If Gary Bettman Had Multiple Personalities, This Would Be One of Them

Growing up as a kid, did you always wonder what the Stanley Cup would say if it could talk? Have you always wished, even before these internets came about, that the SC would have it's very own blog so that it could speak directly to you? Well, you're not alone. So have I.

The Stanley Cup is one massive crunk goblet. Scott Cunningham/Getty Images

And as it turns out, our prayers have been answered.

NHL.com has given the Stanley Cup it's own blog. Not the Cup's handlers. Not some hockey historian. The actual fucking trophy.

Pardon me for being late in picking up on this, but I just stumbled across it tonight and though it was one of the most ridiculous blogs ever. On the ridiculous scale, it's awfully close to the epic Cakes and Babies. The difference is that the SC blog is just a bit more on the insane side of things.

Here's some excerpts from NHL.com... er... I mean, Stanley.

"Bonjour! Hello! My name is Stanley, and I’m the oldest trophy in North American professional sports. I was born in England, but now I live in Toronto, Canada. Oh, and I love hockey! I've probably seen more games than anyone else on this board. If you have a hockey question, feel free to drop me a line below or at stanleycup@nhl.com."

Even the Stanley Cup has it's own email address. This internet thing has really taken off, hasn't it? Don't bother to write though, Stanley is a busy hunk of metal man.

"Hello everyone! Stanley here…..

Where to begin? Sorry I’ve been out of touch. My life has been upside down the last few weeks, but I’m not complaining. Well, I finally know who I’ll be spending my summer with and I’m looking forward to hanging with these guys. Only captain Scotty and I have partied before. So congratulations to the 2007 Stanley Cup champion Anaheim Ducks. And let’s not forget the Ottawa Senators, who also played a fine series and had a tremendous season.

Well, excuse me once again, I have to get back to the party. It’s a wild one and, after all, I am the host. My buddy the Conn Smythe Trophy is here too! He's my "opening act." :=) So thanks all again for checking in and let’s stay in touch. It’s going to be a fun summer and I’ll tell you all about it at some point.

My best,

Stanley"

Why are they trying to make the SC sound like some dipshit college freshman? "Oh my gawd I haven't talked to you in like FOREVER. I'm just so busy, I have like totally wayyy too many parties to go to! You dont even know. You dont. even. know. I'm like soooo sorry, call me, ttyl!!! Oh my gawd! =P" It's messed up on so many levels. I seriously pity the poor intern who has to write this shit.

In case you were wondering, people are, of course, playing along.

"I told you that you would be spending summer in California!! You may not have ended up in my #1 preferred place, but still!! I saw you at the Ducks celebration, you were magnificent!!!

Posted by: hockey_lover004"

Let's just hope this doesn't end up like the Barbaro message board. One place like that is more than enough.

The blog has a few pictures on it as well... And am I the only one who thinks that it's a little unsettling that the picture of Lord Stanley himself has a higher 'rating' than the picture of Lindsay Lohan and the Cup? That says something about the people that read this 'blog'. I don't know what. But something. Maybe they're just necrophiliacs. Come on people, tits are always > some dead guy.