Tuesday, December 30, 2008


If you read one post all week, let it be this one. Things are going to be changing a bit around here. We're not moving anywhere, the personnel is just going to get mixed around.

Nothing is finalized yet, but as of January 5th I am taking a job that may ask me to stop blogging. Actually, they mentioned that they would want me to during interviews, but nothing has been said since. We'll see what happens when I go in there. I may have to take a break for a while depending on what they say. It's only for six months, so I might just be like DiPietro and held out the rest of the season for my own good. Oh wait, the Islanders aren't putting him on ice for the year are they? Well, it's a good idea, but I digress.

However, no matter what happens with me, this blog shall live on. I just won't be writing for it. Ryan is still going to be here doing his thing, but in a more prominent role. Daddy's giving him the keys to the '76 Corvette, you could say. We are also in negotiations to bring in a few more folks on a full time basis. They're good people and you probably are already familiar with them, but I'd rather not say anything too concrete until we know for sure what's going on.

Yeah, in seven days this may be goodbye -- for me personally, but not the blog. If I do have to step away because of work, it will likely be from AOL as well. Just figured you all should get a heads up. We'll see what happens.

So that's that. There's a lot of things going on and we have a lot of ideas, but there's not really anything set in stone. It's kind of like the State of the Union Address, with much less clapping. And suits. I definitely do not wear a suit while typing.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Paul Stastny Hurt, Snowblower Appointed Master of Universe

Some interesting news out of Colorado the last few days... Fantasy Hockey Legend and Master of the Universe Paul Stastny has broken his arm and will be out of service indefinitely for the Avs. The news comes as a shock all around the galaxy, as Stastny has long thought to have been indestructible.

In the short term, the Elders of the Galactic Council have appointed the snowblower that mangled Joe Sakic's hand Interim Master of the Universe until Stastny recovers. Condolences for Stasny have poured in from across the universe, as far away as the Zorklax Galaxy and from our owm Milky Way.

Many galactic politicians fear that Master Stastny's injury could have a disastrous effect on human-snorcon relations in the Belluo Nebula. Tensions there were already tight as peace negotiations fell through after the assassination of Snorcon leader Myylef Nuooo. Experts are afraid that the region could yet again erupt into chaos.

In an exclusive interview with CNN Universal, the snowblower that mangled Joe Sakic's hand was very quiet about what it planned to do as Interim Master of the Universe. Then someone realized that it was not plugged in and it proceeded to attack Wolf Blitzer.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Why Patrick Kane will be in the league forever

For most people, not just hockey fans, EA Sports' NHL 93 (I had 94, so I'm going with that image) is their first brilliant sports video game (Madden took a little while to get it's legs under it). One of the best teams, the Blackhawks, featured quality young players that ended up having (even still) long successful careers. Let's take a look at some of those studs:
Jeremy Roenick
Chris Chelios
Eric Weinrich
Keith Carney
Bryan Marchment
Tony Amonte
Ed Belfour

And yes, I'm aware that I'm the first person to ever call Bryan Marchment a stud. But the point is, thats a roster full of guys who had long careers in the league.

Here we are in 2008, getting ready to pop into 2009, and EA has done it again. NHL 09 is simply the best video game I've played in years. I got to bed at night dreaming about it. There are days in which I'm supposed to go to work, but instead want to call in sick. I created myself as a free agent, just to see who would need my services, and I was signed by the Flames. Because of this game, I hate the Flames less.
But that's not why you came. See, EA Sports released this piece of video gaming brilliance at about the same time the Blackhawks are stockpiling an impressive cast of youngsters. In 15 years, will we be dusting off the 360 and reminiscing about when these guys were young and still playing together?
Patrick Kane
Patrick Sharp
Jonathan Toews
Andrew Ladd
Duncan Keith
Dustin Byfuglien

Something to think about...

The Rare Occasion in Which I Agree With a Toronto Media Member

Whoa, don't let that title catch you by surprise there. I'm not rooting for the Leafs or anything it just happens that, somehow, Damien Cox of the Toronto Star and myself are on the same page. Now he's not saying anything earth shattering. In fact, all he's saying is that John Tavares is the real deal. But, despite that, it's still amazing to say I agree.

It's a derby in which the Maple Leafs, not yet bad enough to get better, must have a horse.

Brian Burke knows it, Dave Nonis knows it and even Ron Wilson, you have to believe, knows it.

John Tavares' special performance on a big stage for Team Canada in the opening game of the world junior championship in Ottawa on Friday night was just the latest piece of compelling evidence that made it clear the Leafs need to be at least in a position to win the draft lottery and land the No. 1 overall pick next June.

Any other day I would say this might be more fanboy trash coming from Toronto, but when it comes to a kid as special as Tavares, it's not. I guess you could say I'm developing a creepy man crush on the kid. As you may remember, I wrote a short essay about this on Monday.

The only difference between myself and Cox -- and it's kind of a big one -- is that last Monday the Islanders had lost nine in a row and were 13 points out of the 8th playoff spot in the East. As of 4:30 this morning when Cox's article hit the internets, the Leafs were 5-5 in their last ten and only five points out of the 8th spot in the East. They still have a chance whereas the Islanders will have to play better than .600 hockey for a few months to climb back in this. I kind of question Cox's faith in his team when reading this, as they're certainly not done in the Everybody Wins League. But then again, these are the Leafs. It can be painful to watch sometimes.

Friday, December 26, 2008


I don't have words for this one. Just watch.

Merry Christmas!

I know it's late, but since I didn't post today, I wanted to wish you all a Merry Christmas! I hope you all got to spend time with loved ones and those loved ones gave you exactly what you wanted. Me? I got a TV stand, a cooler full of beer and a bit of a flu bug. Ho Ho Ho!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

A Christmas Carol from the San Jose Sharks

If you've ever wanted to see a shirtless Joe Thornton in a teal Santa cap singing Jingle Bells... Well, there's probably something seriously wrong with you. Or maybe you're on drugs. Either one.

But whatever your dysfunction, are you in luck today! Thanks to Comcast Sports Net in San Jose (and a h/t to Puck Daddy), we've got Thorton, Ricci and a whole bunch of other folks from the Sharks organization singing an odd rendition of Jingle Bells.

And to answer your question, JR was sadly not involved at all. Why make a video like this and leave out the best actor in the organization, the world may never know.

They're Trying, They're Just Not Good at This


Apologies in advance for two Islander-related posts this week, but last night was my first visit to the Coliseum this season, so I think some thoughts are appropriate.

First off, the push for the Lighthouse Project is everywhere -- as it should be. Even the ice girls' snow shovels have signs advertising on the Lighthouse. I don't know why you need to advertise there, but then again I'm not working for marketing.

Next up is the crowd. For all the lumps attendance at these games takes there was a good crowd last night. 14,227 on the score sheet which I can verify for you was not exaggerated. I expected to see the place looking like a ghost town but it wasn't. Probably because of the holiday, but it was close to 90% capacity, and it looked like it too.

And finally there is the on-ice product. Or what vaguely resembles one. Let's get this straight -- this team, as was rostered last night, sucks. But that's what happens when you combine a youth movement, 200+ man games lost to injury, playing without your #1 netminder and with only two of your top seven defenders. They have even lost 9 in a row, 10 including last night's loss.

Howevah, this team didn't act like it was the worst team in the league and on a morbidly long losing streak. They didn't act like they were getting beat by the third worst team in the league. They hustled, forced turnovers in their offensive zone and played hard all night long. That was the biggest shock of the night to me. Again, let's be clear -- they're not very talented. But that being said, and maybe this was a one night only show, they were playing hard for their jobs (many of which will likely be in the AHL sooner rather than later) and/or hard for their coach. Down 2-0 to a bad Atlanta team in the second period, the Isles could have folded up and gone home. They didn't. They rallied back to tie the game at two. Maybe it was holiday spirit. Maybe it was a fluke. Maybe it's because the roster is loaded with kids. But it's good to see a team going full tilt, even if full tilt can't buy them a win. Heck, if they play like this and manage to get Tavares, I'd say it's a win-win.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Fantasy Hockey Update

It's been a while since Ryan altered you all to my embarrassment of a fantasy hockey team, so it's probably time that we give you another look at what's going on in the BMR fantasy leagues.

First up is the Invitational league.

I'm happy to report that yours truly has moved out of last place, thanks to the help of Loser Domi's team. It's still a close race, however. On the other side of the standings, Earl Sleek is still holding strong in the 2nd spot, but did surrender his first place standing to Plank. Plank's team has been on fire, jumping from fifth the last time we saw them, going 51-22-9 over that time.

The biggest movement though came from the boys at Pensblog, who plummeted from third to 10th. Welcome to the basement, boys.

In the free-for-all league, things have also been shaken up quite a bit. Mascots-R-Us is now in the top spot, moving up from the 10th spot they held six weeks ago. Yours truly has moved from 5th to 2nd and the former top two teams have plummeted in the standings. Stamkos Schmamkos and Tugnutt were the top two teams six weeks ago, and now they're 10th and 11th. I guess that's what you get for taking Tugnutt and Stamkos' names in vain. Or something.

I'm also glad to see my roommate is still stuck solidly in last. That's because I get to say "suck it Jason" again. Suck it Jason.

Monday, December 22, 2008

All I Want for Christmas is Some Tavares

It's almost Christmas, and as a male 20-something that has a laptop and an XBOX 360, I have about everything I need to keep myself occupied for long periods of time. This makes it really hard for people to buy things for me. That's OK though, it usually makes my bank account a little happier.

But this Christmas, there is one thing I would like. It's for the Islanders to do what they didn't the 2nd half of last season and tank. Not that I wish them harm, I want the best for each and every one of them. But sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can start to move up in the world.

I know what you're thinking. What kind of low-life would ever root against his favorite team? Well, this one. I'm willing to do what no fan should ever do, if only because my team is the NHL equivalent of the Washington Generals.

OK, I know it all sounds ridiculous. But there has been only one team that has (arguably) been worse than the Islanders during the last 15 seasons, and they have only been in existence for 8 of them.

Right now the Islanders are locked in a two horse race with the Lightning for title of the worst team in the NHL. The winner gets the best chance of obtaining the #1 overall pick in the 2009 draft through the lottery. The winner of the lottery then gets, presumably, the consensus pick of John Tavares. It's no guarantee, but it's as good as an opportunity as any team can get.

In the post Milbury era, the Islanders have not picked higher than seventh. It's been thirteen years since they've had a top 5 pick and the worst GM in the history of the franchise hasn't had a hand in the decision making. To be fair he did draft Rick DiPietro and Roberto Luongo, but outside of those two he didn't make any significant selections after the 1996 draft when the Isles used their first three picks on JP Dumont, Dan Lacoutre and Zdeno Chara. Beginners luck, you could call it.

But there's a reason this comes to mind during this time of year. December and January are the annual collapse of the Islanders, no matter how well or poorly they had been playing during October and November. Since the lockout the team is a combined 33-46-7-4 in December and January. If you combine their October and November records since the lockout, they are 47-42-3-4. In three Feburarys, they're 18-10-2-2.

As the holidays come and go, so do the Islanders.

The same has happened this year, only much, much worse. The Islanders are winless in the month of December, 0-8-1, after starting the year a decent 10-12-2. It's the same as any other year, only this year I want the bottoming out to continue. Sure, it's not good for anyone involved. Fans, players, staff. No one will enjoy it. It's also a little ridiculous to say that one 18-year old is going to change the direction of a franchise. But another early exit would make this the 15th season in a row that the Islanders have not won a playoff series. During that time the franchise has twice selected from one of the top two spots in the draft. Those picks were used on Rick DiPietro and Wade Redden. One changed the face of the franchise, the other turned out to be a two-time all-star defender who puts up almost .5 points per game.

If it's a 50/50 chance that Tavares is going to be a franchise changer, I'm willing to take that chance. At this point, the Islanders should be, too.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

And Now Back to Your Regularly Scheduled Blog

Well, I'm back from Vegas and ready to get this thing going again. A big thanks to everyone who took the time to fill in here; Pensblog, Wrap Around Curl, Steve Lepore and of course Ryan. They're really all a great bunch of people and did a great job over here the last few days.

As for myself, I never adjusted to the Pacific time zone, so I'm still on Eastern time. I woke up about 8am everyday out there. So I guess that kind of worked out. All the traveling took its toll on me, so I'm heading to bed right now, but I can promise you I'm going to hit the ground running in the morning. We've got a lot of get to.

Friday, December 19, 2008


In times like these we must be vigilant! We must stand strong and remember the history that binds us. We must never forget the Spokane Chiefs dropped the Memorial Cup. Despite efforts by the organization to mask this incident. It was an act of glory. One of great amusement.

It'd be like if the kids on the Breakfast Club decided to not act like they had bared their souls and danced that awesome dance in the library that one time in Saturday detention. It'd be like if Claire tried to be like "oh no, John Bender has no idea what color my undies are." They both know. We all know. There is plenty of column inches and youtubes to chronicle Captain Chris Bruton's bumble. But it's ok. It's charming and adorable and could potentially be worked into the next terrible hockey movie that Hollywood will decide someone like Michael Bay should direct. I mean, it could become a Jeopardy question. That might be a stretch. Whatever. The point is NEVER FORGET!

Anyways, thanks for letting me invade for the day. I hope y'all had fun. Also, watch the World Juniors. Keep an eye on Canadian netminder Dustin Tokarski. He is gonna make it hot.

"Mats! You F--king Bitch! We Can Work It Out!"

Kevin is out of town, so holding down the fort will be Ryan and a star studded cast of guest posters who will be stopping throughout the week. Please welcome your overlord for the day, the critically acclaimed and criminally under appreciated Wrap Around Curl.

Hey guess what? It's a post about Mats Sundin. I planned to write about him a few days ago when Kevin invited me to bloggysit. And when I say "about" I mean around and such. But since he is all stitched into a Canucks sweater, let's take it head on.

Wow Mats, what a dick move. I know I am a bit fresh to this whole being a Leafs fan thing. But I think I can understand the Leafs pain. See, back in the day I absolutely loved and adored Alex Rodriguez. When girls were fawning over Leo DiCaprio in J-14 I was reading the Sporting News and clipping pictures of A-Rod. I played shortstop in softball, but quit because I thought the whole underhand/different kind of ball was sissy. There was the worn Rodriguez shirt that I rocked on the regular. I was a sick puppy. And then something in my room that could only be described as a "shrine."

The number that broke my heart? 252. He went to Texas for 252 million bucks and I pretty much never watched baseball ever again. Perhaps there wasn't glory in being a Mariner. I don't know. But the team had charm and did not suck entirely. Cash grabs aren't cute, babycakes.

But why did Mats have to go all Rob Gordon? When Rob was on the decline with Laura, he admitted he wants to see other people. And then goes on a path to find himself/someone new. He visits old girlfriends and pursues potential new interests that are different than Laura. Mats took some time and went to Sweden to be one with his peeps and then started flirting. While Rob is messing about he found out that Laura is seeing someone new and decides calling her and reminding her they are split up but could perhaps be together again. Oh and I haven't figured out which Leafs best represents Ian. If you know, drop it in the comments. Then Rob thinks he might be down with Marie DeSaille because when she sings Baby I Love Your Way, it's tolerable. Which honestly, is probably on my Top Five for songs that make me dry heave. He figures he can stick with Marie because he loves the idea of being with a musician. She'd write an album about him, and tuck things in the liner notes for him. Mats went elsewhere to win, apparently.

The thing about all this is, some think that Mats will come back to Toronto, after he gets this all out of his system. Well, Rob did decide screwing other people was boring. And Laura decided she was miserable without Rob and being together just made sense. It could all come back to that. But I imagine it would be awkward. Though, it would be remedied with Sonic Death Monkey, nay, Barry Jive and the Uptown Five.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

The Versus [drinking] Game of the Week (Pittsburgh at Buffalo)

Mmmm.... Nog

So Kevin is on vacation in Las Vegas, and I am in Minnesota with plans to go to Fargo this weekend. We're both going to be seeing snow on our trip, but I suspect Kevin is going to be having more fun, mostly because he doesn't have to drive in it. Trust me though, Fargo is a lot like Vegas, but people just don't know about it. For example, walking the streets late at night could get you in a lot of trouble. In Fargo, it's because of hypothermia, but no mind. Well, now maybe they have the same problem. This is the last drinking game before Christmas, and, in fact, since both Christmas and New Years Day fall on Thursdays this year, it may be the last one of the year. In that spirit, you're drinking eggnog (special eggnog, of course) for this one, and at the end of the game, plant a sloppy kiss on your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/pet.


... every time the Winter Classic is mentioned. Chug during highlight clips.

... if someone in the room says "mistletoe". Then punch him. Right in the head.

... if there are any bad Christmas puns. Happy Hockeydays, for example. Or Rudolf the red nosed Tallinder.

... finish your glass if anyone at anypoint suggests that Thomas Vanek is better than Crosby. Fill another one and drink that too if it's Vanek.

... if there are any celebrities in the crowd. Ha! Kidding! This is Buffalo! Instead, drink every time something crawls out of Pascal Dupuis' eyebrows.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

NHL, TV Partners Should Act Swiftly to Show off Sharks

Kevin is out of town, so holding down the fort will be Ryan and a star-studded cast of guest posters who will be stopping throughout the week.  Please welcome your overlord for the afternoon, Steve Lepore from Puck the Media.
Hi everyone.  Hopefully you know me if you read this fantastic website, but if you don't, I sure hope you'll check me out.  Today, I had a whole Kevin Schultz in Vegas Drinking Game (Complete with me referencing the entire script from "Swingers") planned out, but instead - much to all of your dismay - I'm going to talk about hockey, and hockey on TV.
As most of you reading this site know, the San Jose Sharks are hockey robots this season.  Not these hockey robots, but hockey cyborgs.  Unfortunately, due to the fact that the NHL and it's TV partners seem so uninterested in teams west of Detroit, the Sharks have been largely ignored by most of the casual hockey viewers.  All six of them.
This isn't just a VERSUS thing, by the way.  Though VERSUS won't televise a Sharks game until February 10th when the Sharks are in Boston (and how the hell did VERSUS luck into getting that game?) and will air two more San Jose tilts before the year is out.  CBC and TSN will only air a total of 7 Sharks games this season.  This for a team that might be headed for a record-breaking NHL year?
Well, we realize that VERSUS can change it's schedule for the rest of the year starting in January.  So here are some suggestions to the network for changes that would involve the Sharks, and the entire NHL in general.  Let's go through the rest of the VERSUS schedule, beginning in February, after the NHL/NBC regular schedule kicks in and the All-Star Game is over.
Feb. 2 - St. Louis vs. Detroit 
Other Options: None in that Timeslot, Buffalo/Anaheim at 10PM 
What to Do: Add that Buffalo/Anaheim game if you can, but VERSUS likely won't do it.
Feb. 3 - St. Louis vs. Columbus 
Other Options: Washington-New Jersey, Tampa-Islanders, Atlanta-Rangers, Florida-Toronto, Pittsburgh-Montreal, Phoenix-Nashville and Calgary-Dallas are your conceivable options.
What to Do: With the Rangers and Pittsburgh maxed out on VERSUS showings, how about Caps-Devils?  That'd be tons more exciting than Blues-Jackets.
Feb. 9 - NY Rangers vs. New Jersey 
Other Options: There are none.
What to Do: Keep it, obviously.  I wouldn't change it if I could.
Feb. 10 - San Jose vs. Boston 
Other Options: Do you really want to hear them?
What to Do: Keep it, and promote it like you couldn't promote the Detroit-Ottawa game last year.
Feb. 16 - NY Rangers vs. St. Louis 
Other Options: Dallas-Columbus and Ottawa-Nashville.
What to Do: Keep it.  Two big hockey markets, one decent enough to justify airing the game.
Feb. 17 - Buffalo vs. Toronto 
Other Options: Boston-Carolina, Chicago-Tampa, Florida-Jersey.
What to Do: Keep it for now, but if Toronto heads into a nosedive, show off the Hawks beating the tar out of the Lightning, or the Bruins dominating the Canes.
Feb. 23 - San Jose vs. Dallas 
Other Options: No other games this day.
Feb. 24 - Anaheim vs. Buffalo 
Other Options: Florida-Boston, Philadelphia-Washington, Colorado-Atlanta, Chicago-Nashville, LA-Minnesota, Phoenix-St. Louis are all possibilities.  
What to Do: Philly-Washington's a tempting change, but I like Ducks-Sabres here.
Mar. 2 - Colorado vs. NY Islanders 
Other Options: Unfortunately for my sanity, there are none.  Sorry, Schultzy. 
Mar. 3 - Pittsburgh vs. Tampa Bay 
Other Options: Philadelphia-Boston, Carolina-Washington, LA-Columbus, New Jersey-Toronto, Anaheim-Chicago, Detroit-St. Louis and a Dallas-San Jose late game.
What to Do: This game is dull-looking at this point, but you don't take Sidney off the schedule.  Maybe add that Stars-Sharks game later.
Mar. 9 - NY Rangers vs. Carolina 
Other Options: No realistic ones.
Mar. 10 - Buffalo vs. Philadelphia 
Other Options: Calgary-Jersey, Boston-Columbus, Isles-Toronto, Florida-Pittsburgh, Phoenix-Detroit, Washington-Nashville, San Jose-Minnesota, Dallas-St. Louis.
What to Do: This is where I'd like to see VERSUS give the Sharks a chance.  Hopefully, this game becomes a clunker soon enough that they can put the Sharks and Wild in the spotlight.
Mar. 16 - Washington vs. Atlanta 
Other Options: None at that time period.
Mar. 17 - Philadelphia vs. Detroit 
Other Options: Chicago-Jersey, Rangers-Montreal, Buffalo-Ottawa, Atlanta-Pittsburgh, Toronto-Tampa, Washington-Florida, Colorado-Minnesota, and a San Jose-Phoenix late game.
What to Do: Don't change a thing, two big markets here.  But add that Sharks game late, oh pretty please?
Mar. 23 - New Jersey vs. Philadelphia 
Other Options: Carolina-Florida.
What to Do: Nothing at all.
Mar. 24 - Minnesota vs. NY Rangers 
Other Options: Washington-Toronto, Atlanta-Montreal, Anaheim-Nashville, Los Angeles-St. Louis, Vancouver-Dallas 
What to Do: Keep this one too.
Mar. 30 - New Jersey vs. NY Rangers and Dallas vs. Phoenix 
Other Options: None in that timeslot.
Mar. 31 - Chicago vs. Montreal 
Other Options: Tampa-Boston, Nashville-Columbus, Ottawa-Florida, Vancouver-Minnesota.
What to Do: Nothing.  This is the perfect "Get me psyched for the playoffs" match-up.
Apr. 6 - Detroit vs. Buffalo 
Other Options: None Realistically.
Apr. 7 - Dallas vs. Minnesota and Colorado vs. San Jose 
Other Options: Early on there's Toronto-Jersey, Montreal-Rangers, Florida-Philly, Isles-Carolina, Washington-Atlanta, Boston-Ottawa, Pittsburgh-Tampa, Chicago-Nashville.  Late night: St. Louis-Phoenix.
What to Do: Early on, maybe take a shot on the Boston game, as Ottawa could be crawling back to life, and you could showcase the Bruins for the players.
Have a great day, and I hope you'll check me out at Puck the Media sometime. 

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


Kevin is out of town, so holding down the fort will be Ryan and a star studded cast of guest posters who will be stopping throughout the week. Please welcome your overlord for the day, [The Pensblog].

Anyway, that should be it. I'm headed out in the morning. Hopefully I'll come back a multimillionaire and be able to retire by Sunday. Thanks again!


A few weeks ago, on this very website there was a post about oneliners from David Caruso of CSI Miami.

We loved the idea so much, we stole it of course.
For those who have never heard of David Caruso's oneliners, they come from the show CSI-Miami.
At the beginning of every show, the head of the Miami CSI, David Caruso gives a cheesy oneliner.
The video of endless oneliners is one of the most viewed youtubes of all time:

So we asked a bunch of our readers to send some photoshops in using a template one of our readers found last year.

Enjoy. And feel free to stop over to our site today and vote for your favorite.

Click to enlarge.