and hockey on TV.

As most of you reading this site know, the San Jose Sharks are hockey robots this season.  Not these hockey robots, but hockey cyborgs.  Unfortunately, due to the fact that the NHL and it's TV partners seem so uninterested in teams west of Detroit, the Sharks have been largely ignored by most of the casual hockey viewers.  All six of them.

This isn't just a VERSUS thing, by the way.  Though VERSUS won't televise a Sharks game until February 10th when the Sharks are in Boston (and how the hell did VERSUS luck into getting that game?) and will air two more San Jose tilts before the year is out.  CBC and TSN will only air a total of 7 Sharks games this season.  This for a team that might be headed for a record-breaking NHL year?

Well, we realize that VERSUS can change it's schedule for the rest of the year starting in January.  So here are some suggestions to the network for changes that would involve the Sharks, and the entire NHL in general.  Let's go through the rest of the VERSUS schedule, beginning in February, after the NHL/NBC regular schedule kicks in and the All-Star Game is over.

Feb. 2 - St. Louis vs. Detroit 

Other Options: None in that Timeslot, Buffalo/Anaheim at 10PM 

What to Do: Add that Buffalo/Anaheim game if you can, but VERSUS likely won't do it.

Feb. 3 - St. Louis vs. Columbus 

Other Options: Washington-New Jersey, Tampa-Islanders, Atlanta-Rangers, Florida-Toronto, Pittsburgh-Montreal, Phoenix-Nashville and Calgary-Dallas are your conceivable options.

What to Do: With the Rangers and Pittsburgh maxed out on VERSUS showings, how about Caps-Devils?  That'd be tons more exciting than Blues-Jackets.

Feb. 9 - NY Rangers vs. New Jersey 

Other Options: There are none.

What to Do: Keep it, obviously.  I wouldn't change it if I could.

Feb. 10 - San Jose vs. Boston 

Other Options: Do you really want to hear them?

What to Do: Keep it, and promote it like you couldn't promote the Detroit-Ottawa game last year.

Feb. 16 - NY Rangers vs. St. Louis 

Other Options: Dallas-Columbus and Ottawa-Nashville.

What to Do: Keep it.  Two big hockey markets, one decent enough to justify airing the game.

Feb. 17 - Buffalo vs. Toronto 

Other Options: Boston-Carolina, Chicago-Tampa, Florida-Jersey.

What to Do: Keep it for now, but if Toronto heads into a nosedive, show off the Hawks beating the tar out of the Lightning, or the Bruins dominating the Canes.

Feb. 23 - San Jose vs. Dallas 

Other Options: No other games this day.

Feb. 24 - Anaheim vs. Buffalo 

Other Options: Florida-Boston, Philadelphia-Washington, Colorado-Atlanta, Chicago-Nashville, LA-Minnesota, Phoenix-St. Louis are all possibilities.  

What to Do: Philly-Washington's a tempting change, but I like Ducks-Sabres here.

Mar. 2 - Colorado vs. NY Islanders 

Other Options: Unfortunately for my sanity, there are none.  Sorry, Schultzy. 

Mar. 3 - Pittsburgh vs. Tampa Bay 

Other Options: Philadelphia-Boston, Carolina-Washington, LA-Columbus, New Jersey-Toronto, Anaheim-Chicago, Detroit-St. Louis and a Dallas-San Jose late game.

What to Do: This game is dull-looking at this point, but you don't take Sidney off the schedule.  Maybe add that Stars-Sharks game later.

Mar. 9 - NY Rangers vs. Carolina 

Other Options: No realistic ones.

Mar. 10 - Buffalo vs. Philadelphia 

Other Options: Calgary-Jersey, Boston-Columbus, Isles-Toronto, Florida-Pittsburgh, Phoenix-Detroit, Washington-Nashville, San Jose-Minnesota, Dallas-St. Louis.

What to Do: This is where I'd like to see VERSUS give the Sharks a chance.  Hopefully, this game becomes a clunker soon enough that they can put the Sharks and Wild in the spotlight.

Mar. 16 - Washington vs. Atlanta 

Other Options: None at that time period.

Mar. 17 - Philadelphia vs. Detroit 

Other Options: Chicago-Jersey, Rangers-Montreal, Buffalo-Ottawa, Atlanta-Pittsburgh, Toronto-Tampa, Washington-Florida, Colorado-Minnesota, and a San Jose-Phoenix late game.

What to Do: Don't change a thing, two big markets here.  But add that Sharks game late, oh pretty please?

Mar. 23 - New Jersey vs. Philadelphia 

Other Options: Carolina-Florida.

What to Do: Nothing at all.

Mar. 24 - Minnesota vs. NY Rangers 

Other Options: Washington-Toronto, Atlanta-Montreal, Anaheim-Nashville, Los Angeles-St. Louis, Vancouver-Dallas 

What to Do: Keep this one too.

Mar. 30 - New Jersey vs. NY Rangers and Dallas vs. Phoenix 

Other Options: None in that timeslot.

Mar. 31 - Chicago vs. Montreal 

Other Options: Tampa-Boston, Nashville-Columbus, Ottawa-Florida, Vancouver-Minnesota.

What to Do: Nothing.  This is the perfect "Get me psyched for the playoffs" match-up.

Apr. 6 - Detroit vs. Buffalo 

Other Options: None Realistically.

Apr. 7 - Dallas vs. Minnesota and Colorado vs. San Jose 

Other Options: Early on there's Toronto-Jersey, Montreal-Rangers, Florida-Philly, Isles-Carolina, Washington-Atlanta, Boston-Ottawa, Pittsburgh-Tampa, Chicago-Nashville.  Late night: St. Louis-Phoenix.

What to Do: Early on, maybe take a shot on the Boston game, as Ottawa could be crawling back to life, and you could showcase the Bruins for the players.

Have a great day, and I hope you'll check me out at Puck the Media sometime. 

CSI NHL

Kevin is out of town, so holding down the fort will be Ryan and a star studded cast of guest posters who will be stopping throughout the week. Please welcome your overlord for the day, [The Pensblog]. Anyway, that should be it. I'm headed out in the morning. Hopefully I'll come back a multimillionaire and be able to retire by Sunday. Thanks again! :::::::::::: A few weeks ago, on this very website there was a post about oneliners from David Caruso of CSI Miami. We loved the idea so much, we stole it of course. For those who have never heard of David Caruso's oneliners, they come from the show CSI-Miami. At the beginning of every show, the head of the Miami CSI, David Caruso gives a cheesy oneliner. The video of endless oneliners is one of the most viewed youtubes of all time: So we asked a bunch of our readers to send some photoshops in using a template one of our readers found last year. Enjoy. And feel free to stop over to our site today and vote for your favorite. ::::::::::::::: Click to enlarge.

I Think It's Time to Call It a Week

timberwolf1212 on flickr

My apologies for the lack of updates lately. It's been a hectic couple of days. I've been taking finals, moving out of my apartment and am headed to Las Vegas to cap it all off tomorrow morning. It's been a whirlwind to say the least.

I do have some good news, though. There are a great bunch of folks who have graciously volunteered their time to guest post over the next couple days. I'll be back on Saturday, but they'll take you through the week (their identities are a secret) until then. Ryan will be in and out as usual, including the Thursday drinking game. Many thanks to him for all he's done for the site in the last few months.

So yeah, I'm off to Vegas. I'm going to try my best to come back with money and a shirt on my back. I promise when I get back things will be back to normal. Except for the whole holidays thing. But if you don't like spending time with the in-laws, you know where to go... And that's here, just in case you didn't.

One last thing... This week only there will be a special Wednesday edition of Buys and Sells over at AOL. That's going to be the only other place daddy pops up this week. Except maybe Nevada. Anyway, have a great week and I'll see you all on Saturday!

This doesn't make it any better

You have to be smarter than the snowblower

The details are coming out in the Sakic v. Snowblower incident. It was revealed that Joe had been trying to remove a clog in the chute when he injured his his hand. By removing the clog, the blades turned and smooshed (medical term) his hand. So, no, he didn't hurt himself by diving headlong into the snowblower. That doesn't make the incident any less silly.
First, I have a general rule that I love by: Just be cause my arm CAN fit their doesn't mean it should. The only thing I ever put my arm in is a sleeve.
Second, what could possibly have clogged your snow blower, aside from, you know, snow? If it wasn't snow, then what did you have in your driveway? Better take a quick count on the kids, Joe. I'm assuming, though, that it was snow. Or ice. Either way, I can think of a couple solutions that don't involve reconstructive surgery. First, why not just wheel it in the garage? The ice and snow will melt, no worries. Of course, I'm sure you, like the rest of the world, don't have that kind of patience. What you would need then, is something long enough to reach the clog, but narrow enough to reach down the chute, something that isn't flimsy, in case you need to break apart the clog. Do you have anything like that, Joe? Do you have anything like that laying around the house?
You'll still be back on the ice before Gaborik

Be Glad You Do Not Work for the Humanitarian Bowl

I try to keep things strictly hockey related around here, but sometime there are things that I just have to share with you. Take for instance, the college football bowl season that is upon us. There are probably way too many bowls and some of them, and the schools that attend them, lose money on the deal. I get the feeling that the Humanitarian Bowl in Boise, Idaho is one of those.

BSU ticket agents say don't let the lack of lines fool you. They say their phones have been ringing off the hook, not only for Poinsettia Bowl seats, but also for the H-Bowl match up.

"Now that we know its Nevada and Maryland people are excited about that match up," said Anita Guerricabeitia, assistant director for ticket sales.

...

As of Monday afternoon the University of Maryland says it's sold about 16 tickets to the game. The University of Nevada says it's sold 8 so far.

A look at a snowblower

At right is a snowblower. A Honda, to be exact. Being from Minnesota, I'm quite familiar with their machinations. The spinning blades at the front help cycle snow up through the chute and out away from your driveway or walk. The blades, as I said, spin and could potentially cause injury to anything that finds it's way up there. Fortunately, there are safety precautions. The handles are equipped with a kill switch that, when you let go, kill the engine. Really, if you want to injure yourself with a snowblower, you would have to have someone else operating it and dive in front of it. The most common way to injure yourself is to slip and maybe get nicked in the leg (or worse) if you have long legs, or, God forbid, you slip and get stuck under the machine. To injure your hands, you would have to be a special kind of stupid. Actually, if you have been able to injure your hands via snowblower, it would be more surprising if you haven't had another boneheaded injury in your past.

The Lightning are Trying to Go Al Davis on Melrose

This is a hockey blog, so let me explain the title a bit for those of you who aren't huge NFL fans. Al Davis is the old, kooky, paranoid owner of the Oakland Raiders. He has always had a bad repore with his coach and the relationship usually ends in Davis firing them and, many times, trying to with hold their pay. The most recent firing was Lane Kiffin. Davis held a lengthy press conference for him detailing the reasons he was firing Kiffin and that it was for cause. If you ever get the chance, You Tube it.

Funny story happening down in Tampa that I'm sure you're aware of. Yes, I'm referring to the whole Len Barrie/Barry Melrose War of Words that has seemingly taken over this hockey blog. Well, the chapters are writing themselves by the minute.

The latest, as of six or so hours ago, is that the Lightning are going to go Al Davis on Melrose and try to not pay him.

Side bar: The general legalese of the subject is that a coach needs to be fired "for cause" in order to not pay them the remainder of what they are owed. So, for example, firing a coach for losing or being incompetent doesn't really cut it. Conduct detrimental to the organization, harassment or something along those lines would however.

Back to Melrose and the Lightning.

Nothing is set in stone yet, but Darren Dreger of TSN is reporting that the Lightning are "investigating" if they would have a case for withholding the rest of Barry's money. Dreger is also reporting that "Melrose's assessment of rookie forward Steven Stamkos is the basis for the investigation."

I'd really like to know how they're going to try and prove that one in a court of law. Of all the things they could go after Melrose for, that would be it? Seriously? I wonder if the Bolts know that they need proof. Evidence. You know, something that would hold up in court.

So there's your daily Barry Melrose Termination Update. My guess is there will be something new before Friday is over with. We can only hope.

The Versus [drinking] Game of the Week (Colorado at Detroit)

Hopefully, Budaj-Osgood can be this intense

Not long ago, Detroit-Colorado was one of the premier rivalries in the NHL, then the Avs got old. The Red Wings did too, but for whatever reason, it didn't matter. For those that enjoy watching the same two teams on national television every time they play, this is the game for you. This is the NHL's version of the Yankees-Red Sox or Cowboys-Redskins. Basically, if you aren't a fan of one of the two teams in question, when this game comes on, you're hoping for the meteor. Instead of a meteor, let's just get bombed on Monday night.

DRINK

... every time "Kopecky" is said. Drink twice if it's not said the same way twice. Add a drink for every different pronunciation.

... for every finger you've never injured with a snowblower

... ironically every time there is a Honda ad.

... throughout any Steve Yzerman video montage.

... if you are so drunk that you giggle at "Babcock". Heh. Babcock.

Tampa Wars: The Len Barrie Strikes Back

A few days ago, Barry Melrose lashed out -- or bitch slapped, however you want to say it -- the Lightning and a few choice people in the organization. It really wasn't the prettiest way to handle the situation for all involved. But that's life. Sometimes firings get all messy and cat fighty.

Prior to the Bolts game last night in Buffalo, Len Barrie decided that he wouldn't be above all this nonsense. In fact, he wanted to be a part of it and even fan the flames a bit, so we can all pull out our lawn chairs and watch this baby burn! Good times for all not involved. Good times, indeed.

Here are the choice cuts from Barrie, with some help from FanHouse's Adam Gretz. Might as well give them both equal treatment, hockey card and all.

"I knew we were in trouble when we went to Prague and Barry wanted to play the (defensive) left wing lock."

Ooooohhh! Not the left wing lock diss!

Barrie on Stamkos:

"everyone knows this kid is a star player."

Thanks. Thanks for that epic analysis.

None of that was really all too exciting. But you know what is? This quote:

"He went at guys personally and he challenged the team, which is fine. Coaches have to do that. But you have to have guys respond ... But my thing is you're paid to do a job, and he didn't do it from day one. How he came in and prepared for this job was total negligence."

There you go. Them's fightnin' words! Consider me now prepared for Melrose's rebuttal. Barry, if you're reading this and know what a blog is, email your rebuttal to the following address: melroserocks@gmail.com.

Things I've Been Doing Behind Your Back: Puck the Media Edition

It's finals week for yours truly as well as Steve Lepore over at Puck the Media, so that means we're both really, really busy. Actually, I'm not so much because I took half of my finals on Monday (that was fun!), but Steve is. So anyway, you know me, always posting around in other places and crossing my fingers you don't get too mad at me.

So today, I took the time to chime in over at Lepore's place, Puck the Media. The long title is Guest Post Masterpiece Theater: Kevin Schultz’s Five Pieces of Advice for the Blogosphere. I'd say it's more like Five Things Schultz Decided to Randomly Rant About. Either way, I hope you enjoy. And don't get too mad that Daddy has been going on dates here and there.

Another random note, this post also marks the first one that I have, I think, ever written while sitting at a desk. I'm usually in front of the TV on sitting in bed. OK, too much information.

Anyway, there have been a lot of interesting stories this week that we have missed. I'll be chiming in on a few of those later today and into tomorrow. Ryan will likely pop in at some point as well. And in case you haven't noticed, I've given him a lot more leeway with the site. He's not confined to only Thursdays anymore. He can now roam freely to whichever days of the week he likes. It's more humane that way. And entertaining.

How Well Do You Know the NHL?

For most of you, the answer is probably "quite well, actually." Reader John forwarded me a neat little game to play if you're trying to kill some time during these last few minutes of your work day. It's a really simple concept -- how many NHL teams can you name in three minutes. It seems like a piece of cake, but it's tougher than it sounds.

Click here to give it a whirl. Be careful though, the timer starts as soon as the page loads. Right now, I'm sixth on the leader board. I finished in 1:15. Let's see if we can get some BMR domination going! The force is with you. I can feel it.

Ew.

Melrose With Some Parting Shots at Tampa Bay

OK, so. Things are really starting to get messy with the whole Barry Melrose getting fired by Tampa Bay thing. I'm about 10 hours late on this, so excuse me if you've already heard about it.

Apparently, Melrose was on Fan 590 in Toronto earlier -- the same Fan 590 that last year couldn't back up their claim that Sean Avery made some cancer jokes about Jason Blake -- giving his two cents on his firing in Tampa. Hey, the guy has a lot of time to kill between now and his return to ESPN on January 1. At least he's putting it to an entertaining use.

There are a couple highlights... Melrose all but explicitly saying that he hates Len Barrie, possibly alluding to Barrie coaching the team a bit... Then, of course, there is the infamous "I hope Tampa doesn't win another game" line. That's epic. It's probably going to stick around for a while too. I hope Matt Barnaby or some Sportscenter anchor has the guts to mention it the next time they are going through highlights of a Lightning win. Just 'cause it would be funny... It's good times. Looks like things in Tampa are as crazy on the inside as they appear on the outside. Or maybe it's just Barry. It's really hard to tell, frankly.

Horatio Caine analyzes the Panthers

This caption is nothing..... without a dramatic pause

With the Florida Panthers once again mired at the bottom of the Southeast conference, and their top scorer a defenseman, it doesn't take a detective to figure out that the Panthers are awful. We're using one anyways. Miami's most famous detective, Horatio Caine has a few thoughts.

- With scoring down for the Panthers, it might be time to..... reevaluate their goals.

- There isn't much fire for the Panthers. They need to find something to.... make them purr.

- Olli Jokinen is Finnish, and without him....the Panthers are finished

- The Panthers need Nathan Horton to break out.... otherwise they might break down.

- Ticket sales are still down because....the Dolphins.... are the big fish in town.


Wow. Thanks Horatio. That was awful

Understanding Sean Avery

After reading Chris Botta's accounts of Sean Avery today, I may have to change my tune about Avery's suspension. If you look at it as a one time thing, as I did at FanHouse earlier, it may be over the top. If you look at it in the context of an entire career and prior incidents, it looks very different.

"Two things shocked me about the incident. I knew Avery was off-center, but always figured the sideshow routine was just a role he played at the rink and for the cameras. During this confrontation, the media were gone from the hallway and there was no one around to entertain. The look in Avery’s eyes told me there was a whole lot more going on with this man.

But what surprised me more at the time was the Rangers’ reaction. As I’ve written, the NHL is a league where the teams take the mantra of you’re-on-our-side-or-you’re-not to cult-like levels. When Rangers higher-ups went out of their way to find Snow and apologize for Avery’s behavior, you realized how seriously out-of-control he must have been for a while."

- Chris Botta, Point Blank

Read the full article at Botta's blog, NYI Point Blank. It's a good read and sheds light on what's actually going on in Avery's head.

Holiday Gift Guide: Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

In case you were wondering, Sidney Poitier and Katherine Hepburn have nothing to do with this post.

It's that time of the year. The time when you're buying presents for people you probably hate buying presents for. It doesn't really matter who you are -- unless you're an anti-holidayist -- you're likely going to be buying something for someone. And that's where this post comes in. Today we've got two gifts to show you, thanks to the boys at the Pensblog.

First up is, in my completely non-biased opinion, the best gift anyone could ever get in the history of ever. You can take your choice of the Islanders' roster to dinner. Yeah. Jon Sim, Nate Thompson... You know, all those studs. Rick DiPietro and Bill Guerin are there too. An of course, there's Jon Sim! Taking him to dinner must be a dream come true... For... Someone out there.

But if you're one of the very few out there who hasn't gotten curbstomped by the economy, then this is the perfect gift for the Islander fan on your list. The starting bids on the dinners -- 24 of them in all on NHL.com -- range anywhere from $450 for a fine night out with Frans Nielsen to $650 for Rick DiPietro or Mike Comrie. There's no word on whether or not Comrie and Hillary Duff come as a package deal.

If this deal won't suffice for that special hockey fan in your life, then maybe you'll be interested in something a bit more charitable and Penguin-related. The Penguins' wives put together a Christmas basket charity auction to benefit the Children's Institute. I imagine the folks over at Pensblog have had a hand in this since Brooks Orpik's basket currently has the most bids. Scratch that. I'm sure they had a hand in it. Oddly enough, there doesn't appear to be any candy in it.

Melrose to Rejoin ESPN, All of World's Problems Now Solved

As of January 2009, all will be right with the world. If you look around today, you can see people are already rejoicing. It feels like a fog has been lifted. Even though it's December, it feels like spring. Even though the financial markets are the worst they have been in many of our lifetimes, it seems like there is a pot of gold sitting on the horizon. No, I'm not talking about Barack Obama taking office -- although that might be a logical conclusion for some people.

I'm talking about Barry Melrose coming back to ESPN.

"I am very, very excited about coming back home to ESPN where I have had so many great years," Melrose said in an ESPN statement. "I look forward to analyzing people being fired rather than being the guy fired."

Yeah, it feels good, doesn't it? At least it feels good in Tampa, where there are a good amount of fans happy to see him gone. It feels good here too, knowing that Melrose has a job again. We were concerned for a while... You know, filling out resumes for him and sending them out to prospective employers. But it's good to see he's back home. Now stay tuned to see what, if anything, happens between newly hired Matt Barnaby and Melrose. The games begin January 1st. I'll see you there.

Oh and, we had a photographer snap a picture exclusively for BMR from inside ESPN headquarters early this morning. Take a look...

Dear hockey fans.

Good evening, my friends. I am Thomas Vanek. My dad, Zdenik moved to Austria before I was born, making me the best Austrian hockey player ever. That's right, Divis, I said it. Best. Ever. Ever since coming to the United States, I have spent time in South Dakota, Minnesota and now Buffalo. Much better than Vienna, obviously.
Presently, I play for the Sabres in Buffalo, who are represented by a yellow slug. I thought a sabre was a sword or type of ancient tiger. I obviously haven't figured out English yet. Clearly, I haven't figured out American media either, because I would have thought that a handsome young man who leads the league goals scored would get a little attention. That's right. I am leading the league in goals scored. Not Cindy Crosby. Not that ogre Ovechkin. Me. So how about a little love. Vanek needs a little love.

Wait. What? Who the hell is Jeff Carter?

The Versus [drinking] Game of the Week (Islanders at Philadelphia)

That's two drinks right there!

I've taken a week off, thanks to the Thanksgiving holiday and Kevin's benevolent nature. Of course, in return, he wants me to crack out 412 posts by the end of the year.We're still negotiating. That being said, with this week off, you'd think I would be able to think of a really awesome drinking game this week. You'd think. Mostly though, I know that Kevin will be watching the Isles this week, and negotiations will be a lot smoother if he gets good and drunk on Tuesday. That being said, further ideas are appreciated in the comments.

DRINK

... every time Kyle Okposo is on screen looking dumbfounded or completely terrified.

... for every piece of Scott Hartnell's equipment flung through the air.

... if you think you've had craps more Finnish than Sean Bergenheim.

... every time you are startled by a players continued existence. "Holy crap, is that Richard Park?!"

... for every blow to the head of Andrew Alberts. (I suspect Riley Cote will provide at least one)

... if you think you hear Kevin crying

Groundbreaking Journalism from ESPN

"The Senators' top line acquired its nickname from a pizza chain promotion that originally kicked in when Ottawa scored five goals in a game. It was subsequently raised to six goals."

Thanks. Thanks for that.

Laviolette Canned: Will it Be the Most Confusing Firing this Season?

AP

Today you can add Hurricanes coach Pete Laviolette to the list of coaches that have been axed in 2008-09. He's number three on the list, behind Dennis Savard, formerly of Chicago who was let go two games into the season, and Barry Melrose, who needs no introduction around here.

The Laviolette firing proves yet again that no coach is safe no matter what they've done for the organization in the past. Lavy led the Canes to the Stanley Cup in his first full season behind the bench in 2005-06 and was let go today, almost halfway through his fourth season in the organization.

The Canes haven't made the playoffs since they won the Cup, but right now they're only three points out of the lead in the anything-can-happen Southeast division and 8th in the conference. With so many big time off-season acquisitions, it's easy to see how badly the Hurricanes were under performing. Jeff O'Neill and Joni Pitkanen were clearly the players needed to bring this team back to the top, and it was all too clear that Laviolette was doing a poor job managing a team that is by far the most talented in the league.

Naturally, the Canes brought in the only man for the job. A man who had coached the team for 8 1/2 seasons, dating back to their time in Hartford. A coach so good, so talented, that he led the Canes/Whalers out of the first round of the playoffs once during those eight years. That man, none other than Paul Maurice.

I'm calling it right now. Hurricanes sweeping their way though the playoffs to their second Stanley Cup parade. You might as well just give them the President's Trophy too.

Complete Coverage of Avery Sloppy Seconds Gate at Fanhouse

Do you need your Sean Avery fix? Has the entire blogosphere spontaneously erupting into a fiery mess left you craving more devastation? Yea, me too.

So head on over to FanHouse while you're on your lunch break and check out all the lovely poems that have been written about Mr. Avery's female encounters.

/ end shameless plug

Seriously, This is What You Settled On?

Yesterday the Phoenix Coyotes released some pictures of the many, many options they were considering when designing their new third jersey. In the end, they settled on a black jersey with some kind of prancing coyote and not much else on it (I called them out a bit on this last Friday at FanHouse).

The picture to your right is the jersey they settled on. I mean, I guess it gets the job done. It's something different at the very least. And it's not that bad to look at.

Here's what Russell Brooks led off with when he wrote a press-release about the jerseys yesterday:

"The Coyotes put about 15 months of thought and hard work into their new third jersey, which they debuted on Nov. 28 against the Colorado Avalanche."

15 months. That's more time than it takes to make a baby. Think about that. All that and a picture of a confused Ollie Jokinen wearing a prancing/flailing/dying coyote is all they got for it.

Way. To. Go.

So now you've probably come to figure out that I've been leading you to believe that the 'Yotes had much better options when it came to this jersey. And yes, there are much better options. And yes, I don't know why I'm writing about this -- I'm not buying the jersey no matter what it looks like.

But hey, here are three perfectly nice options.

What do I know, though. I'm no artist.

We Want to Hear From You, The People

Isn't 1440 pounds of food a bit excessive?

There are 43 of you on the left sidebar. There are another 170-something reading on Google Reader. I know you're out there. You can't hide any longer. I know where you live and what color your house is. You can thank Google Earth for that.

So I'm looking for your opinion. Opinion is a highly valuable commodity that can be traded with natives for food and bear skin. Just remember to ford the river and hope Zoe doesn't get dysentery. That just sounds nasty.

Sorry. I'm getting off track.

I'm just hoping you'll help out with some good ol' user feedback. What do you like about the blog? What do you not like? What do you want to see more of? What's your favorite dish at the Olive Garden? Would you start a village riot complete with pitchforks and torches if we changed the name and layout? Or is it about damn time we got a makeover cause we're ugly, 55-years old, need a nose job and not getting any younger? Do you not like it when I write posts in this tone? Do you like posts with lots and lots of questions?

I don't know the answers to those questions. That's why I need your help. For without you, nobody would listen to me and that would only confirm my suspicions that I'm just a nerdy, unfunny kid who spends way too much time on the internet. So if you could do me a favor and provide me with some feedback that would really be awesome. Answer the questions above. Or don't. Go outside the box with it. Anything at all would be greatly appreciated. Leave it in the comments, or melroserocks*at*gmail.com. Whatever works for your. I'm easy like that. But not in that way.

Thanks,

Kevin

Mike Modano, Uplifting Dallas Area Females Since 1993

AP

If this picture is representative of the demographic that the Dallas Stars attract to their games -- and I'm sure it is -- I'm going to have to start trying to find myself a date at Stars home games. I like those odds. Although, it might just be Mike Modano's Aura that gets the ladies coming to American Airlines Center in droves. Now that I think about it, I'm starting to get all woozy thinking about his beautiful brown eyes... Sigh...

Your Highlight of the Week: Sidney Crosby is en Fuego

Consider this your obligatory Dictator Crosby Propaganda video of the week with your obligatory Islander-tie in. I know a lot of people outside of Pittsburgh get tired of all the towel waving, communist-style military parades held for Crosby by those in the blogosphere and MSM. OK, maybe I made up the communist style-military parades part but you know what I mean. People in the media like to give the ol' pat on the back to the Kid. A lot.

But sometimes, it's deserved. As, I hope, this one is. He's goal six goals, three assists and is +8 in his last three games. It all started last Wednesday on Long Island when the Pens overcame a 3-0 deficit to beat the Islanders 5-3. Who would of thought that the Islanders, of all teams, would be the ones that could light the fire under Sid?

Oh and one more thing. He's taken 16 shots. So that's six goals on 16 shots, a .375 clip. Or, if you like, he's scored 5 goals on his last 11 shots. A .450 clip. Jesus.

So please enjoy the accompanying clip of Crosby lighting up the Devils for three goals on Saturday night. I promise this is the most you'll see about him here this week. Unless, of course, he gets arrested or starts dating someone really, really hot. At that point, everyone will want to talk about him.

Finally, to all the Crosby haters out there: Be thankful I didn't make this post a Top 5 countdown.