BREAKING NEWS: Sportsnet Reports Senators Still in Playoff Race

Some genius over at Sportsnet has declared that the Ottawa Senators still have a chance to make it to the post-season this year. I know this is the League of Competitive Balance but, um, seriously? What universe does Ian Mendes get his information from? Sure, they're not mathematically eliminated, but they need to make up 13 points, leapfrog two teams and have played like crap all year. I think a rational person would be skeptical, at minimum.

The Ottawa Senators push for a playoff spot has taken a blow, as Daniel Alfredsson is out of the lineup for at least a week with a fractured jaw.

Good to see hopes are still high there at Sportsnet. This is the kinda stuff you would usually see from a team's PR department. You know, the folks who get paid to positively spin everything.

This isn't a headline, but we'll have some fun with it anyway in the surprisingly still recurring series Breaking News. Here are some other things that may be a figment of imaginations, much like Ottawa's chances of playing in late April.

Islanders, Senators in heated race for President's Trophy.

Conan O'Brien's chances of moving to Tonight Show getting thinner, NBC execs say.

Claude Lemieux's NHL comeback appears it will fall short.

Detroit Red Wings expected to appoint Mike Milbury GM immediately.

After lackluster Sportscenter appearance, Barry Melrose's approval ratings take a hit (cause that would ever happen! ha!)

Doc Emrik plans to stop talking and take a breath sometime this week.

Don Cherry to join campaign to ban fighting in NHL.