Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Innuendo is Fun!

Brunnstrom, eying the camera naughtily.

Did you know that all you have to do to turn a regular old TSN news report into a sleazy, spicy dating show is to omit a few words? Well, now you do. For example, take this article on hot, young prospect Fabian Brunnstrom... See, it's getting creepy already. All you really have to do is throw your mind in gutter. It's not like it wasn't there to begin with anyway.

(emphasis and editing mine, of course)

For the last few years, hockey fans have heard about can't-miss prospects. Sidney Crosby certainly comes to mind, while Steven Stamkos and John Tavares... already have huge followings.

Well, you can add another can't-miss player for the mix... His name is Fabian Brunnstrom, and he's one of the most coveted young players...

Now Brunnstrom (who turns 23 on Wednesday) doesn't have the advance billing of a... player like Sid the Kid... but the demand for the young [guy] is certainly there.

Leafs' European scout Thommie Bergman heavily encouraged the team to [hit on] Brunnstrom a year ago, and was supported by former Leafs pro scout Craig Button (whoa, too much info), but it didn't happen.

Now, as many as 20 teams are reportedly interested in Brunnstrom, and Philadelphia Flyers GM Paul Holmgren and Vancouver Canucks general manager Dave Nonis have already gone overseas to Sweden to court him. (That paragraph didn't even need editing!)

So why is there so much talk about him now?

"He's a late bloomer..." explains TSN Hockey Insider Bob McKenzie. "The kid is talented. The fact that he fell through the cracks... makes him that much more attractive."

With so much hype around this young player, general managers also know they'll have to open... wide for the free agent.

"This is a [playa], who, right now, is demanding... money," says McKenzie. "If you draft a guy in the Top 5, you have to pay out all those extra bonuses. That's what you have to pay."

The Red Wings could have an inside track with fellow Swedes Nicklas Lidstrom, Henrik Zetterberg and Niklas Kronwall [foursome?]... The Canucks are also enticing with the thought of Brunstrom playing with the [blonde] Sedins.

Any way you look at it, the Brunnstrom hype machine is picking up steam as NHL teams are pushing hard to get him in their uniform for October. (can't we keep it PG?)

"Right now everybody's trying to cool things off a bit because it's a bit of a frenzy over there," says McKenzie.

See how easy that was? And fun too... It's safe to remove your minds from the gutter now, in case you were wondering.

And, naturally, the second comment from a reader (see the bottom of the post) is the following:
Now that's creepy.


  1. Some sports commentator posited the other day that the first openly gay athlete will come from hockey. What I think he meant to say was from the press pool.

  2. @blackcapricorn: well, statistically there should be some--team dress at least 20 guys, 30 teams. That's 600 guys.

    But I always thought the game was to add teh phrase "In bed to any physical description. Example: Robbie Earl (from TSN)

    Has excellent speed and creativity from the wing position. Works hard and also displays the potential to play an all-around game....in bed

  3. also, that almost made me want a cigarette afterwards. Then I remembered that I don't smoke

  4. Those Euro-uniforms make teh players look like NASCAR cars.