Fun with Injuries

You know, I think that if I were a coach, I'd have fun with filing injury reports. I wouldn't bother with "general body soreness" or "lower body injury" nonsense. Here are some of the more "creative" injuries that I would list

*Leprechaun bite
*Ebola virus
*Hot dog fingers
*bad hair day
*World of Warcraft wrist
*explosive diarrhea
*player is actually 3 ducks in a man costume
*"but coach, it burns when I pee"
*nasty papers cuts...in the swimsuit area
*blacked out in the sewer (like a boss)
*bruised pelvis--puck bunny attack

Suggestions? leave them in the comments

Questions I'd like to Ask an NHLer

I know I have heard complaints from other hockey bloggers that interviews with players, with the occasional translation LOLS, are boring. Some of this may be from the players themselves--trained to give only bland answers so as not to offend anyone ever. However, I think quite a bit of the problem comes form the questions asked by the reporters. I mean, asking a player "you're down 3-1, what do you plan to do?" doesn't allow for a whole lot of personality to shine. Therfore, I am taking this post as a chance to show some more interesting questions that I would like to ask an NHLer (glove tap to the lovely Heather at Wrap Around Curl for letting me bounce ideas off her.)

1: What would win in a fight: a polar bear, or a gorilla with a chainsaw?
2: (to Sidney Crosby or Tomas Holmstrom) : What cha gonna do wit all that junk inside dat trunk? Seriously, man, it's like a Buick back there
3: Do you believe in life after love?
4: Have you ever had a threesome?
5: What ringtone plays when your mom calls?
6: Cuthbert or Milano (note: I guarantee at least one NHLer would say "Milano, 'cuz those cookies are AWESOME!"
7: Would you rather eat a maggot filled pie or practice wearing only a cup and skates?
8: Slip n slide, or Twister?
9: Would you rather have no arms or no legs?
10: How long do you wait to call a girl after taking her out to a seafood dinner?
11: If you could be on any game show what would it be?
12: Do you have a nightmare that just scares the living hell out of you?
13: Do you have a teammate you just want to ninja kick in the face?
14: Tupac or Biggie? Snoop or Dre? (ok 2-parter, whatever)
15: How much cheese do you think you could eat in one sitting?

any suggestions? as usual, leave 'em below

Innuendo is Fun!

Brunnstrom, eying the camera naughtily. www.farjestadsbk.se

Did you know that all you have to do to turn a regular old TSN news report into a sleazy, spicy dating show is to omit a few words? Well, now you do. For example, take this article on hot, young prospect Fabian Brunnstrom... See, it's getting creepy already. All you really have to do is throw your mind in gutter. It's not like it wasn't there to begin with anyway.

(emphasis and editing mine, of course)

For the last few years, hockey fans have heard about can't-miss prospects. Sidney Crosby certainly comes to mind, while Steven Stamkos and John Tavares... already have huge followings.

Well, you can add another can't-miss player for the mix... His name is Fabian Brunnstrom, and he's one of the most coveted young players...

Now Brunnstrom (who turns 23 on Wednesday) doesn't have the advance billing of a... player like Sid the Kid... but the demand for the young [guy] is certainly there.

Leafs' European scout Thommie Bergman heavily encouraged the team to [hit on] Brunnstrom a year ago, and was supported by former Leafs pro scout Craig Button (whoa, too much info), but it didn't happen.

Now, as many as 20 teams are reportedly interested in Brunnstrom, and Philadelphia Flyers GM Paul Holmgren and Vancouver Canucks general manager Dave Nonis have already gone overseas to Sweden to court him. (That paragraph didn't even need editing!)

So why is there so much talk about him now?

"He's a late bloomer..." explains TSN Hockey Insider Bob McKenzie. "The kid is talented. The fact that he fell through the cracks... makes him that much more attractive."

With so much hype around this young player, general managers also know they'll have to open... wide for the free agent.

"This is a [playa], who, right now, is demanding... money," says McKenzie. "If you draft a guy in the Top 5, you have to pay out all those extra bonuses. That's what you have to pay."

The Red Wings could have an inside track with fellow Swedes Nicklas Lidstrom, Henrik Zetterberg and Niklas Kronwall [foursome?]... The Canucks are also enticing with the thought of Brunstrom playing with the [blonde] Sedins.

Any way you look at it, the Brunnstrom hype machine is picking up steam as NHL teams are pushing hard to get him in their uniform for October. (can't we keep it PG?)

"Right now everybody's trying to cool things off a bit because it's a bit of a frenzy over there," says McKenzie.

See how easy that was? And fun too... It's safe to remove your minds from the gutter now, in case you were wondering.

And, naturally, the second comment from a reader (see the bottom of the post) is the following:

"BOB GAINEY WANTS YOU! ..."

Now that's creepy.