Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Western Conference Playoff Race Celebrity Power Rankings

As you know, I'm not the most knowledgeable when it comes to the Western Conference. But far be it from me to discriminate! If I'm going to make ridiculous comparisons of Eastern teams to random celebrities (if you can call your mom a celebrity) then I might as well do the same for the West. I'm an equal opportunity blogger. Without any further text, here is your uncoordinated breakdown of the race out west (or really just a breakdown of the Northwest division).

*3rd place: Minnesota Wild (89 points, 5 games to go)

Last 10: 3-3-4

Remaining opponents: COL (2), EDM, VAN, CGY (1)

Most resemble: The bash brothers. Now that Boogaard is back this is all that really comes to mind. Fridge, Simon, Boogaard, and all on the same sheet of ice. Scary.

I was going for a Mighty Ducks reference but if you want to use some roided up baseball players instead, go right ahead.Breakdown: The Wild haven't won a lot of games lately, but they sure are making the overtime point count. They're ahead in the division and in the third spot via tiebreakers, but they are still only three points up on the 8th place team. They're not out of the woods just yet. On the plus side, they have the opportunity to knock out their competitors down the stretch.

(we'll skip the Ducks since they're pretty much in at this point)

5th place: Dallas Stars (89 points, 6 to go)

Last 10: 3-7-0

Remaining opponents: SJ, PHO (2), LA, ANA (1)

Most resemble: The titanic (both the movie and the ship are acceptable references). The Stars are tanking it into the playoffs better than anyone else at this point.

Breakdown: What a difference a month makes. The Stars were the hottest team in the league during February, going 12-2 in the month. March has been a real bitch to them, as they have two points and a 1-7 record to show for the month. Seriously, think about this for a second: On February 29th the Stars were second in the entire Western Conference and had 87 points to show for it. Today they're in 5th and are sitting on 89 points. Three weeks. Two points. Wow. Simply stunning.

6th place: Calgary Flames (88, 6 to go)

Last 10: 5-4-1

Remaining opponents: VAN (3), EDM (2), MIN (1)

Most resemble: Zeus because they more or less control their own destiny. It's a stretch, I know.

Breakdown: Talk about the scheduling gods throwing in a curve ball. The Flames have five games against two of the teams nipping at their heels in the standings. They're sitting in sixth place so I think it's safe to say that they are in control of their own fate at this point. Consequently, they also hold the fates of Vancouver and Edmonton in the balance. Get destroyed, and those two sneak in while the Flames are left on the outside. Beat 'em up, or at least tread water, and you're in.

7th place: Vancouver Canucks (86, 7 to go)

Last 10: 6-4-0

Remaining opponents: CGY (3), COL (2), EDM, MIN (1)

Most resemble: OK, I really just needed an excuse to post this pic of Pamela Anderson and Fin again.
Breakdown: Things are getting hairy in the pacific northwest, as the team's stud netminder may (or may not) miss some of the stretch run. Roberto Luongo's wife is expected to give birth soon and he has not given a definitive word as to how much time he will miss to be with her. We'll see how this plays out, but we all know how much he means to this team. Oh yeah, and they've got five games against the teams directly above and below them in the standings. This should be a fun run to the finish.

8th place: Colorado Avalanche (86, 5 to go)

Last 10: 5-5-0

Remaining opponents: VAN, MIN (2), EDM (1)

Most resemble: WTF Cat. Just because Theodore's play, 2.44 GAA and .910 save percentage make my head hurt. I mean jeez, he hasn't put up numbers anywhere near these since before the lockout!

Breakdown: Again, the divisional play in the Northwest is going to go a long way in solving this question. All five games are extremely significant for the Avs. Two against the team directly ahead of them, one against the team chasing them and two against another team that's only three points ahead of them. Again, a team that holds its own destiny. Win and you're in.

9th place: Edmonton Oilers (83 points, 5 games to go)

Last 10: 8-2-0

Remaining opponents: CGY (2), VAN, MIN, COL (1)

Most resemble: Doc Brown and Marty McFly. They're the kid that always seems to get out of the sticky situations and are teamed up with that kooky old guy (Kevin Lowe).

The breakdown: Who would of thought a few months ago that the Oilers would be this close to a playoff spot? They just finished up a nice four game homestand that saw them take six of a possible eight points, but that's where the going gets tough. They play four of their final five on the road against divisional opponents who all happen to be ahead of them in the standings and in the playoffs as of right now. My head wants to explode with the mere thought of the possibilities. The fate of the entire conference lies in the Northwest. All I can say is that this is going to be a hell of a ride. When's the last time we could say that all five teams in a division had a realistic shot at making the playoffs? The problem in the Northwest right now is that they'll probably play each other out of the post season.

10th place: Nashville Predators (82 points, 6 games to go)

Last 10: 4-6-0

Remaining opponents: CLS, STL (2), DET, CHI (1)

Most resemble: Major League, the movie. Do I really need to explain this one?

Breakdown: The Preds are a heck of a story. Most people picked them to finish in the basement and they still came out and were in this thing the whole year. They're four back with six to go, which isn't a great situation but they do have a game in hand on the Avs and Oilers. The best news for the Preds is that the three teams ahead of them play each other during this stretch run. They have a favorable schedule as well, as five of their last six are against teams below them in the standings. They've got a good shot and the problem is that they haven't been playing their best hockey lately. I like their chances, but they're going to have to step it up.

11th place: Chicago Blackhawks (80 points, 6 to go)

Last 10: 4-4-2

Remaining Opponents: CLS, DET (2), STL, NSH (1)

Most resemble: Botox. After Rocky Wirtz took over the team, the Hawks have been revitalized better than the face of a 45-year old Californian woman's face.

Breakdown: In all seriousness, the Hawks are pretty much out of it. They are six out with six to play, a figure that doesn't bode well for any team. It was great to see things turn around in the Windy City this season and although an 11th place finish doesn't sound good, we all still know that the Hawks are going to be a force out West in the near future.


  1. The Oilers are waiting for that red log to explode any minute now. Sadly, I think they are going to crash in Eastwood Ravine before they hit 88 miles an hour. I'll show myself out now.

  2. Dallas will come around in time for the playoffs. Very funny article. Loved the cat.
    Mitch (Sports Handicapping and Sports Picks).

  3. WTF Cat prefers if you compare him to a young Ron Hextall. Eric Lindros used to call him "Whiskers" back in the day.

  4. My pre-season call on the Hawks came true, slightly improved record - vastly more fun to watch - not likely to make the playoffs this year.

    The new kids really carried the team. They could be contending in a couple years - if the front office doesn't screw it up.