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Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
I can't take puke or puking. I need to make it go away. Come on internet, find me ANYTHING to push that post further down on the page.
Aha! Red Wings fan molesting an inflatable Penguin taken last June (h/t Busted Coverage)
Friday, March 13, 2009
Check out the following from a game between the Chicago Wolves and Milwaukee Admirals:
Dude Haydar was obviously possessed by the exorcist. Lays out a huge hit at center ice, then proceeds to projectile vomit on the bench. Just another day at the office for the life of an AHLer.
Reminds me of that time that I did the same thing, only I wasn't playing hockey and I didn't hit anyone.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
... when Sports Soup is promoted. Twice if you know anyone who has actually watched it. 5 times if YOU have actually watched it.
... when the Red Wings inevitably take the lead, and the announcer's inevitably make reference to it being good for Detroit, as though the Wings are going to fix the economy.
... if the home town of Flyers D-man Randy Jones is mentioned. Quispamsis, New Brunswick. Hell, go have one now and keep saying it. Quispamsis. Quispamsis.
... if you're still not convinced that "Joffrey" is a real name
... for every tooth Kronwall knocks out
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Today, we present to you an inside look at the GM meetings this week in south Florida. Among the hot topics of discussion are fighting and, of course, the GMs diligently waiting for the next Brian Burke Twitter update.
Awwww look! Widdle Coley Campbell has his backpack all weady for his fwirst day of schoowl!
It's been a long day for Brian Burke and he's a little rough around the edges. "Scotch on the rocks, bartender," he says. He then proceeds to put his brain on autopilot when speaking to the media. Mr. Burke is wondering why you guys don't get a life and stop sticking microphones in his face all day long. He didn't have to deal with all this crap in Anaheim.
See those glass doors behind him? He'll throw you through them face first first if you ask another stupid question. What's that? Oh right, there are no stupid questions. "Yes, go ahead. You in the back with the stupid question." And so it goes. But the Media is not deterred. The Media is used to this. It's their daily dance with the Girlfriend That Treats Them Like Shit but they keep coming back for more because she's so bad and it's oh so good. And maybe this time she'll come to her senses and treat them right.
Burke then turns to the camera and stares deep into your soul, making you regret calling Jenny Michaels a 'fat doo doo head' back in third grade and making her cry. He knows your secrets. You cannot keep anything from him.
Mike Gillis, for what it's worth, hasn't slept in five days. For the last week, he's made the Lobby Lounge at the Ritz Carlton in Naples his playground and you, young fawn, are his playmate. Another raspberry martini, my dear? Mike is here and he's not going home until this night is damn well over. Either that or when his CSE company card gets declined because he's been doing this same routine every night he's been in town.
As for Don Maloney, he's in a festive mood. He's not entirely sure why he even needs to be here, since the Coyotes are either going to be disbanded or sold to gypsies after this season. But heck, he'll take the free trip to south Florida in early March. There are no white sandy beaches in the desert you know.
As a matter of fact, Don is so happy to be here that he gives the media all they could ever ask for and more. He goes into story telling mode for the next three hours. Tell me again how you traded Pierre Turgeon for Kirk Muller, Don! That one is my favorite!
That's all for now from the GM Meetings in Naples, Florida. Thanks for joining us and remember, if you're good looking and in the Naples area, you can probably still hit up Mike Gillis for a couple free drinks later tonight.
You know, I think that if I were a coach, I'd have fun with filing injury reports. I wouldn't bother with "general body soreness" or "lower body injury" nonsense. Here are some of the more "creative" injuries that I would list
*Hot dog fingers
*bad hair day
*World of Warcraft wrist
*player is actually 3 ducks in a man costume
*"but coach, it burns when I pee"
*nasty papers cuts...in the swimsuit area
*blacked out in the sewer (like a boss)
*bruised pelvis--puck bunny attack
Suggestions? leave them in the comments
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
In the previous weeks, I've constantly talked trash and ragged on my fellow opponents in the BMR Fantasy league. With my team steadily inching upward and now just a curb-stomping away from 1st place, it's time to take it easy a bit.
The Didgeridoos took it to the same Earl Sleek squad that I was lauding last week, 8-4. Combine that with the embarrassing 10-1 loss that Mr. Plank had at the hands of Ryan's "Neckar & Prizes" and that has the DD's comfortably in 2nd place.
Thanks to Scotty Hockey's "ThruYourGirl's5Hole" squad (so far) for whipping up on said Plank's Party Poopers 8-0 this week.
Use this time now to say a fond farewell to Kevin and Loser Domi's teams as the playoffs start next week. I'll credit you two - you set goals and you achieved them.
This one's for them and all the others that will finish 7th or crappier:
Posted by Dave at 7:21 PM Labels: Dave, fantasy updates are fun because i get to talk shit to everyone either way, Video Juegos, YouTube
Posted by Kevin at 11:30 AM Labels: Epic battles that determine the fate of the known universe, Kevin, Moment of Zen, Toronto Maple Leafs
Monday, March 9, 2009
OK, so we all know there wasn't a whole lot to begin with when it comes to post-lockout hockey coverage on ESPN. We probably wouldn't be blessed with both Barry Melrose and Matt Barnaby on Sportscenter if Barry hadn't temporarily taken up residence in Tampa Bay. Heck, I KNOW Barnaby would still be doing whatever it was he was doing before ESPN if Barry hadn't done that.
Anyway, if you take a look at Scott Burnside's recent video blog, it looks like they're now making him tape it from either his grandmother's house or (as the Sports Hernia put it) "a very lonely Ramada Inn." Either way, it's pretty clear that his hockey coverage for ESPN isn't deemed worthy enough for a Bristol, Connecticut studio.
I mean, seriously -- what the hell is with the camera wobble? Can they not afford tripods at ESPN anymore? Maybe I should be giving them credit for cutting costs and not personnel, I don't know. It's all very confusing. Kind of like a hockey media version of the Blair Witch Project. Just with better lighting and v-neck sweaters.
As a quasi-member of the media, I am offended for Scott that he had to film under these clearly subpar working conditions. And as an HGTV enthusiast I am also offended that his home decor -- or that of the hotel he is staying in -- has not been updated since approximately 1988.
[Somewhere in Toronto]
Brian Burke: Jamal, we obviously aren't very good this year. Instead of trying to win the Cup, we need to work on getting new fans.
Jamal Mayers: Good thinking. What do you need me to do?
Burke: Well, Jamal we would like you to engage in our.... urban fans.
Mayers: Urban fans?
Burke: Yeah... See, your name is Jamal, and I think you're (whispers) black. So I think you have a unique... uh... perspective on this.
Mayers: You want me to try and get black fans? Is that what you're saying? But aren't the only other black people in Toronto Chris Bosh and Kardinal Offishall?
Burke: I can see that you are a little nervous spearheading this community outreach program, so we went out and acquired a veteran with was born in Africa. I think that makes him African-American.
Olaf Kolzig: What's up, guys?
Mayers: Wow, we suck at everything.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
In case you haven't been able to tell by the posts today, I've given up on today. Plus there are a ton of great pictures and videos in my inbox that I need to share with you guys. Plus there's not a whole lot going on in the hockey world right now. I think everyone's still recovering from Wednesday. I know I am. Enjoy:
Thursday, March 5, 2009
That's not the point. We made a sign that said "go back to Hartford" and had the old Whalers logo on it. Kevyn Adams totally looked at it and probably laghed, because the logo was horribly drawn. I don't really hate the Canes though. I'm pretty indifferent about them. In fact, I sort of like them, because I'm a meteorologist and now I work with Dave, who I guess is sort of into them.
More or less, after the trading line yesterday and after what the Wild did(n't do), I need a drink.
... if the term "sloppy seconds" is used.
... when the announcers get into a long winded explanation about how Eric Cole used to be a Hurricane and then he wasn't and now he is again. WHAT A CRAZY TRIP!!!!
... once everytime Derek Morris does something good, three times (once for every player sent to Phoenix) for every time he does something bad.
... if Nik Antropov walks around like he owns the place
... Every time they pan to the Hurricanes alternate logo, which is nautically correct! Awesome!
Wikipedia -- a website on which everything is true (I'm still waiting for that Cassel/Guerin trade!) -- provides the following definitions for the term freebase.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
4:05: All right, its Erik Cole to Carolina and Justin Williams to LA. That's it for me. I'm outta here. It's been real. Hopefully you will be drinking with me tomorrow, and hopefully I will some day get my Wyshynski shoutout
3:59: I'm sticking around until I get all the info on this O'Sullivan deal. I'm also putting off a phone call to the bank.
3:57: Looks like the O'Sullivan deal was a menage e trois. O'Sullivan is actually going to the Oilers.
3:54: We had the ice girl for BC, and now something for the ladies. George Parros glamor shot!
3:52: Patrick O'Sullivan goes to the Canes, which means that the Canes and Kings have now done something. Building for the future in Carolina
3:44: Here I am, thinking we are done with the trades, but they keep rolling in. The Ducks, who I think have made 52 deals today, trading Sami Pahlson to the Hawks and Travis Moen and Kent Huskins to the Sharks for who knows what. I think this makes the Oilers, Wild, Caps, Preds, Wings, Blues, Kings, Habs and Canucks the teams that haven't done anything today. Let me know if I'm wrong.
3:42: Oh right, Kyle McClaren to Philly.
3:41: I jsut checked the work e-mail (I'm off today, live blogging from mom's basement) and apparently we now have Alberta as a client. Olli Jokinen and I have something in common. Getting a paycheck from Calgary.
3:36: With all the sweet action the 'Yotes have been involved in today, I can't help but post this picture of a real Phoenix shirt. Welcome Petr Prucha!
3:35: In other "trades made for the sake of making last minute trades" news, goalie Kevin Lalande is going from Calgary to Columbus.
3:33: Oh look! A for reals trade left over! Steve Eminger goes from one Florida team to another. OK, "real trade" may be a stretch.
3:31: Hilariously, the Wild Trade Deadline blog hasn't been updated in about four hours.
3:25: BREAKING: I have made lunch, Campbell's Chunky. It's delicious.
3:18: Tkachuk and Hinote to the Wild for James Sheppard! On my copy of NHL 09. Not in real life. I think we'll be stuck on the Eric/k trade.
3:12: Finally the blockbuster we've been waiting for. Erik Christensen was traded to the Ducks, with the thrashers acquiring Eric O'Dell. An all Eric trade! Wait. No. It's an Eric/Erik trade.
3:09: At long last, confirmation. Dominic Moore to Buffalo for a second round pick. Toronto will be the only team picking in the second round this year.
3:03: Respectable haul for the Coyotes for Morris. Prucha, Kalinin, and Dawes to Phoenix. Add that to Upshall, Lombardi and Prust, and you have an entirely different team in Phoenix.
3:01: Oh, thank goodness. Derek Morris to the Rangers, and you are spared stories about my skin problems. I thought Morris was dead, but it turns out he just played for the Coyotes.
3:00: The deadline has arrived. We're just waiting for reports to filter in. If none come, I'm telling you all about my rash.
2:57: Three minutes to go. Live picture from Long Island. (I assume since it's an hour later there, it's already dark)
2:53 - I am here for the Leafs trade and I was here for the Islanders trade. Still nothing from the Wild. Liveblogging sucks. The Leafs, by the way, received a couple picks for Antropov
2:51 - I need to keep saying things so Sleza can comment on them. She needs to get to the top 5! Less than 10 minutes to go, still no shout out to me from Wyshynski...
2:49 -Here we go. Now some things are rolling in. Chris Neil is going to the Panthers, Nik Antropov is a Ranger and Daniel Carcillo and Scottie Upshall are changing places.
2:45 - 15 minutes to go, and Calgary seems to be the only team that wants to make any deals.
2:43 - Kevin, closer to Long Island than I, tells me that there is rioting at the Coliseum.
2:39 - Versus is taking us into the deadline with an infomercial for gas fireplaces. Also, I just got off the phone with Doug Risebrough. He thought the deadline was NEXT Wednesday.
2:32 - Less than a half an hour to go until the deadline, and everyone's thoughts, of course, are on my dog's eyes. In some cultures (Saskatchewan) they are said to have mystical healing abilities
2:29 - For an update on the Forsberg situation, please consult the comments, where LD seems to know more than me. For an image of an ice girl, stay right here.
2:26 - Pressing my luck... goofy NHL headline. Earlier, (since changed) they said that the Avs had "acquired Nycholat, Wilson and a pick". Oooh
2:24 - The computer totally just ate it. Awesome. Things seem back to normal. I was about to post something about a goofy headline earlier on NHL.com, but I think Bettman ruined my computer instead.
2:13 - Now seems just as good a time as any to let you know you can get a hold of me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Assure me that the Wild have enough offense even if they don't make a trade to get to the playoffs this year.
2:08 - TSN tells me that the Islanders get a conditional draft pick for Guerin. My dog is unimpressed.
2:06 - What the hell is this, Eastern time? This is going to take some getting used to.
2:03 - What's up dudes. I'm going to take us down to the deadline and a little past. Great work by Kevin (Guerin to the Penguins! Here come Tavares!) and LD. I haven't had a chance to really work with her yet, but I still tell everyone she is my Canadian girlfriend
2:01: ok guys, thanks for having me. Head on over to the main page for Ryan's shift!
1:58: TSN says Guerin to Pittsburgh
1:54: getting ready to hand this off to Ryan in a few minutes
1:51: Peter Forsberg may announce retirement from NHL tonight
1:49: Moore (Leafs) to Chicago has been denied by the Maple Leafs
1:44: The WTF Blanket (language mildly NSFW)
1:24: Mark Recchi to the Bruins, no word what Lightning are getting in return UPDATE: Globe and mail (linky) Boston also gets second-round pick Tampa gets Lashoff and Karsmus
1:21: NHL network is saying Dominic Moore to Chicago, but that's unconfirmed and the rest of the deal is kinda murky at this point
1:13: Flames also get 3rd round pick in addition to Jokinen
1:04: It's official: Vesa Toskala has an owie and will be out the rest of the year.
1:01: MOAR PUPPIES:
12:46: Nokelainen to Anaheim, another to Boston, but they don' want to repeat names. Will update later with names EDIT Steve Montador to Boston (thanks Ryan! I'm a slow typer)
12:38: Calgary deal for Jolkinen in exchange for Lombardi , Prust and a 1st round draft pick from Phoenix
12:35 is it too early to be adding rum to my coke?
12:31: Pittsburgh gets Craig Adams off waivers
12:28: and my TSN feed conked out again. any suggestions where else I can get info?
12:25: Stars claim Brendan Morrison off waivers, Erik Reitz claimed by Leafs off waivers
12:18: This video about not spreading mumps is a bit funny, but maybe mildy NSFW
12:14: Phoenix gets 4th round pick from Buffalo for Tellqvist
12:09: Tellqvist from Phoenix to Buffalo, Sabres resign Connolly for 2 years
12:05: Gerber to Maple Leafs off waivers
12:05: Jordan Leopold to flames; Ryan Wilson , Lawrence Nycholat and 2nd round pick to Avalanhce
12:01: I'm also on gchat if you really need to contact me
12:00 Howdy all, Loser Domi here with the second leg of BMR's TDDLB. Any comments/suggestions/rumors can be sent to me email@example.com.
You know what this post needs? puppies
11:57 Told Kaberle we'd move him last night. Thanked him for his service and gave
Thanks for playing along with me this morning everyone! The live blog continues with Loser Domi, so head on over to the main page of the site, as we're starting a new post (or click here). I'll leave you with this:
"Bob McKenzie's" eighth rule of trade deadline fight club: "And the eighth and final rule, if this is your first night at Trade Deadline Fight Club, you have to make a trade that robs the Islanders blind."
Here we go! St. Louis sends Andy Wozniewski to Pittsburgh for Danny Richmond (who?).
Apparently this post hasn't filtered through Google Reader yet. Which makes no sense that this ALWAYS HAPPENS, since Blogger is also owned by Google... Also, getting ready to hand the baton to Domi in a few minutes.
OMG R3AL TRADEE!!!LOLOLOL!one1!!1
Leopold goes from Colorado to Calgary for Nycholat, a prospect and a pick. And yes, the second half of that deal is that vague.
NHL.com is reporting that ESPN is reporting that Marty Biron says he won't be traded. It's like the hockey edition of the game Telephone. Biron's got a NTC so I would take his word for it.
This dog probably has more street cred than all of us combined.
Is the TSN Tradecentre app working? No trades have been added in almost two hours and they spelled 'center' wrong.
BREAKING NEWS: Commenter Sleza has acquired Brad Pitt and a Brangelina Child to Be Named Later. More details to follow...
"Bob McKenzie's" seventh rule of trade deadline fight club: "trades will cease at 3PM. Cause you have to do something at work today."
We have our first Alex Ovechkin sighting of the day.
(And no, that's not actually Alex.)
"Bob McKenzie's" sixth rule of trade deadline fight club: "no shoes, no shirt -- unless you're Hitchcock, Burke or Barrie."
Apparently, Bryan Murray's last words to Antoine Vermette were "I'm not your buddy, guy."
ZOMG: Reports out of Canada this morning said Don Cherry was seen trying to fight a homeless man in downtown Toronto. According to Cherry, "he looked like Alex Ovechkin and had those beady Euro eyes." All this started when the homeless man asked Cherry if this was planet Xandon 5.
James Mirtle has a graph.
"Bob McKenzie's" fifth rule of trade deadline fight club: "one beer at a time, fellas."
Someone really needs to make a fight club photoshop of Bob.
In other news, don't take your kids to this zoo.
If you're reading this and like Twitter, then you should be following BMR on Twitter.
/shameless cross promotion
Darren Dreger says Connolly signs for 2 years, $9 million. There may or may not be a bonus that kicks in if he isn't being a self-centered dink.
"Bob McKenzie's" fourth rule of trade deadline fight club: "only two guys to a fight, unless one of them is Alex Semin. In that case, one girl is allowed."
Sorry for the delay. Amazingly, nothing happened while I was gone... I was on the phone with Bryan Murray and he said he liked my style, so he offered me a seven-year deal. When I said I needed to think about it, he screamed at me incoherently and hung up.
Over/under on how many hits TSN gets today... We'll start the line at eleventy billion.
"Bob McKenzie's" third rule of trade deadline fight club: "When one GM yells stop, goes limp, taps out, the fight is over and the winner gets a third round pick."
ZOMG: Chris Pronger asks to be traded to a Canadian team, cause he has a craving for Tim Horton's.
James Duthie celebrates the first trade of the day.
"Bob McKenzie's" second rule of trade deadline fight club: "There are ABSOLUTELY NO absolutes."
TSN -- Sabres are offering Connolly $4 million per for 2 to miss 2/3 of their games due to injury. Sens give Kuba a 3 year extension worth 3.7 per.
So there you go BJ fans, the Jackets make an early move to say Yes, They Can to the playoffs. That's encouraging. And all they gave up was a goalie they didn't need and a 2nd rounder.
WTF was I saying about LeClaire? TSN reports Ottawa acquires him and a 2nd rounder for Antoine Vermette. Hey, even if I'm wrong, so is Eklund. So that's something.
Bob McKenzie's first rule of trade deadline fight club: "There are absolutely no absolutes."
Eklund is reporting that the Leafs are interested in Pascal Leclaire. Did he forget that 1) Leclaire hasn't played since Dec 18 2) had ankle surgery in early January sidlining him through March and 3) the Leafs don't need him and it goes against all logic that they would be buyers at this point, especially with Toskala playing better?
Was just on the phone with Brian Burke and he told me the following:
him a firm handshake. In hindsight, it might have been too firm.
Told Kaberle we'd move him last night. Thanked him for his service and gave
Today, I feel like living up to the picture of bloggers that James Duthie painted yesterday. So, throughout the morning, I'm just going to make up some fake rumors. They'll be labeled "ZOMG" so if you miss this entry, you might think they're real. Actually, I hope people start thinking they're real cause this could get really funny. Here's the first one:
ZOMG: Islanders rumored to be offering Bill Guerin, Doug Weight and 1982 Championship banner to Anaheim for 2007 Championship banner and future lunch considerations. Apparently, the Islanders want to be able to say they've won something in the last 20 years.
Here's some nightmare fuel to go with your breakfast.
OK, I'm going to try and catch up on somethings that happened last night.
Alex Burrows of the Canucks signed a four-year extension.
Dominic Moore and Nik Antropov and were held out of Toronto's lineup for trade precautions.
Pierre LeBrun reports the Islanders are trying to move Guerin. Shocker.
And apparently Chris Pronger is off the market.
Marian Hossa went to the hospital, but is apparently OK.
And rumor out of Ottawa is Jason Spezza got in a fight last night. Still not sure I believe it despite video evidence saying otherwise.
Screw it, I'm bored. Let's get this started.
Hello folks and welcome to the BMR Trade Deadline Live-Blog-Tacular! I'm all ready for some trades that will certainly not help my favorite team make the playoffs (can we put a stamp on Bill Guerin and mail him somewhere already?). However, some of you may get that ever important Marian Hossa-type who gets you to the Finals before losing to the Red Wings in six games. Or, you could get a month and a half of Ryan Smyth and his tears, lose in the first round, and be golfing before you know it.
Anyway, glad to have you here with me. Your blogger schedule is as follows, all times eastern standard:
Now - Noon, Yours Truly
Noon - 2pm, Loser Domi
2pm - 4pm, Ryan
Now let's get the party started!
And hey, if you have any rumors/comments/suggestions/whatevers, either put em in the comments or email me (firstname.lastname@example.org).
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Just a reminder, we've got a live blog starting up tomorrow bright and early at 1030am ET (might be earlier if I have time). You better be there or we'll have Chris Simon break your legs. I'll be here till noon when Domi takes over until two and then Ryan will bring this puppy home through the deadline.
So yeah, cut out of work early (might help you sell that sick day tomorrow) and get a good night's sleep cause you don't want to be all grumpy on Hockey Christmas.
Note: If you're reading us through a feed reader (if you don't know what that means, you're not) then you may want to head over to the website if you don't see the liveblog come through. Blogger has been a big piece of crap when it comes to putting our RSS through in a timely manner. Posts have been coming up five or six hours after they've been published, so you wouldn't want to miss out now would you?
Every blogger living in his parents’ basement apparently knows exactly where Chris Pronger is going, and who is coming back the other way. He knows this because this dude in his Psych class told him. And the dude in his Psych class knows this because his roommate once dated this girl who moved to California and works at a Hooters near Anaheim, where the Ducks equipment manager’s cousin was having wings and beer last Tuesday, and told her the Pronger deal was done. So she Twittered it.
Duthie, who writes for the Ottawa Citizen is correct. Well, almost correct. I know where Chris Pronger is going expect my friend's dog told me. That's just cause I've never taken a Psych class. I'm not going to get into how many false rumors come out of the MSM, cause at this time of the year pretty much everyone is guilty of temporary trade deadline insanity.
It's funny when people make sweeping generalizations. As Duthie said, "Every blogger living in his parents’ basement apparently knows exactly where Chris Pronger is going."
Man, all of us bloggers living in our parent's basements are probably really offended right now. (In the interest of full disclosure I, for one, live upstairs.) All those bloggers are probably offended like James Duthie would be if I said "Everyone who writes about hockey for the Ottawa Citizen is a moron."
Ah yes, the magic of sweeping generalizations. They can make even the smartest person sound ignorant and get you in a lot of hot water, if you choose to make one about people of a certain gender, race, etc.
This is kind of like when I was 17 and took a defensive driving course to lower my insurance premiums. At the time, I had never gotten a ticket or been in an accident. Yet, the majority of the adults in the class -- who were there because they were trying to get tickets erased or were in accidents -- insisted that all the darned kids on the roads were the problem. Yeah, cause that's why you got pulled over for doing 70 in a 55.
Not all kids are bad drivers. Not all bloggers live in their parent's basement. Not all hockey writers for the Ottawa Citizen are morons. Well, maybe that last one is a half truth.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Do what Ryan Letts of the Spokane Chiefs did and just, you know, go 'ah fuck it' and give your opponents goalie a crosscheck to the face. I get the feeling he did it for kicks. Or maybe cause someone double dog dared him to.
Sunday, March 1, 2009