True Life: I Am A NHL Mascot

Right now, Kevin is on vacation in Atlantic City wasting countless sums of money at blackjack and poker tables. In the meantime, some of the best and brightest from the hockey blogosphere will keep things under control. Today, BMR is proud to introduce [Adam and Derek] from [The Pensblog] as your linguistic overlord for the day.

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Huge thanks to Kevin for letting us do this today.
We'll wrap things up tonight with a recap of some NHL stuff.

In the meantime, we have no lives.

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BLADES THE BRUIN

He's too busy posing for borderline homoerotic pictures to care if you're starting a forest fire somewhere.




SABERTOOTH

The only pictures we could find of Sabertooth depicted him in the old uniforms.




YOUPPI
( means "Hooray!" in French )

Youppi is a beast.
He's the only mascot in North American sports history to be the mascot for two different teams.
The Canadiens adopted him when the Expos left Montreal.






SPARTACAT

"That's gay"




CARLTON THE BEAR

The old Maple Leafs Garden was on Carlton Street.
It looks like he's contemplating suicide.




THRASH

One of the top 5 pictures on the internet.




STORMY THE ICE HOG

A pig? What?
Some big wig for the Hurricanes made his fortune in the farming business.




STANLEY C. PANTHER

snore




SLAPSHOT

Former mascot: Owen Hart




THUNDERBUG

There are more recent pictures of Thunderbug, but we couldn't pass up this Mexican.




SPARKY THE DRAGON

He's on loan from an arena football team.




NJ DEVIL

Look out. It's a devil.




ICEBURGH

Iceburgh played a pivotal role in the 1995 thriller Sudden Death.

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TOMMY HAWK

For the love of God, don't Google Image search "tommyhawk" with safesearch off.




STINGER

What'd you expect?
Then again, what's the deal with an insect?
"Blue Jackets" is in reference to Civil War soldiers.




AL THE OCTOPUS

This is not so much a mascot as it is a prop.

Having an actual mascot wouldn't be feasible since no one goes to Red Wings games anymore.




It was either this or a picture of dustballs. But that is tacky.
Yeah, they're probably staying in Nashville, but it doesn't matter.




LOUIE THE BEAR

Solid. Name another mascot in sports that wears a suit.




WILD WING

The logical choice would have been Darkwing duck. Huge mistake.




BAILEY

Solid mascot. It is a shame the team it supports is so bad.





HOWLER

Janet Gretzky was turned down, so not bad for a second choice.





S.J. SHARKIE

All business.




HARVEY THE HOUND

If your name is Harvey. You are a joke. Simple as that.
Harvey found himself in a controversy when Oilers coach MacTavish pulled his signature tongue out in frustration during a game.
Kevin Lowe offered the tongue a 2-year, $6-mill deal.





HOWLER THE YETI

It kind of looks like that thing from the "Neverending Story."
You could really freak people out with that.




FIN THE WHALE

We are only using this picture because we want the courts to decide what happen here.

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The following teams do not have mascots.
So we decided to give them one.



They can't afford one because Kevin Lowe is running the show.
A good choice would be the Exxon Valdez.

But why not try something different.
The Oilers mascot:


What an actor


Next up are the Dallas Stars.



No idea what this could be.
Maybe an EXIT sign, since they make early first-round exits each year.



Easy one here:


Gordon Bombay.

You have to ask yourself, would Emilio really turn this down?



Somewhere along the line, you'd think someone would have made a mascot for the Rangers.
There are so many places you could go with this.

But in the end...

Teddy Ruxpin beats out the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.


Do it




And last, and always least, the Flyers.
We assume no one in Philly thought of getting a mascot, because people don't think out there.

Since the Flyer organization is a joke...


Doink the Clown