I Assure You That the Area Surrounding this Blog is Safe

Thanks, Barry. Thanks a lot. Jerk. FansOnly.com

You can by all means "go outside if you have a wallet or anything else." It's safe around these parts. I swear.

As it turns out, the namesake of this blog had some choice words about Newark, New Jersey recently. It so happens that Newark is where the Devils' new arena, the Prudential Center, is located.

In a video segment posted on ESPN.com last week, Melrose described the recently opened arena as a "beautiful new building" but added, "Don't go outside if you have a wallet or anything else, because the area around the arena is just horrible."

Newark Mayor Cory A. Booker and Municipal Council President Mildred Crump took exception to the remarks and called for Melrose to apologize.

Now I'll be honest, when it comes to beating on New Jersey, I'm usually one of the first in line. It's so easy, how could you not? But folks, this is not one of those times. It's hard to pinpoint exactly where Melrose's comments came from, but I imagine it was somewhere between his back and his knees.

While it's fairly common knowledge, at least in the northeast, that the crime rate in Newark is pretty high, somehow I don't think Melrose even considered that. The part where he has never actually been to the arena makes this one of the most ill conceived statements in recent memory. We all know that "talking heads" tend to say things for effect and to draw emotion from a viewer (I'm looking at you, Stephen A. Smith), but there is really no denying that what Melrose said was asinine. That's not to mention how he backtracked almost instantaneously, which makes it all look even worse. If he had actually went to Newark, taken in a Devils game and gotten mugged on the way home, well, then maybe the statement has some merit. But otherwise, no. Not at all. Not in any way.

I had nothing to do with this, and frankly am completely confused by it all -- Imagine a first grader trying to understand trigonometry. That's about where I am when it comes to serious topics. The proverbial light bulb doesn't turn on so fast. Nonetheless, I understand the situation and cannot help but somehow feel at fault and responsible. That's probably the little voice of reason in my head that chimes in from time to time. Thanks for making me feel guilty, Barry. Thanks a lot. Ass.

In the wake of this embarrassment, I'm going to try and do what I can to make it up to Newark. For the next 48 hours, the blog will be renamed for for you, Newark. Really. It's the least I can do. Heck, the new name even has a nice ring to it.