Thursday, September 4, 2008

The RNC... It's just like hockey!

In lieu of an ice girl, here is a Vice Presidential nominee
Via Wonkette

Outside of hockey, I find no redeeming value to winter. It's cold, generally dreary and cold, especially here in the Twin Cities. My ultimate goal in life is to move somewhere warm but with a hockey team. I'm looking at you Dallas, Tampa or Phoenix. Mostly, my awesome job is what keeps me here (my family would visit me in Florida), but another brutal winter might make me quit that and end up selling homemade jewelry along the interstate in southern Florida.

All that said, I prefer winter to the fall, sort of in the way that people prefer to be in the midst of surgery rather than pre-op. Just get it over with. In Minnesota, fall came really early this year, and we might not hit 80 degrees again until next April. Come on winter, let's just get this over with. At least there's hockey season.

But wait! The X is already inhabited! We can't wait start the season with all those people there! In case you hadn't heard, the Xcel Energy Center is home to the Republican National Convention this year. Fortunately, the RNC and the NHL have a few things in common that might help to bide the time until the real season starts. For example:

- What with Sarah Palin being a "hockey mom" they at least use the word hockey almost hourly. Also, with her kid pregnant by a high school hockey player, you can count on the incredible sexual prowess of hockey players and bloggers in the headlines until Bristol Palin has her kid.

- People with pads and sticks totally kicking ass. Most Minnesotans, to my knowledge couldn't care less about what's going on inside, but are enamored by the protests and the police response. By the way, what do anarchists have against Macy's anyways?

- Lots and lots of white people.

- There's actually something to do in St. Paul! Generally speaking, the only reason people go to St. Paul is to go to work or go to a hockey game. Of course, none of the locals are going to St. Paul this week, so maybe this one doesn't count. People do notice the traffic gridlock, however.

- If you squint, John McCain kind of looks like Jacques Lemaire.

It was worth a shot, I guess, but this doesn't at all take the place of hockey. September sucks.


  1. I think I'm with you on liking winter. It doesn't screw with your mind like fall does. If there's snow on the ground, you know it's cold, not like all where a bare ground and sun can mean anything. Also, you wear coats in winter and coats mean pockets so I don't need to screw around with a purse.

  2. and yeah, hockey. and not sweating my proverbial balls off.

  3. I prefer winter to fall as well. I'd much rather it be 65 and sunny than 72 and sunny. I like to mix it up, you know?

    What's snow, by the way.

  4. "What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? Lipstick."

  5. Sorry I must stick up for Fall in this debate. It has crisp weather not bone chilling cold and multiple colors in the trees are much better than gray bare limbs.

    I agree that if I had my choice, I would live somewhere warm with a hockey team and the only ice would be in my drink.