Wednesday, February 4, 2009

DC vs. Marvel--Hockey Style

Let me start this by saying that I am not a comic book expert. My Marvel comic knowledge is very limited and my DC knowledge is limited to what I know from watching Justice League.

I'm not sure how this conversation got started, but I got to talking to my roommate, who knows comics much better than I do. Conversely, my hockey knowledge is greater than his. Somehow, we constructed a DC vs Marvel hockey game and named players to each position.I figure, there are hockey fans, there are comic fans, AND there are fans of both hockey and comics, so why not combine the two?

Team DC breakdown:
DC heroes, with some exception (mostly Batman) tend to need each other and have a great ability to work together (think of Super Friends and Justice League.) They also tend to forget the extent of their powers unless totally necessary (how many times do you see, say, superman use his superbreath unless he’s putting out a fire or something?) or until made necessary by “the power of friendship.” I imagine the DC team would therefore be more of a defensive powerhouse, similar to the Minnesota “Fightin’ Adjectives” Wild or the Detroit Red Wings.

Superman: Well, duh.

Wonderwoman: Wonder woman has the speed necessary to make her a good winger, and is not that afraid to take hits

Martian ManHunter (J’onn J’ozz) I figure with his telepathy and shapeshifting, he’ll totally mess with people

Green Lantern: I figure with his ability to make a shield, he should do well at defense. Video evidence is in this fanvid to Switchfoot or some such emoish band:

Wildcat: He brings the big body presence

goal: Flash
I figure a goalie needs to move quickly and have good reflexes. Honestly, who will be faster than Flash?

Marvel team breakdown:
Marvel superheroes , as far as I know, are more solitary. Sure there are groups such as the X-men and Alpha Flight, but those are more of a lose collective versus an actual team. The Marvel hockey team would be more like a team of individual superstars, much like the Pittsburgh Penguins of today or the New York Rangers of yore.

Marvel Forwards:
Puck: He’s fast, agile, not afraid to take some hits and come on—the guy’s name is PUCK! How perfect is that?

Wolverine: Again, he’s fast, not afraid to take hits and will not take shit from anyone. And as Don Cherry would say “He’s a good ol’ Western Canadian boy, NO VISOR NO PANTYWAIST JORDAN STAAL BRUINS”

Spiderman: He’s not as tough as the other Marvel forwards, but he’s certainly got the speed and agility

The Thing of Fantastic Four fame: He’s a bit less disciplined compared to other defensive forces, but I’m sure he could hold his own

Goal: Iron Man
Well, I figure he’s got the suit for it, and unlike Ed Belfour, he can actually afford to give the cops a billion dollars keep his drunk ass out of jail.(ZING!)

Well, every game needs officials. For this game I choose Deadpool and Batman, because while they exist in their respective universes, neither is really “part of the gang”—they’re loners, if you will, which allows for better neutrality (in theory at least) I would also use Daredevil, since having a blind ref is just too damn funny.

Am I off? On? As always lemme know


  1. Wonderwoman is not that afraid to take hits. GIGGITY.

  2. Agitator/Pest:

    DC: The Joker. Forget a hand waving in the goalie's face; what about an acid spray? You can hear him giggling as he casually spears guys behind the play and facewashes people with a giant boxing glove on a stick.

    Marvel: I'd put Wolverine here, and let the Mighty Thor center my top line.

    Coaches -

    DC: Darkseid. Runs an entire planet, and is not above using his Omega Beams to incinerate refs. (Luckily, Deadpool is already dead, Daredevil has no fear, and Batman, according to the JL cartoon, has actually dodged the things.)

    Marvel: the Kingpin. Criminal mastermind who never gets put in jail despite mountains of evidence.

    GMs -

    DC: Lex Luthor. Despite no "powers" whatsoever, regularly holds his own against Superman. He's certain to build a formidable club.

    Marvel: Dr. Doom. Runs his own country and is given to shouting waaaaaaay over-the-top phrases of defiance: sort of like Mike Milbury that way.

    Don Cherry: played by J Jonah Jameson. Spiderman is a DETRIMENT and MUST BE TRADED OR BENCHED IMMEDIATELY.