New Senators Logo Not to Be Confused with Trojan Man

That's not exactly what his mom had in mind when she told Billy to stay in school. (C) University of Southern California

Today, the Ottawa Senators unveiled a new, bigger, brighter logo and jersey design. By my estimation, it's about 32% manlier than their older jerseys. If you want a more visual representation of that statistic, I would say that it now bears a much closer resemblance to Russell Crowe's character in Gladiator than Orlando Bloom's character in, well, any character played by him.

Living over a thousand miles away from Ottawa and being an unpaid blogger have their drawbacks. Namely, I was not able to attend the Senators press conference today in which the new jerseys were unveiled. So, as a service to you the loyal viewer, I am going to attempt to summarize what I imagine occurred at the press conference today as if I was a real, paid journalist.

Ottawa (BMR) -- The Senators have jumped on the proverbial bangwagon, and are doing what all the kids are doing these days. No, they're not huffing fumes from various aerosols. They're buying all the hot, new fall fashions to get ready for school the new NHL season.

In an effort to look 'mad pimp' and 'fly' for all the bitches n' hos, the Senators have redesigned their jersey and logo. While the new look certainly has some fans, not all are so pleased. Martha Smith from Watchamacallit, Ontario did not feel the new look was appropriate. 'The new jerseys look like that guy on the condoms box,' she said. 'Is this really what we want our children to be parading around in?'

The Senators on the other hand, were quick to dismiss that notion.

When asked if the logo looked similar to the Trojan Man, Senators intern Joey didn't buy into the theory. 'I think it looks a lot like Jason Spezza,' Joey said. 'When Spezza gets mad, that's kind of what it looks like. He gets kinda pale and angry, with a side of constipation. I think they were trying to model it after him.'

But no matter what the logo may look like, it's clear that the Senators were trying to distance themselves from their in-province rivals, the Toronto Maple Leafs. Said Senators GM Bryan Murray, 'we're really trying to distance ourselves from our in-province rivals, the Toronto Maple Leafs, with these jerseys.' Mr. Murray went on to describe the Maple Leafs jerseys as 'totally weakass' and meantioned that 'maybe if they looked tougher, [Toronto] would win the division once in a while.'

Reports out of Toronto say that the MLSE is planning to launch an attack against the Anaheim Ducks, to make the infiedels and their GM 'pay for his comments'.

The University of Southern California Trojan is also not pleased with the design. A siege on Ottawa is currently in the works, once he recieves a US passport in approximately 3-6 months.

See? I think I could do this whole MSM journalist thing.