In light of last week's news of mascot/actress interspecies relations, I decided to dive a little deeper and do some
investigative journalism imaginary interview blogging. The following may startle you, or induce dry heaves, but is totally serious. As serious as a mascot can be.
Name: Fin the Orca
Organization bound to: Vancouver Canucks
Weight: Five flatbed trucks
Thanks for sitting down with us today, Fin. My pleasure.
First off, what nationality are you? Irish.
What kind of hobbies do you have? Practicing terrorist exercises with t-shirt guns... Eating children. Watching Canucks games... And hanging out of moving vehicles yelling random obscenities.
(C) CBC.ca (top), audihertz on Flickr (bottom)
Do you have any homicidal Tendencies? Yes.
What are they? Eating as many children as my stomach will hold and then vomiting them back out for fun.
Why children? They taste like tuna... And they eat a lot of sugar so they taste better than other humans. Plus, it's fun to hear them scream. Especially unsuspecting ones.
Any other hobbies that you would like to talk to us about? Dungeons and Dragons. I absolutely love that stuff. I know, I'm a nerd. But whatever.
I'm looking at this photo, and correct me if I'm wrong, but it looks like you really have a thing for torturing children... What?? Does that make me a bad person? Oh, right it doesn't. CAUSE IM AN ORCA.
You've been in the news a lot for your fling with Pamela Anderson. Can you tell us the latest? And what was going on in this photo? You know what? I'm sick and tired of all you media hounds asking about me and Pam. This is absurd. My private life is my private life. That's IT. THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!!! (storms out)