Why Don't We Just Move Everything to Canada While We're At It?

Maybe I'm still a little peeved about the first round -- passing on Filatov is going to be a huge mistake -- but I'm sick of all the Canadian rhetoric. I'm not sick of it, I can't freaking stand it. Yes, I've been to Canada. Yes, the experience in a hockey setting is different. Yes, it's better. BUT -- and this is a big one -- there are venues in America that may be as good, if not better than some venues in Canada.

Buffalo comes to mind. Pittsburgh, Philly and Detroit are right up there.

Of course, you could just pick on the sunbelt teams or the ones with crappy attendance and tell them their fans are subpar. It's easy. But that's about as useful and intuitive as yelling at second graders for not understanding chemical engineering. We know, we've heard it a million times and it's not likely to change anytime soon. Nonetheless, some writers feel to drive this point home another 1,000 times.

"Draft belongs in Canada ... always"

Written by Damian Cristodero of Tampa Bay.com

Forget all that (though the Internet problems were so bad, league reps came by at the end of the night and apologized), Friday night's draft reminds that this event should always be held in Canada. No offense to Raleigh or Columbus or Nashville, all cities that recently had the draft, there's no comparison. Where in Raleigh there were mostly crickets in the seats, In Ottawa, the building was full of fans who just came to watch and cheer and boo.

When the Senators were introduced during the pre-draft role call, the place went wild and chanted Go Sens Go. On the other hand, when the hated Maple Leafs were introduced, the reaction was like someone turned on a switched as boos and catcalls deafened. Wayne Gretzky, the Coyotes coach and governor, got a two-minute standing ovation. Steve Yzerman, representing the Red Wings, was cheered as well. Commissioner Gary Bettman was booed, except when he was announcing trades, just the thought of which sent the fans again into cheers of anticipation. Bettman even seemed to get into it.

Holy crap?! So you're saying that fans in Canada boo Bettman? WHAT A REVELATION!!!

Well, funny story. Americans can do the same thing. About 3,000 fans at the Islanders draft party did exactly. The same. Thing.

They cheered the Islanders draft table (until they messed up Filatov). They booed Bettman and John Davidson. Wayne Gretzky drew cheers. The one guy in the crowd who had the guts to wear a Rangers jersey was booed and was a catalyst for the starting of anti-Ranger chants.

Small sample size, maybe. But I think it's a good indicator of what would happen if the draft were held in the right American city. American fans know their stuff. The building might not be full. It may be way less than full, but it doesn't make any of us dumber.

And please, try having the draft in Detroit, Pittsburgh, Buffalo, Philadelphia or New York City and tell me how that works out. I bet it would be a horrible experience. Absolutely terrible. At least there would be internet, right?

A Handy Guide for Beginners: Draft Tips

buckyhermit on flickr

It's been a long hiatus but the Handy Guides are finally back and just in time for today's NHL Draft in Ottawa! Everything you need to know about the draft is wrapped up into one neat little package.

If you're going to a draft party tonight or simply watching from the comfort of your couch, feel free to bring this along in case you have any questions. It should come in handy if you're not at a draft party because chances are you'll be watching it alone. Let's face it, even many hardcore hockey fans don't give a crap about the draft. But that doesn't mean you can't! If you're not sue what's going on, this guide will help you get your bearings. Enjoy!

Boo Gary Bettman everytime you see him. Every. Time. Heck, even when his name is mentioned make sure everyone knows how you feel. He's the least popular commissioner in sports (although Bud Selig is giving him a good run) and no large-scale NHL event is complete without some good ol' Bettman bashing. This is especially important for those of you who are actually at the draft. You're not just booing for yourselves, you're booing for all of us out there watching on television.

Ignore the anti-European bias. Folks, let's face facts. There's been an anti-euro bias in the NHL for years. People said they couldn't lead a team (Nicklas Lidstrom, anyone?). People said they fold in the clutch (Pavel Datsyuk? Henrik Zetterberg?). Maybe it's North America's way of propping itself up by putting down others or maybe it's good ol' fashioned bigotry. Who knows. Either way, many experts will make up crap about European players to make it seem as if they're not ready for the NHL. Sometimes even the teams buy into this fallacy, case in point Alexei Cherepanov's stunning drop at last year's draft. But you, my friend, are smarter than this. You understand that a hockey player is a hockey player no matter race, color, creed or favorite Power Ranger. You will see through the lies and not be upset when your team drafts a European in the first round.

If your team isn't picking in the Top 10, take a nap. It's going to be a while. You'll have enough time to catch some Z's or what have you before your team picks. Maybe you could even, I don't know, spend some time with your kids! BAHAHAHAH!! Kidding... I'm only kidding. Let's not go crazy here.

If your team is picking in the Top 10, don't sweat it (not valid for teams with Kevin Lowe as GM). Let's face it, this is really a crapshoot. Sure, Stamkos will probably be really good. Sure, there's going to be some gems out there. But the draft is the NHL's version of procrastination. By the time these guys are any good you're never going to remember how pissed you were that your team didn't select Joe Blow. Save yourself the ulcer now and don't sweat it. You're probably not going to remember this draft unless your team does something really boneheaded. And even then, you might be too drunk to remember. That brings me to my next point.

Don't drink while watching the draft. These kids are younger than you. They get to play a game for a living. They're going to make more money in their first NHL contract than you will in a decade. They probably get a lot of girls. Thinking about all of these things can be depressing. Unless you're well off yourself, you probably don't want to be ingesting any depressants during the draft. It's just, well, depressing.

Don't buy your playoff tickets Saturday morning. Just because your team drafted a stud in the five spot doesn't mean you're going to make a Boston Celtics-esque turn around next year. Get your head of the clouds and snap out of it. There's still a lot of work to be done before your crap team turns itself around. This draft is such a small part to the overall picture and has very few short term fixes. Get over the 18-year old wonder kid you just drafted and start thinking about free agency. No one in this draft is going to take you to the promised land next year. No one.

Mike Bossy is Sick of This Crap

Going Five Hole

For the last few years, the Islanders have reached out to their all-time greats to try and bring some life back into the organization, if only by means of public relations. Pat LaFontaine was brought back into the mix, although that didn't last too long and Mike Bossy has been doing all sorts of PR bits for the team.

Last night, Bossy was the team's representative at the draft lottery. If you read my earlier post, you know that didn't go so well for the Islanders. By the looks of things, Bossy didn't take it too well. To be honest, I think all this barely mediocre crap the Islanders have been pulling since the early 90s is beginning to wear thin on the Boss. Hey, it's hard to keep up beat when nothing ever goes your way and your organization screws it up even if it does go your way (COUGH Luongo COUGH). It could also be that Bossy was pissed that he was missing the NCAA championship game. That could be it.

Check out Going Five Hole for the full Bossy recap.

Figures.

1. Tampa Bay Lightning
2. Los Angeles Kings
3. Atlanta Thrashers
   
4. St. Louis Blues
5. New York Islanders
   

God, If You're Reading This, Please Make That Ball Bounce Long Island's Way

Today's the big day. It's the NHL draft lottery. It's being televised, all part of what I believe is a ploy by the Canadian media to milk the popularity of the Leafs for all it's worth. But that aside, this is the biggest day of the year for five cities. If you're confused, here's a great explanation from Andy Grabia and the Good Doctor. The short version is that only five teams have a shot at the number one pick. That's the five worst in the league, Los Angeles, St. Louis, Atlanta, Tampa and my Islanders. They were only one point clear of Columbus, so suck it Ohio.

The lottery takes place at 8pm and the results will be up here as soon as I can put them up.

One Ping Pong Ball to Rule Them All!

I'd just like to take the time today to update you all on the fate of the universe. Well, at least the fate of the universe as it applies to all the non-playoff bound teams. For the rest of you, there's that playoff thing. I don't really know what that's all about -- or care.

For those of you on my side of the fence which is, you know, the one where we all are looking like broke former millionaires searching desperately for that one winning lottery ticket that's going to change our lives forever, Monday is where it's at (+1 if you can follow that sentence).

"Why, what could possibly be so important about a Monday," you say. As it turns out, for those of us down on our luck and in search of that golden ticket, Monday is all about the draft. It's the draft lottery. The lottery is going to take place at 8 pm EST from NHL HQ in NYC and will decide which teams that are out of the playoffs will draft in which positions. Naturally, I'm excited. For those of you in Los Angeles, you're in luck. It turns out that you've got a 48.2% chance at getting that #1 pick. It may be a weak draft this year, but I couldn't give a rat's ass. This is all we've got going for us right now, and I'm damn well going to milk it for all it's worth!

The whole thing is going to be televised on TSN and Versus, all depending on which side of the 49th parallel you live on. This does beg one obvious question, will it be in HD?

And if you're looking for a serious, detailed explanation of how this all works, head on over to the Good Doctor.

Hey Kid; Do Yourself a Favor and Suck It Up

John Tavares does not like his precious childhood. Leader-Post/Bryan Schlosser

Meet John Tavares. John is your average (soon to be) 17 year old wonder kid. John has got more hockey skill in his left knee than most of us have in our entire bodies, and he is only a teenager. So, John gets to not only enjoy the fun of being young and verile, but he's also really, really, really good at hockey. Sucks to be John, doesn't it?

Well, all of this tradgedy can be made right. If only the NHL would change its rules, poor and out of luck kids like John would be able to declare for the NHL Draft earlier than the current rules allow. You see, despite all of his best efforts, John was born unlucky. This particular Wonder Kid was born five days too early (Sept. 20th, 1990) to be eligible to declare for the 2008 NHL Draft. League rules stipulate that you must turn 18 before September 15th, 2007 to be eligible for the draft.

Poor John. He's going to have to wait a year in Juniors, while he rips apart kids who are a year (or more) younger than him. Jeez -- they might even be as old as he is! He's going to have to watch all of his buddies, who are older than him mind you, get the tar beat out of them like college freshman pledging the most notorious frat on campus. He'll have to watch his stock for the 2009 draft rise, as he diligently pursues the retention of his title as CHL Player of the Year. Heck, he might even be a consensus #1 by the time the 2009 draft finally comes around. You might not know it, but as a 16-year old, Tavares broke Wayne Gretzky's OHL scoring record. Not only that, he finished 2nd in the league's scoring race to only Patrick Kane. Poor John. That's just terrible.

What is a kid to do?

Petition the league to make an exception, that's what.

According to TSN, Tavares and his agent have contacted the NHL about granting exemptions into the draft for certain players.

Tavares's agent, Bryan Deasley, says he has spoken with NHL deputy commissioner Bill Daly and Players' Association associate counsels Ian Penny and Stu Grimson about the possible creation of an exceptional player clause that would allow certain players to be drafted a year early.

Deasley said he has sent a memo to each party about the merits of a clause. He says he's not asking for a blanket change in the draft age.

''We are not looking for anything other than an exceptional status consideration from the league,'' he said. ''Every once in a while a player comes along that compels us to look at things more clearly and differently - outside the box.''

I mean seriously. With all of the hockey wisdom that people have imparted on this kid throughout his life, and I'm sure there's been a ton, couldn't someone have given him some practical knowledge and told him that patience is a virtue? Rules are rules. Like them or not, we've got to obey them. If they're unfair, the justice system will correct them (in a perfect world). If we start making exceptions for every John Tavares, then every other kid is going to be wondering, 'hey, where's my exemption?'

Seriously. This is all a fucking joke, right?

Hey kid, here's some advice; play in the CHL for another year. Kick the shit out of your opponents. Win the league scoring title again, a feat which you will probably accomplish pretty easily. Enjoy being a kid -- you're only 17. Time goes by faster than you can imagine. Then, in 18 months, you'll be ready to be the #1 selection in the 2009 NHL Draft. You'll be some franchise's savior and will get a major and deserved payday. Big bucks and colossal media attention? Sounds pretty sweet to me. The problem is, kid, the tortoise beats the hare. Take the long road. It's better. I Promise.

Saturday Wrap Up: How Fast Can Kyle Turris Mow Your Lawn?

No, of course Gary Bettman doesn't look awkward standing next to Snoop Dogg. John M. Heller/Getty Images

• In 'old guys watching shirtless teenagers on a treadmill' news: That, in a nutshell, is the NHL Combine. It started yesterday in Toronto and will continue today, with scouts ogling over how fast a bunch of shirtless 18-year old kids can ride a stationary bike. Do the tests help to predict the potential of prospects? No one's really all that sure. What we do know though, is that the NHL's scouting directors have something to do during the SC Finals. Frankly, I think there should be a lawn mowing competition. Isn't that what the average 18-year old does during their summer vacation?
  
• It'll probably be played in Snoop Dogg's crib: ESPN's E.J. Hradek is reporting that the NHL plans to have a regular season game played outdoors next season. No teams have been named yet, but the word is that one American team will be involved and the game will be televised on NBC in the States... Something to ponder; It was about this time last year that rumors swirled about the Islanders and Rangers playing a game at Yankee Stadium... If you remember, the only outdoor NHL game was played in November of 2003 between the Oilers and Canadiens. The game took place in Edmonton and drew about 56,000 fans. If it's true that an American team will be involved, you can bet that will probably be limited to a selection of either Colorado, Dallas (obviously would be an away game for the Stars), Detroit, the Rangers, or Philadelphia. You could probably add Boston and Buffalo to that mix.
• The Hamilton Predators: The word from Hamilton, Ontario this week is that "Predators' owner to be" Jim Balsillie has reactivated an agreement with the city to have exclusive rights in bringing an NHL team to town. This comes only a week after it was revealed that his company had purchased a piece of land outside of Kitchener, Ontario. It looks like Balsillie could be playing a few Canadian cities against each other if he pulls the Preds out of Nashville. A smart tactic, as these cities might fall to his feet at the possibility of obtaining a team... As it stands right now, Kitchener and Hamilton have the most evidence against them, but you can never rule out Winnipeg, either. Quebec City seems more a like a long shot. In my opinion, QC just happens to get thrown in whenever talk of adding a Canadian team pops up. There never seems to be serious support behind it, although I don't doubt that there are people who would love to see a team there. Of course, you still can't rule out the American cities completely, (Las Vegas, Kansas City) but all signs are pointing to Balsillie relocating to Canada.
• Vancouver to have 45% more Pyatt: It is being reported that Taylor Pyatt has resigned with the Canucks for two years, and the contract is expected to be worth over $3 million... For those of you keeping score, the Canucks' official website reminds us that there are still 102 days left until training camp.
• Toronto should still draft him; it would be funny: The good people over at Out of Left Field have dug up a gem from the wonderful world of Facebook. Jamie Arniel, from Kingston, Ontario, is in the running to be a first-round draft pick in 2008. He has already made it quite clear that he has no intentions of playing for the Maple Leafs. The following quote is what Arniel posted on a message board for a group whose objective is to encourage Leaf fans not to cheer for the Sens during the Finals: "The leafs are absolute shit, so if chirping ottawa helps you to get your mind off of the awful leafs then so be it. But id definitly rather watch the sens choke in the finals (which they havent lost yet) than to watch the leafs choke in the fuckin season, emabrrasing, LEAFS ARE SHIT" The upside to this is that now he will never have to worry about playing for absolute shit Toronto. (Ed -- I keed, I keed. I make a little joke.)
  
• Shouldn't this be taken as 'bad news'? The CP is reporting that Alanis Morissette will sing the national anthems before Game four of the SC Finals in Ottawa. As far as celebrity singers go, this is one of the more confusing choices (besides her being an Ottawa native). I really just have a hard time picturing it. Halfway through 'O, Canada' she might go off on a tangent. Something to the extent of; 'I've got one hand in my pocket, and the other is cross-checking Teemu Selanne.' TSN has another point of view. They think she might be a good luck charm. "The Ottawa native could bring some good luck to the Senators, who are down 2-0 in the best-of-seven series after a pair of losses to the Ducks in Anaheim. When she sang the national anthem at the their first game on Oct. 8, 1992, the Sens beat the Montreal Canadiens 5-3." Sorry, that's a bit of a stretch. That's kinda like saying 'since Snoop Dogg was at Games one and two in Anaheim, the Ducks will lose if he doesn't make it to Game three'... The real tragedy here is that Morissette replaces Holly Cole, who sang before Game two, and is arguably much better looking.