Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Inside the GM Meetings

Today, we present to you an inside look at the GM meetings this week in south Florida. Among the hot topics of discussion are fighting and, of course, the GMs diligently waiting for the next Brian Burke Twitter update.

Awwww look! Widdle Coley Campbell has his backpack all weady for his fwirst day of schoowl!

It's been a long day for Brian Burke and he's a little rough around the edges. "Scotch on the rocks, bartender," he says. He then proceeds to put his brain on autopilot when speaking to the media. Mr. Burke is wondering why you guys don't get a life and stop sticking microphones in his face all day long. He didn't have to deal with all this crap in Anaheim.

See those glass doors behind him? He'll throw you through them face first first if you ask another stupid question. What's that? Oh right, there are no stupid questions. "Yes, go ahead. You in the back with the stupid question." And so it goes. But the Media is not deterred. The Media is used to this. It's their daily dance with the Girlfriend That Treats Them Like Shit but they keep coming back for more because she's so bad and it's oh so good. And maybe this time she'll come to her senses and treat them right.

Burke then turns to the camera and stares deep into your soul, making you regret calling Jenny Michaels a 'fat doo doo head' back in third grade and making her cry. He knows your secrets. You cannot keep anything from him.

Mike Gillis, for what it's worth, hasn't slept in five days. For the last week, he's made the Lobby Lounge at the Ritz Carlton in Naples his playground and you, young fawn, are his playmate. Another raspberry martini, my dear? Mike is here and he's not going home until this night is damn well over. Either that or when his CSE company card gets declined because he's been doing this same routine every night he's been in town.

As for Don Maloney, he's in a festive mood. He's not entirely sure why he even needs to be here, since the Coyotes are either going to be disbanded or sold to gypsies after this season. But heck, he'll take the free trip to south Florida in early March. There are no white sandy beaches in the desert you know.

As a matter of fact, Don is so happy to be here that he gives the media all they could ever ask for and more. He goes into story telling mode for the next three hours. Tell me again how you traded Pierre Turgeon for Kirk Muller, Don! That one is my favorite!

That's all for now from the GM Meetings in Naples, Florida. Thanks for joining us and remember, if you're good looking and in the Naples area, you can probably still hit up Mike Gillis for a couple free drinks later tonight.


  1. There's not enough alcohol in this world to make Gillis look like a person who is NOT likely to end up in the Chris Hansen show...

  2. Don Maloney looks like he lost his golf game and is in need of some pommade from yours truly Barry Melrose. Great post!