Saturday, January 17, 2009

Long Island's Running Joke -- Islander Goaltenders

This is seriously the funniest thing this side of Al Strachan right now.

Just when you thought the Islanders' goalie situation couldn't get any worse. Just when you thought this franchise couldn't provide us with any more unintentional comedy (backup goaltender becoming GM and what not), they do.

Here's the timeline:

Wednesday: Joey MacDonald gets injured, out 2-4 weeks (I actually called that, oddly).

Thursday: Islanders sign former goaltender Wade Dubielewicz, who was playing in the KHL this year and got cut.

Friday: Dubie expected to backup Yann Danis Saturday night against New Jersey, become starter next week.

Saturday: Dubie claimed off waivers by Columbus due to a loophole in the CBA. Islanders desperately search for a backup for tonight's game (Garth Snow and Mike Dunham expected to not be an option).

My thoughts: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

This whole thing is so sad it's hilarious. The John Tavares Express just keeps rolling along.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Al Strachan Doesn't Have a Clue About the Cap Crunch

OK, so that title is pretty harsh. I'm sure he's a nice guy and does have a clue about some things. After all, you don't get a job writing for Fox Sports for nothing. That being said, his most recent article gets filed under the category of 'Are You Freaking Kidding Me?!?' for an egregious way of thinking (Warning, dear reader: long post ahead).

Mr. Strachan's piece yesterday that was so eloquently titled 'Cap having negative effect on teams,' is having a negative effect on my eyes. It hurts me just sitting here and reading it.

The NHL's salary cap has ballooned from $39 million when it was instituted in 2005 to the $56.7 million mark it current sits at. That's a 45% increase in only three seasons! And as the salary cap ballooned, so did contracts for players. Somewhere along the line, everyone decided it would be a good idea to not only had out a lot of money but also to do it for a long period of time. Now, given the economy and the possibility of the cap decreasing (oh, the horror!), some teams are in a bind.

To be fair, a lot of us did not see the severity of the current economic crisis coming. To be fair, NHL GMs probably did not either. However, to assume that the salary cap would continue to go sky high through leaps and bounds each year was simply foolish. At some point, recession or not, it's going to level out even if only for a couple years. And now NHL teams are paying for not doing their homework.

In an NHL where everything that goes wrong is blamed on Gary Bettman -- by most people including myself -- and everything that goes right isn't necessarily credited to him, it's natural to blame Bettman for cap concerns. But Mr. Bettman isn't the one to lay blame on this time.

Because of the salary cap that Bettman imposed, the Lightning and Senators are toast for years to come. How is that good for the fans? More important, how is that good for the National Hockey League?

When the Lightning gave a mega-deal to Vinny Lecavalier, Gary Bettman was not the one forcing either side to do so. It's not his fault either party signed the deal and it's not his fault the Bolts may not currently have the money to back it up. And honestly, how do you sign someone to that kind of a deal if you don't? The Tampa Bay Lightning and Ottawa Senators mis-managed themselves into a mess. No one made the Senators commit $19 million to their top three forwards. No one made the Bolts spend$2.5 million on Oldaf Olaf Kolzig, $4 million on Andrej Meszaros and $2 million on Jeff FREAKING Halpern.

And there's no guarantee that these two teams are the only ones that will be adversely affected. They're just the first. The Pittsburgh Penguins, Philadelphia Flyers, New Jersey Devils and New York Rangers, among others, could soon find themselves in the same boat.
Sorry, tough luck. This is why some teams fail and others flourish. It's all about how you play the game and in the NHL that game isn't only the one on the ice, it's also the one in the board room -- managing the salary cap. The rules changed and different teams took different approaches. If your approach failed, well, that's life.

No, Bettman did not print up a manual saying that teams must sign star players to mega deals to be successful under a salary cap. The whole principle of a cap system is that it takes away the advantage of being able to simply throw money at players -- that's what was happening before the cap was implemented. Now, under a cap system, there's more emphasis on who can draft well, grow their own talent, and most importantly, decide which free agents are worth the money and which aren't. Misjudge a player? Sorry, get a better scouting staff.

When Vinny Lecavalier, Thomas Vanek, Danny Briere, Alex Ovechkin and a whole host of others were signed to monster contracts by their teams it wasn't Bettman holding a gun to their head. The rules of the NHL had changed and for a while everyone decided to play follow the leader -- the leader being Charles Wang giving Rick DiPietro 15 years and a truck load of cash -- and lock up big names to big deals. They did so instead of studying the cap and trying to come up with a best course of action. What may be best for the folks on Long Island, may not be the best for Philadelphia or Tampa Bay.

I've been an advocate of the cap since about 1997 and I think what we're seeing here is that nobody really did their homework on it.

In the NFL, teams have a 'capologist' whose job it is to know anything and everything about the cap. While the NHL's cap isn't that complicated and teams may not have money to hire someone like this, it isn't the worst idea in the world to at least study the darned thing. I think everyone is slowly waking up to the realization that many teams just assumed the cap would continue to rise and never really bothered to look at the long term outlook.

What is happening in Tampa Bay is another variation on the same salary-cap theme. Thanks to a number of quality players, the Lightning won the Stanley Cup in 2004. Thanks to the salary cap, they couldn't keep those players. Out went Brad Richards, Nik Khabibulin, Pavel Kubina and Dan Boyle.
That's where I give up, Mr. Strachan. If you honestly believe the situation unfolding in Tampa Bay has to do with Bettman's imposition of a salary cap, I don't know what to tell you. In a matter of six months, the Lightning have become the poster child of how not to run a franchise under these conditions. If they're not the only ones who don't know how to do it, well, that's business. Just like on Wall Street, some businesses thrive while others fail. It's simply the way of the world.

I don't know about you, but I'd much rather sit here and listen to Mr. Strachan complain about how teams are mismanaging their money under a salary cap than listen to 20 teams complain about how they can't afford to keep up with the buckets of cash big market clubs were throwing at free agents before the lockout. Think about it. Is that really what we should go back to?

This system was designed to save the owners from themselves. Sometimes, there are people that you can't save.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Rejected Sites for the Next Winter Classic

Yesterday NHL COO John Collins spoke with Bloomberg Radio about possible locales for future Winter Classics. Pretty much every idea under the sun was tossed around including Las Vegas and even, yes, the Rose Bowl. Somehow, I don't think that would mesh with the temperatures and college bowl season, but I also don't think it's very high on the NHL's radar for locales.

Anyway, I've used my superpowers to read the minds of the folks at NHL HQ. They had a number of ideas for locales that were interesting, but have since been scrapped. Those ideas are as follows:

  • Chris Pronger's front teeth

  • Canada

  • The internet

  • Mystery, Alaska

  • Best Buy

  • Texa$

  • Wherever it was the mighty ducks played during the movie

  • Your Mom's house

  • Zdeno Chara

Dear Phoenix area sports fans.

I understand, the United States' economy is in tatters. I understand that we're not all able to attend sporting events like we once could because of the lagging economy. That said, the Coyotes are in trouble, though not as much trouble as originally alleged. As the team's head coach, I, Wayne Gretzky, need to figure this out.

The first thing to do, in my opinion, is build a quality team to put on the ice. I feel we have done that. We still have long time leader Shane Doan. We have added Olli Jokinen and Ed Jovanovski over the past few years. We have emerging young studs Peter Mueller and Kyle Turris. All these changes and my brilliant coaching have made the Coyotes a playoff team. Still, we can't get the fans we need.

I look around at the rest of the Phoenix sports team, and it's come to me. The NFL franchise is named after a non aggressive robin sized bird. The NBA team is named after the celestial life giving body that we all need. The baseball team is named after a snake, but they entered the league wearing teal and purple.

In short, having a name like the Coyotes is perhaps a little too scary for your delicate sensibilities. Perhaps having a team named after a vicious carnivore roaming the local deserts is a little too intimidating for the gentle spirit of most Phoenix sports fans. Therefore, I'm pushing to sell more of these shirts:

because you, Phoenix area sports fans are a big sack of bitch.

Sincerely,
Wayne Gretzky