Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Some Guy's Concussion Brought to You By Ranch and Home

(Read with a ridiculous country accent.)

Well folks down here at good ol' Ranch and Home we're all about the tough stuff. We like to get our hands dirty, roll around a bit and then go home and have a nice dinner with lots of meat. Always lots of tough, manly meat for dinner.

Whoa there! Looks like I was getting a bit off track, huh? Well, here at Ranch and Home, we're all about getting down and dirty. Work hard. Play hard. That's why we sponsored this here hit. It's more of a destruction than a hit, but you get the idea. Enjoy, folks! And remember, whether you're on the ice or in one of our stores, keep your head up!

/Ridiculous country accent

h/t Wyshynski at Yahoo

Sean Avery is Hospitalized

As per McErlain at FanHouse:

Just about an hour ago, the news hit the wires that New York Rangers winger Sean Avery had been transported to a Manhattan hospital overnight after suffering from cardiac arrest. Now TSN is reporting the why: A lacerated spleen:

Sean Avery has a lacerated spleen and will be out the remainder of the season, sources tell TSN.

The source went on to say that the laceration was detected with a CT scan after Avery was taken to hospital following the Game 3 with the Penguins.

The New York Rangers expect Avery to make a full recovery in the off-season.

The FanHouse guys are going to be all over this, so stayed tuned to them as the story develops.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Feeny Update: Probably Not Him, But That Guy Sure Knows How to Get Attention

Turns out I wasn't the only person in the world that likes Principal Feeny from Boy Meets World. That post last week got a pretty big response and thanks to my Mom as well as diligent commenters, I now know that he was the voice of the car in Knight Rider (old enough to remember that show) and in the play/movie 1776 (not cultured old enough to remember that).

So here's another shot of the Feenster from Yahoo's NHL blog and I think it's pretty safe to say that it's not him.

That definitely just looks like some old guy with a sign. I'm pretty sure it's not Feeny. But, even though he is not Principal Feeny, that does not make him any less of an old guy with a sign. He's still cool in my book. Except for the part about being a Flyers fan. But otherwise, still cool.

And now that we have figured out the mystery, we can move on to more pressing matters. Maybe that guy is out there somewhere reading this post or one of the other ones out there on the internets. Old Guy with a Sign, if you're reading this, get yourself on camera with a sign that says "Messier Sucks." I will be forever grateful. You can, of course, use funnier variations on that phrase. In fact, that would certainly get you some bonus points. So if you're reading this, God speed and you can do it. The Mullet believes in you.

Oh, and one more thing before I forget. Some people have been asking where Topanga (Danielle Fishel) from Boy Meets World is. Today, we reveal the mystery.

Turns out she's a Nutrisystem spokesperson (isn't everyone these days?) and... in funnier news... might have turned Lance Bass gay.

Well, You Caught Me

The Wiki ball of knowledge!
(C) Wikipedia

If you'll excuse me, I'd like to interrupt the silence for a moment.

If you can remember all the way back to Friday (it's hard, I know), you will remember a post about the defamation of Barry Melrose's Wikipedia page. Some angry Flyers fan or something (I wasn't generalizing all of them by the way!) wrote a whole bunch of crap on it. I'm now happy to report that it has since been removed and things over there are back to normal. So please put down the nooses and step away from the ledges, everything is going to be OK. I promise.

There's also one more thing that I'd like to point out, as uncovered by Ryan over at the Victoria Times.

The "Tipster" to whom Kevin at BMR refers is actually himself. He reads Barry Melrose's Wiki entry daily.

Well, you got me. Not the first part -- there really was a tipster -- but the second part. I do, in fact, read his Wikipedia page from top to bottom everyday when I wake up. Before I brush my teeth but after I shower. Hey, you gotta stay up to date, right? Right??

Saturday, April 26, 2008

It's loltextonphotos Time

Do you get the sense that my mind is fried from this week?

Friday, April 25, 2008

Crap Like This Will Not Be Tolerated

Thanks to a tipster, I have found out about an injustice taking over our Wikipedias at this hour. Apparently, some Flyers fan out there is a little pissed that Barry Melrose isn't crying foul for the Flyers over a play that happened last night. So, in retaliation, said fan is taking it to Melrose's Wikipedia page. Because that's a logical conclusion. I'm also still trying to figure out what point it is supposed to prove. More on that later. That is, if I can figure it out.

From Wikipedia:

Barry Melrose (born July 15, 1956 in Kelvington, Saskatchewan) is a former hockey player, coach, and general manager, and is currently a commentator for ESPN. He is a poor commentator with no edge. He completely ignored the outrageous call on the Flyers in game one of their series on 25-April-2008. He has given up the right to fight for what is right, simply because he wants to keep his sweet job.

Folks, we simply cannot let idiots like this run our internets. If there's an outrageous call, I don't see why a commentator can be blamed. They're allowed to agree or disagree. Since when did we stop haggling the referees?!?

Oh and next time you want to pull a fast one like this, you should probably check your dates. The Flyers didn't play tonight. Idiot.

Cause It's Friday...

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Your Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Second Round Preview

Yeah, I dug up this picture AGAIN.
John M. Heller/Getty/Yahoo Sports

The second round of the NHL playoffs start tonight, also known at the semis, and we might as well talk about it. No use in having an elephant in the room, right? Actually, that analogy doesn't really apply here, but what it does do is fill space in the intro.

I've already made my picks for the entire playoffs, but since those got destroyed in the first round, I'll readjust them a little bit as we go along.

So enjoy the games tonight, folks. I know it was hard to go an entire day without hockey, but after that long and arduous night (I slept two hours and that was because I huddled in the corner), we can all settle down and watch some hockey!

(1) Detroit Red Wings vs. (6) Colorado Avalanche
What you need to know:
  • No playoffs are complete if they don't feature an Avs/Wings matchup at some point.
  • Can someone find Patrick Roy and bring him back for this series?
  • The Avs are your Overlords of the Known Universe.
  • The banning of octopi throwing does not please Red Wings fans.
  • These teams haven't met in the playoffs since 2002.
  • The Avs are 3-2 in playoff series against the Wings since they moved to Denver in 1996.

In a nutshell:
Wow. I don't think playoff hockey gets any bigger than this. If you're wondering why I say this, then you should probably check out this link. They haven't met in the playoffs in quite sometime, but these teams still don't like each other. There are also a lot of players left over from when these two teams used to beat the hell out of each other every spring. Sure, they're different teams now despite some similarities, but I still think this series is going to kick some series tail. Hell, it's at least better than a Nashville/Minnesota matchup... Unless, of course, you're a fan of those teams. But for the rest of us, this is going to be fun to watch for the next two weeks.

The call:
Wings in five. While they are talented, I don't think that this Avs team is going to be able to compete. It won't be a washout -- far from it -- but I'll take the Wings in six. Their defense and goaltending are just too good.

(2) San Jose Sharks vs. (5) Dallas Stars
What you need to know:
  • OK, now we have actually bullet points for this series. They will be just as subpar as all the others.
  • Give the puck to JR. All the time. I don't think I need to say any more.
  • The over/under on bloggers using Debbie Does Dallas references during this series is set at 600.
  • Mike Modano is all that is man.
  • This series makes my head hurt (read on for that explanation).

In a nutshell:
This series... I have no clue how it's going to end up. The Sharks were my Stanley Cup pick, and they had to fight tooth and nail through seven games with Calgary, getting by thanks to a little help from a friend (JR). This series bewilders me. The Sharks were the hottest team in the league coming into the playoffs, while the Stars were the coldest. How the Sharks almost didn't get to this point and the Stars took out the defending champs fairly handily, I have no idea. I'm just really, really confused so I think I'm going to sit down, be quiet and let this series unfold as it will.

The call:
I'm taking the Sharks, and that's only because I'm sticking with my Stanley Cup pick. No flip flopping here. In how many games, you ask? I'll say seven. I have no idea.

(1) Montreal Canadiens vs. (6) Philadelphia Flyers
What you need to know:
  • Daniel Briere is the real deal.
  • Does anyone out there known if the dancing guy is still getting his groove on in Philly?
  • No Flyers got suspended during their first round series... Did anyone else not see that coming?
  • The first round was a coming out party for the Kostitsyn brothers.
  • Battles to watch: Carey Price vs. Marty Biron. Whoever wins this battle will likely win the series.
  • Will we have another George Feeny sighting?
In a nutshell:
I wrote up a series preview for this one over at Fanhouse this morning. If you're looking for a more indepth response, that would be something you should check out. Here's how I look at this series. Both these teams have great offenses. There's not much separation there. There are, however, three main keys to the series.
1) How will the Habs stand up to Philly's physical style of play?
2) As said, the winner will likely also be the winner of the goaltender battle.
3) Special teams will be a HUGE factor.

During the regular season, these were the #1 and #2 teams in the league when they had the man advantage. Montreal's power play was a little rusty in round one, while the Flyers were running on all cylinders. The PP/PK units are going to go a long way in deciding this one.

The call:
Sticking with what I said at Fanhouse, I'll take the Habs in seven.

(2) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (5) New York Rangers
What you need to know:
  • These are two Atlantic division rivals who both housed their first round opponents.
  • It's hard for me to root for either of these teams, so I'll root against both of them.
  • Sean Avery gets to hang around for at least a few more games. That's going to be worth at least 7 posts next week.
  • Pensblog should be epic during this series. Do us proud boys.
  • For all your Rangers needs, there's Scotty Hockey.
  • Jaromir Jagr is looking a little creepy these days.
  • WWGRD?
In a nutshell:
It's hard for me to say much on this one. I don't like either of these teams. I do, however, like their bloggers. Obviously the Pens goaltending is going to be something to keep an eye on in this series as it has been all year long. Whether or not Jagr shows up will also be a major factor in determining a winner.

The call:
Sigh... I guess I sort of have to pick a winner here. If you put a gun to my head (please don't, by the way) I would take the Rangers in six. I don't know. Don't ask.

Double M to JR: "Im Not Your Buddy, Guy"

JR's return to BMR went pretty well last night, and I certainly got some feedback from you all about it. I've forwarded the emails along to him where appropriate, but there's one that stuck out that I just had to show you all. You guys and girls are awesome, but let's face it, none of us are actual NHL players. Well guess what... Today I got an actual, completely real, not faked at all*, email from one of the game's greats. I couldn't believe it, but the proof is in the pudding.

Remember, it's completely legit. No smoke and mirrors here cause this place is all about being serious. No jokes. No fun. No BS.


Date: Wed, 23 Apr 2008 00:33:25 -0400
From: ##############
Subject: A message for JR

Dear JR,

You sure have got some nerve, man. You think you're soooo special don't you? With all those puck bunnies trying to act all cool. I get it, man. You're macho. You think you're God's gift to hockey. You probably listen to Nickelback and call everyone 'bra' too. Whatever.

I'm the best American born hockey player. Ever.

Think about that for a second. I bet your little brain can't figure it out. You should probably ask your NHL 94 character what that means. That thing had way better skills than you ever will, and he was probably smarter too.

I don't even know why I'm wasting my time here. We'll settle this out on the ice, like men. Well... I'll settle it like a man, but I'm sorry that I can't say the same for you.

Oh yeah, and for the record... In the immortal words of South Park, I'm not your buddy, guy!!!!

Best of luck, (You're gonna need it!!)

Double M


I don't know about you folks, but it looks like we've got a rivalry a brewin'! I, for one, can't wait to see how this series unfolds.

* - OK, completely faked.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Stastny, Avs Retain Title of Universal Overlords (Better Late Than Never, Right?)

AP/Andy King

You'll have to bear with me on this one, as it's more than a few days old. It was a long weekend and I have a few things I need to catch up on.

I just wanted to take a moment to congratulate Paul Stastny and the Colorado Avalanche on retaining their title as champions of the universe. For a few days, it looked like we were in for quite a battle (epic, you might say). The Wild led the series 2-1 after three games, with all three games being decided in overtime. Things changed quite a bit when the Wild got blown out of the building in Game Four, 5-1.

It seems pretty safe to say that was the game that completely shifted the series. The Avs went up 3-0 in the first and proceeded to pad the lead, making it 5-0 during the second period. It was in that period and the third where the Wild completely lost it. And I mean they really went off the deep end. 14 power plays later, the Avs would hold on for the victory. Sure, the next two games were close, but it's hard to deny that the Wild weren't totally themselves after the debacle of Game Four. The series concluded way back on Saturday night (if you can remember that far back), and we're unbelievably late in talking about this. But given that the battle this season was so epic, and my fondness for this matchup runs deep, it had to be given it's due.

So here's a thanks to the Wild and Avs who made this season that much more enjoyable. And also to you, Paul Stastny, for the contributions you made to my fantasy team helped carry us to the title. Even if you get destroyed against the Red Wings, you can still take solace in that!

You Little Weasels Thought I Was Done Didn't You? BAHAHA

Special thanks to BMR San Jose Bureau Chief Liz E.

I haven't talked to you pasty faced little bloggers in a long time. Five months or something, right? You've probably been sitting around going "boooooo hoooo when is JR going to talk to us again?? boooooo hoooo!" Just crying yourself to sleep every night. Sitting in the corner, rocking yourselves back and forth wondering when I'll grace you with my presence again. Sad bunch you are.

Despite what you may think, ol' JR still has some compassion left in him. You all look up to him, so he feels bad that you're sitting at home in front of the computer wondering how he scored four points and the first star in Game Seven against Calgary in between your visits to porn sites and TMZ. So I'm back bitches. I'm here to put you on notice. Hell, I'm putting the whole damn NHL on notice.

The Sharks are making a run and I'm right putting them on my back. Scratch me for Game Six Ron Wilson? You're an idiot. We wouldn't have had to play Game Seven if I had been in the lineup. If I had played in Six, the Flames wouldn't have even shown up. That's what they did tonight. Miikka Kiprusoff? More like ran home crying to his mommy. Or maybe that was Mike Keenan. They sure looked the same.


JR owns you Miikka. Don't you forget it. In fact, JR owns Jarome Insignificant and all of Calgary. Ha but why stop there? JR could take down all of Canada if he wanted. Riots in Montreal? That's nothing compared to the firestorm that swept through HP Pavilion tonight.

Two goals. Two assists. Four points. First star of the game.

Was there even another game tonight? Did the Flyers win a hockey game tonight?

They did?

Yea well nobody cares. Not when this show is playing in San Jose.

Hey Modano, if you're reading this, you're next buddy. Prepare for the best there ever was, the best there is and the best there ever will be.


Tuesday, April 22, 2008

How Not to Respond When You Almost Lose to the Eighth Seed in the First Round

I mean, jeez. At least act like you've won 24 Stanley Cups.

Mr. Feeny? Is That You?

I'm not sure how many of you out there are familiar with the 90s TV show Boy Meets World. If you're not, just bear with me here. Take the following picture from Monday night's Caps/Flyers game.

Bruce Bennett/Getty Images/Yahoo Sports

Now, zoom in on the guy with the sign.

No, no. A little to the right.

Wait... Oh my God! Can it be? Principal Feeny is a Flyers fan!

(OK, he wears glasses on the show, but I couldn't find a better picture. So just imagine he's wearing glasses.)

The Daily Sniper: Well, That Sure Was Swift and Decisive

Dave Sandford/Getty Images/Yahoo Sports

So after some great battles, we all expected a no holds barred adrenaline fueled thrill ride of destruction for tonight's Game Seven in the Montreal/Boston series. Hoo. Yeah. Not so much.

The Canadiens were backed to their old tricks, reminding me of Habs teams from back in the day, as they sent the Bs packing, 5-0. The Kostitsyns were off the chain in this one, accounting for three of the teams goals. Carey Price stopped 25 and earned the shutout and the Habs held the Bruins to an 0-for-6 margin on the powerplay. It only took seven games, but the two teams finally played the type of game I thought they would. With any luck, it was bound to happen at some point I guess.

Elsewhere, the Capitals pulled off a Bruins-like comeback to send the series to a decisive seventh game Tuesday night. The only difference here is that unlike the Bs, the Caps will have home ice advantage in Game Seven. What was a 2-2 game heading into the third ended when Alex Ovechkin decided to show up and play. He scored twice, his second and third goals of the playoffs, to power the Caps to a 4-2 victory. Danny Briere scored again, but hold the phone on praising him, he was -3 on the night. I guess it is kind of impressive, being on the ice for all four Caps goals and all. Not really the idea, though.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Marty Brodeur is Not Above Sean Avery

You know, of all the people in the world who I thought might be the mature one -- who might take the high road -- when it comes to a spat with Sean Avery, I thought Marty Brodeur would be on that list. From my distant perspective, he has always seemed like a pretty classy guy. And then, well, he does something small yet significant. He skipped shaking Avery's hand after the Rangers/Devils series ended last night after Game Five. Now, I'm not going to lay into Marty. This isn't anything really significant or world changing. Hell, can you really blame him?

It's just that sometimes, when you least expect it, people don't do what you think they are going to do. I guess I just figured Brodeur was going to take everything in stride, how he had pretty much been doing throughout the series. I figured he wouldn't stoop to Avery's level. But I'm torn here, after all he was dealing with Sean Avery and it's hard to blame him.


Speaking of Seans... I'd also like to add that friend of the blog Sean Leahy has come on board as part of Yahoo! Sports' new hockey blogging extravaganza. Best of luck to Sean and the folks over at Yahoo.

The Daily Sniper: Two Down, Six to Go

Last year I wrote the Daily Sniper each day, which covered all the games from the night before. It took up all too much time and wasn't really that fun. But because it's playoff time and there are uber games to keep up with, I'm going to give it another shot. Hopefully this goes better than Van Wilder 2... It might be semi-daily, but it'll be around for a bit.

NY Rangers vs. New Jersey, Game Five (NYR 5, NJD 3), Rangers win series, 4-1

Somewhere, Jon Bon Jovi weeps.

The New Jersey Devils did not close out the Prudential Center how they would have liked last night. Instead of a conference of Stanley Cup championship, they became the second team eliminated from the playoffs. The Rangers stormed out to a 3-1 lead after one period in this game and never looked back.

Five different Rangers scored and arguably the most important Ranger had a heck of a night. Jaromir Jagr had a goal and an assist, giving him seven points in his last three games and eight in the series. Sean Avery and Marty Brodeur's never ending saga continued, but I'll have more on that later today.

Now the Rangers will have a few days to sit back and watch the rest of the action in the Eastern Conference. If the other series finish up as they are right now, with Montreal and Philadelphia leading, the Rangers will take on the Pittsburgh Penguins in the second round.

Detroit vs. Nashville, Game Five (DET 2, NSH 1 OT), Detroit leads series, 3-2

I apologize to you in a public forum and this is what you do with it?

Last night the Red Wings and Predators decided to play over-time, but they almost didn't need it. The game headed into the extra session tied at one, and fans hunkered down to prepare for what could be a long night. Nashville netminder Dan Ellis stood on his head, having recorded 52 saves up to that point. But one more goal by Detroit and the herculean effort would be for nothing.

One minutes and 48 seconds later, that would be the case. Johan Franzen scored to give the Red Wings the win and a lead in the series. But the real story is Ellis' effort. Ellis will become a UFA this summer, picking the best possible time to shine. He has a .937 save percentage in the series and averages 37 saves per game. Those are some sick nasty numbers, folks.

Anaheim Ducks vs. Dallas Stars, Game Five (ANA 5, DAL 2), Dallas leads series, 3-2


The Ducks sure didn't stop believing, extending their season for at least one more night. They earned a victory in a must-win game on home ice. There's no better way to please the fans. Well, there are, but this is probably acceptable for now. In this Western Conference matchup, much like the last, a goalie carried his team to victory. JS Giguere stopped 40 pucks for the Ducks, allowing only two to get by him while four different Ducks put a puck past Marty Turco (Todd Marchant scored on an empty net, you see).

Anaheim faces another do or die in Game Six, which will be in Dallas on Sunday night. The Stars need to wrap this series up Sunday, otherwise the series would move back to Anaheim for Game Seven. That's the last thing you could want if you're the Stars.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

An Apology to Boston (and Nashville Can Come Too)

All apologies.

On April 9th, I said the following about the Bruins/Habs series in my Playoff Preview:

can we give Montreal a bye here? The Bruins offense is horrible, the Habs offense is outstanding and if they play any defense this series will be over by Friday.

I also said the following, less offensive, sentence about the Wings and Predators first round matchup:

Detroit in four. Moving on...

On April 14th, I got the following email from reader Jon H.

First of all. You do a hell of a job. My friends are I love your blog, keep up the great work.
Secondly, you called for the Bruins to basically be giving a bye to the Habs! I agree that Montreal has killed us all season, but man, we outplayed and outclasses them [in Game Two], and beat them [in Game Three]. The arena hasn't been that electric in a LONG time. There is NOTHING like playoff hockey. Take notice man, this B's team isn't flashy, hell they can be downright boring. However, they are tough, and if they work hard can play with anyone. This is exactly the kind of team Boston fans love. If we win tomorrow, things could get very very interesting. Then I'll expect an apology!
Seriously though, keep up the great work, love your work.
Go B's!

Last night, April 16th, the Predators won to tie the first round series at two games a piece.

Tonight, April 17th, the Bruins won with their backs up against the wall. In Montreal. By a large margin. The game ended 5-1 and sent the series back to Boston, giving the Bruins an opportunity to tie the series up.

I figured I'd mention this, as I'm really impressed with how both of these teams are playing right now. They've proven me wrong and more power to 'em. That's why they play the games. That's also why I don't get paid to predict the future. Now if only I could get my crystal ball tuned up.

The Daily Sniper: Ottawa is Now Soaked in Regret and Remorse

Last year I wrote the Daily Sniper each day, which covered all the games from the night before. It took up all too much time and wasn't really that fun. But because it's playoff time and there are uber games to keep up with, I'm going to give it another shot. Hopefully this goes better than Van Wilder 2... It might be semi-daily, but it'll be around for a bit.

Phillip MacCallum/Getty Images/Yahoo Sports

Pittsburgh vs. Ottawa, Game Four (PIT 3, OTT 1)

How sweep it is. See what I did there? Get it?!?

To complete a collapse that can only be described as "shamu-like," the Penguins finally put the Senators out of their misery. In one of the worst falls from grace in recent memory, the Sens went from first place in the Eastern Conference on February 23rd and dropped to seventh, only to be swept in the first round. To make matters worse, or maybe raise the demand for anti-depressants in Southern Ontario, the Sens lost their final game on home ice. And boy, does the irony run deep there.

Prior to the game, the team placed a poster of two teams shaking hands after last year's series (which the Sens won) outside the Pens dressing room. Wow, does that look like a poor decision now. I don't mean to get into politics, but I think that decision makes President Bush look like Albert Einstein right about now. Last night a new photo was taken, and I think it's safe to say that the Pens may post it outside of their locker room. And they'll have about a week to do it, as the sit back, relax and get healthy while the competition beats each others' heads in. Congrats to Pittsburgh and the folks over at Pensblog, may you annihilate the Rangers in the next round (Woo I can say that! I don't have to worry about journalistic standards!).

Detroit vs. Nashville, Game Four (NSH 3, DET 2)

I may owe Tennessee some apologies.

If you can remember as far back as a week ago (I know, it might be tough but give it a shot), you will probably remember my Ultra Super Mega Gigantic Playoff Preview In Store Spectacular. In that, I basically gave the Predators no shot. Hoo. Well. About that.

After last night's game, it sure seems like I gave the Preds some bulletin board material, cause right now they're the ones hanging tough with the big dogs. Despite getting outshot 41-27, the Preds took Game Four at home to tie the series. Dan Ellis stood on his head once more, yet again proving that a stud goaltender is always a requirement if you want to make it out of the first round. Detroit's reeling a bit, the Preds are on a roll. Who would have thunk? Oh right, not me. Crap.

New Jersey vs. NY Rangers, Game Four (NYR 5, NJD 3)

The evil empire wins yet again...

In the highest scoring game of the night (8 goals! My God!), the Rangers took a commanding 3-1 series lead on their cross-river rivals. Amazing, Sean Avery made no news whatsoever. When I took a look at the boxscore, there was one big surprise. Get this -- Patrick Elias, who was a +10 on the season had two goals tonight but finished -3. To do that, now that is skill. It's also why the Devs are in a hole going back to the swamp.

That's Not Unbelieveably Creepy... No. Not at all.

I mean... Um... Well. Yeah. I'll just let the announcer explain this one.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

The Truman Show on Ice?

Boy, it sure seems like the media can't keep it's collective hands, I mean cameras, off of Sean Avery. Seriously it seems like everything this guy does is recorded and then dissected to the point of absurdity. I can only imagine that pisses him off more.

Anyway, this latest bit was reported on by FanHouse earlier today. Cameras apparently caught Avery re-enacting his weekend antics and when he realized it, he threw some birds out. Given all the attention he gets, I think it would be more appropriate for Avery to change his name to Truman Burbank or Britney Spears. The media attention he garners sure seems to equal that at times. And yes, this blogger admits that he falls into the category of Avery Stalker sometimes too.

I would label this NSFW, but I guess if it's on the local news, it's OK.

If He is this Mad About the Wild, Imagine How He Felt About Hockey Before the Lockout

Jacques Lemaire... Lookin' creepy...
Doug Pensinger/Getty Images/Yahoo Sports

Mark Kiszla has an interesting article over at the Denver Post trashing on the Wild and their style of play. I'm too far removed from this series to agree or disagree with it, but my buddy Ryan from the Vic Times isn't and he sure isn't fond of the article.

For what it's worth, I'll throw my .02 into the ring. I'm not an expert to begin with, and far be it from me to know the ins and outs of the Western Conference, but I can't figure out what Kiszla is trying to prove here. Sure, the Wild play a tough, physical style but isn't that typical of Western Conference hockey these days? That's not a rhetorical question either. I'm pretty certain it's the case, but as always, correct me if I'm wrong. I also want to know where this complaining was before Game Three. Was Kiszla this pissed about the whole rest of the season? I mean, jeez, imagine how he must have felt about all the clutching, grabbing, trapping and other assorted BS that was rampant in the NHL prior to the lockout. Hopefully he's not another fanboy like Don Brennan. I have no idea. This, my friends and Western Conference experts (I know you're out there!) is for you to decide.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

My Retinas are Burning

Maybe it's my monitor, but don't those orange shirts seem a little bright?

Bruce Bennett/Getty Images/Yahoo Sports

Oh, and the Flyers won tonight.

The Undead Rejoice, if Only for a Night

NHL Tournament of Logos

Last night, the Nashville Predators finally broke though and got a win against the Detroit Red Wings in their first round series. The Wings still lead 2-1, with Game Four taking place on Wednesday night in Nashville.

An interesting storyline to the series is the undead's support of the Predators -- not to be confused with the Grateful dead. I don't know a lot about this team, but I can tell you that zombies absolutely love them. They're practically the reason that the team is still in Nashville right now and not playing somewhere more, how do I say, Canadian. Zombies vowed to dismember and eat the team's front office staff if the team moved this season, giving way to the Preds staying put in Nashville. There's no telling what will happen once the season is over, but for now, zombie nation still has hope.

If Detroit holds on and wins this series, well, I think it's safe to say the city would need a New Orleans-esque evacuation. Just imagine 10,000 zombies descending on the Detroit Metro area. Not a pretty thought. But thus is the price of success.

For any readers currently residing in Michigan, remember that it is always best to remove the head or destroy the brain.

This Battle is Indeed Epic

Doug Pensinger/Getty Images/Yahoo

I've done quite a disservice to our Midwestern readers lately. There's a heck of a series going on between the Rockies and the Mississippi and I have yet to really touch on yet. Well, consider it touched.

All year long the Minnesota Wild and Colorado Avalanche have battled it out for the fate of the known universe. It's been epic, no doubt. Back in November, we thought it was all over, with Paul Stastny and the Avs taking home the title of Universal Overlords. I regret to inform you that on that fateful day in November, I may have spoken too soon. Far be it from me to know that they would have met in the first round of the playoffs, and in such competitive fashion. Just like any good TV show, just when you though it was over, here they are back for another round. After watching the first three games of the series, all of which went to overtime mind you, it's easy to see that both these teams know exactly what is up for grabs.

So, let it be known that a great battle is taking place tonight in the American heartland (does Denver qualify as heartland?). The fate of the known universe is once again at stake and if we awake tomorrow morning in a world of molten lava and fire breathing velociraptors, we'll know why. The media will probably blame global warming, but we will all know the truth.

Monday, April 14, 2008

To Calgary, with Love

Mike Ridewood/Getty Images/Yahoo Sports

After watching tonight's Flames/Sharks game, it's safe to say that I wish I was back in Calgary right now. This game had absolutely everything you could want in a playoff game -- a ton of early goals, big hits, JR and of course, a big time comeback.

And all of a sudden the San Jose Sharks, a Stanley Cup pick of many a hockey fan -- including this one -- is down 2-1 with another game left on the road.

The Flames went down 3-0 in the first three minutes of this one, with two goals from clutch performer Ryan Clowe. This led to an itch on Mike Keenan's trigger finger, as he pulled Miikka Kiprusoff after the stud netminder (and former Shark) made two saves on only five shots in about three minutes of play. Meanwhile, the CBC announcers tried to keep viewers interested by throwing out the usual lines and cliches. They talked about how a 3-0 first period lead is one of the most dangerous in hockey. Teams get complacent. Teams stop playing. No way, I thought. These are the Sharks. These are the Sharks on the road. This one is over and then some. The question of the hour was without a doubt, how high will this go? 7 goals? 8?

Whoa. As Lee Corso says, not so fast my friend. A few hours, four goals and 22 CuJo saves later, the Flames had pulled out an impressive 4-3 victory in front of the home fans at Pengrowth Saddledome. The Flames helped put the icing on a day that was by far the most entertaining of the playoffs so far. Three of the four games today were decided by one goal. Three of four were won by the lower seed. Two games went to overtime. It just didn't get any better than this.


And here's one more highlight reel play that made me jump out of my computer chair and yell incoherent sentence fragments... It's Calgary's Cory Sarich absolutely smoking San Jose's Patrick Marleau. This play took place early in the first after the Sharks put up three quick ones and it certainly helped to turn the momentum in favor of the home Flames. The hit left Marleau's nose and eye bloodied, the eye was injured earlier in the game, and when the telecast put a picture of the bloody Marleau on the screen, you knew the final 57 minutes weren't going to be as easy as the first three were for San Jose.

Thanks to illegal curve for putting it up on the YouTubes so promptly.

Hockey is Not the Only Sport Plagued By Random Interruption

Jim Rogash/Getty Images/Yahoo Sports

Let's talk baseball and FOX for a minute here.

Here's the scenario: You're watching MLB on FOX yesterday afternoon. After a rain delay, the Yankees/Red Sox game is finally back on. The Yankees are down by one but are batting in the 9th inning. There are two outs. Robinson Cano is batting and the count is 3-2. The bases weren't loaded, but that would have been too perfect.

At that moment, FOX cuts to a NASCAR race. You have to frantically find FOX's sibling, FX, to see what happens in the baseball game. As you angrily curse the heavens, what is your next course of action?

A) Throw your remote through the TV and then cry when you realize you can't find FX because your TV is busted.

B) Torch FOX's corporate headquarters.

C) Remind yourself that it's not that big a deal because it's just baseball in April.

There's not really a right answer here, it really depends on who you are. Baseball fans will likely opt for A, while hockey fans take C and B is left for the anarchists. Different people will have different answers, but I'm sure those folks over in Baseball land aren't too happy right about now. If I know a thing or two about baseball, and I like to believe I do, Yankee fans and Red Sox fans are two of the largest and most passionate fanbases in American sports. If I know a thing or two about sports programs being preempted, and I know all of us hockey fans do, these are two really, really ticked off fanbases right now.

Now I'm a firm believer in karma. Greg Zanon should be too after yesterday's game. You shouldn't get too worked up about things because, in the end, things tend to unfold as they should and everyone gets what's coming to them. After a nice shot across the bow this week from MLB, I think it's ironic that FOX pulled the sport off the air, just like it was a hockey game (remember this time last year and NBC?).

The money quote from Mychael Urban, resident closed minded writer for
Does the U.S. media have an East Coast bias? Sure. Our country was founded there, as were all of the big-time sports leagues. (Save your e-mails, hockey fans. We’re aware that the NHL was founded in Canada. We’re also aware that you aren’t “big-time” until your TV ratings top those of “Golden Girls” reruns on Lifetime.)
The low down on exactly what happened: FOX Cuts Away From Baseball for NASCAR...Hockey Fans Smile

And yes, despite the barbs, I do feel bad for all the disappointed baseball fans out there. It's one thing to get preempted for horse racing. It's another thing altogether when you are replaced by NASCAR. That's a really low blow.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Oh and We've Got a Donneybrook!

Yo it's over at the FanHouse. Check it, vanilla face.

/ End Borat Reference

Saturday, April 12, 2008


A gem from Check out the rest of their feature.

Joe Sakic and Harry Connick Jr... Twins?

Friday, April 11, 2008

Why Do YouTube Fan Jocks All Sound the Same?

My God, these guys are trying so hard to be funny and yet they're completely not. Their acting style also bears a striking resemblance to the 2 Man Advantage, although 2MA is... what are the words I'm looking for... oh yeah, hilarious and creative. Someone please explain to me why most YouTube jocks sound like these guys. You know, it's the "Hey! We're energetic, snarky and totally like you! We can do stuff that's totally off the cuff ! Just watch, we might do something crazy like play basketball in a field while riding lawnmowers!" shtick over and over again. To add to it, these guys don't even do anything to distinguish themselves from everyone else. They don't look different. They don't sound different. There's nothing that makes them unique and in internet marketing, you have got to differentiate.

I don't get what the appeal is. They're sponsored by Champion so they have some exposure and are completely bending over backwards for them. The premise of the show is to, you know, show and talk about other people's clips. Not even their own. Is that it? Man. This shit is legendary. Absolutely legendary. Kiege Ramsey is probably sitting in front of a computer somewhere completely ashamed.

I'd also like to add that this is precisely the reason that I don't do videos/podcasts. It sounds like a good idea, but I have a strange feeling they would all end up something like this. Call it the curse of the jock, if you will.

OK, that's two days in a row that I playa hated on someone. I'm done with the rants for a bit. Deep breaths... Deep breaths.


An absolutely brilliant post. I'm jealous of such mastery of the english language and an ability to explain and analyze the blogger/msm situation so well.

And there's also a great post on one of my all-time favorites, Kenny Mayne.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Errors and Omissions

I make mistakes. Lots of them. These are noted in the FanHouse comments section of my articles everyday. Most of the errors are either dumb (spelling, Freudian slips, etc) or accounted for thanks to all the diligent readers out there. I mean, if you can't hold me accountable for what I say, what good am I?

But some errors are more egregious. For those, posts like this one are needed. They keep our streets and blogs safe at night. They keep the rebels from raping our churches and burning our women. Today, I would like to acknowledge that one very bad error was made in regards to the Best Mullet in the Universe contest.

This is Tsuyoshi Nishioka.

He is a baseball player for the Chiba Lotte Marines in Japan. He has some ballin hair. In a tragic twist of fate, he was neglected and left out of the Best Mullet in the Universe competition. When we do this contest next year (and we will) Nishioka will have his fair shot at the title. For now, I would like to announce that Barry Melrose does not have the Best Mullet in the Universe, pending further review. He does, however, have the Best Mullet in North America. For that, he should be proud. Next year, we'll make sure everyone gets their fair shot. Right now, I'm FedExing an apology basket to Japan.* Please accept my apologies, Tsuyoshi. You'll get your chance at the title.

* - Not really, I'm not made of money. I would if I could, though. Apologies, however, are free.

An Embarrassment to the MSM

AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar

Today, I am going to write another chapter in the war between the MSM and bloggers. And yes, we can call it a war (of words). It's at that point.

Now we've all seen the articles. MSM journalists blogger-bashing and calling us all losers who are typing in our underwear from somewhere in the depths of our parent's basement. Or that we're no talent hacks that should stick to being fans. That's all well and good by me. This is America and people are entitled to their opinions. And you know what, to a certain extent they're right. There are a lot of bloggers that are fans first (and they make no bones about it) and like anything else in life, there are bloggers in the minority that don't represent the majority. I think you get the point.

But what really bugs me is hypocrisy.

When the MSM preaches about how they've gone to J-school and are so much more important because of it, that's fine. When the MSM calls bloggers no talent hacks that reek of fan bias, that's fine. There's one problem with all that, though. You see, when you say those things, boy you had better back them up. Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe this is just a case of someone in the minority not representing the upstanding majority. Tell me if I wrong because, unlike many newspapers, BMR has a comments section after every article. Oh, excuse me, post. But majority, minority, whatever. If the MSM's rules are to single out one person and make them a poster child for the whole, then I think I should be allowed to play by those rules as well.

So today, we examine Mr. Don Brennan of the Ottawa Sun. Why? Lately, with the hometown Sens facing the Pens in the playoffs, he has sounded more like a Senators fanboy or a crazed message boarder than an actual journalist.

Back on Tuesday, Mr. Brennan proposed -- and I kid you not -- that the Sens should go after Sidney Crosby and his injured right ankle. No, really. We've all seen the clips. Philadelphia unleashed a corps of goons on the NHL this year. Chris Pronger had a number of questionable elbows last spring. Then, of course, you can get into the McSorely and Bertuzzi debates. There have been a lot of plays in recent memory that led to serious injury and whether or not they were premeditated can be debated endlessly (or taken to court). For a journalist to not only endorse this behavior but to also ask for it? Is this some sort of sick joke? I sure hope it is.

The very banging and battering the Penguins wanted to avoid from the Flyers can serve as an equalizer in this series for the undermanned Senators. They just need to bring it. Schubert, Chris Neil, Martin Lapointe, Cody Bass, Shean Donovan, Mike Commodore and Anton Volchenkov will be key players for Ottawa.


Crosby's got a bad RIGHT ankle? How will it stand up to a two-hander? The Senators have to find out.

The Penguins obviously wanted Ottawa over the Broadstreet Bullies. The defending Eastern Conference champs should feel a great sense of disrespect. They should be insulted -- even more so than in being referred to as purse swingers -- and they should respond in kind.

As much as they will be looking for timely goaltending and scoring, the Senators need somebody to emerge as a modern-day Bobby Clarke. Maybe hockey historian Jason Spezza can explain to his teammates what the former Flyers captain did to Russian star Valeri Kharlamov when the latter had a bad ankle in the 1972 Summit Series.

It's playoff time. Anything goes.

Kharlamov, the USSR's star in that '72 Summit Series, took a slash to the ankle from Clarke and was unable to play in the final game of the series, which Canada won. Clarke, for what it's worth, was ordered by coach John Ferguson to take out Kharlamov's ankle. Clearly an upstanding example to follow.

If asking for players to go after an opposing star player's weak spot isn't the biggest case of homerism/being a fanboy/crazed message boarder -- whatever you want to call it -- then I don't know what to say. We all hear the rumors that this coached ordered his player to do this, and that team has a hit out on this guy, but to actually ask for and encourage this type of behavior is shameful. Especially from someone in a privileged position.

We all know the NHL is a violent sport. There is fighting. Injuries do occur. One thing the NHL is not is a sport where those sitting on the sidelines cry for blood. And this isn't even of a case of someone wanting to see a good fight. This is a case of someone wanting to see an opposing player injured. Look, I don't like Mark Messier. I don't like the Rangers. I've never hoped that any of them would get their jaw broken by a Chris Simon cheap shot. And for the record, I've never endorsed Chris Simon's on ice actions. They're despicable.

And if I need anyone to back me up on this, I can simply turn to another MSM outlet. ESPN actually took notice of Brennan's article, making it a topic of conversation on it's television show Around the Horn earlier this week. Yes ESPN, the American network that only pays attention to hockey when there's a big brawl or cheapshot, took notice of something a Canadian journalist had written. I couldn't believe it either. If you want to hear the podcast of it, click here and then skip ahead to the 14:00 mark of the 4/9 Episode of Around the Horn. Not surprisingly, even the journalists at ATH thought the column was a disgrace. The always divisive Mr. Jay Mariotti even said Mr. Brennan sounds like "a fan up in the stands." If the hockey novices at ESPN have a problem with it, then I rest my case.

At least I thought that's where I could rest my case. Thanks to Mr. Brennan, I've got a few more closing arguments. Mr. Brennan did us all a favor today, allowing us to dismiss him completely, with a response to his previously mentioned column. In his article summarizing Game One between the Sens and Pens last night, he put the icing on the cake, making himself look like a bully on an ego trip, all the while hiding up in the press box so he doesn't have to answer to Mr. Georges Laraque.

Seem to have created quite a media uproar with my win-at-all-costs way of thinking and suggestions that the Senators test Sidney Crosby's previously injured ankle by giving it a good whack, eh. We'll spare you details and instead focus on those we are all actually here to cover. Like 6-foot-3, 245-lb. Penguins enforcer Laraque, whom last week we heard Wild tough guy Derek Boogaard refer to as "freakishly strong." Big Georges, who was quoted as calling yours truly "stupid," had this gem yesterday when asked about Senators targeting Crosby's tender joint. "I thought Slapshot was a movie, not reality." And who didn't like that classic?

Spare us the details? Sounds to me like Mr. Brennan doesn't want to defend himself and his words. But that's OK, we don't need any explanation. Like Slapshot, he's one big joke.