Goal Celebrations That We Need to See

So here's a topic that I think needs addressing -- Goal celebrations in the NHL are lame. OK, so Alex Ovechkin likes to celebrate every goal like it's his last and once in a while we do see a hint of emotion out of players, but come on. Hockey celebrations don't compare to those in other sports like football and soccer. Maybe that's a good thing, but to be honest, some creativity would be nice. I can only see so many players drop to one knee and pump their fist before getting really, really tired of the whole thing.

Today, I present a guide to how we can have better celebrations in hockey with some worthy examples from other places. Maybe players can use these after scoring their next game winner and put their own spin on things. Also included are some examples of what not to do.

Our first entrant is the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels. Arguably one of the biggest stars in WWE history, he always entered the ring with some signature poses.

Alright maybe it's not the best, but it's better than a lot of what's going on in hockey today.

Our next contestants hail from the UK. It's the AFC Bournemouth soccer team (football, whatev) and they play in England's League Two, which, for some weird reason is actually the fourth tier of English soccer. They're also are on the path to relegation this season, which means they could get kicked down a notch at season's end. The point is that they're not very good. Anyway, they did this little number after scoring a goal, which would be pretty sweet to see on the rink, I think.

Imagine Evgeni Malkin scoring a goal and then pretending to punch out his linemates. I would like to see that.

Next up is one of the biggest young stars in the NBA, LeBron James. LeBron and other NBA stars have the tradition of tossing up powder before the start of the game. It's kinda neat, but also pisses off the people sitting in the front row, as it gets all over them and their things. Whether or not you like seeing it on the court, I'm not entirely sure we need to bring this to hockey.

The next idea is more a tip: get creative people!

Take a lesson from the NFL's Chad Johnson. He's known for his wacky celebrations and use of props, which make the game that much more entertaining. Like him or not, his celebrations are anything but the norm. We need more Chad Johnson-type celebrations in the NHL. I'm thinking like what we saw from Ovechkin during the All-Star Shootout.

Last but not least is one of the best celebrations/taunts of all-time. It needs no introduction, so all I'm going to say is imagine a player scoring, then turns to face the goalie and gives 'em the crotch chops. That would be AWESOME.

We'll Be Right Back...

I took a much needed long weekend for some rest and relaxation so my apologies for the crickets you heard around these parts during the last 48 hours. We'll be back and ready to go tomorrow with Highlights of the Week and Sunday's Handy Guide (But on Monday).

It was a good weekend, I must admit. There was lots of this...

(For the record, I was a soccer player. My friends were referees equipped with glasses and canes. It was entertaining.)

And there was also a healthy dose of this...

That's football. I know it seems foreign and creepy, but it's not so bad. Unless you live in SEC territory where it's called WOOLETSGOCRAZYPIGSUIEEEEEEE!!! And the fans are never satisfied no matter what. They make the folks up in Toronto look disinterested by comparison.

2007-08 Preseason Foreplay: Washington Capitals

I think I found a nominee for the next 'things that look odd, but actually did happen' post. Art.com

Quick hits

• World, meet Backstrom Prime. He is an unstoppable wrecking machine.
• The basement is warm and cozy: the Caps have finished last in the Southeast three years running.
• [Insert obligatory joke about how bad the Southeast Division is] The Southeast's slogan for the upcoming season; The AHL ain't got nothin' on us!
• Olaf Kolzig is still South African.
  
• The Caps are having a 'buy one, get one free' deal on season tickets. That's pretty sweet.
  
• Washington has had a staggering 12 first round picks during the last six drafts.
• I still think Dale Hunter is a fucking jackass.
  

Odds for the folks at gambler's anonymous

16 to 1: Alex Ovechkin will do something that will make your eyes remove themselves from their sockets.

35 to 1: Ted Leonsis gets into a blog war with Hulk Hogan, and they settle it with a steel caged hockey game. That would be freaking sweet!


Obligatory serious analysis

After three straight finishes at the bottom of the southeast division and an unbelievable amount of stockpiled draft picks, it looks as though the Caps are ready to make their climb up the standings. I believe they will be a much improved team, but their problems is that almost every other team in the East will be much improved.

This summer the Caps made nice splash in the free agent market by signing Tom Poti, Victor Kozlov and Michael Nylander. All three will be welcomed additions to an offense that finished third to last in the East last season (side note: that the Devils won their division while scoring the fewest goals in the East in still unbelievable). Now, there's even a possibility for the Caps to create an All-Soviets line; Alex Semin, Alex Ovechkin and Victor Kozlov. There's little doubt that their off-season additions should help improve the offense. After all, their off season wasn't completely horrific to begin with as my statistics may indicate. To their credit, they only scored nine fewer goals than the Southeast Division Champion Thrashers.

The problem for the Caps is going to be defense and goaltender. Olaf Kolzig is 37 this year, and the number of effective years that remain in his career in diminishing very quickly. He posted a 3.00 GAA, a half a goal lower than the previous year, but is still only the second time is GAA was at or three since the 1995-96 season. To his credit, his .910 save percentage was his best mark since the 2002-03 season.

Last season, the problem wasn't necessarily so much Kolzig. Rather, the issue was with the players in front of him. The Caps defense was ineffective to say the least, and they are returning the same squad this season, with exception of the addition of Poti. Poti won't add much to the Caps in terms of defense; he's much better known for his ability role as an offensive defenseman. Aside for his miraculous +16 rating with the Rangers during the 2005-06 season, Poti hasn't put together a positively rated season since the 1999-00 campaign, and that's not going to change this year in Washington. This year, how good the Caps defense is going to be hinges on the development of their young players. Among them are Steve Eminger, Washington's first round pick in 2002, Mike Green, the team's first round pick in 2004 and Sasha Pokulak, their 2005 first round pick. Of course, there's also this year's first round pick Karl Alzner. The point is, at some point these guys are going to have to step up and turn this defense into, well, a defense.

Prediction: The Caps' place in the standings will be improved, but I believe that there are still too many liabilities for them on defense. They will find a home in the 12 spot.


The best looking ice girls in Washington
The Capitals will yet again not put together a team of ice girls for the coming season. For shame, Ted Saskin! FOR SHAME! In their place, I give you Washington Redskins cheerleaders.





Previous Editions of Preseason Foreplay

• Atlanta Thrashers - August 15th
• Boston Bruins - August 27th
• Calgary Flames - September 2nd
  
• Chicago Blackhawks - August 24th
  
• Columbus Blue Jackets - August 22nd
  
• Dallas Stars - August 13th
• Edmonton Oilers - September 1st
  
• Florida Panthers - August 26th
• Los Angeles Kings - September 8th
  
• Minnesota Wild - September 1st
  
• Montreal Canadiens - August 29th
  
• New Jersey Devils - August 19th
• Philadelphia Flyers - September 6th
• Pittsburgh Penguins - September 6th
  
• Phoenix Coyotes - August 14th
• St. Louis Blues - September 9th
  
• Tampa Bay Lightning - August 18th
• Toronto Maple Leafs - September 11th
  

Paying Tribute to the Death of Buffalo's Hopes and Dreams (Again)

Before the Buffalo Sabres (probably) shuffle off into the sunset tonight and begin to enjoy all of the great golf courses that Western New York has to offer, I'd like to raise a glass to what might just be the most desperate city in all of sports; the city of Buffalo, New York. Only miles from the Canadian border, it is home to the the Sabres and the NFL's Bills. Buffalo has endured some of the worst moments at the most important of times, and you really gotta feel for them. There's Brett Hull's controversial goal in Game Six of triple OT back in 1999, which was rated the 5th worst officiating call in sports history by Page 2. The Sabres made the playoffs in 24 of 27 seasons between 1974 and 2001, reaching the finals once. Yes, once. Just in case you were wondering, they lost in six to Philly in the first year of that streak; 1975. This year, the Sabres took the President's Trophy, for finishing with the league's best record, a title they seemed to hold from the start and never give up. They scored the most goals of any team, had the fifth best defense in the Eastern Conference, and lost only 10 of 41 games on home ice. Now, they face being swept by one of their arch rivals one round away from the Cup Finals. After folding quicker than the WUSA, they'll have the opportunity to inflict more pain on their fans, by ending the year with a playoff sweep.

Is this what Sens fans dress like all year? Tom Hanson/AP

All that is pretty bad. The worst part is that it's only half the story for the city.

Dare we try and recap the cursed football franchise that is the Buffalo Bills?

The Bills last league championship came in '65 when they were still part of the AFL, and of course we don't have to remind you of the misery that is the early 90s, but we will anyway. In Super Bowl 25, Jim Kelly took them 60 yards with under two to go, only to have a game winning field goal go wide right. They lost the next year to, of all teams, the Washington-freaking -Redskins in SB 26. The 27th edition saw them get their clocks cleaned by the Cowboys, despite fielding 12 Pro Bowlers, and in the 28th edition (hey, they've got to win this time, right?) they blew a 13-6 halftime lead to those same Cowboys, going on to lose by a count of 30-13. It's amazing that the Bills still had fans after all that.

Just try and think of another city that has had this much futility in such a screw-you-in-the-ass-at-the-end-of-the-game kind of way. I dare you. It's been a while since Philly won, but the 76ers won it all in '83 and the Phillies won in '80. Not quite as long as Buffalo, and they've had some recent title chances to boot. Chicago has the Blackhawks and the Cubs, but Jordan canceled out most of that. The city of San Diego has never won a major title, but they haven't had nearly as much bad luck (if luck is what we should call it). The only real comparison can be drawn from Seattle, Washington where there are three pro teams and the only championship to show for them is from the SuperSonics NBA Finals win in '79. Nonetheless, that's one more major title than Buffalo, and a whole lot less heart break. Let's face it, the Seahawks loss in SB 40 pales in comparison to anything the Bills went through.

So join me, in paying tribute to the death of Buffalo's hopes and dreams yet again. They seem to live the worst nightmares of even the most pessimistic sports fan on an almost yearly basis.