Thursday, September 18, 2008

Inside the Los Angeles Kings front office

[Owners Philip Anschutz and Edward Roski sit at the end of a long conference table, and general manager Dean Lombardi walks in]

Anschutz: Have a seat, Mr. Lombardi. Mr Roski and I are very disappointed in how you are spending our money. Really, what was the biggest free agent that you signed this year?

Lombardi: Uhh.....

Roski: [cocks eyebrow]

Anschutz: I understand the youth movement, but what have you been doing with our money?

Lombardi: Well, sirs, I had been hoping to surprise you, but since you asked I should tell you... the money has been going towards, well, a time machine.
Roski: [cocks eyebrow]

Anschutz: What?!

Lombardi: Hear me out. The Kings used to be cool! Barry Melrose used to be our coach! He's probably the most popular analyst in the sport, and because of that, he can still apparently coach! If we had known he was going to keep that mullet, we would have kept him! If I knew what a blog was, I would guarantee there was one named after him!

Anschutz: Go on...

Lombardi: We had Wayne Freaking Gretzky! The Great One! If we could go back, get him and put him on the ice, imagine how much better he would make the team.

Roski: [cocks eyebrow]

Lombardi: Don't forget, we also had Zigmund Palffy. Ziggy! With a name like that, we can use the comic strip Ziggy in our promotions! Everyone loves Ziggy!

Anschutz: Are you saying our stars aren't marketable?

Lombardi: Well.... [yells into hallway] Anze! Come here a minute

[Anze Kopitar enters] : Awwww man, me and Frolov were going to play Star Wars! I got to be Luke this time!

Roski: [cocks eyebrow]

Anschutz: When can the time machine be ready?


  1. Anze be a jedi tonight.
    Just be a Jedi tonight!
    Do it for Jack Johnson, while we serve our guests some Night Train.
    Uh, and do it for Frolov and Blake, and all the other muppets ...