Carrie Milbank Pays Another Visit to Barry Melrose

Today, we've gotten our hands on a brand new NHL.com commercial that is set to air during games this weekend. It once again features Carrie Milbank, as she catches up with Barry Melrose since he has been let go by the Lightning.


Carrie Milbank: I'm telling everyone about the new NHL.com and today we're in Bristol, Connecticut to catch up with Barry Melrose.


*walks into ESPN headquarters*

Security Guard: Ma'am, I'm going to need to see some identification.

*Carries walks past him like nothing happened*


CM: We're telling everyone about the new NHL.com because it's full of super awesome amazingness.


*walks onto ESPN set in the middle of a live Sportscenter. John Buccigross and Barry Melrose are discussing the night's action in the NHL.*



Barry Melrose: ...and then things really got ugly. George Parros squares off with...



Producer: What's she doing here? Get off the set lady!



BM: Oh, I not this witch again.




CM: Hey Barry! Hi John! Have you guys heard about the new NHL.com?





John Buccigross: Um, hi.




BM: Can't you see we're on live TV? You've already cost me one job now get out...




CM (interrupting): It's amazing, really! It can do all your segments for you!





BM: Yeah? Last time you told me it could do all of my scouting and look where that got me! I'm back here with Bucci!




JB: HEY!



CM: No really, Barry. It can do all your work for you! It can even generate opinions if you need them!




BM: Wait... Really? That could actually be pretty helpful.





JB: BARRY! We're in the middle of a show!



BM: Right, right. Carrie, I'll talk to you when I'm done. So anyway, George Parros squared off with Daniel Carcillo and...



*two weeks later*

Producer (over intercom): Barry, could you come into my office please?



BM: Sure one minute...... What's up Producer Guy?



PG: Look, Barry. I'm really sorry but I'm going to have to let you go. With the economy the way it is and, frankly, I don't even know what you're doing on the set anymore.

*plays tape of Melrose on Sportscenter set*


BM: So, I says to Chris Berman 'No! You're the drunk!' And he goes, 'No! I'm with leather!' It was hilarious. You had to be there.





JB: /shakes head


*tape cuts to another scene*


Scott Van Pelt: OK, now it's time to head over to the hockey desk with Barry Melrose. Barry, what can you tell us about tonight's action?




BM: Your Mom is some good action!



*back to Barry and the Producer*



BM: Oh, yeah. Those weren't my best days. But it was just stuff I was getting from reading the blogs on NHL.com. They're full of good information.


PG: I'm sorry, Barry.

*Barry cleans off his desk and walks solemnly out of ESPN headquarters. He reaches the parking lot, drops to his knee and throws his fists to the sky.*



BM: DAMN YOU MILBANK!!! DAMN YOUUUUUUUUUU!!!

The NHL and Carrie Milbank lied to us all

Back on opening night in the States, we can all recall the nonsense of Def Leppard's lead singer setting the holiest of holy trophies upside down. The fact that those limeys did what they did overshadowed a promise made by one Carrie Milbank in her introduction of the band that night:

"the song "C'mon, C'mon", poised to become the new anthem for the NHL..."

What happened there? Did anyone hear that song being played during the All-Star game festivities last weekend? I don't get it. Every time I head out to see my local team, the crowd eagerly awaits our chance to sing along with our new favorite from the greatest band in rock 'n roll history! WTF? I memorized all the lyrics, bought the guitar tablature book and even downloaded it on Guitar Hero... for what?

I don't understand, Carrie. If it is to be the new anthem for the NHL - then why aren't we hearing it anywhere? Sad face.