Sunday, January 25, 2009

Ways to Make the NHL All Star Game full of WIN

As another all-Star game comes to us, I have seen many other bloggers saying things like "Oh man, it's so boring, I won't be watching it" or "who's gonna watch when most of the big stars aren't even there?" Fear not, as I have some suggestions to make the all Star game more like the all-AWESOME game:

1: Make it a drinking game
One of the main issues with the ASG is that it ends up being a shelling on goalies. To help mitigate this, I suggest the following set up: if you score a goal, you must shotgun a beer on ice before you can play again. If you assist on a goal, you must also shotgun. If you don't want to drink, taking two monster ("monster" as judged by Pierre McGuire) bong hits is also acceptable

2: Play naked
Mandatory coed teams, with players wearing only a helmet, gloves, skates and a cup (come on, we're all about safety in the NHL.)

3: Keep the trick shot competition, but have the players go down this with the goal at the bottom:

4: Adopt any event from American gladiators
Look, the ASG is just a gimmick anyway, so why not take inspiration from the most gimmicky thing ever, American Gladiators (even though Bill hicks would roll over in his grave Just adapt almost any Gladiators event to ice, but personally I think either Assault ("Contenders must avoid getting pelted by tennis balls being shot at them from a Gladiator by navigating a course filled with counter-strike weaponry like air cannons and cross bows. When a contender nails the target they not only get 10 points, but the Gladiator is launched at over 100 mph off his perch where he was firing balls, and sent into the water below.") or Snapback ("Contenders are hitched to a bungee cord at their backs, with Gladiators pulling the other end. On the whistle, the contenders try to race down their respective 50-foot lanes towards a scoring pod while the Gladiators provide resistance by pulling back on their bungee line. The farther they get down the runway, the more points they will receive. Their ultimate goal is to hit the buzzer at the end of their lane and launch the Gladiator ") would work the best.

Well, that's what I have. Any other suggestions can be left in the comments.


  1. 2: Play naked
    Only players under 40, unless Johnny Depp or George Clooney decides to play hockey.

  2. yanno, i forgot one:

    5: goalie dance offs, like this kid:

  3. Make Gary Bettman stand at Center Ice with a blindfold on the entire time.