Amp Energy Drinks Make You Piss Intensity

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

MAN I JUST HAD SOME OF THAT AMP ENERGY STUFF THAT I SAW ON THE TV YESTERDAY. ITS FREAKING INTENSE!!!!! SEE THAT? I USED A TON OF EXCLAMATION POINTS TO SHOW HOW INTENSE I AM!!! AH I DID IT AGAIN!!

YOU KNOW HOW GOOD I FEEL RIGHT NOW? I FEEL LIKE I COULD EAT A RAM. NOT LIKE A SHEEP. LIKE ONE OF THOSE RAMS THAT YOU ALWAYS SEE BUTTING HEADS IN THE ALPS.

THERE'S SO MUCH CAFFEINE IN THIS THING I FEEL LIKE I COULD SCALE THE ALPS AND WRESTLE DOWN A WHOLE PACK OF RAMS WHILE PLAYING SNOOD ON MY BLACKBERRY. AND THEN I WOULD CLIMB DOWN, WALK A MILLION MILES, SWIM ACROSS THE OCEAN, WALK SOME MORE AND BEAT UP SLY STALLONE. NOT THE OLD ROIDED UP STALLONE OF 2008. I'D GO BACK IN TIME AND KICK THE CRUD OUT OF HE-MAN IDOL STUD STALLONE CIRCA 1980. AND THEN I'D TACKLE A GRIZZLY BEAR AND FORCE IT TO PLAY CHARADES WITH ME. BUT I'D PROBABLY NEED ANOTHER AMP. THESE things KINda Wear off quick. hmm... time for another Amp.

*chugs Amp*

OHHHHHH YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Gary Roberts Will Destroy You and Everything You Stand For

Is it me or does Ryan Getzlaf look drunk? Jim McIsaac/Getty Images

By now you've probably heard about it, but I'm going to reiterate the point anyway. Gary Roberts absolutely destroyed Philadelphia's Ben Eager (who?) last night. I mean he deployed an army of hay makers we haven't seen since the heydays of Mr. T and Sly Stallone.

The Penguins ended up losing the game, which took place in Philly, by a count of 8-2. Sometimes it's not about the score, though. Sometimes it's about whose 41-year old vet beats the tar out of whose 23-year old punk kid. If we're playing by those rules... Game. Set. Match. Pens.

And if you haven't seen it, or just want a good laugh before you call it a day, check out the video of the destruction.