BREAKING NEWS: MELROSE FIRED, ARMAGEDDON IMMINENT
|
As of 4:30 PM EST, the Tampa Bay Lightning have announced that Barry Melrose has been fired. Rick Tocchet has been named interim head coach and time as we know it has stopped. This may be the end, folks. The world has started spinning 10 times faster than normal and the animals are all migrating west. Something is wrong on Planet Earth. We're not sure exactly what is going on, as we're the stupid humans who are so disconnected with nature the only inevitable outcome has always been our complete and total demise. However, stay with BMR all day and night, as we'll have more on this and OH GOD... WHAT IS THAT?!? NO! NOOOO! RUUUUUUNNN!!!!!
OH GOD IT'S SO... SO... ARGHHHHHHH MY ARM!!! SAVE YOURSELF, READERS! SAVEEEEE YOURSELFFFFF!!!! AHHHHH!!! DON'T BITE MY SPLEEN!! WHAT THE HELL? WHAT KIND OF MONSTER BITES SOMEONE IN THE FREAKING SPLEEN??? OH NOO....
*deathly silent silence persists. sun disappears behind pitch black cloud cover.*
Posts
You seem to be taking this rather well...
ReplyDeleteWell Kevin, you can remove that unsightly Tampa Bay Lightning disclaimer at the bottom of the page now. Sic Semper Tyrannis!
ReplyDeleteRumour has it the Tampa bay Lightning sent Melrose a message reading "You epic fail as a coach, now go home and cut yourself"
ReplyDeleteI think this was TOTALLY just a gimmick hire and unless Tampa started out hot, this was gonna happen. Please come back to ESPN Barry!!!!
ReplyDeletePresumably BMR is investigating the total breakdown of the Coach-O-Meter 3000, which last time I saw it was at a safe-ish level Stamkos? Where was our forewarning? Barry was probably relying on it too...
ReplyDelete@Yotes: Yes, it failed us all miserably. Stay tuned for more info on that...
ReplyDeleteIf I can't believe in the Coach-O-Meter 3000, there is nothing left to believe.
ReplyDelete