Monday, August 13, 2007

2007-08 Preseason Foreplay: Dallas Stars

It's a little under seven weeks until the 2007-08 NHL season opens in London, England on September 29th (blimey!) and it's time to start previewing the season. I'm starting these season previews really, really early but that's only because there's no way I can write 30 solid previews in only a couple of weeks. If I'm going to preview every single NHL team, and I'm going to try my hardest to do so, it will take all seven weeks and then some... And as you might have guessed, these aren't going to be your standard season previews.

The aforementioned chest of Mike Modano.

I don't really have any order with which to preview all these teams. With that being said, we're going to start in Dallas. Why? Because it's also completely random, just like having a hockey team in a state that makes you think of oil rigs and cowboys.

Quick hits
  • This season Brett Hull has been upgraded from the position of Ambassador of Fun to Special Advisor to Hockey Operations (if that's really an upgrade is debatable). Hull will still remain a Sign of the Apocalypse here at BMR on a part time basis.
  • The Stars' ECHL affiliate, the Idaho Steelheads, are currently negotiating with the Pittsburgh Steelers for the rights to Steely McBeam. The Central Scouting Bureau ranks McBeam as the 4th best stay at home defender in the United States. A representative of the Steelheads said that McBeam would be an asset to the Steelheads back line because he's already great at backing up others and is great with a stick in his hands. ZING!
  • The Stars motto for the upcoming season: "Because you can't watch football on Tuesday and Wednesday nights."

Odds for the folks at gambler's anonymous

3 to 1: the Stars make the playoffs for the 5th straight year

1.5 to 1: I reference Brett Hull's Game Six goal in 1999 at least 10 times over the course of the season.

525 to 1: Mike Modano cheats on Willa Ford by having an orgy with teammates and prostitutes.

1,000,000 to 1: Said cheating is widely publicized by the American media.

Obligatory serious analysis:

Apologies for regurgitating, but I feel I can't say anymore than I did in the Off Season Midterm grades post.
"Sometimes no news is good news. This is not one of those times. The team finished 6th out west last year, but there are some serious questions that still need to be answered. Time is running out on the current incarnation of the Stars to make a serious post season run, as their average age is pushing 30. Mike Modano and Jere Lehtinen aren't getting any younger, and although the team has some nice young players, they can't wait years for them to develop. In my opinion, the team needs to win now and build through free agency, or face rebuilding. The draft didn't help their situation, as the Stars' first selection was the 50th pick. This summer, there was the hope that the team would make a big splash in the free agent market, but that has yet to happen. Adding Todd Fedoruk, is not a franchise altering move. Granted, the Stars aren't far removed from where they were in May. The problem for them is that they haven't made any serious improvements."

The best looking ice girls in Dallas:Meagan


and the hooker of the bunch; Angela


  1. Angela clearly wants me to pay her for it, which I might end up doing.

  2. She sure knows how to strike a pose, I'll say that much. And yes, those eyes do scream 'pay me'.