At the beginning of the NHL season, the scientists at BMR Laboratories unveiled a creation known as the Coach-O-Meter 3000. Its goal was to accurately predict the job security of one Barry Melrose. On the day Barry was fired last week, the meter read STAMKOS. It was the third highest of the five threat levels. Clearly, it was totally inaccurate. Today, our scientists have released a statement addressing the situation.
Dear Planet Earth,
Last Friday, Barry Melrose was fired as coach of the Tampa Bay Lightning. It was a tragic day and one in which the Coach-O-Meter 3000 failed us all with flying colors.
When an error of this magnitude occurs, the results are never pretty. Rioting in the streets. Tidal waves in Kansas. It was pretty much a doomsday scenario for everyone involved. There is nothing we can do to make up for such a grave error, but we do admit our miscalculation and would like to offer our sincerest apologies.
To try and make up for this, today, we would like to unveil our newest creation. It is not based on science, instead it is based on random chance. We are taking a break from the whole "science" thing for a while. Clearly, we are not good at it.
In an effort to get everyone's minds -- including our own -- off the disaster that occurred on November 14th, we have invented the Rick Tocchet Roulette Wheel of Results. Its main goal is to predict how many wins the Tampa Bay Lightning will have under Interim Coach Tocchet. It is based purely on random chance. Simply print it out, attach one of those spinning arrows to it a the center and enjoy. Maybe you can kill some time at work. Maybe it will make a good chew toy for your dog. At the very least, it will hopefully take your mind off of THE EVENT.
The Scientists of BMR Laboratories
So there you have it, folks. The Rick Tocchet Roulette Wheel of Results. Will it be right in predicting the Bolts record under their interim coach? Probably not. Will it be entertaining? We sure hope so. Enjoy! And remember, if it lands on Oren Koules you get to spin again and multiply that spin by two. If it lands on Thunder Bug, spin around in circles until you are dizzy and then spin the wheel again.