Barry Melrose Rocks

Hey! You With the Face!

2009-03-18T15:58:00.002-04:00

Why are you still coming here? We've moved! Head on over to the new site!

Updated RSS

2009-03-15T18:22:00.002-04:00

The new RSS feed is hither. Please update your readers accordingly.

It's been fun here

2009-03-15T17:28:00.004-04:00

But click on the mulleted B to follow us to our new home!

www.barrymelroserocks.com

Let's not have puke on the top of the page for the weekend

2009-03-14T16:47:00.003-04:00

I can't take puke or puking. I need to make it go away. Come on internet, find me ANYTHING to push that post further down on the page.
Aha! Red Wings fan molesting an inflatable Penguin taken last June (h/t Busted Coverage)

When vomit and hockey collide

2009-03-13T18:56:00.002-04:00

Check out the following from a game between the Chicago Wolves and Milwaukee Admirals:

Dude Haydar was obviously possessed by the exorcist. Lays out a huge hit at center ice, then proceeds to projectile vomit on the bench. Just another day at the office for the life of an AHLer.

Reminds me of that time that I did the same thing, only I wasn't playing hockey and I didn't hit anyone.

Wait... What?

2009-03-13T10:43:00.004-04:00

All bloggers have had a typo or two in their day, and I am certainly not one to pass judgement on anyone on this front, but this error is pretty funny.

The Versus [drinking] Game of the Week (Philadelphia at Detroit)

2009-03-12T16:47:00.003-04:00

Do you know how long it's been since we wrote a post on the Red Wings? We haven't had anything tagged "Red Wings" since Marian Hossa tried to get in a fight on the 19th of February. What's happened since then? Nothing. Nothing has happened with the Detroit Red Wings since Scottie Bowman retired. They are still really good. They still might win the Cup. They still have Nicklas Lidstrom. Nothing ever happens with the Red Wings. All the more reason to drink, I guess.

DRINK

... when Sports Soup is promoted. Twice if you know anyone who has actually watched it. 5 times if YOU have actually watched it.

... when the Red Wings inevitably take the lead, and the announcer's inevitably make reference to it being good for Detroit, as though the Wings are going to fix the economy.

... if the home town of Flyers D-man Randy Jones is mentioned. Quispamsis, New Brunswick. Hell, go have one now and keep saying it. Quispamsis. Quispamsis.

... if you're still not convinced that "Joffrey" is a real name

... for every tooth Kronwall knocks out

LOL Martin Gerber

2009-03-11T19:14:00.002-04:00

Inside the GM Meetings

2009-03-11T08:20:00.002-04:00

Today, we present to you an inside look at the GM meetings this week in south Florida. Among the hot topics of discussion are fighting and, of course, the GMs diligently waiting for the next Brian Burke Twitter update.

Awwww look! Widdle Coley Campbell has his backpack all weady for his fwirst day of schoowl!

It's been a long day for Brian Burke and he's a little rough around the edges. "Scotch on the rocks, bartender," he says. He then proceeds to put his brain on autopilot when speaking to the media. Mr. Burke is wondering why you guys don't get a life and stop sticking microphones in his face all day long. He didn't have to deal with all this crap in Anaheim.

See those glass doors behind him? He'll throw you through them face first first if you ask another stupid question. What's that? Oh right, there are no stupid questions. "Yes, go ahead. You in the back with the stupid question." And so it goes. But the Media is not deterred. The Media is used to this. It's their daily dance with the Girlfriend That Treats Them Like Shit but they keep coming back for more because she's so bad and it's oh so good. And maybe this time she'll come to her senses and treat them right.

Burke then turns to the camera and stares deep into your soul, making you regret calling Jenny Michaels a 'fat doo doo head' back in third grade and making her cry. He knows your secrets. You cannot keep anything from him.

Mike Gillis, for what it's worth, hasn't slept in five days. For the last week, he's made the Lobby Lounge at the Ritz Carlton in Naples his playground and you, young fawn, are his playmate. Another raspberry martini, my dear? Mike is here and he's not going home until this night is damn well over. Either that or when his CSE company card gets declined because he's been doing this same routine every night he's been in town.

As for Don Maloney, he's in a festive mood. He's not entirely sure why he even needs to be here, since the Coyotes are either going to be disbanded or sold to gypsies after this season. But heck, he'll take the free trip to south Florida in early March. There are no white sandy beaches in the desert you know.

As a matter of fact, Don is so happy to be here that he gives the media all they could ever ask for and more. He goes into story telling mode for the next three hours. Tell me again how you traded Pierre Turgeon for Kirk Muller, Don! That one is my favorite!

That's all for now from the GM Meetings in Naples, Florida. Thanks for joining us and remember, if you're good looking and in the Naples area, you can probably still hit up Mike Gillis for a couple free drinks later tonight.

Fun with Injuries

2009-03-11T01:44:00.001-04:00

You know, I think that if I were a coach, I'd have fun with filing injury reports. I wouldn't bother with "general body soreness" or "lower body injury" nonsense. Here are some of the more "creative" injuries that I would list

*Leprechaun bite
*Ebola virus
*Hot dog fingers
*bad hair day
*World of Warcraft wrist
*explosive diarrhea
*player is actually 3 ducks in a man costume
*"but coach, it burns when I pee"
*nasty papers cuts...in the swimsuit area
*blacked out in the sewer (like a boss)
*bruised pelvis--puck bunny attack

Suggestions? leave them in the comments

BMR Fantasy League Update - Week 23

2009-03-10T19:21:00.003-04:00

(click to enlarge)

In the previous weeks, I've constantly talked trash and ragged on my fellow opponents in the BMR Fantasy league. With my team steadily inching upward and now just a curb-stomping away from 1st place, it's time to take it easy a bit.

Just kidding.

The Didgeridoos took it to the same Earl Sleek squad that I was lauding last week, 8-4. Combine that with the embarrassing 10-1 loss that Mr. Plank had at the hands of Ryan's "Neckar & Prizes" and that has the DD's comfortably in 2nd place.

Thanks to Scotty Hockey's "ThruYourGirl's5Hole" squad (so far) for whipping up on said Plank's Party Poopers 8-0 this week.

Use this time now to say a fond farewell to Kevin and Loser Domi's teams as the playoffs start next week. I'll credit you two - you set goals and you achieved them.

This one's for them and all the others that will finish 7th or crappier:

Your Moment of Zen

2009-03-10T11:30:00.001-04:00

This came through my email from reader Sean (not Leahy). I don't know. Ask him if you need an explanation. But I don't think something this badass needs an explanation.

Despite Advancements in Technology, You Still Cannot Call Your Employer "Retarted"

2009-03-10T01:00:00.001-04:00

We're going to take a break from hockey for a moment cause I think this is an interesting issue and, well, it's my blog. Ha! Total editorial control!

Let's imagine for a second that you're working for the Philadelphia Eagles in 1984 and the internet is barely a gleam in its mother's eye. Or we can say you work for the Flyers, since that's hockey and it ties into the blog, kind of, and you'll be more interested in reading this entire post if we're talking hockey.

OK, so you're working for the Flyers in '84. The Flyers decide to go ahead and trade Darryl Sittler to the Detroit Red Wings for Murray Craven and Joe Paterson. In the long run, that trade worked out for the Flyers, but hey, Future Hall of Famer Darryl Sittler is still Future Hall of Famer Darryl Sittler and you, being a Flyers fan and all, aren't too pleased about it. So, you get a little angry and write anonymously on the notepad on the company fridge [sic'd] "Trading Sittler to Detroit... Dam Flyers R Retarted!!"

Long story short, your boss finds out that you wrote that and isn't too pleased. Maybe it's a bit harsh, but they fire you for it. You're pissed, naturally. Who wouldn't be? Maybe you were pretty good at your job and your boss is on the crazy side.

Well, that's kind of what happened to Dan Leone who worked for the Eagles and is a fan of the team. The difference between Dan and our Fictional Flyers Employee (Bon Jovi hair and all!) is that he works in football and didn't write anything on the fridge. Instead, he left his note on his Facebook status. (If you're not sure what that is, it's kind of like Twitter but is a small part of the entirety of a person's Facebook profile.) You can read all about Dan here and here, but that's the gist of the story. Of course, Dan feels he was wrong and now it's gotten enough media attention to the point where the story was on SportsCenter this evening.

There are a lot of people in one corner saying that this is a tad extreme (arguably) and, as Michael Wilbon on ESPN's PTI said (paraphrasing here), it's excusable because it's only Facebook. I can understand that line of thinking and don't completely disagree, but it is a tad simplistic and a bit outdated.

Come on, people. Wake up and smell the technology and changing social environment.

Everything you post on the web is visible to everyone and you can be held responsible for it especially if you put it there.

Things are different now than they were in 1984. Hell, they're much different than they were in 1999. When you choose to be visible on the internet, for better or worse, you are stuck with the decisions you make. I may write on this dopey hockey blog and it's all in good fun, but if I call my employer "retarted" for all to see there may be some consequences.

Everyone can be a public figure nowadays. That is no longer something reserved for movie stars and high profile athletes. Now, thanks to MySpace, Facebook and everything else that is out there, you can be a public figure, too. The biggest public figures have PR reps and agents. Us -- the masses -- do not. We are our own agents and PR people. Ultimately, we decide what we put on the internet. If it's something that could get you in trouble, then that's the risk you take.

Get caught for saying something dumb about your employer or worse, making racially motivated threats towards the President?

Sorry, you've got no one else to blame but yourself.

The Eagles are not the bad guys in this case. They did not change their employee's Facebook status to something derogatory towards them. They did not make him post any of his mini-rant (that they Bryan Dawkins in the first place is not a legit excuse).

Everyday by putting my thoughts on this blog and attaching my name to it, I'm setting myself up for public scrutiny. Hopefully, we all realize that this blog is pretty much one big joke and don't take anything too seriously. Despite that, I'm still responsible for what's on here. For better or worse my friends, family and employers past and present can see it. Hopefully, they see that we're doing good things here, as I tricked the folks at FanHouse into thinking. But if I go out and call my boss some not-so-choice words, well, sucks to be me and I have to live with the consequences.

Now, our good friend Dan who got fired by the Eagles is saying they overreacted and has apologized profusely. That's all well and good and owning up to your mistake is commendable. And heck, maybe they made an example out of him since he is a low-level employee. Who knows. But part of life is accepting the responsibility for your actions. When you make a mistake, sorry only gets you so far. You're still going to have to own up to the fact that there's no taking back what you've done (unless you have a time machine, in which case let me know cause I would like some do-overs).

One other point here is the odd angle these things always take on when a sports organization is involved. For some reason, they're supposed to be more forgiving. I guess in such publicly visible organizations that can represent an entire city, that is the case. But there are a lot of unwritten rules about working in the sports industry that outsiders may not know about and I think that changes some people's thinking in relation to stories such as these. In this industry, team work gets a much higher priority. Sure, at your job you may do all those team building exercises that everyone in the office thinks are dumb, but in athletics, the ideal of teamwork and 'being a part of the team' is put on a pedestal. Secrets need to be kept. Proverbial cats need to be kept in their proverbial bags. And, most importantly, everyone needs to be a part of the team. No excuses or exceptions.

In this case, even if we call it a minor infraction, Dan stepped outside of those lines. When you knowingly and purposefully do that, what happens next is no one else's fault.

Economy Clearly Taking Its Toll on ESPN Hockey Coverage

2009-03-09T16:22:00.007-04:00

OK, so we all know there wasn't a whole lot to begin with when it comes to post-lockout hockey coverage on ESPN. We probably wouldn't be blessed with both Barry Melrose and Matt Barnaby on Sportscenter if Barry hadn't temporarily taken up residence in Tampa Bay. Heck, I KNOW Barnaby would still be doing whatever it was he was doing before ESPN if Barry hadn't done that.

Anyway, if you take a look at Scott Burnside's recent video blog, it looks like they're now making him tape it from either his grandmother's house or (as the Sports Hernia put it) "a very lonely Ramada Inn." Either way, it's pretty clear that his hockey coverage for ESPN isn't deemed worthy enough for a Bristol, Connecticut studio.

I mean, seriously -- what the hell is with the camera wobble? Can they not afford tripods at ESPN anymore? Maybe I should be giving them credit for cutting costs and not personnel, I don't know. It's all very confusing. Kind of like a hockey media version of the Blair Witch Project. Just with better lighting and v-neck sweaters.

As a quasi-member of the media, I am offended for Scott that he had to film under these clearly subpar working conditions. And as an HGTV enthusiast I am also offended that his home decor -- or that of the hotel he is staying in -- has not been updated since approximately 1988.

Sources Say Gypsies Interested in Coyotes

2009-03-09T12:48:00.001-04:00

It has been no secret in NHL circles that vultures are starting to circle the wagons in Glendale, Arizona. "The wagons" being Wayne Gretzky and the Phoenix Coyotes, of course. The Coyotes are said to be in dire financial straits and commissioner Gary Bettman has been desperate to find a buyer.

Sources close to the commissioner say that Bettman has had little luck in finding a buyer to purchase the Coyotes, who are said to be literally almost worthless. With no other alternatives and a strong repudiation for Jim Balsillie, Bettman has searched high and low to find a buyer so the Coyotes do not fold -- something that would be a huge black eye for any professional sport.

According to these same sources Bettman was finally, amazingly, able to locate an interested party last week. A group of gypsies recently took up residence in nearby Buckeye, Arizona and is reportedly interested in buying the Coyotes. Negotiations took place over the weekend and talks are said to have been going smoothly for both sides.

At this time a deal is still in the works but it is believed that the gypsies will take the Coyotes in exchange for two dogs, $100,000 and a 1996 Geo Prizm. TSN first reported that the gypsies simply challenged Bettman to a fight but that deal fell through after it was revealed how heavily indebted the Coyotes are.

Catering to the Toronto 'urban' community

2009-03-09T02:56:00.004-04:00

[Somewhere in Toronto]

Brian Burke: Jamal, we obviously aren't very good this year. Instead of trying to win the Cup, we need to work on getting new fans.

Jamal Mayers: Good thinking. What do you need me to do?

Burke: Well, Jamal we would like you to engage in our.... urban fans.

Mayers: Urban fans?

Burke: Yeah... See, your name is Jamal, and I think you're (whispers) black. So I think you have a unique... uh... perspective on this.

Mayers: You want me to try and get black fans? Is that what you're saying? But aren't the only other black people in Toronto Chris Bosh and Kardinal Offishall?

Burke: I can see that you are a little nervous spearheading this community outreach program, so we went out and acquired a veteran with was born in Africa. I think that makes him African-American.

Olaf Kolzig: What's up, guys?

Mayers: Wow, we suck at everything.

The Minnesota Wild Are... In the Playoffs?

2009-03-07T10:00:00.000-05:00

According to a website called ongoalanalysis.com they will be. Somewhere in the upper midwest a weatherman is very excited right now.

I have no idea how this website calculates these sort of predictions or how accurate they actually are -- it's Saturday and I'm way too lazy to bother fact checking anything -- but hey, it's something. Maybe one of the more daring readers out there will attempt to do so and risk injuring their brain on a weekend. I know I don't have the cajones to do that right now.

The website also has the Penguins and Rangers locks for the postseason. Well, I guess they did make some good deadline deals, but we might as well at least let the Sabres and Canes have a chance, no?

It's all fun and games until it's mid-April and you're the ninth place team. As Domi brought up in the comments the other day, this website may have zero rooting interest in the playoffs this year as all of our favorite teams may meet that fate. There are four of us here and one team is already eliminated, another still hasn't started the season and two more are fighting tooth and nail for the chance at a first round shellacking at the hands of either the Sharks, Red Wings or Bruins.

Is this website cursed or do we all simply have poor judgement?

It's Friday Soooo... Yeaaaaaa

2009-03-06T15:00:00.000-05:00

In case you haven't been able to tell by the posts today, I've given up on today. Plus there are a ton of great pictures and videos in my inbox that I need to share with you guys. Plus there's not a whole lot going on in the hockey world right now. I think everyone's still recovering from Wednesday. I know I am. Enjoy:

Jokinen and GEICO: Separated at Birth?

2009-03-06T11:00:00.000-05:00

with help from the Sports Hernia

Pictures We Don't Fully Understand (Michael Wilbon)

2009-03-06T09:00:00.000-05:00

I don't have a nice catchy name for this type of post, if you couldn't tell. Anybody have one that I can borrow?

Anywho, this is Michael Wilbon of PTI and Washington Post fame. He is not a hockey guy and neither is his co-host Tony Kornheiser, but hey, we're not going to discriminate. This image is from PTI on Wednesday and I have no idea why he was in a Habs retro jersey (you know, the one that tries to destroy your vision) but imagine the surprise to any regular viewer tuning in, especially a hockey fan.

Big thanks to Awful Announcing for the screen cap.

The Versus [drinking] Game of the Week (Rangers at Carolina)

2009-03-05T19:33:00.003-05:00

A few years back, I went to a Wild-Canes game with a college friend of mine (he is an Avs fan. We haven't spoken since graduation). We thought it would be cool to make some signs to pretend that there was some actual vitriol between the Wild and the Canes. We also picked the shortest name on the team (Kuba. Why we didn't go with 'Wild' I don't know) and turned it into an acronym. There was also a sign that said something about Marian Gaborik. Believe it or not, he was hurt and not playing that game.

That's not the point. We made a sign that said "go back to Hartford" and had the old Whalers logo on it. Kevyn Adams totally looked at it and probably laghed, because the logo was horribly drawn. I don't really hate the Canes though. I'm pretty indifferent about them. In fact, I sort of like them, because I'm a meteorologist and now I work with Dave, who I guess is sort of into them.

More or less, after the trading line yesterday and after what the Wild did(n't do), I need a drink.

DRINK

... if the term "sloppy seconds" is used.

... when the announcers get into a long winded explanation about how Eric Cole used to be a Hurricane and then he wasn't and now he is again. WHAT A CRAZY TRIP!!!!

... once everytime Derek Morris does something good, three times (once for every player sent to Phoenix) for every time he does something bad.

... if Nik Antropov walks around like he owns the place

... Every time they pan to the Hurricanes alternate logo, which is nautically correct! Awesome!

Freebasin': Random Thoughts Cause I've Got Nothing Else

2009-03-05T19:28:00.007-05:00

Wikipedia -- a website on which everything is true (I'm still waiting for that Cassel/Guerin trade!) -- provides the following definitions for the term freebase.

Freebase (chemistry), the standalone basic form of an amine, usually an alkaloid natural product, as opposed to its water-soluble salt form.
Freebase (database), an "open, shared database of the world's knowledge" developed by Metaweb.

There are actually more definitions, including the whole jumping off really high structures thing, but I was too lazy to copy them. Today, we're not doing any drugs. We're going to go with the database one. This is a post that is an "open, shared database of my thoughts."

First off, how about that trade deadline, huh?

Kidding! I'm only kidding! I'm sure you're sick and tired of it at this point (I am) and let's face it, unless you're a fan of the Flames, your team wasn't really a winner and hell, even Flames fans aren't happy about the whole ordeal.

And then, if you really want to hear my thoughts on the deadline (I know you don't but bear with me), you can take a listen to the Program's podcast I partook in last night. That was a lot of fun and Chris and Rick are really good guys who sure do know a lot about hockey. That was my first time doing any sort of non-written media and I think, for now, I'm certainly sticking to the written thing. Don't get me wrong, it was a lot of fun, but I'm no professional orator. Barack Obama hangs his head in disappointment. But anyway, thanks to the folks over there for putting up with me and you should really check out their stuff.

Right now, the Islanders are playing the Rangers and Sean Avery has not gotten benched or suspended yet. I think we may have to go with a full-on Avery watch, cause you know this is just a powder keg waiting to explode. This is like the NHL's version of Terrell Owens except he's more fun and less of a team killer.

That's about all for now, but we may have a big surprise towards the end of next week... Hopefully... And if you're not doing so already, you can be having fun with us all hours of the day over on Twitter.

And Now, Your Moment of Zen

2009-03-05T14:57:00.003-05:00

via Deadspin

BMR Media Alert - Podcast Guesting Tonight

2009-03-04T18:47:00.004-05:00

If you're bored tonight or simply can't get enough trade deadline coverage, I'll be on the Program's podcast around 8pm. The podcast starts about 7:30, I think. I'm not sure because frankly I don't know how these podcast things work. All I know is that I'll be talking hockey with Chris Wassel and the fine folks over there at some point. Here's the link.

TRADE DEADLINE LIVE BLOG-TACULAR Part 3

2009-03-04T14:02:00.035-05:00

4:05: All right, its Erik Cole to Carolina and Justin Williams to LA. That's it for me. I'm outta here. It's been real. Hopefully you will be drinking with me tomorrow, and hopefully I will some day get my Wyshynski shoutout

3:59: I'm sticking around until I get all the info on this O'Sullivan deal. I'm also putting off a phone call to the bank.

3:57: Looks like the O'Sullivan deal was a menage e trois. O'Sullivan is actually going to the Oilers.

3:54: We had the ice girl for BC, and now something for the ladies. George Parros glamor shot!

3:52: Patrick O'Sullivan goes to the Canes, which means that the Canes and Kings have now done something. Building for the future in Carolina

3:44: Here I am, thinking we are done with the trades, but they keep rolling in. The Ducks, who I think have made 52 deals today, trading Sami Pahlson to the Hawks and Travis Moen and Kent Huskins to the Sharks for who knows what. I think this makes the Oilers, Wild, Caps, Preds, Wings, Blues, Kings, Habs and Canucks the teams that haven't done anything today. Let me know if I'm wrong.

3:42: Oh right, Kyle McClaren to Philly.

3:41: I jsut checked the work e-mail (I'm off today, live blogging from mom's basement) and apparently we now have Alberta as a client. Olli Jokinen and I have something in common. Getting a paycheck from Calgary.

3:36: With all the sweet action the 'Yotes have been involved in today, I can't help but post this picture of a real Phoenix shirt. Welcome Petr Prucha!

3:35: In other "trades made for the sake of making last minute trades" news, goalie Kevin Lalande is going from Calgary to Columbus.

3:33: Oh look! A for reals trade left over! Steve Eminger goes from one Florida team to another. OK, "real trade" may be a stretch.

3:31: Hilariously, the Wild Trade Deadline blog hasn't been updated in about four hours.

3:25: BREAKING: I have made lunch, Campbell's Chunky. It's delicious.

3:18: Tkachuk and Hinote to the Wild for James Sheppard! On my copy of NHL 09. Not in real life. I think we'll be stuck on the Eric/k trade.

3:12: Finally the blockbuster we've been waiting for. Erik Christensen was traded to the Ducks, with the thrashers acquiring Eric O'Dell. An all Eric trade! Wait. No. It's an Eric/Erik trade.

3:09: At long last, confirmation. Dominic Moore to Buffalo for a second round pick. Toronto will be the only team picking in the second round this year.

3:03: Respectable haul for the Coyotes for Morris. Prucha, Kalinin, and Dawes to Phoenix. Add that to Upshall, Lombardi and Prust, and you have an entirely different team in Phoenix.

3:01: Oh, thank goodness. Derek Morris to the Rangers, and you are spared stories about my skin problems. I thought Morris was dead, but it turns out he just played for the Coyotes.

3:00: The deadline has arrived. We're just waiting for reports to filter in. If none come, I'm telling you all about my rash.

2:57: Three minutes to go. Live picture from Long Island. (I assume since it's an hour later there, it's already dark)

2:53 - I am here for the Leafs trade and I was here for the Islanders trade. Still nothing from the Wild. Liveblogging sucks. The Leafs, by the way, received a couple picks for Antropov

2:51 - I need to keep saying things so Sleza can comment on them. She needs to get to the top 5! Less than 10 minutes to go, still no shout out to me from Wyshynski...

2:49 -Here we go. Now some things are rolling in. Chris Neil is going to the Panthers, Nik Antropov is a Ranger and Daniel Carcillo and Scottie Upshall are changing places.

2:45 - 15 minutes to go, and Calgary seems to be the only team that wants to make any deals.

2:43 - Kevin, closer to Long Island than I, tells me that there is rioting at the Coliseum.

2:39 - Versus is taking us into the deadline with an infomercial for gas fireplaces. Also, I just got off the phone with Doug Risebrough. He thought the deadline was NEXT Wednesday.

2:32 - Less than a half an hour to go until the deadline, and everyone's thoughts, of course, are on my dog's eyes. In some cultures (Saskatchewan) they are said to have mystical healing abilities

2:29 - For an update on the Forsberg situation, please consult the comments, where LD seems to know more than me. For an image of an ice girl, stay right here.

2:26 - Pressing my luck... goofy NHL headline. Earlier, (since changed) they said that the Avs had "acquired Nycholat, Wilson and a pick". Oooh

2:24 - The computer totally just ate it. Awesome. Things seem back to normal. I was about to post something about a goofy headline earlier on NHL.com, but I think Bettman ruined my computer instead.

2:13 - Now seems just as good a time as any to let you know you can get a hold of me at thevictimes@gmail.com. Assure me that the Wild have enough offense even if they don't make a trade to get to the playoffs this year.

2:08 - TSN tells me that the Islanders get a conditional draft pick for Guerin. My dog is unimpressed.

2:06 - What the hell is this, Eastern time? This is going to take some getting used to.

2:03 - What's up dudes. I'm going to take us down to the deadline and a little past. Great work by Kevin (Guerin to the Penguins! Here come Tavares!) and LD. I haven't had a chance to really work with her yet, but I still tell everyone she is my Canadian girlfriend

TRADE DEADLINE LIVE-BLOG-TACULAR, part 2

2009-03-04T12:00:00.034-05:00

2:01: ok guys, thanks for having me. Head on over to the main page for Ryan's shift!
1:58: TSN says Guerin to Pittsburgh
1:54: getting ready to hand this off to Ryan in a few minutes
1:51: Peter Forsberg may announce retirement from NHL tonight
1:49: Moore (Leafs) to Chicago has been denied by the Maple Leafs
1:44: The WTF Blanket (language mildly NSFW)

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

1:24: Mark Recchi to the Bruins, no word what Lightning are getting in return UPDATE: Globe and mail (linky) Boston also gets second-round pick Tampa gets Lashoff and Karsmus
1:21: NHL network is saying Dominic Moore to Chicago, but that's unconfirmed and the rest of the deal is kinda murky at this point
1:13: Flames also get 3rd round pick in addition to Jokinen
1:04: It's official: Vesa Toskala has an owie and will be out the rest of the year.
1:01: MOAR PUPPIES:

12:46: Nokelainen to Anaheim, another to Boston, but they don' want to repeat names. Will update later with names EDIT Steve Montador to Boston (thanks Ryan! I'm a slow typer)
12:38: Calgary deal for Jolkinen in exchange for Lombardi , Prust and a 1st round draft pick from Phoenix
12:35 is it too early to be adding rum to my coke?
12:31: Pittsburgh gets Craig Adams off waivers
12:28: and my TSN feed conked out again. any suggestions where else I can get info?
12:25: Stars claim Brendan Morrison off waivers, Erik Reitz claimed by Leafs off waivers
12:18: This video about not spreading mumps is a bit funny, but maybe mildy NSFW

Read transcript

12:14: Phoenix gets 4th round pick from Buffalo for Tellqvist
12:09: Tellqvist from Phoenix to Buffalo, Sabres resign Connolly for 2 years
12:05: Gerber to Maple Leafs off waivers
12:05: Jordan Leopold to flames; Ryan Wilson , Lawrence Nycholat and 2nd round pick to Avalanhce
12:01: I'm also on gchat if you really need to contact me
12:00 Howdy all, Loser Domi here with the second leg of BMR's TDDLB. Any comments/suggestions/rumors can be sent to me loserdomi@gmail.com.

You know what this post needs? puppies

TRADE DEADLINE LIVE-BLOG-TACULAR, Part 1

2009-03-04T09:30:00.038-05:00

11:57

Thanks for playing along with me this morning everyone! The live blog continues with Loser Domi, so head on over to the main page of the site, as we're starting a new post (or click here). I'll leave you with this:

"Bob McKenzie's" eighth rule of trade deadline fight club: "And the eighth and final rule, if this is your first night at Trade Deadline Fight Club, you have to make a trade that robs the Islanders blind."

11:51

Here we go! St. Louis sends Andy Wozniewski to Pittsburgh for Danny Richmond (who?).

11:48

Apparently this post hasn't filtered through Google Reader yet. Which makes no sense that this ALWAYS HAPPENS, since Blogger is also owned by Google... Also, getting ready to hand the baton to Domi in a few minutes.

11:43

OMG R3AL TRADEE!!!LOLOLOL!one1!!1

Leopold goes from Colorado to Calgary for Nycholat, a prospect and a pick. And yes, the second half of that deal is that vague.

11:41

NHL.com is reporting that ESPN is reporting that Marty Biron says he won't be traded. It's like the hockey edition of the game Telephone. Biron's got a NTC so I would take his word for it.

11:36

This dog probably has more street cred than all of us combined.

11:30

Is the TSN Tradecentre app working? No trades have been added in almost two hours and they spelled 'center' wrong.

11:27

BREAKING NEWS: Commenter Sleza has acquired Brad Pitt and a Brangelina Child to Be Named Later. More details to follow...

11:25

"Bob McKenzie's" seventh rule of trade deadline fight club: "trades will cease at 3PM. Cause you have to do something at work today."

11:20

We have our first Alex Ovechkin sighting of the day.

(And no, that's not actually Alex.)

11:18

"Bob McKenzie's" sixth rule of trade deadline fight club: "no shoes, no shirt -- unless you're Hitchcock, Burke or Barrie."

11:15

Apparently, Bryan Murray's last words to Antoine Vermette were "I'm not your buddy, guy."

11:10

ZOMG: Reports out of Canada this morning said Don Cherry was seen trying to fight a homeless man in downtown Toronto. According to Cherry, "he looked like Alex Ovechkin and had those beady Euro eyes." All this started when the homeless man asked Cherry if this was planet Xandon 5.

11:06

James Mirtle has a graph.

11:03

"Bob McKenzie's" fifth rule of trade deadline fight club: "one beer at a time, fellas."

Someone really needs to make a fight club photoshop of Bob.

11:01

In other news, don't take your kids to this zoo.

10:57

If you're reading this and like Twitter, then you should be following BMR on Twitter.

/shameless cross promotion

10:54

Darren Dreger says Connolly signs for 2 years, $9 million. There may or may not be a bonus that kicks in if he isn't being a self-centered dink.

10:52

"Bob McKenzie's" fourth rule of trade deadline fight club: "only two guys to a fight, unless one of them is Alex Semin. In that case, one girl is allowed."

10:48

Sorry for the delay. Amazingly, nothing happened while I was gone... I was on the phone with Bryan Murray and he said he liked my style, so he offered me a seven-year deal. When I said I needed to think about it, he screamed at me incoherently and hung up.

10:28

Over/under on how many hits TSN gets today... We'll start the line at eleventy billion.

10:23

"Bob McKenzie's" third rule of trade deadline fight club: "When one GM yells stop, goes limp, taps out, the fight is over and the winner gets a third round pick."

10:19

ZOMG: Chris Pronger asks to be traded to a Canadian team, cause he has a craving for Tim Horton's.

10:14

James Duthie celebrates the first trade of the day.

10:12

"Bob McKenzie's" second rule of trade deadline fight club: "There are ABSOLUTELY NO absolutes."

10:06

TSN -- Sabres are offering Connolly $4 million per for 2 to miss 2/3 of their games due to injury. Sens give Kuba a 3 year extension worth 3.7 per.

10:04 AM

So there you go BJ fans, the Jackets make an early move to say Yes, They Can to the playoffs. That's encouraging. And all they gave up was a goalie they didn't need and a 2nd rounder.

10:01 AM

WTF was I saying about LeClaire? TSN reports Ottawa acquires him and a 2nd rounder for Antoine Vermette. Hey, even if I'm wrong, so is Eklund. So that's something.

10:00 AM

Bob McKenzie's first rule of trade deadline fight club: "There are absolutely no absolutes."

9:55 AM

Eklund is reporting that the Leafs are interested in Pascal Leclaire. Did he forget that 1) Leclaire hasn't played since Dec 18 2) had ankle surgery in early January sidlining him through March and 3) the Leafs don't need him and it goes against all logic that they would be buyers at this point, especially with Toskala playing better?

9:52 AM

Was just on the phone with Brian Burke and he told me the following:

Told Kaberle we'd move him last night. Thanked him for his service and gave
him a firm handshake. In hindsight, it might have been too firm.

9:48 AM

Today, I feel like living up to the picture of bloggers that James Duthie painted yesterday. So, throughout the morning, I'm just going to make up some fake rumors. They'll be labeled "ZOMG" so if you miss this entry, you might think they're real. Actually, I hope people start thinking they're real cause this could get really funny. Here's the first one:

ZOMG: Islanders rumored to be offering Bill Guerin, Doug Weight and 1982 Championship banner to Anaheim for 2007 Championship banner and future lunch considerations. Apparently, the Islanders want to be able to say they've won something in the last 20 years.

9:43 AM

Here's some nightmare fuel to go with your breakfast.

9:35 AM

OK, I'm going to try and catch up on somethings that happened last night.

Alex Burrows of the Canucks signed a four-year extension.

Dominic Moore and Nik Antropov and were held out of Toronto's lineup for trade precautions.

Pierre LeBrun reports the Islanders are trying to move Guerin. Shocker.

And apparently Chris Pronger is off the market.

Marian Hossa went to the hospital, but is apparently OK.

And rumor out of Ottawa is Jason Spezza got in a fight last night. Still not sure I believe it despite video evidence saying otherwise.

9:30 AM

Screw it, I'm bored. Let's get this started.

Hello folks and welcome to the BMR Trade Deadline Live-Blog-Tacular! I'm all ready for some trades that will certainly not help my favorite team make the playoffs (can we put a stamp on Bill Guerin and mail him somewhere already?). However, some of you may get that ever important Marian Hossa-type who gets you to the Finals before losing to the Red Wings in six games. Or, you could get a month and a half of Ryan Smyth and his tears, lose in the first round, and be golfing before you know it.

Anyway, glad to have you here with me. Your blogger schedule is as follows, all times eastern standard:

Now - Noon, Yours Truly
Noon - 2pm, Loser Domi
2pm - 4pm, Ryan

Now let's get the party started!

And hey, if you have any rumors/comments/suggestions/whatevers, either put em in the comments or email me (melroserocks@gmail.com).

Get Some Sleep, Cause We've Got A Long Day Ahead of Us

2009-03-03T16:00:00.000-05:00

Just a reminder, we've got a live blog starting up tomorrow bright and early at 1030am ET (might be earlier if I have time). You better be there or we'll have Chris Simon break your legs. I'll be here till noon when Domi takes over until two and then Ryan will bring this puppy home through the deadline.

So yeah, cut out of work early (might help you sell that sick day tomorrow) and get a good night's sleep cause you don't want to be all grumpy on Hockey Christmas.

Note: If you're reading us through a feed reader (if you don't know what that means, you're not) then you may want to head over to the website if you don't see the liveblog come through. Blogger has been a big piece of crap when it comes to putting our RSS through in a timely manner. Posts have been coming up five or six hours after they've been published, so you wouldn't want to miss out now would you?

James Duthie Is Onto Us Bloggers

2009-03-03T09:48:00.000-05:00

Every blogger living in his parents’ basement apparently knows exactly where Chris Pronger is going, and who is coming back the other way. He knows this because this dude in his Psych class told him. And the dude in his Psych class knows this because his roommate once dated this girl who moved to California and works at a Hooters near Anaheim, where the Ducks equipment manager’s cousin was having wings and beer last Tuesday, and told her the Pronger deal was done. So she Twittered it.

Duthie, who writes for the Ottawa Citizen is correct. Well, almost correct. I know where Chris Pronger is going expect my friend's dog told me. That's just cause I've never taken a Psych class. I'm not going to get into how many false rumors come out of the MSM, cause at this time of the year pretty much everyone is guilty of temporary trade deadline insanity.

It's funny when people make sweeping generalizations. As Duthie said, "Every blogger living in his parents’ basement apparently knows exactly where Chris Pronger is going."

Man, all of us bloggers living in our parent's basements are probably really offended right now. (In the interest of full disclosure I, for one, live upstairs.) All those bloggers are probably offended like James Duthie would be if I said "Everyone who writes about hockey for the Ottawa Citizen is a moron."

Ah yes, the magic of sweeping generalizations. They can make even the smartest person sound ignorant and get you in a lot of hot water, if you choose to make one about people of a certain gender, race, etc.

This is kind of like when I was 17 and took a defensive driving course to lower my insurance premiums. At the time, I had never gotten a ticket or been in an accident. Yet, the majority of the adults in the class -- who were there because they were trying to get tickets erased or were in accidents -- insisted that all the darned kids on the roads were the problem. Yeah, cause that's why you got pulled over for doing 70 in a 55.

Not all kids are bad drivers. Not all bloggers live in their parent's basement. Not all hockey writers for the Ottawa Citizen are morons. Well, maybe that last one is a half truth.

Ways to Immediately Spark an All Out Brawl #34

2009-03-02T14:30:00.003-05:00

Do what Ryan Letts of the Spokane Chiefs did and just, you know, go 'ah fuck it' and give your opponents goalie a crosscheck to the face. I get the feeling he did it for kicks. Or maybe cause someone double dog dared him to.

Do You Like Live Blogs? Good, Cause We've Got More Where That Came From!

2009-03-02T09:27:00.003-05:00

Wasn't that Guerin liveblogathon a lot of fun? We thought so. Hopefully you did too. So come join us on trade deadline day (Wednesday) for a live blog of epic proportions. The gang here at BMR will be around to entertain you starting at 1030am ET and going all the way through the deadline at 3pm EST. You know you want to join us. In fact, you will, if only because it will be better than whatever you're doing at work!

LOL Stephane Robidas and his train wreck of a nose

2009-03-01T20:44:00.002-05:00

Bill Guerin Trade Watch, Impromptu Live Blog

2009-03-01T17:26:00.037-05:00

Hour 25, 7:52: And the gerbil falls out of the wheel. Botta reports there will be no news from the Isles tonight and NO TRADE. This just in: several reports of suicides all over the NY area.. seems that the popular toy "Ball In Cup" has been used as a noose. What a shame.

This whole thing has ended just as silly as it began. - Dave

Hour 25, 7:46: So Billy Guerin on a line with Mike Richards could lead to more of "The Shift"s?

How old was Guerin when Mike Richards was born, 31? Somebody should look that up or something.

Hour 25, 7:40: Currently cherishing my last moments with Bill as an Islander with a bottle of wine and Aerosmith's "I don't want to miss a thing" playing on repeat. - Kevin

Hour 25, 7:24: Botta is saying Flyers or Caps. Jesus this is stupid. -Dave

Hour 25: ESPN.com's front page makes no mention of the Guerin thing but does have a little box in the bottom corner with a pic of Caps and a link to this video:

Is it just me or is the NHL getting some good PR here lately? Bettman's conspiracy or the what-have-yous, the league is doing fairly well in a terrible time to be in the entertainment business. Alex Ovechkin is a big reason why hockey is slowly working its way to the American people.-Dave

Hour 25: As we enter another hour, it's time to ask yourself -- is this really what your life has come down to? A trade involving the worst team in the NHL for what should amount to a decent player and a second round pick. Yes. Yes it has. And it's totally the most fun I've had all day. - Kevin

Hour something, whatever time it is: No news and no update from Chris Botta since 6:00. In other news, this is "Stains" the dog that E!s The Soup discovered:

-Dave
Hour 24 6:32: Kevin is taking over the Fanhouse with a live blog about this redonkulousness. Dave's here to keep you warm and snuggly. Lost amidst all this trade deadline stuff/Guerin nonsense comes news of the Steve Ott indefinite suspension by the NHL for intent to injure Travis Moen of Anaheim.

Video of the incident:

Eye gouging? Whoah. Does Steve Ott like to drink his duck liver with "fava beans and a nice chianti?"
-Dave
Hour 24, 6:24: On BallHype, The Program comments "Imagine if it knocked out power as the Isles made the announcement. That would be too cruel I know." Cruel? Yes. Typical of the Islanders? Absolutely. I'm actually betting that this is what will happen, especially considering the eight inches of, um, Snow we're supposed to get.

Hour 24, 6:19: According to TSN's Darren Dreger "the identity of this mystery team is being concealed in fear the trade will fall apart." What? Does this Mystery Team think their fans are going to be pissed when they hear they're getting Guerin or is this some crappy variation of the Dating Game?

Hour 24, 6:14: ...while another steps to the ledge of the Throgs Neck Bridge.

Hour 24, 6:12: An Islander fan bravely asks for permission to go eat dinner.

Hour 24, 6:10: I hope he gets traded to a Western Conference team, just as a way for Garth to totally fuck with the North American Hockey Media.

Hour 24, 6:05: Changed the name of the post title to Impromptu Live Blog. Wouldn't want people getting confused, thinking we had actually planned something this boring.

Hour 24, 6:03 PM: Guerin trade watch has brought the world to a stand still. No joke, these are the top five searchs on Google Trends right now: 1) Corey Smith 2) night at the roxbury 3) man of the house 4) Marquis Cooper 5) FSN Pittsburgh

Hour 24, 6:00 PM: WOOOO WE MADE IT!!! 24 hours of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!

Hour 23, 5:58: Checked Bill Guerin's facebook status. It says "lmao suckers".

Hour 23, 5:55: Just recieved an email from NHL.com Job Listings, the Devils wanted to let me know that they appreciate my interest, but their goaltending job has been filled.

Hour 23, 5:51: Long Island is expecting eight inches of Snow tonight. Interpret that however you like.

Hour 23, 5:48 PM: Really glad I stayed in last night so that I could cover the trade when it came down.

Hour 23, 5:45 PM: CB hasn't posted in over two hours. Long Islanders frantically run into the street and run their laptops over with cars. Those with desktops start to beat them with a bat.

Hour 23, 5:42 PM: I don't know why I called this a semi-live blog. Probably because we're live blogging one of the least important events of the 21st century.

Hour 23, 5:40 PM: Rumor has is Guerin wants to retire with the team he started it all with. Garth is on the phone with the Central Massachusetts U-8 travel team.

Hour 23, 5:36 PM: Refreshing Point Blank for the 6 millionth time this weekend. CB owes Bill and Garth dinner when this is all over.

Hour 23, 5:33 PM: My cat is telling me she has sources. She says Guerin to Panthers for color commentator and former Islander Denis Potvin (4 meows). This is getting out of hand.

Hour 23, 5:30 PM: The Capitals game is over. Maybe they were waiting until Ovechkin finished up before they told him about his new home on Long Island.

Hour 23, 5:28 PM: This thing is still dragging on, and we're getting into the hours where sleep deprivation starts to take it's toll. I don't know why I'm starting this post. Probably has something to do with the fact that there's nothing on TV other than basketball and NASCAR. I'd rather watch Golden Girls repeats on Lifetime than suffer through any of that.

ROFLdevils

2009-03-01T09:43:00.005-05:00

Bill Guerin is Going to be Traded to Everyone

2009-02-28T20:44:00.006-05:00

Rumors have been swirling all night as Islanders' captain Bill Guerin took part in the pre-game skate but did not suit up for the team. He was not hurt and all indications appear that he has been traded, but the Islanders have been tight lipped about it.

However, the editors at Wikipedia have been working hard all night to uncover the mystery surrounding Guerin. They've issued numerous reports on the subject, but at the moment, sadly, none appear to be true. The following are some of the best entries. I always love it when people write a post for me!

On February 28, 2009, Bill Guerin was traded to the Kansas City Chiefs for Matt Cassel and agreed to a 7-year $70M contract with the Chiefs.
Bill Guerin was traded to the Minnesota Vikings for all the team's
picks in the 2009 NFL Draft.
On February 28, 2009, Guerin was pulled off the ice during warm-ups which cause many to speculate whether a trade was in place. However, Guerin had an extreme case of the runs and is slowly recovering.

February 29, 2009 - Traded back in time by the New York Islanders to the 2007 Montreal Canadiens for Micheal Ryder, Jaroslav Halak and Montreal's 2nd round draft choice.

Other reports included Guerin going to Pittsburgh straight up for Sidney Crosby. Feel free to create your own in the comments!

Scarlet Caps: LOL Style

2009-02-28T14:12:00.005-05:00

I'm sure you've all heard by now of the Scarlet Caps Hockey for womenfolk site. Now, no matter if you think it's sexist or a brothel or what, you have to admit: some LOL action must be had. All pictures taken from either Scarlet caps or Jerseys and Hockey Love

Of All the Teams He Could Have Picked...

2009-02-27T16:02:00.001-05:00

...50 Cent is a Devils fan. Come on, seriously?

Caption It: Brashear Gets A Good Look At Boulton's Fist

2009-02-27T12:34:00.008-05:00

...And it was at that moment Donald Brashear came to realize that maybe he should have listened to his parents and gone to law school after all.

I'm sure you can caption this photo much better than I, in the comments.

Gary Bettman is Not Happy With Yahoo Right Now

2009-02-27T10:25:00.006-05:00

You're going to have to click on the image to your right to get what I'm talking about, but according to Yahoo, the Sabres and Hurricanes played to a 1-1 tie last night.

That probably pissed off two parties: 1) the Carolina Hurricanes who actually won in a shootout (unless the Y With An Exclamation Point knows something we don't), earning an all important extra point in very tight playoff race and 2) Gary Bettman, who as we all know led the excommunication of all ties from the NHL only a few years ago.

I can imagine Gary is on the phone right now with Yahoo telling them to correct the score so that hockey fans don't have flashbacks to when there were ties in the NHL. "We erased them from their minds! Do you have any idea what this could do?! You fools!!!"

Well, now that ties have been...

"Sir, look over here please."

What?

"Just look over here, sir"

Hey I've seen the movie. I'm not falling for tha...

*SCREEN FLASHES*

Screw your team! LOL Islanders

2009-02-26T14:00:00.000-05:00

Sure, I could do a thoughtful analysis, bring up ridiculous contracts, and all other reasons to make fun of the Islanders. But hey, why bother when I can just cruise the internets for crazy pictures and put some text on 'em? In honor of the Leafs playing the Islanders in an epic Battle for the Basement (patent pending), here's some LOLage:

LOL Leafs - Lets Go Islanders!

2009-02-26T10:00:00.000-05:00

Tonight, the Islanders play the Maple Leafs and while both teams are out of the playoff hunt, they still hold a place in the hearts of writers on this here site. As I'm sure you're well aware of, Domi's a Leaf fan and I'm an Islander fan. We've both suffered a lot. So, we're going to make each other suffer a little more with a LOLoff. Domi -- the Queen of lol -- will be along later with her lulz, but for now, you'll have to deal with mine.

That's Karma, Baby

2009-02-26T09:37:00.004-05:00

In the early 1990s the Islanders had a group of four owners. As with most Islanders owners during the 90s, they didn't do anything good. This particular group of owners unleashed an atrocity upon an unsuspecting world:

And yesterday, they got their karmic payback.

Two former members of the New York Islanders' infamous Gang of Four ownership group were arrested on securities fraud charges today for swindling top-flight universities out of hundreds of millions of dollars.
Paul Greenwood and Stephen Walsh were arrested today and are expected to appear in Manhattan Federal Court this afternoon.

Back in middle school, my friends and I had a chant for whenever someone got in trouble in the lunchroom. It was one of those lunchrooms where the kids were treated like they were in prison. As we used to say "that's what youuuuu get! that's what youuuu get!"

The trade deadline drinking game

2009-02-26T00:47:00.003-05:00

Sure we could have a drinking game this week, but Versus' games feature the Penguins and Lightning, and frankly, Tampa Bay doesn't have the same luster without Barry Melrose. The other game of the week is Colorado at the Islanders. The only person I could fathom that would possibly want to watch that is Kevin, and I assure you, as an Islanders fan, he is already drinking. The next best thing, and the highlight of the season for some, is the trade deadline. Now, you could turn this into an all week binge or just pack it into the last three pre-deadline hours while constantly refreshing the TSN website. It's really up to you.

DRINK

... if the name "Brookbank", "Ference", or "Yan Stastny" is mentioned at any point.

... every time a GM makes a condescending remark about fans who don't understand how hard it is to make a deal.

... if Brian Burke chaps your hide.

.... for every player traded. Twice if they are AHL, thrice if they are playing in Europe

... if are following along online, drink every time you alt-tab from one site to another. Nerd.

I'm hoping for a Ference-Brookbank trade jackpot. Enjoy the deadline, everyone.

Bryan Smolinksi, Air Golf Enthusiast

2009-02-25T14:45:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure what air golf is -- I have a hunch it combines the thrills of hunting and golfing minus the killing animals part -- but this would be a photo of Bryan Smolinkski doing it. It also appears as though it's a nice sport for people who like to play golf but are, you know, too lazy to swing a golf club.

Smolinski was signed yesterday by the Port Huron Icehawks of the IHL and, maybe, this photo sheds some light on what he's been up to since he's been away from the rink. Smo hasn't played pro hockey yet this year (I think?) since his contract was up with the Canadiens at the end of last season.

So there you have it. Air golf and Bryan Smolinski. If that's not the most random thing you've heard today, then you must have a pretty interesting life. Or may ride the NYC subway.

BMR Fantasy Update Week 21

2009-02-25T09:00:00.002-05:00

(click to enlarge)

Well, well. Apparently I've been channeling my inner Paul Stastny as I'm making a late season push to dominate the ~~geekiest hockey fan ever contest~~ BMR league. I'd like to thank Pensblog Charlie for letting my team win 11-0 last week and thank LD for my current 12-0 lead (as of today, anyways).
/finishes tooting his horn

Mr. Plank had another dominating performance last week which has him comfortably reaming the rest of the teams.

Earl Sleek's squad is a steady team that you don't want to have to face in the first round of the playoffs.

Postseason starts March 16th. Late season push, Kevin. You can do it. I believe in you, Kevin.

Kevin: And here's the standings in the second division...

P.S. After starting off the year 0-14, we're 4-2 in our last six weeks in the first division. Playoffs here we come!

Evidently, the Leafs fail at life

2009-02-24T19:40:00.002-05:00

Look, I know the Leafs are not a great team. Save your jokes about Leafs suckage, for I can make better ones on my own time. But this video is both hilarious and saddening in the amount of fail it brings in.

Battle for the Basement: Your move, Islanders

And Now For Some Good News...

2009-02-24T14:35:00.004-05:00

OK, so I've been a bit negative lately. It's not on purpose, you guys know how it is when I get riled up about something (and honestly, how much fun is some good ol' Eklund bashing?).

So here's some good, happy, family friendly news for us all.

DENVER – The Colorado Avalanche Hockey Club announced today that the team
has activated forward Paul Stastny from the Injured Reserve list. He is expected
to be in the lineup for tonight’s game in Atlanta against the Thrashers (5:00
p.m. MT, Altitude TV).

Ah, yes. All is right with the world.

Whoa. Who let those people in here?

As Islanders Meet With Local Goverment Today, Town Supervisor Goes On Vacation

2009-02-24T11:27:00.005-05:00

From Islanders Point Blank:

The Town of Hempstead meeting started 30 minutes ago, but they have not addressed the Lighthouse yet. I’m in the crowded Hall and on Blackberry. Here’s all you need to know so far:
Charles Wang is here. Scott Rechler is here. Kate Murray, Hempstead Town Supervisor, is not. I’m told she is on vacation.

Seriously?

So this is one of the biggest private development projects in Long Island's recent history and you go on vacation?

Not only that, but the project has been through hell and back in the press this year -- their specific target, you, Kate Murray -- and you, um, go on vacation?

Wow.

Consider this one of the biggest political gaffes in a long time (or just a really big slap in the face to Rechler and Wang). This wouldn't be a big deal if she had ever stated her opinion on the project. It also wouldn't be a big deal if she had shown up to Town of Hempstead Night at the Coliseum last Saturday. But, she has basically chosen to be a ghost when it comes to the Lighthouse Project. I can understand someone being on vacation, but this doesn't add up.

Well done, Ms. Murray. Well done.

*polite golf clap*

You Can't Be Serious: Eklund Confirms Twitter Account Isn't Actually Brian Burke

2009-02-23T15:15:00.008-05:00

Somewhere, Sean Leahy is banging his head against his keyboard.

I know it's Eklund. I know I should lay off. I know I'm promoting him by giving him more attention.

But this shit is too funny.

Eklund reports today that he called Brian Burke and confirmed that Burke is not behind his self-titled Twitter account. Something Leahy pointed out last week acknowledging that the account was phony. Eklund didn't exactly catch Leahy's drift (or ours /self promotion).

Brian Burke Confirms He Doesn't Twitter
I just spoke to Brian Burke regarding an article that came
out on the PuckDaddy Blog this past Saturday on Yahoo.com
The Article is entitled "Follow the thought process of Brian
Burke on Twitter"and is 100% bogus and has the Gm rightfully pissed off.
...
And there it is my hockey friends. The stereotypical kind of
blogging that makes many NHL teams nervous and stingy about giving access to
internet hockey writers. This is the kind of story that deeply sets back the
cause.

Yes! Take away Leahy's access! Ban him from everything! Damn the feeble minded Leahy for thinking that Twitter was real! Thank God we have Eklund to trash on Sean Leahy for us. I don't know what I would do without him. Wait... What do quotation marks mean again? (quote from Leahy)

One hockey person who's jumped aboard the Twitter bandwagon is Toronto Maple Leafs general manager "Brian Burke", who has given his followers some insight into the thinking of a hockey executive. "Burke" is brutally honest on Twitter just as he is in interviews.

Maybe the guy who doesn't know how to use " and " is the one who should be revoked of his access. After all, the Twitter does make it all blatantly obvious by saying the following (Leahy):

We also figured that clicking on the Twitter feed and seeing "Bio: Yes, it's
a parody" staring you straight in the face would confirm this was, in fact,
"Brian Burke" and not Brian Burke.

So, not only do we have people who don't understand that the Brian Burke Twitter is fake, we have people who don't understand that people writing articles about the Brian Burke Twitter know it is fake.

Excuse me while I take a break before my head explodes.

Update: And I apparently missed the loads of hilarious irony in that Eklund is taking a stand against anonymous online fakers.

This Brunette was sooooo dumb

2009-02-23T10:46:00.002-05:00

Mikko Koivu: What does a beer bottle and a brunette have in common?

Andrew Brunette: What?

Koivu: They're both empty from the neck up! Haha! Why did the brunette stair at the orange juice?

Brunette: *sigh* I don't know, why?

Koivu: It said "concentrate". Hahahahaha! Why did the brunette buy a brown cow?

Brunette: /kicks Koivu. Injures groin.

Memo to the Blogosphere: Brian Burke's Twitter Account Isn't Actually Him

2009-02-23T09:22:00.001-05:00

Probably one of the funniest things to come out of the hockey blogosphere this season has been some fake Twitter accounts. There's a whole bunch out there including Mike Milbury and Gary Bettman. It also appears that there are some real ones out there too. To my eye, it seems the Pierre McGuire Twitter is actually him (read: boring and unoffensive).

The funniest of the fake Twitter bunch is by far Brian Burke. Apparently, the 'fake' part has gotten lost on some people. I guess for some it's not too hard to believe that this is something an NHL GM would actually say in public about another GM:

@BryanMurray: Next time you want to trade a first round pick for a bag of crap, give me a call. I have several bags available.

And then there are the jabs at his own players:

@JasonBlake: You know, there are some really nice tanning salons in Toronto. Even an hour or two a week can work wonders. Just saying.

Come on, people. This stuff is hilarious and you're being a total Buzz Killington by missing the boat. Is your sarcasm really that bad or do you seriously think this stuff was written by Burke?

Update: And it might be getting shut down...

Flyer FAIL

2009-02-22T20:14:00.002-05:00

I don't know what this is and I don't want to know.

Marty Turco's Attempt to Bring the Save of the Year to the Western Conference

2009-02-22T11:22:00.003-05:00

OK, so this year's competition for Save of the Year has been a good one. Carey Price has made a couple of entries along with the injured Marty Brodeur and Antero Niittymaki. As you can see, those guys are all on Eastern Conference teams.

After much delay, the Western Conference has decided to strike back thanks to some beautiful work by Dallas' Marty Turco. This one might even be good enough to take over the lead right now. What do you think?

"The "WOOO"s never gonna die, man"

2009-02-21T19:06:00.004-05:00

The extended Ric Flair interview from CBS News reveals the origins of the Woo!
(6:30ish mark):

via CBS "My shoes cost more than your house!"

Where Was Eklund on the Duff Trade?

2009-02-21T13:39:00.002-05:00

Just sayin... For someone who knows all about the Islanders situation, it was a bit surprising he didn't know about it beforehand.

Simple Math

2009-02-21T10:54:00.000-05:00

Liam Neeson

+

Ryan Smyth

=

USA Today's Kyle Woodlief

(just in case you were interested)

Senators Acquire Hillary Duff From Islanders for First Round Pick

2009-02-20T17:45:00.004-05:00

With all the Senators posts around here lately, I'm thinking about renaming this blog Dany Heatley Rocks. Except he doesn't, so there goes that.

Anyway...

In a stunning but not surprising move today (you figure that one out), the New York Islanders have sent veteran cheerleader/fan/person Hillary Duff to the Ottawa Senators in exchange for Dean McAmmond and a first round pick in this June's draft. The Islanders also sent a couple of guys to Ottawa on security detail for Duff.

Given that the Islanders are in complete rebuilding mode, the trading of talent for a draft pick isn't that much of a surprise. However, it is surprising that the team has given up arguably their biggest asset in Duff. Duff had not played for the team this year, but was an avid cheerleader from the stands. She has helped re-establish the Islanders as a legitimate sports team in the minds of many New Yorkers. Before Duff became a fixture at Islander games, most New Yorkers weren't even sure the team still existed. Now, not only do New Yorkers know the team exists but they also know that the team sucks.

As for the Senators, this is a huge acquisition. They have acquired some of the league's best talent in an effort to help their playoff run which, as Sportsnet reported yesterday, is still alive and kicking. Duff is clearly a rental at this point and would likely give a much needed boost to a team in trouble. She was a member of the Senators previously during their Stanley Cup run a few years back. She played an instrumental role for them that year and, as the Sens hope, she can be instrumental once again in getting them to the Cup Finals so that they can get whooped by a much more physical team from the Western Conference.

NHL hates Finland...

2009-02-20T01:59:00.003-05:00

Sends Panthers to play two games there

UPDATE: Sportsnet Agrees, Sens Chances Are Not Amazing

2009-02-19T16:37:00.005-05:00

An update on our story from earlier today. Sportsnet has edited their article to say the following:

OTTAWA -- With the Ottawa Senators needing every point they can muster down the stretch to maintain their slim playoff hopes, just about the last thing they
needed was to lose one of their stars for any length of time.

This should come as a shock to everyone in Ottawa that Sens are, in fact, in danger of missing the playoffs.

We appreciate Sportsnet's honesty in the matter.

BMR: Always reporting on things that are truly important.

BREAKING NEWS: Sportsnet Reports Senators Still in Playoff Race

2009-02-19T13:36:00.005-05:00

Some genius over at Sportsnet has declared that the Ottawa Senators still have a chance to make it to the post-season this year. I know this is the League of Competitive Balance but, um, seriously? What universe does Ian Mendes get his information from? Sure, they're not mathematically eliminated, but they need to make up 13 points, leapfrog two teams and have played like crap all year. I think a rational person would be skeptical, at minimum.
The Ottawa Senators push for a playoff spot has taken a blow, as Daniel Alfredsson is out of the lineup for at least a week with a fractured jaw.

Good to see hopes are still high there at Sportsnet. This is the kinda stuff you would usually see from a team's PR department. You know, the folks who get paid to positively spin everything.

This isn't a headline, but we'll have some fun with it anyway in the surprisingly still recurring series Breaking News. Here are some other things that may be a figment of imaginations, much like Ottawa's chances of playing in late April.

Islanders, Senators in heated race for President's Trophy.

Conan O'Brien's chances of moving to Tonight Show getting thinner, NBC execs say.

Claude Lemieux's NHL comeback appears it will fall short.

Detroit Red Wings expected to appoint Mike Milbury GM immediately.

After lackluster Sportscenter appearance, Barry Melrose's approval ratings take a hit (cause that would ever happen! ha!)

Doc Emrik plans to stop talking and take a breath sometime this week.

Don Cherry to join campaign to ban fighting in NHL.

Marian Hossa's Fighting Abilities Are What We Thought They Were

2009-02-19T09:18:00.003-05:00

Last night we had a rare occurance in the Preds/Wings game -- Marian Hossa in a fight! That's probably music to the ears of Pens' fans who want to see him take a lick or two. Hossa fought Suter and while he didn't do badly, it wound up how you might have imagined it. If you're into imagining things like that.

The Versus [drinking] Game of the Week (Anaheim at Buffalo)

2009-02-19T01:47:00.003-05:00

Jaro Spacek.... dreamy. Or is that Dan Akroyd?

If you've noticed, lately, we've spent a lot of time drinking to the Sabres. I don't know why Versus keeps putting them on TV over other New York teams, (say, the Rangers) but they do. My theory? Jaro Spacek.

DRINK

... once when they say "goalie" twice for "goaltender" and three times for "netminder". Finish your drink for "Lalime the f'ing sieve"

... upon every reference to Sports Soup. Pace yourselves.

...if there are any ads for George Parros ' El Camino dealership.

... If the Ducks' sponsor Oggi's is mentioned. Not being from Southern California, the name "Oggi's" makes me uncomfortable.

... if you picked either of these teams to win the cup this year. Ha! just kidding. You probably already are.

Bank it: these kids will be hockey bloggers one day

2009-02-18T18:20:00.003-05:00

They've already caught on:

But I can't completely rule out this being a video of Schultz as a wee tot (2:35 mark).

Lookalikes are Fun

2009-02-18T00:34:00.000-05:00

You know, it's weird. I'm listed on the left hand side as being a "youtube Specialist" and I have yet to have any youtube videos here. That streak ends now.

I'm something of a nerd and one of my favorite shows ever is Red Dwarf. There's a character who is actually a hologram, Arnold Rimmer

(image from this angelfire site, which os probably stolen from somewhere else)

During the last Leafs game against the Tampa Bay Lightning, I thought to myself, "you know who looks like Rimmer?"(mugshot from NHL.com)

So I have to keep myself from singing to the Arnold Rimmer song:

He's Vinny Vinny, Vinny Lecav
Someone always says he goes to the Habs
When talking about trades that are not bad
He is kind to those who drive cabs

BMR Scientists Discover Possible Life Behind Pittsburgh Bench

2009-02-17T18:40:00.005-05:00

Moments ago, scientists at BMR Laboratories discovered this Getty photo via Yahoo's NHL photo gallery. They believe that it shows signs of life behind the bench of the Pittsburgh Penguins, something that hasn't been seen in months. The picture was snapped during Monday afternoon's game against the Islanders.

Our scientists are currently checking to confirm that the person in the picture is not John Hodgmon or a fan who won a local radio contest in Pittsburgh to be coach for a day. Stay tuned to BMR for more on this story as it develops.

The Teams on Kaberle's Top 10 List

2009-02-17T13:52:00.006-05:00

I don't think it takes a rocket scientist to figure this one out.

What is new for Kaberle is that of the list of 10 teams he would waive his no-trade clause for should Burke work out a deal prior to the NHL's March 4 trade deadline, it is believed all are in the Eastern Conference.

The article from Slam! Sports really sheds some light on the blueliner's trade demands.

So let's see... 10 teams... Why does that sound familiar?

Oh right, that's exactly how many teams have a shot at making the playoffs in the Eastern Conference.

The Islanders, Thrashers and Lightning are all atrocious (not to mention ho-hum hockey destinations) so I'm sure they're out. Assuming Kablerle left off the Leafs and the rival Senators, there are 10 eastern conference teams left, all with playoff hopes.

Mystery solved. Next case, please.

Therrien Fired, Struggling Cracker Jack Vendor Still Employed

2009-02-16T14:15:00.002-05:00

In the wake of the Pittsburgh Penguins firing their coach Michel Therrien, for some, there are more pressing employment issues surrounding the Penguins.

On Sunday, rumors spread quickly around the city that a shake up was in store for the Pens. When news came down that it was Therrien who had lost his job, there was much relief in the concession offices at Mellon Arena and around the city.

For the last two weeks, many have believed that long-time Cracker Jack vendor Bill Stevens had fallen out of favor with the organization. Mr. Stevens, a 23-year veteran of delivering the snack to fans at Mellon Arena, had admittedly been struggling this season.

"You know, I'm getting a little old," Mr. Stevens, 53 years old, said in a phone interview. "I'll admit I've been a bit shaky this season. I'm not making change as quickly as I used to and my voice is getting a little raspy. You know, it's not all that often someone can stay in this business as long as I have."

Fans in the upper sections of Mellon Arena, the area Mr. Stevens patrols on game nights, have been some of his biggest supporters.

"Bill is an institution," said John Vivino a Penguins season ticket holder. "Even at his age, he's still one of the best out there... I think that with [the Penguins] underachieving this season, he's put some of the blame for that on himself. He's been a little down and I think it's hurt his game. Maybe it's a Finals hangover of sorts."

And of course, many of his fans were relived when the big firing coming out of Pittsburgh today was Therrien and not Stevens.

"I thought he was gone for sure," said Bonnie Upwold who has bought Cracker Jack from Stevens for, she says, the last ten years. "I've known John for a while and he's going through a tough time. But I think I can speak for Penguins fans everywhere when I say we're relieved he'll be back."

Penguins GM Ray Shero has called a news conference for 5pm today. He is expected to announce the retention of Mr. Stevens through the 2011-12 season. When told about it, Mr. Stevens said it was "an honor" and that things may get better now.

"It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders," said Stevens. "I'm glad to be a Penguin for a few more years and I think both the team and fans will like what they see from me during the stretch run."

Great NHL Moments As Told Through Twitter #6

2009-02-16T12:17:00.004-05:00

Today, we continue our Twitter series here at BMR (one that will inevitably be forgotten about). It's a look at what great NHL moments of years past may have looked like if Twitter was around for them. Today's feature is Bobby Orr and his cup winning goal in 1970.

(click to enlarge)

The force is strong in this one

2009-02-15T22:44:00.007-05:00

[Inside the Kings locker room]

Terry Murray: Only a precise shot will set off the goal light. The 5-hole is stick shielded so you'll have to use wrist shots.

(aside)

Alexander Frolov: That's impossible. Even for a Gretzky.

Anze Kopitar: It's not impossible. I used to bulls-eye 5-holes in the Elitserien back home. They're not much better than Oilers.

[on the ice]

Sean O'Donnell: We're in the Oilers zone.

Frolov: Look at the size of that guy!

O'Donnell: Cut the chatter Red 2.

Frolov: What?

O'Donnell: Accelerate to attack speed! This is it boys!

Kopitar: This is Anze! I'm going in!
[Ethan Moreau and Sheldon Souray approach]

Dustin Brown: Anze! Hold up!

[Kopitar emerges unscathed]

Brown: Are you all right?!

Kopitar: I got a little cooked, but I'm OK

O'Donnell: Be careful, with all these skaters, the Oilers will be on you before you even see them.
Brown! You've picked one up!

Brown: I can't see him! Where is he?! (skates evasively) He's on me tight! I can't shake him! I can't shake him!

Kopitar: Hang on Brown, I'm coming in! (checks Shawn Horcoff). I got him!

Frolov: Watch your back! Dustin Penner's coming in!

[Penner bumps Kopitar]

Kopitar: I'm hit, but not bad! [Penner continues to follow Kopitar] I can't shake him!

Frolov: I'm on him Anze! Hold on! (checks Penner)

Brown: Good hitting Frolov!

[after a line change, Anze's line is back on the ice, with O'Donnell taking a run at the net]

O'Donnell: I'm in range. [cocks stick, readying a slapshot] Target's coming up, just hold them off a few seconds.

Drew Doughty: I can't hold them! (Checked by Ethan Moreau) AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

[O'Donnell shoots] It's away! [shot saved by Roloson] Negative! It didn't go in. Just hit the shin pads. [peels away from the net] Anze! Get ready for your attack run! [checked by Moreau]

Koptiar: Brown, Frolov, let's close it up, we're going in. We're going in full throttle.

Frolov: Right with you boss!

Kopitar: Just like Beggar's Canyon back home!

Frolov: I can see Roloson, but I can't see the 5 hole! Are you sure a wrist shot can hit it?

Kopitar: Increase speed! Full throttle!

Frolov: What about Souray?

Kopitar: You worry about Moreau! I'll worry about Souray!

[Moreau clips Frolov]: I'm hit Anze! I can't stay with you!

Kopitar: Get clear, Frolov! You can't do any more back there!

Brown: Hurry Anze! He's closing in much faster this time! I can't hold him!

[Zigmund Palffy's voice enters his mind]: Use the force, Anze!

[Kopitar readies a slapshot]

Ziggy: Let go, Anze! Trust me.

[Moreau is ready to slash Kopitar when Jarrett Stoll picks off Sheldon Souray]

Moreau: What?! [Moreau slips and slides into the corner]

Stoll: You're all clear kid! [Rachel Hunter listens on]

{Anze shoots and scores)

Stoll: Great shot, kid! One in a million!

I'm all Valentines Day'd out

2009-02-14T16:33:00.002-05:00

Too much pink floating around today. I need to watch a hockey fight or something. Since I don't want to jump right from mushiness to rugged toughness, as it might make my head explode, here is an adorable hockey fight. Awww! Kick that kids ass!

In the Year 2020...

2009-02-13T11:49:00.000-05:00

With all due respect to Conan O'Brien, it's time once again to take a look at the future of hockey.

...your currently unborn children will ask you what a newspaper is.

...Netflix will deliver movies directly to your brain. (OK, so those two don't have much to do with hockey)

...Puck Daddy will be officially be renamed, Puck Granddaddy. Wyshynski will continue blogging from his parent's basement, only he will need reading glasses.

...Chris Chelios announces that he has cloned himself. He plans to play along side his with the Red Wings clone when it is draft eligible in 2039.

...after 12 years at the helm of BMR, scientists conclude that Kevin officially has no life.

...a band of guerrilla hockey bloggers will storm ESPN studios and declare themselves the company's NHL department. However, ESPN will continue to deny the existence of the NHL, as it has since 2012.

...if you are still reading this blog in 2020, it may be too late to get a life.

The Versus [drinking] Game of the Week (Rangers at St. Louis)

2009-02-13T01:08:00.004-05:00

Beneath Chuck Norris' beard is another fist

Apologies for getting this up so late. The real world beckoned and here I am, only, you know... like 4 days early instead of 5 for the game. Anyways, the Rangers at the Blues has to be one of the most curious options for Versus to air. Sure, the Rangers play in New York and have a huge fan base. Add to that the fact that they have been competitive recently, and they are a natural fit for TV. The Blues, of course, have ALL STAR Keith Tkachuk. The teams have almost nothing in common except being the former home of Gretzky past his prime and wearing blue. The fact that this is a nationally televised game boggles the mind. Let's drink.

DRINK

... if Chuck Norris is ever cited as an example of a "Ranger"

... if B.B. King is mentioned in reference to the Blues.

... Anytime they say that this is a matchup between the "Blueshirts and Blues". Ugh, they're going to say that a lot, aren't they?

... when they mention the name "Girardi". Twice if it's Rangers' defenseman Dan. Three times if it's Yankees manager Joe. Five times if you didn't know one of the two existed.

... Every time the Blues turn the puck over in the defensive zone. This is a good one, especially if you didn't have a date for Valentine's Day. Booze makes it better.

And of course, more in the comments

Great NHL Moments As Told Through Twitter #17

2009-02-12T10:45:00.001-05:00

This is the first in a new series here at BMR (one that will inevitably be forgotten about). It's a look at what great NHL moments of years past may have looked like if Twitter was around for them. Naturally, we're going to start with a great moment from Islander history. I promise not all of them will be that way.

(click to enlarge)

The Islanders See Your T-Shirt Shooter and Raise You a Gatling Gun

2009-02-11T10:16:00.002-05:00

That's right folks, the Islanders have a new invention to unleash on the sports world. It wasn't simply good enough that they gave us ice girls, the blog box and the 15-year contract. Now, they've taken intermission entertainment to the next level. No, a simple single barrel t-shirt shooter isn't good enough for them. Why launch one measly t-shirt at fans when they can be pummeled with 10 at a time, Civil War style?

The Islanders laugh at your puny pea shooters. You are powerless against their Gatling gun filled with free (!) t-shirts.

Take notice, sports world. The stakes have just been raised.

Questions I'd like to Ask an NHLer

2009-02-10T23:42:00.004-05:00

I know I have heard complaints from other hockey bloggers that interviews with players, with the occasional translation LOLS, are boring. Some of this may be from the players themselves--trained to give only bland answers so as not to offend anyone ever. However, I think quite a bit of the problem comes form the questions asked by the reporters. I mean, asking a player "you're down 3-1, what do you plan to do?" doesn't allow for a whole lot of personality to shine. Therfore, I am taking this post as a chance to show some more interesting questions that I would like to ask an NHLer (glove tap to the lovely Heather at Wrap Around Curl for letting me bounce ideas off her.)

1: What would win in a fight: a polar bear, or a gorilla with a chainsaw?
2: (to Sidney Crosby or Tomas Holmstrom) : What cha gonna do wit all that junk inside dat trunk? Seriously, man, it's like a Buick back there
3: Do you believe in life after love?
4: Have you ever had a threesome?
5: What ringtone plays when your mom calls?
6: Cuthbert or Milano (note: I guarantee at least one NHLer would say "Milano, 'cuz those cookies are AWESOME!"
7: Would you rather eat a maggot filled pie or practice wearing only a cup and skates?
8: Slip n slide, or Twister?
9: Would you rather have no arms or no legs?
10: How long do you wait to call a girl after taking her out to a seafood dinner?
11: If you could be on any game show what would it be?
12: Do you have a nightmare that just scares the living hell out of you?
13: Do you have a teammate you just want to ninja kick in the face?
14: Tupac or Biggie? Snoop or Dre? (ok 2-parter, whatever)
15: How much cheese do you think you could eat in one sitting?

any suggestions? as usual, leave 'em below

Sharks at Bruins: The Biggest Game Nobody Cares About

2009-02-10T15:10:00.004-05:00

Am I wrong here? Is anyone outside of San Jose and Boston really getting excited about this?

This is not going to be Joe Thornton's first game back in Boston since The Trade. If this was Sunday, NBC probably wouldn't make it their game of the week.

So, maybe it's just me (probably is), but does anyone really care about this game tonight? I mean, seriously. It's the top two teams in the league standings, but I've seen more build up for a mid-March game between the Thrashers and Coyotes.

OK, obviously this is a big "measuring stick" game for the folks in Boston and San Jose. I'm sure they're all excited for it. I'm just not sure anyone else is. Although, maybe I shouldn't be talking. After all, we could get stuck with another Penguins/Red Wings snoozer where the most action takes place during intermission.

Goal Celebrations That We Need to See

2009-02-10T11:15:00.004-05:00

So here's a topic that I think needs addressing -- Goal celebrations in the NHL are lame. OK, so Alex Ovechkin likes to celebrate every goal like it's his last and once in a while we do see a hint of emotion out of players, but come on. Hockey celebrations don't compare to those in other sports like football and soccer. Maybe that's a good thing, but to be honest, some creativity would be nice. I can only see so many players drop to one knee and pump their fist before getting really, really tired of the whole thing.

Today, I present a guide to how we can have better celebrations in hockey with some worthy examples from other places. Maybe players can use these after scoring their next game winner and put their own spin on things. Also included are some examples of what not to do.

Our first entrant is the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels. Arguably one of the biggest stars in WWE history, he always entered the ring with some signature poses.

Alright maybe it's not the best, but it's better than a lot of what's going on in hockey today.

Our next contestants hail from the UK. It's the AFC Bournemouth soccer team (football, whatev) and they play in England's League Two, which, for some weird reason is actually the fourth tier of English soccer. They're also are on the path to relegation this season, which means they could get kicked down a notch at season's end. The point is that they're not very good. Anyway, they did this little number after scoring a goal, which would be pretty sweet to see on the rink, I think.

Imagine Evgeni Malkin scoring a goal and then pretending to punch out his linemates. I would like to see that.

Next up is one of the biggest young stars in the NBA, LeBron James. LeBron and other NBA stars have the tradition of tossing up powder before the start of the game. It's kinda neat, but also pisses off the people sitting in the front row, as it gets all over them and their things. Whether or not you like seeing it on the court, I'm not entirely sure we need to bring this to hockey.

The next idea is more a tip: get creative people!

Take a lesson from the NFL's Chad Johnson. He's known for his wacky celebrations and use of props, which make the game that much more entertaining. Like him or not, his celebrations are anything but the norm. We need more Chad Johnson-type celebrations in the NHL. I'm thinking like what we saw from Ovechkin during the All-Star Shootout.

Last but not least is one of the best celebrations/taunts of all-time. It needs no introduction, so all I'm going to say is imagine a player scoring, then turns to face the goalie and gives 'em the crotch chops. That would be AWESOME.

Monday Afternoon Blog Roundup

2009-02-09T13:56:00.009-05:00

credit: Litter Box Cats

While you ponder this image of Don King dropping the puck at a recent Florida Panthers game, please have a look at what we've been up to in other corners of the internet.

For some reason the folks at Kukla's Korner thought it would be a good idea to talk to me. And it's great to hear that Paul is doing fine after a health scare over the weekend.
Please consult Ryan for all your weather needs.
Loser Domi has concluded her Wendell Clark trilogy.
And our very own alumnus Dave would like to give a shutout to the ECU hockey team.

Noah From Maine Wants to Resurrect Milbury's Coaching Career

2009-02-09T08:55:00.002-05:00

Since we've been doing full on Milbury talk for the past week here, I might as well torture you with one more little piece.

During Saturday's Flyers/Bruins game, Milbury wasn't on the NESN telecast since he was in Pittsburgh for Sunday's Pens/Wings game. But that doesn't mean the folks on NESN have to stop talking about him. During one of the intermissions, Kathryn Tappen and Gord Kluzak took a question from the viewers. And you can guess what that question is about...

Was that seriously the best question they received? Furthermore, is there any universe in which that is a relevant question?

I think Noah from Maine is likely the only Bruins fan who is thinking about ousting Claude Julien and replacing him with Mike Milbury right now. No, being the best team in the league by six points in February isn't enough. We need Mad Mike to torpedo the operation, too.

Somehow, I think Noah's real name might be "Mike" and his last name might end in "ilbury." Either that or the producers decided to have a little fun in Mike's absence.

Brookbank.... the new Ference?

2009-02-08T20:58:00.002-05:00

It used to be not 2 or three years ago that if the trade deadline was approaching, a Ference was on the move. Andrew and Brad had a knack for getting traded at least once a year.

Times are changing in the NHL though. In the past week, not one Brookbank but two Brookbanks were traded. I moved down the hall and my parents can't get my address right. Can you imagine the Brookbanks dealing with Sheldon and Wade (seriously, Sheldon? Wade? Was Milton not quite talented enough? Goodness, Brookbank family.(actually, the third Brookbank brother is named 'Leigh'))

So, now that this is settled, and we've all said "Brookbank Brothers" at least twice, are the Brookbanks now to the trade deadline as the robin is to Spring? Perhaps.

Clever Mother of Three Convinces Jay Bouwmeester to Re-Sign With Panthers

2009-02-07T13:00:00.001-05:00

One of the most talked about free-agents-to-be this year is Florida's Jay Bouwmeester. There has been a lot of speculation surrounding him and whether or not he will re-sign with the Florida Panthers. Earlier today, Bouwmeester held a press conference to address his situation.

"Thank you for coming today," Bouwmeester said while speaking in front of the Panthers' lone beat writer. "I know what fans and the press have been saying about me and today I'd like to make an announcement.

The lone writer leaned forward to the edge of his seat.

Bouwmeester paused for a moment and then continued. "Today, I have agreed to a five-year contract extension with the Panthers! If you have any questions, I'll take them at this time... Yes, Joel?"

"Joel Blanchard, Florida Times. Jay, what would you say was the biggest influence on your decision to not test the free agent market?"

"Ah, usually players will tell you that it's a combination of factors, but this time there was really only one factor. At the game on Wednesday, I saw a middle aged lady with a really clever sign. It said 'stay Jay' and at that point I knew there was only one thing to do. I couldn't leave this city or this team."

"So, it was the sign that convinced you?"

"Yes, without a doubt. It really wasn't about the money at all. You know, as the star of the team, I see a lot of signs with my name on them. But this one, there was just something about this one. It was so... So... Catchy."

BMR has identified the woman with the sign and she is a 42-year old mother of three, Jane Catcham from Coral Springs, Florida. She attended Wednesday night's game with her second husband, Joel Catcham. The couple are avid Panther fans and have been supporters of the team since 2003 because, she said, "there's nothing else to do." She went on to elaborate that she was "very excited" about Jay returning and how much her sign meant to him. Mrs. Catcham also detailed that it had taken her "13 minutes and [two or three] Sharpies" to make the clever sign.

"I'm just glad I could help out the team and bring Jay back here," she said. "It's given so much to my family, since we used to just go to Walmart four nights a week. Now we go to Walmart twice and, usually, Panther games twice."

When asked how she came up with the clever phrase 'stay Jay' she replied that "it was simple rhyming," and her "eight-year old daughter came up with the phrase." Her daughter's second grade class has been studying rhyming words for the past ten days.

Milbury, McGuire Spark Memories of an Old Rivalry

2009-02-06T19:10:00.000-05:00

Over at Puck the Media, Steve Lepore concludes that the best part of the Wings/Pens game on Sunday will be the match up in the studio. Pierre McGuire vs. Mike Milbury during the intermissions. I'd have to agree -- that's the return of Must See TV right there. The game on the ice could go to a shootout and still may not be as exciting as these two guys going punch-for-punch (possibly, literally).

But this all got me thinking about another great rivalry from the past. I think you know the one I'm talking about.

No, not that one. That's barely a rivalry.

Getting warmer, but still not what I'm looking for.

Yeah, that's the one.

EKLUND: When You Make Up Crap About the Islanders, At Least TRY to Get Your Facts Straight

2009-02-06T12:28:00.010-05:00

I know I don't need to tell you, but Eklund is full of crap. Totally and completely.

Not only that, but he doesn't even understand the situations, teams, players and fanbases that he is making up crap about.

Today he says the Islanders are for sale for the low, low price of $100 million. Anyone who believe this needs stop whatever they're doing right now and have their heads examined. I won't link to it cause it's not worth the time and you can find that on your own if you really must.

Let's break it down:

Also, I am checking into a rumor that the NY Islanders are indeed officially for sale. I am a huge fan of this organization and its fanbase and I truly don't want to see this team leaving the area. In my time covering hockey I have always been amazed by the passion of Islanders fans. I would put them in the top 5 American Hockey Fanbases for passion and knowledge.

Thanks for the compliment, I guess that's what is going to make gullible people believe you. Saying you like an organization/fanbase doesn't mean you KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT. I think you also might be in the minority about calling this a top 5 American fanbase. It's loyal, no doubt, but let's be realistic and stop kissing ass.

I have heard the price for the Islanders may be under $100M. I have been hearing for a while that Charles Wang would not keep the team if he felt the Lighthouse project was not going to happen. In these times it is hard to get a project of that magnitude going although I do believe they have tried

UNDER $100 MILLION!?!? That's a nice round number you pulled outta where the sun don't shine. To believe a hockey team is worth that, even in this economy, is a joke. Forget about what it's actually worth, you wouldn't START THE BIDDING under $100 million. You don't sell yourself short at the start when you're trying to unload an asset like a NATIONAL HOCKEY LEAGUE FRANCHISE.

Also, I think everyone knows Charles isn't desperate to sell. He would have done that years ago if he was.

Yes, there are problems with the Lighthouse Project, but the economy has not hurt it at all. In fact, the economy has HELPED IT. Wang and his partner Scott Rechler have pledged THEIR OWN MONEY to the project. Even with the current state of the economy they have not backed down nor have they asked for tax payer help. It would be EASIER to get the project going now because it would CREATE JOBS and INCREASE TAX REVENUES for the local area.

One of the possibilities for the Islanders that I have heard, and that do believe would be a slam dunk, would be to move the Team to Brooklyn.

Yeah, and we'll let the Coyotes share Edmonton with the Oilers. Get your facts straight!!! Brooklyn is RANGERS TERRITORY. Sure, the New Jersey Nets could be viable in Brooklyn. The Islanders are a suburban team and to put them in the city isn't out of the question, but would be pretty stupid and is no guarantee of success.

There's a reason you used the term "slam dunk" and that's because you stole this idea from the New Jersey Nets, who have been planning to move to Brooklyn for years.

Brooklyn, while it is in the shadow of New York City, is one of the biggest cities in America. Brooklyners are NOT New Yorkers and they will be the first to tell you that.

That doesn't mean they're not RANGER FANS.

And trust me, this isn't a pissed off Islander fan here. This is a pissed off Islander fan who has a first-hand knowledge of the team and their situation.

This "rumor" is as bogus as they come (E5!!!!!). Even if Wang was selling the team, it wouldn't be for UNDER $100 million. You've got to be freaking kidding me. If one more Islander fan believes this rumor I'm going to lose my freaking mind. If I haven't already.

*goes outside to get fresh air*

Update: And this is the last I'm going to say about this, but I missed one hilarious point. If you live in the NYC area you know a lot of out-of-towners don't understand this. Brooklyn is part of New York City. Yes, the folks there are proud of being able to say they're from Brooklyn, but Brooklyn is not a city. It is a borough of the City of New York. So, sure, Brooklyn's a city in the same way that Canada is a state.

In the Year 2020...

2009-02-06T11:43:00.000-05:00

With all due respect to Conan O'Brien, it's time once again to take a look at the future of hockey.

...the hockey world will be shocked when a player finally speaks his mind to a reporter. It happens when Marty Brodeur tells the Bergen Record that Miro Satan's slapshot looks like a big, juicy hamburger.

...Sidney Crosby will finally be considered a bust when it he is unable to part the Red Sea.

...Gary Bettman announces his long awaited retirement as NHL commissioner. He says that he plans to step down in another 50 years.

...the NHL's expansion to warm weather southern cities is deemed a success when global warming causes the average temperature in Arizona and Florida to drop to 15* F and people instantly turn Canadian.

...Claude Lemieux attempts a comeback at the age of 54. He says "if Chelly can still play, then so can I!"

...Red Bull buys a hockey team and replaces the Gatorade cooler on the bench with Red Bull. In the home opener, the team jumps out to a 10-0 lead in the first period. In the second, the entire team falls asleep and is forced to forfeit.

...the NHL will engineer a new, safer helmet based on Rod Blagojevich's hair.

Richard Zednik Hurdles Defender, Scores

2009-02-05T21:29:00.002-05:00

Now this is a goal you're not likely to see again. Florida's Richard Zednik skates down the ice on a 2-on-1 against the Islanders. The lone defender dives to try and break up the play, but no, Zednik isn't having any of that. He HURDLES the defender, and puts the puck through the five hole of Joey MacDonald as he lands. Yeah, what are you reading this for? Just click play already.

The Versus [drinking] Game of the Week (San Jose at Boston)

2009-02-05T17:28:00.005-05:00

Did you all get to Denny's Tuesday morning? They had free breakfast for everyone. I drove by at 6am and it was a complete zoo. I had Cap'n Crunch at home. Now though, I regret it. I love breakfast food, and I rarely get the chance to eat pancakes, hashbrowns or bacon. Mmmmm.... Bacon. If you're like me and missed your chance, I suggest following BMR here. Hopefully it will make up for your loss.

Oh right, drinking

DRINK

... if JOE THORNTON

... each time the Bruins are compared to other teams in Boston. Three times if the Sharks are compared to other teams in San Jose

... if there is a debate over the most entertaining name on the Sharks roster. Is it Cheechoo? Is it Setoguchi? Fun for everyone.

... If Claude Lemiex gets in a fight. Drink 5 more if that fight is with JR

... every time Nabokov makes a save. I would say the same thing about Tim Thomas, but you should be busy laughing at the fact that the B's actually traded for Manny Fernandez.

More rules in the comments, please

You Say Dink, I Say Dick... But What the Heck Did Mad Mike Mean?

2009-02-05T15:18:00.001-05:00

So over at Puck Daddy, ~~an excitement ruining jerk~~ Greg Wyshynski has concluded that last night Milbury didn't call Connolly a four-letter word. He did, however, call him a "dink." Whatever that means.

I've never heard someone called a "dink" before, but that doesn't mean it's not a word. It means my vocabulary may be on the small side (Eklund says that rumor is true, E5).

Anyway, the point of this post is, well, what is a dink? I would assume it's a synonym for idiot, but I wouldn't know. So, I've consulted two great resources, Dictionary.com and UrbanDictionary.com.

From dictionary.com, we have the following:

Noun: meaning dinghy.
Noun: Tennis, Volleyball. a softly hit ball that falls just over the net.
Noun: Slang: Disparaging. an Asian, esp. a Vietnamese.
Noun: Informal. either partner of a married couple having two incomes and no children.

I'm pretty sure Connolly doesn't fit any of those descriptions.

From UrbanDictionary.com, there are 70+ definitions. I've selected some of the most popular.

double income no kids
a disparaging term for a person of East Asian nationality or decent
Slang for Engelbert Humperdinck
Local slang in Vermont. A stupid person, a jerk, an a-hole. A general putdown of one's abilities.
Australian colloquialism for pillian riding on a bicycle. A double.
A polite version of dick or !@#hole.

Forget about the regular dictionary, if Urban Dictionary can't find anything, then we're really in a pickle.

Are we supposed to assume that Mike is slightly racist and also thinks Connolly is Asian? Did Milbury mean to call him the "polite version" of a the four letter word? Did he want to ride a bicycle with him? Or, since Milbury is from Massachusetts -- borders on Vermont -- did he mean the nice version of a-hole?

Honestly, I've found no definition here akin to "dolt" or "big dumb jerkface," as I was expecting. Now I'm thoroughly confused. So, are we really going to pass this off as Mike being Mike? I mean, OK, but suit yourself.

Ah, yes. The things I think about when I have nothing to do.

BMR Fantasy League Update Week 18

2009-02-05T09:54:00.007-05:00

After a 11-0-1 beatdown of Eric McErlain last week, my team (with possibly the gayest fantasy team name ever) The Dangling Didgeridoos are rapidly moving up the standings. Somehow or another, JT60 was left unclaimed and since his pickup, combined with Nabby from the Sharks, I haven't lost a goaltending matchup. I credit the strength of the Rogaine and the intimidating fear of the endless army of puck bunny power behind Theodore. It totally has nothing to do with how good his Capitals teammates are. Nothing at all.

/finishes tooting his own horn

Ryan has also been on a tear here lately with his Neckar & Prizes goodness. Earl Sleek and Mr. Plank continue to dominate the league as we inch closer to the playoffs.

And yes, Schultz and Loser Domi continue to round out the basement with Kevin now in dead last.

Any of you players out there care to agree on a trophy/small wager for the eventual victor here?Update** to appease Kevin and the other folks in the freeforall league, that screen grab is above. Those other folks must suck really bad if they're all losing to Schultz.

BREAKING NEWS: Age No Match for Cherry, Plans to Take On Hunger, Poverty Next

2009-02-05T09:07:00.005-05:00

In this re-occurring segment entitled Breaking News, we'll take a look at some of the most interesting headlines of the day. Of course, I'll probably forget about this feature in a few weeks.

Today's headline comes from Tim Wharnsby of the Globe and Mail. A big thanks to Tim for his contribution today.

Here are some sub-headlines that might be relevant to the story. I didn't actually read it though, so they may not be entirely accurate.

Age no match for Cherry...

...But shoe tying is cumbersome.

...AIDS, cancer are afraid that they will be next.

...Proves that commentator is the fountain of youth.

...Gay rights groups are another story.

...Feels the wrath of Grapes (ba dum bum).

...Plans to fight Zorkon Master of the Universe next.

...Still has yet to win at Monopoly.

...Can also make Chuck Norris cry like a baby.

Mad Mike Rule #37: Whatever You Do, Don't Ask Him About Tim Connolly on Live TV

2009-02-04T21:08:00.004-05:00

Mike Milbury and Tim Connolly have a bit of a history. Milbury drafted Connolly in 1999 when he was GM of the Islanders and then subsequently shipped him off to Buffalo two years later in a draft day trade. I have no idea what things were like behind the scenes, but after tonight, I think I've got a pretty good idea.

Thanks to NHL GameCenter -- the best invention ever -- I am currently watching the Bruins/Flyers game tonight. Milbury is the studio analyst for NESN, the Bruins network. He's flanked by a nice young lady who is the studio host, Kathryn Tappen.

During the second intermission, they're going through highlights from games around the league. You would think things would be pretty tame. I know, it's Milbury, but we're talking about simple highlights here. Well, when they get to highlights of the Buffalo game, they play the video of Connolly's goal, which opened the scoring. Tappen decides to ask Milbury for some comments on Connolly and he responds in the way we've kind of come to expect: ~~"Yeah, when he's not being a self-centered little dick [he's pretty good.]"~~ "Tim Connolly, a former fifth overall pick...when he's not injured or acting like a self-centered little dick he's a very good player"

Live TV and folks who don't have any internal mute buttons, a match made in heaven! A big thanks to NESN for giving Milbury a mic when he's not on NBC or CBC. You're keeping the masses entertained!

I'm currently banging my head against the wall for not pressing 'record' on my video capture program, but as soon as video surfaces on YouTube, it'll be here. For now, I'm going to go have some Advil.

UPDATE is here.

Quite Possibly the Most Memorable Moment of Your 2008-09 Maple Leafs Season

2009-02-04T15:29:00.005-05:00

I'm not about to go as far as my friend Sean Leahy did and call this the goal of the year, but it's certainly one of the most unique goals we've seen in a while. It also may be the only thing worth remembering about your 08-09 Maple Leafs (sorry, Domi).

To be fair, there's not much to remember about the Islanders if they end up with the fifth pick or, you know, move to Kansas City.

Anyway, this is a real blue collar goal. Niklas Hagman of the Leafs going up against the ref, the puck and the Florida Panthers. Everything seemed to be working against him on this shift -- and then he scored a pretty goal.

Hagman gets knocked down by the ref, takes a knee from an opponent and then takes a puck off the visor. And people say visors are for losers! Hagman might have ended up like Bryan Berard had he not been wearing it. Later in the possession he gets the puck along the goal line and manages to deke out not one, not two, but three defenders on his way to putting the puck past goalie Craig Anderson. For that effort, I would tip my cap to him if I was wearing one right now.

DC vs. Marvel--Hockey Style

2009-02-04T01:38:00.000-05:00

Let me start this by saying that I am not a comic book expert. My Marvel comic knowledge is very limited and my DC knowledge is limited to what I know from watching Justice League.

I'm not sure how this conversation got started, but I got to talking to my roommate, who knows comics much better than I do. Conversely, my hockey knowledge is greater than his. Somehow, we constructed a DC vs Marvel hockey game and named players to each position.I figure, there are hockey fans, there are comic fans, AND there are fans of both hockey and comics, so why not combine the two?

Team DC breakdown:
DC heroes, with some exception (mostly Batman) tend to need each other and have a great ability to work together (think of Super Friends and Justice League.) They also tend to forget the extent of their powers unless totally necessary (how many times do you see, say, superman use his superbreath unless he’s putting out a fire or something?) or until made necessary by “the power of friendship.” I imagine the DC team would therefore be more of a defensive powerhouse, similar to the Minnesota “Fightin’ Adjectives” Wild or the Detroit Red Wings.
forwards:

Superman: Well, duh.

Wonderwoman: Wonder woman has the speed necessary to make her a good winger, and is not that afraid to take hits

Martian ManHunter (J’onn J’ozz) I figure with his telepathy and shapeshifting, he’ll totally mess with people

Defense:
Green Lantern: I figure with his ability to make a shield, he should do well at defense. Video evidence is in this fanvid to Switchfoot or some such emoish band:

Wildcat: He brings the big body presence

goal: Flash
I figure a goalie needs to move quickly and have good reflexes. Honestly, who will be faster than Flash?

Marvel team breakdown:
Marvel superheroes , as far as I know, are more solitary. Sure there are groups such as the X-men and Alpha Flight, but those are more of a lose collective versus an actual team. The Marvel hockey team would be more like a team of individual superstars, much like the Pittsburgh Penguins of today or the New York Rangers of yore.

Marvel Forwards:
Puck: He’s fast, agile, not afraid to take some hits and come on—the guy’s name is PUCK! How perfect is that?

Wolverine: Again, he’s fast, not afraid to take hits and will not take shit from anyone. And as Don Cherry would say “He’s a good ol’ Western Canadian boy, NO VISOR NO PANTYWAIST JORDAN STAAL BRUINS”

Spiderman: He’s not as tough as the other Marvel forwards, but he’s certainly got the speed and agility

Defense:
Hulk : HULK SMASH PUNY OFFENSE
The Thing of Fantastic Four fame: He’s a bit less disciplined compared to other defensive forces, but I’m sure he could hold his own

Goal: Iron Man
Well, I figure he’s got the suit for it, and unlike Ed Belfour, he can actually afford to give the cops a billion dollars keep his drunk ass out of jail.(ZING!)

OFFICIALS
Well, every game needs officials. For this game I choose Deadpool and Batman, because while they exist in their respective universes, neither is really “part of the gang”—they’re loners, if you will, which allows for better neutrality (in theory at least) I would also use Daredevil, since having a blind ref is just too damn funny.

Am I off? On? As always lemme know

College Hockey Game Could Be Postponed Due to... Wait For It... Volcano

2009-02-03T11:21:00.008-05:00

If this blog is starting to look like the back pages of a London tabloid -- zombies, apocalypses and now volcanoes -- I apologize. It just so happens that this is the news of late. You know, now that Alex Ovechkin and Evgeni Malkin have made up, we need something to talk about.

If you've been keeping up with news across the continent, you may have heard that experts are closely watching Mount Redoubt in Alaska. The headline writers at CNN ask; "Will Volcano blow?" Well, it depends on the price. Zing!

So you were waiting for the part of the story where I desperately try and relate this to hockey. Here goes...

As Bruce Ciskie of FanHouse reports, they're on a code orange this week up in Alaska -- whatever that means -- and there's a possibility the St. Cloud State/U of Alaska-Anchorage games on Friday and Saturday may be canceled. I'm sure all 30 people in Alaska are on pins and needles waiting to see if the games will go on or not.

So there you have it folks, hockey games possibly canceled due to volcano. Just when we think we've heard it all, it seems we don't even know the half of it.

UAA could not be reached for comment on whether or not this would inspire a sequel to Dante's Peak.*

* - Actually, I didn't bother trying to reach them for comment.

We Are One Step Closer to the Zombie Apocalypse

2009-02-03T09:00:00.000-05:00

Every couple of days or so, I seem to go on a rant about how we're all going to die in an apocalypse and, usually, it's got to do with zombies. So, naturally, I thought it was hilarious when I saw this and then this and what the heck, I'll link to this one too.

I don't know about you, but I can't stop laughing. Nazi zombies in Austin, TX. Too funny!

Since this post has clearly gone into the pointless-and-absurd realm of posts (you know, kind of like that black hole beneath the kitchen sink that Mom is sure leads to H-E-double hockey sticks) we might as well throw a few PSAs in as well.

I'm filling the role of Temporary Weekday Daddy over at Islanders Point Blank. Big ups to CB for letting me keep all my Islander rantings away from you guys. Seriously, you should probably thank him for that.

Loser Domi is fantasizing about Wendell Clark. Not really. But I don't think there's anyone who is better at NHL fiction than she.

Dave is kickin' A and takin' names over at Carolina on Ice. Or at least that's what it appears from a quick glance at the lovely pictures.

And last but not least Ryan is all over the Super Bowl. You know, the thing with the helmets and the angry men.

So there we go. Shameless plugs, zombie attacks and hilarious road signs all in one post. I think that about covers it, no?

To Quote Taylor Swift, RAWR!

2009-02-02T21:29:00.003-05:00

Forechecker -- the internet authority on the Predators -- brings us this gem of an advertisement from the team. Two words: Taylor Swift.

Does this satisfy my ice girl posting requirements for the week?

I don't really have a whole lot to say about this commercial. I'm kind of stunned that Taylor Swift just said RAWR not only on my laptop, but on -- of all things -- a commercial for the Nashville Predators. The Predators are not only hip, they are hip and with it.

The Post In Which I Apologize to Larry Brooks for All Previous Transgressions

2009-02-02T09:32:00.004-05:00

Let's see how this goes without trying to be too homerish. It's been in the works for a while, but now is probably a good time to make amends.

Larry... So, um, I'm sorry.

Things you might see at Bates Battaglia's bar

2009-02-02T08:00:00.001-05:00

As you may or may not know, former Hurricane and current Toronto Marlie Bates Battaglia still lives in Raleigh and owns a rather popular downtown bar called Lucky B's. The wife and I met some friends up there last night and saw the usual debauchery. We didn't run into any players this time, however I thought I'd enlighten you with some of the typical stuff that ends up happening there:

In the off-season, you'll probably see Bates at his bar trying to, well, get lucky:
You might see Johnny Grahame, pounding shots and being a douche in general.

You might see me buying two shots at the bar, turning around to find some cute girl asking if she can have one, me saying no then my wife and I drinking our shots right in front of her face and saying afterwards "Ahhh, that was awesome wasn't it?".

You might be taking a wiz and Andrew Ladd is in the stall next to you. He then proceeds to unleash a burp that shakes the Earth's foundation, prompting all the men to compliment his bodily noises.

You might see the bartenders jacking up your tab by putting some drinks you never drank on your bill.

You might see Stormy the Icehog.
You hopefully won't see anyone getting stabbed like you will at certain other hockey player's bars.

You might see all kinds of memorabilia scattered about the bar reminding you of Bates Battaglia when he wasn't a minor-leaguer and was a top-line player with the Canes and the "BBC Line".

You might get hit a few times by ping pong balls as you pass the beer pong tables in there.

You might see the Canes playing on TV, as this is certainly a good place to catch the games.

You might see a certain bald Swede, a certain USS Hal Gill (tm tPB) or select other Leafers (and former Leafs) whenever they are in town to play the Hurricanes:

This Week's Post in Which I Chastise Steve Simmons for Being a Dick and Doing No Research Whatsoever

2009-02-01T12:25:00.001-05:00

Isn't this fun? It's become a weekly ritual to break down and destroy Simmons' arguments. Or, as I like to call them, non-sensical crazy homeless guy talk you might find in Penn Station.

I know he just says things to say them. I know even the folks in Toronto think he's a dolt. It's just well, take a look at today's article and see if you can figure out why I'm pissed.

First off, writing an article whose basic premise is to that a prospect should hold out for a "better" team is good ol' fire and brimstone talk. There have been very, very few kids -- in any sport -- who have done this. To think that John Tavares is one of the primadonnas, is more or less, defamation of character.

But the whole underlying tone of this article seems that Mr. Simmons would like to see Tavares in a Maple Leafs' uni next October. Fair enough, I don't think there's a fanbase in the NHL that wouldn't take him. But to throw the Islanders under the bus and say that this franchise is a waste of life -- an argument that would have been correct exactly ten years ago -- is asinine.

Let's review:

- Islanders haven't won a Stanley Cup since 1983.
- Maple Leafs haven't won since 1967.

- Islanders haven't raised any kind of banner since 1993.
- Maple Leafs have raised one since then -- a division title in 2000.

- Both fanbases are hungry for a winning team.

So, I can't really see anything there that would make the Leafs a better suitor than the Isles. But, Mr. Simmons would want us to believe that this somehow isn't about the Leafs vs. the Isles, so I'll play his little game.

If I were John Tavares, I would be clear about my future and make certain I never play for the New York Islanders.
Tavares hasn't said that much -- and quite likely he won't.

Because he's not an a-hole.

But if I were in his position, as the logical No. 1 pick in June's National Hockey League entry draft, I would pull a John Elway, an Eli Manning or an Eric Lindros.

Ah, yes. The Broncos and Giants are some great hockey teams. He should certainly hold out for them. What happens in football clearly relates to hockey. Come to think of it, it's amazing more NHL teams haven't implemented some form of the zone blitz.

If you think about it, why would anyone with dreams and aspirations of greatness want to play for the Isles?

Yeah, you're right. A team that has sucked for the last decade has no hope of ever becoming great. And a stud like Tavares would do nothing to help the situation. He could only make it worse.

They have become a Gertrude Stein kind of franchise: "There is no there there." From the owner to the front office to the players to an old rink and older fan base, there is nothing about the Islanders that represents hope.

And you're the Rick Astley of sports writers: "Accidentally famous." Clearly, Steve, you don't know anything about the Islanders. There's a youth movement that is picking up steam. If you had ever visited the Coliseum, you would know the team's fanbase is anything but old. It's mostly families with young children. They are what's keeping the team's attendance higher than it's been since before the lockout. And please, do your research and Google "Lighthouse Project." Google "Kyle Okposo." Google "Josh Bailey."

And, if nothing else, that is what Tavares can best represent for an NHL team come June. If I were him, I would rather have a say in my future rather than have it dictated by circumstance, or in this case, a lottery.

It's good to know that you think every kid that has ever been taken in the lottery era is a moron. I'm sure Crosby and Ovechkin -- drafted #1 by their respective franchises when they were horrific -- made grave mistakes. Remember Pittsburgh before Crosby? It looked awfully similar to Long Island.

BREAKING NEWS: Sens Unable to Deal With Outerwear

2009-01-31T10:22:00.001-05:00

Found this on in my Google Reader this morning. The tag says it's from Sportsnet, but it's an AP article.

This one is just too easy. I figured I'd do my duty and create some sub-headlines that might be relevant.

Sens Can't Solve Mason, Jackets...

...Team plans to use hoodies next time.

...Rubik's Cube proves to be much simpler.

...Malfunctioning zippers leave team out in the cold.

...Bricklayer's riddles too hard to handle.

...Complexity of problem gives Alfredsson migraine.

...But were able to successfully locate opposition's net.

...Plan to sue Columbia Sportswear.

Things we don't understand

2009-01-30T23:48:00.004-05:00

Last night after a tough day of work at Real Job Inc., some of my coworkers and I decided to invest in some wings at the local Buffalo Wild Wings. We sat around and cracked jokes about our jobs (meteorology humor is awesome. I wish I had time to share some), had a couple beers and took off. When I arrived home, I had the second most bizarre encounter with a fellow tenant of my apartment complex (the first was last center when I arrived home, and a creep waiting by the door asked if I was a detective or something. After I told him I wasn't he insisted to his friends that I was).

I have a garage for the winter, so I pulled in the garage (my spot is right next the garbage shaft, which is awesome) and got out of the car. There is a keyed door to get into the area with the elevator, and I was just about to unlock the door, when I heard someone coming out. I stopped and let them open the door so I wouldn't have to. I grabbed the knob and pulled the door all the way open so A) it would stay open and I could get in and B) I'm frickin chivalrous.

Anyways, this girl steps through the door and I say hi, because again, I'm polite and chivalrous. She takes one look at me and gives me the universal "as if" look and goes "psh."

The hell?

I mean, she was wearing her bad ass snowboarding jacket (I'm sure she had an oversized belt with giant holes in it too. I didn't see), and I was still dressed up in a collared shirt and khakis, so maybe she was just showing how awesomely independent she was and what a square I am. I'm not sure I understand it at all. But there's a lot in life that we don't understand. Like, for example, Don King in a Florida Panthers jersey.