Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Hockey Players Most Likely to "Pull a Mike Cameron"

The sports world had some rather awkward news this weekend. It was one of those things that makes you stop and gawk, then question the sanity of another human being, followed by you completely forgetting about what just happened and going about what you were doing before; wondering why Monday is named Monday. Who gets to decide things like that anyway? But I digress.

What Mike Cameron said the other day, if we assume it to be true, puts him in the echelons of baseball lore with the likes of Babe Ruth. You see, Ruth is from a bygone era when a player's alcoholic exploits were less surprising and not a cause for public concern. For Mike Cameron, the new millennium does not provide such a haven from judgment. To his detriment, this era is really all about sending you to AA meetings.

It's not as common as greenies, but big leaguers have been known to step on the field liquored up. ... Almost every current major leaguer I spoke to knew of players who had stepped on the field under the influence. When asked what the signs were, the players typically responded the way Giant Ryan Klesko and Padre Jake Peavy did: 'I just knew.' Interestingly, another Padre, center fielder Mike Cameron, had a more intimate experience with game-day tipsiness:

"Sh-t, I've played drunk."


"New York City."

What were the circumstances?

"I went four for four with two jacks and eight ribbies. I'm not saying that's the only day I played drunk, but that was the best one."

Cameron will now and forever be linked to Babe Ruth -- for all the wrong reasons.

By this time, I've probably bored you with way to much basse-ball (is that how you spell it?), but fear not! Here comes the dynamic transition! Now it's all pure speculation, and who doesn't love pure, unadulterated speculation, but I've complied a list of the hockey players who are most likely to "pull a Mike Cameron." And hell, when you think about it, it really does explain what Alex Daigle was doing all this time.

5. Ed Belfour -- Belfour was always known for having a drink or two, and after this photo, he is more or less required to have a place on this list. Eddie the Eagle is now playing in Russia, and chances are the water bottles on top of the net are required to have vodka in them. OK I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's Russia. I'm just saying they could.

4. Eric Lindros -- No matter where Lindros went in his career, he always seemed like a lost and confused little boy in a grown man's body. Most of the blame for that falls on the numerous concussions that Lindros suffered throughout his career, but it's impossible to know for sure if that was the cause or if it was a pre-game gin and tonic. In ten years, Lindros may write a book entitled "If I Drank on the Ice, this is How I Would Have Done It."

3. Alexandre Daigle -- If only Daigle was as good on the ice as he was at grabbing attention. He's most famous for being one of the biggest draft busts in the league's history -- picture Sidney Crosby playing in the AHL in five years -- and uttered some famous last words after being taken first overall. "I'm glad I got drafted first," Daigle said, "because no one remembers number two." There was also the time that he posed in an advertisement in a nurse's uniform. No sober human being can make all of these choices. It all makes so much sense now!

2. Patrick Stefan -- Stefan is another former #1 pick that never lived up to expectations, but certainly had me believing the whole sober thing. That is, until, this happened.

1. Drunky McDrunkerson --

Come on now, how did no one see this coming? His name is Drunky McDrunkerson for crying out loud! With a name like that, this kid was doomed from the start. For shame, parental units. For shame!


  1. Honorable mention, Mark Bell. Too soon?

  2. Crazy Eddie is actually in Sweden this year. For those of you who haven't seen the surreal press conference, you must view this. One of the most bizarre questions is asked of him at the end. Trust me, when they get to the flash cards, it pays off. Be patient, as the site that hosts it must be using dial-up.


  3. In Russian rinks, the water bottle has to be full of vodka - to keep it from freezing.

  4. Ladies and gentlemen, in honour of Eddie' sinduction to this list, I present the greatest Photoshop ever (stolen from facebook):


    and also a wee bit of self-plug:

  5. Wow... Everytime I've played hockey I've been a little tipsy, so I guess I had just assumed thats the way everyone played.

  6. After this summer and based on his early play this season, I think Jordan Staal deserves at least an honorable mention

  7. What, no honorable mention for Harold Dru(n)ken?

  8. @james: Eddie seems a lot more soft-voiced than I expected. I'm actually surprised. But thanks for making me giggle.

    And I don't know if it's just coincidence, but:

  9. @ loser domi: yea it is just coincidence, but thats twice in a week! what the heck??

  10. @kevin: it's not me, I swear! if I steal stuff I at least say "Stolen from _____"

  11. @ loser domi: lol i know, i was talking about how MYFO also had a post about Gretzky's iPod on Sunday. Maybe I just have to write completely ridiculous things all the time? And by completely ridiculous things i mean anytime I write about Stastny or the Wild.

  12. Playing drunk (or at least a little buzzed) is pretty normal once one hits the old timer ranks.

    We used to drag the 30 gallon trash can full of ice and beer cans out to the bench for games until the rink made us stop.