Brits Have an Odd Definition of Sport

So I was over on the frontpage of the BBC earlier (don't ask) and I'm not quite sure how it happened... But someone goofed.

Last I remember, the 'Sport' section over in Britain was British for what we Americans on this side of the pond know as the 'Sports' section. Apparently, that's not the case anymore. Now, it means such things as:

• Obama and Bush to meet next week
• IMF cuts economic growth forecast
• Bomb hits Pakistan tribal elders

But I digress. It's hard to criticize such a goof when I make similar errors every day. What I can do though is make friendly suggestions for other headlines in their Sport section.

• Ga. man cleaning with blowtorch sets house on fire
• Jogger Runs Mile With Rabid Fox Biting Her
• Man, 73, Scores In College Hoops Game

With all the new attention these sports will recieve from the BBC website, I imagine we will see some changes in the sports world. Next week ESPN will announce plans to launch a new network, ESPN Old School, dedicated to serving the 55-75 demographic. The International Olympic Committee also chooses to add events in Blowtorch Housecleaning and a special 4x400 meter relay where competitors run while attached to rabid animals. The fun starts when the animals have to be handed off to teammates after each lap.

William Shatner's Stunning Rendition of the Miracle On Ice

One of the most epic moments in hockey history, at least here in America, is the 1980 Miracle on Ice. I don't need to remind you what it is or why it was significant. You know all that. What I do need to do, however, is show you how when Dan Patrick applies his brilliance to something, it turns to gold.

Thanks to the Media Hounds at Awful Announcing, comes the sound byte to end all sound bytes. OK, that's over hyping it, but it is kinda cool. From AA:

I think it was about a year ago when Dan Patrick had William Shatner on [his radio show] and made him recreate some of the most famous Sports calls ever. Well one of the ones he did that day was Al Michaels' "Miracle On Ice" call and Michaels just happened to be the DP Show today and of course Dan just happened to have the clip handy.

Simply epic. If Shatner had been calling that game instead of Michaels, I think everyone watching would have slept rather peacefully. Instead, people went out, got drunk, rioted and then set a few stray cats on fire.

A List of Things That are Worse Than Losing 82-0 in a Hockey Game

The actual caption to this reads: Bulgaria is a fascinating country in south-eastern Europe with many wild mountains, seaside resorts, ancient monasteries. Biega.com

But this point you have probably heard all about the Bulgarian women's ice hockey team. If you haven't feel free to check out the posts on the subject from FanHouse, Mirtle and/or the Daddy.

It's OK. I'll wait.

The quick and dirty is that the Bulgarian women's team lost 82-0 the other day to the Slovakian women. It was an IIHF sanctioned qualifying match for the 2010 Winter Games in Vancouver. These facts raise all sorts of questions such as;

• Did the Bulgarians know how to skate?
• Did they really think they could qualify for the 2010 games?
  
• Why did Slovakia not let off the accelerator after it was 50-0?
• Can you believe the Bulgarian starting goaltender still made 57 saves?
• And why did it take until 77-0 for her to get pulled? Was the backup really that bad?

But though all of this, you have to have a little compassion. After all, it's not every day that a team loses 40-0, let alone 82-0. I can't even imagine what was going through those ladies' heads, let alone their reasoning for coming back onto the ice after the first intermission, a point at which they trailed 31-0. There's pride and then there's, well, something I guess. No matter what, this has got to be a serious mental blow to the proud women who play Bulgarian ice hockey. For that, I am here to lighten the mood and hopefully make them feel a bit better about themselves with a list entitled simply, 'A List of Things That are Worse Than Losing 82-0 in a Hockey Game'. Feel free to add to it in the comments.

1. Getting caught giving your boyfriend some, um, pleasure on national television.
   
2. Being the person that succeeds a President who leaves office with a 28% approval rating. Or maybe that's not so bad.
3. Becoming, and staying, an Islander fan post-1985.
4. Trying to sell hockey tickets in Miami, Florida.
5. Being a Miami Dolphins fan.
6. Being the "Don't Taze Me Bro" Guy. (Ever wonder how many times per day people say that to him on the street?)
7. Two words: Steve Bartman.
8. Two more words: Bill Buckner.
   
9. Actually being a baseball fan. Especially one that watches ALL of their team's games.
10. Getting your leg bent in the direction exactly opposite of which humans are supposed to bend their legs, like this example. Or this one. (Warning: Videos are gruesome)
11. Paying $150,000 to have your dead dog cloned.
12. Being the guy in Police Academy who made all those crazy sounds because that would be the highlight of your career.
13. Having Jennifer Lopez's acting career.

Screw Tibet, the Olympics are All About Style

Canadian Press

I like hockey. This you know. Therefore, by free association, I also like Canada. So it's always important for me to keep updated on the latest news from our neighbors to the North (you are our buddies, guys, like it or not).

Today, well, I think all there is to say is that Canada may have gone mildly metro sexual. Not that that's a bad thing. It's just interesting that it happened so quickly -- how exactly it happened, right now, is still unclear.

Anyway, the point is that today Canada unveiled their new Olympic uniforms and the whole operation looked more like an American Eagle spring fashion show (pictured right). But hey, if that's your thing, then that's cool with me. I'm simply saying that next time you might want to design something that, um... How do I put this... You might want to at least design something that you could wear out on the fields. I just can't see Capri's and sweatshirts going too far when it comes to, um, actual athletic competition. It's hard to bash, though. It's tough to design things for the Olympics. Sometimes you try and design something really significant like a logo or, I don't know, a torch relay and it comes out like crap.

But hey, at least you'll look fly, right? I think so.

Another note is that I have not found pictures yet, but I'm curious to see how Steve Nash and the basketball team are going to be clothed. I move for giant maple leaf hats.

Oh and someone alert the hockey team and other winter athletes to get their stuff together for 2010. They are going to have some work to do on their gear because this is going to be a tough act to follow.

Almost forgot... h/t to Sherry at Scarlett Ice