Thursday, November 1, 2007

Pascal Leclaire is a National Security Threat

Leclaire is moving up the charts like a Michael Jackson single. If this were, you know, 1988 or something.
AP/Don Heupel

If you remember all the way back to October 16th -- I know I don't, -- then you will remember the post which uncovered Gary Bettman's Hit List. A list of the people and things that the commissioner of the NHL wants "taken care of."

Following last night's game against the Los Angeles Kings, it has come to my attention that Columbus Blue Jackets net minder Pascal Leclaire is in serious danger. You see, Leclaire has been unbelievable in net since the beginning of the season. In only eight starts, he has four shutouts, a minuscule 1.25 goals against average and a ridiculous .953 save percentage. Right about now, Leclaire is living the high life as one of the best goaltenders in the entire NHL.

If Gary Bettman has his way, that will likely come to an end.*

You see, the first item on the commissioner's hit list is defense. Bettman and the people in the league office are not very fond of defense. That's because it's the number one enemy of goal scoring, and I don't need to remind you how much the Powers That Be love to see a high scoring NHL.

Leclaire's unbelievable play is leading to a very quick ascension up the hit list, and he could be in imminent danger if this level of play keeps up. He has already bypassed the Minnesota Wild on the list, and another shutout or two could vault him past Charisma very easily. Who knows, we might even see the impossible -- Leclaire could move past Canadians on the list.

Pascal, be aware that the fate of an entire nation now rests on your shoulders. Stop a few more pucks, and you will save Canada at the expense of yourself. Start to tank it, and self preservation is all yours... At the expense of 33 million lives, which is roughly equal to three Ohios. Choose wisely, my son. Choose wisely.**

* - Probably not true.

** - Definitely not true.


  1. Gary Bettman already hates Pascal Leclair because he's Canuckistani:
    Er, Quebecois. Same difference

  2. thanks for the tip- i needed another goalie on my fantasy team!

  3. hah, that's hilarious...
    Bettman would probably do something like that to make there be more scoring in the league.

  4. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Pascal Leclaire is ugly as hell. Not "I feel bad for you" ugly, but legitimately frighteningly ugly.

  5. Actually, it is my understanding that Bettman is currently in the process of procuring a soccer net in which Leclair will be forced to goaltend until his GAA raises above 2.00

  6. He sounds French Canadian. If we are not careful, he will start changing signs in downtown Columbus to feature Grey Poupon and Chanel. He must be stopped!

  7. When I picked him up a few weeks ago, I got four "he's not even the starter" comments from the fools in my fantasy league.


    There's no real point to that, I just wanted to say there are some real fools in my fantasy league.