Thursday, December 27, 2007

Memo to David Amber: Top 10 Lists are Like So Totally Lame (Oh My Gawd)

As it so happens, I like to have some fun with other writers from time to time. Usually it's because I really enjoy what they write, but other times it's because they're a Ranger fan. This time, I'm just here to help out a writer in need.

David Amber, of ESPN fame and employment, is a good writer and a great on-air personality. The problem is, well, David needs a little more creativity in his entries. Not the kind of creativity that comes from drug use or alcoholism (the only disease you can get yelled at for having, thank you Mitch Hedberg) like many great bands have come to realize, but the kind that comes from incessant repetition of the same idea. I don't know if his job title at the World Wide Leader is Chief Officer of Top 10 Lists or something, but apparently that's almost all David writes these days, save for some interviews. David, buddy, I'm here to help, not hurt. Let the lists go. Please, put them down and back away slowly. It's OK.

See, David writes a lot of Top 10 lists. A. Lot. Imagine if every post I wrote was a Handy Guide for Beginners, or if every John Buccigross column was musically themed. Oh, right. Never mind.

Anyway, today I bring to you the Top 10 signs that David Amber needs to stop doing Top 10s.

10. Your wife asks you to come to bed and you reply, "not right now, there are lists to be done."

9. When Dave Letterman does a segment titled Top Ten David Amber Top 10 Lists.

8. The moment your boss told you that endless top 10 lists were awesome.

7. When you do a Top 10 Jock Straps List.

6. You admitted that you do have a problem and need help.

5. People begin to wish that you were one of the writers that went on strike.

Ah who am I kidding? Top 10s suck.

1 comment:

  1. 4. People reading your lists assign you "2 minutes for sucking"

    3. wow, this is harder than I thought...

    2. you start a lists titled "top ten awesome things about me" and you can't get past number 10

    1. Your name is David Amber

    you're welcome =)