It's Friday Soooo... Yeaaaaaa

In case you haven't been able to tell by the posts today, I've given up on today. Plus there are a ton of great pictures and videos in my inbox that I need to share with you guys. Plus there's not a whole lot going on in the hockey world right now. I think everyone's still recovering from Wednesday. I know I am. Enjoy:

Freebasin': Random Thoughts Cause I've Got Nothing Else

Wikipedia -- a website on which everything is true (I'm still waiting for that Cassel/Guerin trade!) -- provides the following definitions for the term freebase.

• Freebase (chemistry), the standalone basic form of an amine, usually an alkaloid natural product, as opposed to its water-soluble salt form.
• Freebase (database), an "open, shared database of the world's knowledge" developed by Metaweb.

There are actually more definitions, including the whole jumping off really high structures thing, but I was too lazy to copy them. Today, we're not doing any drugs. We're going to go with the database one. This is a post that is an "open, shared database of my thoughts."

First off, how about that trade deadline, huh? 

Kidding! I'm only kidding! I'm sure you're sick and tired of it at this point (I am) and let's face it, unless you're a fan of the Flames, your team wasn't really a winner and hell, even Flames fans aren't happy about the whole ordeal. 

And then, if you really want to hear my thoughts on the deadline (I know you don't but bear with me), you can take a listen to the Program's podcast I partook in last night. That was a lot of fun and Chris and Rick are really good guys who sure do know a lot about hockey. That was my first time doing any sort of non-written media and I think, for now, I'm certainly sticking to the written thing. Don't get me wrong, it was a lot of fun, but I'm no professional orator. Barack Obama hangs his head in disappointment. But anyway, thanks to the folks over there for putting up with me and you should really check out their stuff.

Right now, the Islanders are playing the Rangers and Sean Avery has not gotten benched or suspended yet. I think we may have to go with a full-on Avery watch, cause you know this is just a powder keg waiting to explode. This is like the NHL's version of Terrell Owens except he's more fun and less of a team killer. 

That's about all for now, but we may have a big surprise towards the end of next week... Hopefully... And if you're not doing so already, you can be having fun with us all hours of the day over on Twitter.

We Are One Step Closer to the Zombie Apocalypse

Every couple of days or so, I seem to go on a rant about how we're all going to die in an apocalypse and, usually, it's got to do with zombies. So, naturally, I thought it was hilarious when I saw this and then this and what the heck, I'll link to this one too.

I don't know about you, but I can't stop laughing. Nazi zombies in Austin, TX. Too funny!

Since this post has clearly gone into the pointless-and-absurd realm of posts (you know, kind of like that black hole beneath the kitchen sink that Mom is sure leads to H-E-double hockey sticks) we might as well throw a few PSAs in as well.

I'm filling the role of Temporary Weekday Daddy over at Islanders Point Blank. Big ups to CB for letting me keep all my Islander rantings away from you guys. Seriously, you should probably thank him for that.

Loser Domi is fantasizing about Wendell Clark. Not really. But I don't think there's anyone who is better at NHL fiction than she.

Dave is kickin' A and takin' names over at Carolina on Ice. Or at least that's what it appears from a quick glance at the lovely pictures.

And last but not least Ryan is all over the Super Bowl. You know, the thing with the helmets and the angry men.

So there we go. Shameless plugs, zombie attacks and hilarious road signs all in one post. I think that about covers it, no?

In the Year 2020...

Today, I present to you a glimpse into the future. And of course, I must credit Conan O'Brien with the original idea here.

NBC

...Gary Bettman will eliminate the 2-minute minor. Instead, every penalty will result in a penalty shot.

...When playing video game hockey on the Wii Version 3 with your friends who are in the same room, you will actually have to punch each other in the face when fighting.

...Detroit Red Wings fans will get upset but it won't be over a suspension. This time, they will be upset to see Chris Chelios finally retire.

...New York Islander fans will have reason to feel good about their beleaguered franchise. That's because the Lighthouse Project will be acknowledged by the Town of Hempstead.

...Bloggers will get even lazier when Wordpress pioneers a new technology that allows them to blog without typing. They will simply think about what they want to type and it will appear on the screen. Sadly, they still are still relegated to living in their parents' basement.

...Kansas City finally gets an NHL franchise when the NHL expands to 50 teams.

...The Minnesota Wild will score three goals in a game for the first time in franchise history.

Crazy, High Speed, Red Bull Sponsored Death Race Returns Tonight

Courtesy Red Bull

I've heard all the different theories about what to do with the All-Star Game and frankly, they all suck. Have the game in October... Make the Stanley Cup Champion play an All-Star team... Whatever. Those are some pansy ass ideas.

Here's one that could work.

Saturday night, take a bunch of hockey players, suit em up and take away their sticks. Then push them down a gigantic ice luge that's set up in the middle of Quebec City somewhere.

Oh, wait. That's exactly what's happening tonight in Quebec City. And it's FREAKING AWESOME.

For the third year in a row (I think?), Red Bull will be sponsoring an event called Crashed Ice which is exactly as crazy as it sounds. Folks in full hockey gear -- basically looking like they're ready to play minus a stick -- going down what's basically a modified luge track. Put it smack in the middle of the old timey part of a Canadian city, pack in as many drunk spectators as you can, and there you have it. Insanity on ice.

Who needs the skills competition? I'll be watching this!

Now if only I got TSN... Darn. For those of you who do have TSN, you can watch the finals tonight at 8:30 PM EST. If you're like me and live in the States, check out this YouTube video from last year's event. At the end of the race, all the competitors collapsed. I guess they didn't have enough Red Bull in 'em.

And one more thought, why isn't this part of the X Games?

An Explanation, An Update, and Some Other Things That Need Talking About

OK, so first off -- I'm sorry. I do owe all of you out there in internet land an apology for leaving so randomly and abruptly.

Secondly, I'm back for a while. I think. The folks at work seem to be OK with the whole blogging thing, and I'm not here to talk about work or say anything about them, so I should be good on that front. Nothing personal, but I don't really want to talk about the whole work thing, other than they were firmly against blogging (hence the leave) and changed their position a bit (woo!). Work is work and I'm going to leave it at work. So, unless they change their mind or something, I should be here.

Thirdly, I hope you've been enjoying the new folks here. They have really stepped up to the plate and I'm thrilled to have Dave and LD here. Also glad to have Ryan still on board and taking a bigger role. I don't even know what would have happened without them, and frankly don't want to think about it. I think it's all going to be a lot better thanks to a four-headed monster. Three daddies and a mommy. You all will be some screwed up kids. But it's a lot of fresh, new stuff from some people you may or may not have read before. Or maybe you're reading the site now because your favorite blogger is now on board. In that case, welcome!

The four of us will all be around randomly, with really the only certainty right now being Ryan in on Thursdays for the usual. The site will be updated twice a day during the work week at the very least, which is great.

Fourthly, I think I needed the week off. Recharge the batteries and things like that. I've spent the better part of the last few days just reading everything that's been posted everywhere. Just taking it all in. And it's awesome. There's a lot of smart writers and great blogs out there. It's really unbelievable. I didn't get to do as much of that when I was writing a few times a day.

Any questions about anything or if I missed something that you want to hear about, you know where to email me. Or leave your thoughts in the comments. Either is fine.

But thanks for reading and thanks for putting up with me. See you tomorrow!

Now You Can Pretend the NHL is Still on ESPN

Are you a hockey fan that still doesn't have access to Versus? Or maybe you have Versus and their coverage makes you cry yourself to sleep every night? Do you long for the days of Gary Thorne and Bill Clement calling NHL games on ESPN?

Well, if you answered yes to any of those questions, I have a deal for you!

It's called ESPN the Microphone and now you can pretend that whatever hockey game you are watching is being televised on ESPN! Heck, you'll even have the best play-by-play man/woman in the business, YOU!

You can thank me later folks, right now go out and buy it before it's sold out. Because, you know, how could it not sell out?

Now let's kick it back to John Buccigross and Barry Melrose in the NHL2Night Studio! See? I've already got mine and it's AMAZING.

We'll Be Right Back...

I took a much needed long weekend for some rest and relaxation so my apologies for the crickets you heard around these parts during the last 48 hours. We'll be back and ready to go tomorrow with Highlights of the Week and Sunday's Handy Guide (But on Monday).

It was a good weekend, I must admit. There was lots of this...

(For the record, I was a soccer player. My friends were referees equipped with glasses and canes. It was entertaining.)

And there was also a healthy dose of this...

That's football. I know it seems foreign and creepy, but it's not so bad. Unless you live in SEC territory where it's called WOOLETSGOCRAZYPIGSUIEEEEEEE!!! And the fans are never satisfied no matter what. They make the folks up in Toronto look disinterested by comparison.

Oh, Those Crazy Watersliding Europeans

There's no better way to end the summer than with a giant water slide. What's even better is if you take skis, snowboards, inner tubes and whatever the hell else you can find, including European dance music and leather-clad girls. That, my friends, is a recipe for entertainment. If that's not what this recipe creates, then there might be something wrong with you.

The other day I stumbled upon the video accompanying this post. I'm not entirely sure what country this is in (Isn't all of Europe the same, anyway?) or why this is all going on, but I Babelfished the translation of the video's description, and it provides a little insight. Apparently, Anaheim's Jonas Hiller is going off the water slide somewhere in there with what is described as a "mad run". He wasn't actually mad, that's just what the kids are saying these days... Even the kids in Europe apparently.

For the second time the Alpamare accomplished the Waterslide Contest on Saturday. Over 100 participants the Contest supervisors counted in this year. Even NHL Stargoalie Jonas Hiller was also from the portion and submitted a mad run. Also olympia winners, European and Swiss masters were at the start and offered to the spectators a varied show on the eight meters high snow ramp.

And accomplish the water slide contest they did! That looked like a good time and has now been added as #478 on my list of reasons why I need to visit Europe.

EA Sports Releases 2009 NHL Blogger Ratings

Big news for the blogging world today. Here at BMR, we have an exclusive look at EA Sports' attribute ratings for their much anticipated upcoming release, Hockey Blogging '09. Thanks to a source deep inside EA's headquarters, I am proud to be the first and only blogger to give you these numbers. It's a big deal and hockey bloggers are kind of a big deal. San Diego.
So, I figure you probably want an explanation on how EA came up with these numbers. Well, I'm glad you asked because I'm just going to make some shit up and continue to pretend that all of this did not come out of one of my lower orifices. Here's the methodology to EA's blogger rating madness.

Offensive Awareness (OWAR) - Mirtle, the second coming of hockey blogging pulls up with the big 99 in this category. He can put the puck in the net like nobody's business.

Deking (DEK) - Again, when it comes to being offensively gifted, Mirtle's the boss. The boys at the Pensblog have great offensive gifts as well, but their ability to break your ankles leaves a bit to be desired.

Checking (CHK) - Who can lower the boom? That's the question addressed by this category. No one tells the truth like the EMacAttack and the PensBlog boys. Whether or not you agree with them, you have to admit that they can really throw a hip check.

Agility (AGL) - As you can see, not very many hockey bloggers are agile. Their fingers can move fast, but when it comes to everything else, it's not a pretty sight. Long hours spent in front of the computer doesn't do anything to improve your agility.

Passing (PAS) - This is something almost all bloggers are great out. They can dish and give the puck to a playmaker. When it comes to passing links, there are a lot of All-Stars out there. But special mention goes to the folks at Kukla's, they are the current world record holders when it comes to passing. Wyshynski, Mirtle and Pensblog all get honorable mentions.

Acceleration (ACC) - I have no clue how acceleration can apply to blogging. Neither did EA. Everyone scores a 90.

Defensive Awareness (DAWR) - Who can take the heat? Who can take a lickin' and keep on tickin'? For that, you've got to go to the three headed monster of Mirtle-McErlain-Wyshynski. It's a top line that rivals any other blogospheres have to offer. That being said, most bloggers are born with great DAWR. Everyone came up big here.

Other notes - Sean Leahy gets almost all 90s because the kid is solid all across the board. Scouts have yet to find a flaw in him.

So there you have it, folks. It's an All-Star lineup this year from California to DC and everyone in between. I don't know about you, but I can't wait to play HB '09 on my XBOX. It's going to be ballin!

A Legend in On-the-Fly Advertising

Taking a quick break from hockey here... Check out the picture above. You probably can't read it, in fact I know you can't read it cause it was taken by my crapass cell phone camera. Let me translate for you what could possibly be the greatest advertising campaign the world has ever known.

The following was spray painted, in orange, on the back windshield of what appears to be a crappy Toyota Camry:

"RIMS 4

SALE

18" $350$"

I kid you not. Sheer genius.