ALL YOUR BIRTHDAYS ARE BELONG TO STASTNY

Today is BMR's 1st birthday and throughout the day our friends, both real and fictional, will be stopping by to join the festivities.

CREDIT THIS MOST AMAZING IMAGE OF YOUR RULER TO CBS SPORTSLINE

*Paul Stastny appears out of thin air*

I AM THE ONE YOU CALL STASTNY. ON THIS MOST GLORIOUS DAY FOUR YOUR PATHETIC BLOG I WISH YOU THE BEST AND THE WORST OF CIRCUMSTANCES.

I AM ALL KNOWING ALL POWERFUL AND ALL ENCOMPASSING. I AM SO MANY THINGS THAT YOU CANNOT EVEN FATHOM THEM WITH YOUR PUNY HUMAN SIZED BRAIN. MY BRAIN IS LARGER THAN YOURS AND IS CLEARLY SUPERIOR BECAUSE OF ITS ENLARGED NATURE. MY CAPS LOCK IS ALSO SUPERIOR. I DO NOT NEED TO HOLD DOWN "SHIFT KEY" LIKE ON YOUR STUPID ELECTRONIC INPUTS. MY ELECTRONIC INPUTS ALLOW ME TO HAVE CAPITAL LETTERS AT ALL TIMES.

ON THIS MOST GLORIOUS OF 24 HOUR PERIODS FOR YOU, YOU MUST REMEMBER TO BOW TO ME IN MY AWESOME POWER. I DRIVE A FORD TAURUS. I HAVE HAD RELATIONS WITH SIX HUNDRED AND MILLION WOMENS. MY ANNUAL SALARY CAN BUY MORE RIMS AND OTHER ASSORTED AUTOMOBILE ACCESSORIES THAN YOURS. THE CAR THAT I DRIVE IS, HOW DO YOU SAY, PIMPIN.

PRAISE BE WITH YOUR MOTHERS.

THAT IS ALL.