After all, nothing says hockey like a thoroughly greased mullet.
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Analysis, rambling and rants from around the NHL (from guys and gals who are NOT Barry Melrose).
You know, I thought we were passed this. I thought we were out of the woods when it came to watching Mark Messier cry in public. Of course, I forgot that the Rangers were retiring Brian Leetch's number, a former teammate of Messier's. So I didn't watch the game, but I still have to endure seeing things like this.
I'm sure there are YouTubes of it out there but it's not really worth trying to find. I don't want to put all of us through something severely traumatic again. I just hope that through awareness, we can find a cure for this terrible disease that seems to haunt Messier. I'm talking about Crying in Public to Garner Attention Syndrome, of course. That's CPGAS for short.
But going back to my original point -- we are nowhere near out of the woods on this one yet, folks. Tonight, Leetch announced that the Rangers would be retiring Adam Graves' number later on. So what does that mean? That means that tonight was not the last we will see of Messier's waterworks. Dammit. Someday we will. Someday. WE. WILL.
Mark Messier seems to be spawning all of these players from his behind. Interesting. (C) Hockey Hall of Fame
The annual Hall of Fame induction ceremony takes place this Monday, with festivities going on all weekend in Toronto at the Hall of Fame and around town. On Saturday night, the Maple Leafs will face off against the Rangers (riveting, I know) in the annual Hall of Fame Game at the Air Canada Centre. A host of legends will also be on hand all weekend long for the festivities, which culminate on Monday with the induction of Ron Francis, Al MacInnis, Mark Messier, Scott Stevens and Jim Gregory into the Hall of Fame.
I've never been up to Toronto to see the ceremonies, and it seems like if I could pick one year to skip, this would almost certainly be the worst one to miss. Why is that? Folks, this is likely to be the last chance we will have to see Mark Messier speak, and likely cry, at a meaningful event. Since his playing days have long been over, we haven't really had the chance to see him let the waterworks go in quite a while. It's really been too long. Personally, I would recommend making the trip to Toronto solely to see that. I know it's going to be hard for Mess to top his most famous performance, but let's not forget that this is the Hall of Fame we're talking about. You're supposed to break down like a little girl for this shindig. And we all know there is no one better at milking it than Mess.
The actual induction ceremony can be seen Monday at 7:30 PM EST on TSN's alternate feed. Somehow I doubt those of us in the States will be able to see it. When there's video of this, and there will be, you can bet BMR will be all over it.
For now, enjoy some oldies but goodies:
Mark Messier Day in Edmonton (skip to about the 2:30 mark)
And of course there is always his return to New York. Epic. Absolutely epic. (How is this not on YouTube?!?!)
After winning 'Leader of the Year' will Chelios make a run for the White House? Paul Sancya/AP
You all know that I'm a cynic, so I might be reading too much into this one, but something smells awfully fishy about the Waterworks McGee Mark Messier Leader of the Year Award that the NHL handed out yesterday. Sponsored by COLD-fX, Cry Baby Messier named a 'leader of the month' during the regular season, and this is the year-end version of that award. The Ageless Wonder, Chris Chelios, was the lucky recipient of the year-end award.
The gang over at the NHL FanHouse called it "a marketing scheme," and I agree completely. They also went on to question Messier's, um, selection process.
"While I don't doubt Chelios is a great leader, this is a real slap in the face to Nicklas Lidstrom, who actually, you know, CAPTAINED the Red Wings squad and led them to such a successful season. As we've seen with past awards, Messier doesn't seem to have a real basis for awarding his Leadership Award other than how much he likes the guy on a particular afternoon."
Don't knock Chelios, though. The $25,000 that he will receive is going to charity.
Whether or not you agree that this is one of those good ol' fashioned 'blatant marketing ploys,' I figure that the NHL might need some ideas for other awards. In an effort to help out Mr. Bettman, here are some other awards that may help boost attention/revenue. After all, it seems that the NHL's biggest desire these days is to market the sport as much as possible. Feel free to add your own awards in the comments.
GM/Executive of the Year; presented by Mike Milbury and sponsored by Enron.
Pink Slip Award; given to the player who mailed it in down the stretch, sponsored by the US Postal Service and presented by Donald "You're Fired" Trump (Getting Trump involved could be good on another level -- have him try to keep the NHL in the news by holding press conferences announcing his disdain for random people around the NHL.)
Sportsman of the Year; presented by Sean Avery.
The Jeremy Roenick Ambassador Award; given to the player who best exemplifies a willingness to embrace others, work hard and embodies the 'spirit of the game'.
The Brian Emgblom Award; presented to the best hair in hockey, be it player, coach, broadcaster or other. Sponsored by Propecia.
The Barry Melrose Mullet of the Month; This one is self explanatory and naturally, my favorite.
MapQuest.com Journeyman Trophy; given to the player who logs the most miles by changing sweaters as often as most people change socks.
Theodore/Hilton Award; presented to the NHL player with the hottest 'significant other,' presented by Hugh Hefner.
The Brett Hull Trophy; given to the team/player/referee who does the most to screw over the Buffalo Sabres during the year. Sponsored by the NHL Official's Association. Foot in the crease, anyone?
And, obviously, we have to create an award for the Best Playoff Beard. Sponsored by Just For Men and presented by Keith Hernandez and Walt Frazier.
Mark Messier is the NHL's very own exploding dam. He's got a lot of water in him and could burst at any given moment. As I'm sure you know, Mess was inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame on Monday night, the perfect opportunity to let the waterworks go one more time. As promised, the video from Mess's induction speech:
Aw, who am I kidding? I'll miss you Mess. The NHL will be a drier place without you. That is, if they also get rid of the waterlogged Reebok jerseys.
Around these parts, Mark Messier has no fans. You could say that we don't get along, but I've never met him. But the video to your right, well, it sort of makes me feel bad for the guy.
Yeah, I said it.
Now, it's hilarious when this guy lets the waterworks go. We know this. But somehow, bumbling around on a national stage while completely keeping his composure (and by that I mean not crying) kind of makes me feel bad for the guy. I'd almost rather he followed up stuttering around with a nice, healthy cry. It would be funny. Instead, he looks helpless, afraid and it kind of makes me feel bad for the guy.
And, of course, the big problem here is that this is only an eight second clip which is completely out of context. That's like taking one sentence on this blog and making a generalization about everything we believe in. That's not something I can get behind.
Oh, and I'm really beginning to question Versus. For a while there they were making steady improvements but it seems as though they stopped doing that at some point earlier this year. This may prove to be the tipping point that everyone looks back on and asks 'where did it all go wrong?' Then again they could trot out JR next week and would have Survivor-esque ratings. Not as high as the first one, but definitely in the neighborhood of the second season.
Today marks exactly one month since Barry Melrose Rocks came into existence. Yes, in that short time you have heard near incoherent rantings about everything from playoff beards and people who watch half naked teenagers ride stationary bikes to prospects who love to party and some half assed quality playoff coverage. That's great and all, but it still has left many questions unanswered such as; why isn't Sarah Silverman funny, why did the sequels to the Matrix suck, and why on God's green earth internet does this blog even exist?
As it turns out, I'm really not sure about the answer to any of those questions. If you really need to know, you should probably ask your parents.
That being said, it's about time to try and figure out exactly what the purpose and direction of this blog is going to be in the coming months. To simplify things, today I am proud to announce the creation of the Constitution of the United Mullets of Barry Melrose Rocks. It's kind of like the US Constitution, minus slavery.
Article 1: The Author
Section 1: Despite the hilarity and success that certain kick ass blogs have had regarding the use of the 'royal we,' the writers at Barry Melrose Rocks (henceforth identified as 'BMR') shall not make use of said 'we', unless said use is absolutely necessary. At the present moment there is, in fact, one writer at BMR and he shall not even think of invoking the use of the 'we' until there actually is a 'we'. At the present, even though the writer does indeed speak for the entire blog, he does not speak for all of the readers, all NHL fans, nor all members of the cast of the television show 'Reno 911'. Since he cannot speak for these parties, he shall not make it appear that he speaks for these parties.
Section 2: The author shall not speak in the third person, unless he is writing a document such as this or if the use of the third person is absolutely necessary.
Article 2: Blog Posts
Section 1: In the name of all that is fun, the author shall not post more than three completely serious blog entries in a row. The lone exception being during a time of national crisis (i.e. Brian Burke's head explodes during a press conference).
Section 2: In all relevant instances, the author will cite any sources used in a post by creating a hyper link to those sources. The author has the right to either link at the bottom of the post or anywhere in the post's text as so; what would they have called hyper links in 1787? If a source goes uncited, the commenters have the right to request sources and/or attempt to discern if the author is a witch, whereby they will place him in a cage and determine if the author weights the same as a duck. If it is found that the author is of equal weight as the duck, they will be declared a witch and burned (since both ducks and wood float and witches are made of wood because they burn).
Section 3: The author will not intervene in their own article with a note from the editor. The lone exception being if, and only if, said note is funnier than the video Super Size Me (With Whiskey). Since that it not possible, this is is not allowed.
Section 4: This is not your parents' hockey blog! The author will attempt to be as original as possible, even if that means being completely random at times (i.e. posting long articles about playoff beards). Every website has a finals preview and post game analysis, and one of BMR's goals will be to provide you with that knowledge and insight, but not bore you with the lame ass, repetitive details. We know where the game takes place. We know the key players. Now tell us something interesting!
Article 3: Posting Photos
Section 1: The author shall not go more than five (5) days without posting at least one picture that in some way involves a celebrity or hot chick.
Section 2: In the event that the author cannot find a suitable picture to accompany a post, a picture of a celebrity/hot chick must be used as a substitute. Said picture must relate in some way to the post, even if it has six degrees of separation.
Article 4: Categories
Section 1: The number of categories shall be kept as small as possible and any category that does not pertain to a person, NHL team or event (playoffs, draft, free agency etc.) shall have a ridiculous name.
Subsection A: No category shall ever be created for Mark Messier. The author fears that if such category is created, Mr. Messier will request a formal, overly dramatic press conference to announce it, wherein Mr. Messier will cry like an 8-year old girl.
Article 5: Vendettas Any personal bias and/or vendettas that the author has shall be made clear in this, Article five (5).
Section 1: Bias
Subsection A: The author is, by birthright, completely and utterly biased towards the New York Islanders, but will try and be as impartial as possible.
Subsection B: The New York Jets also present a problem of bias, but they play football. That sport is irrelevant here.
Subsection C: Let it be known that the University of South Carolina is far superior to Clemson University, and that the SEC is the best college conference in the nation (save for Big East basketball).
Section 2: Vendettas
Subsection A: The author, as you might expect, has an extreme distaste for one Gary Bettman.
Subsection B: The New York Rangers are going to be given their due diligence, but that is all.
Subsection C: From herein let it be known that the author has no patience for the ramblings that come out of Toronto every so often. (Exhibit A)
There are so many things I could say about this picture, but they all are offensive to the mentally handicapped. To call Mark Messier one of them, would be all too degrading. To them.
Former Bruins defensemen Brian Leetch announced his retirement today, ending an 18-year career that should culminate with a Hall of Fame induction. Aside from his statistical and championship winning achievements, what amazed me the most about Leetch is consistent play and leadership.
He was drafted by the Rangers in 1986, and played for them until he was traded to Toronto in 2004. After the lockout Leetch played for Boston in 2005-06, but could not find an NHL contract this season. Now 39, most teams passed on him due to price tag and age.
Leetch was always the player's player. He was a quiet leader, and took over the 'C' for the Rangers from 1997-2000 while Waterworks McGee took a vacation in Vancouver. There was a certain respectability about Leetch; that he always was the hard working, blue collar, dependable kind of guy that never sparked a riot.
Being a huge Islanders fan, you would think it would be hard for me to heap praise on someone who did so much for the Broadway Blueshirts for so many years. Not true. For as long as I can remember, Leetch has been the one player on Broadway whom I never viewed hatefully or as an enemy.
Sure, he played for the Dark Side. That just didn't matter, since there was a certain respectability about him. He was the type of player whose team you wanted to beat, destroy even, but Leetch was the player that at the end of the game you smiled at and shook his hand because he was the one that you had a serious competitive respect for.
Has it really been 3 1/2 years since this guy played on New York's blue line? Ed Betz/AP
That result was always evident at the Nassau Coliseum. When the Rangers came to town during Leetch's career, there were never any derogatory chants involving him. From 'Crackhead Fleury' and 'Cry Baby Messier' to the 'traitors' Kasparitis and Trottier, there was never a word about Leetch. 'Riiiiichter, Riiiichter' might echo down from the nosebleeds, or some harassment aimed at Jagr's/Messier's/Prucha's/Lindros' mother, but never Leetch's.
Leetch was a professional who always played by the rules, never sucker punched your left winger, and always knew how to talk to the media. In an age when stars such as Jeremy Roenick and Brett Hull mouthed off at the media, Leetch never budged.
After sitting out a season with no suitable contract offers, Leetch knew it was time to hang up the skates for good. Of course, he made the announcement exactly in classic Brian Leetch style. No big press conference. No long farewell tour. A few phone calls with reporters and a story from the AP.
It's time for another one of these already? It sure seems like weeks go by in minutes these days. Before we know it, the Cup Finals will be here. I mean seriously. It's almost Thanksgiving!* Jeez.
Am I the only one who finds it troubling that the fate of the universe will only be seen in MN and CO? Thanks Mr. Bettman- I'll be eating Carl's Jr. in my underwear while the universe explodes.
Oh and here's a question- if Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer, can Ryan Smyth's save the universe?
I just realized [Messier's] "leadership" award from last season has already disappeared.
Thanks for the extra effort this week team, and pokecheck, I would be careful if I were you now that you've started to unearth a possible conspiracy. Watch out for the guys in black suits with names like "A" and "K"!
The Rangers won the Atlantic Division in the first year of it's existence (1993-94) and have not won it again since.
During the 2005-06 season, Jaromir Jagr set five team scoring records including the records for most goals, points and game winning goals in a single season.
Joe Micheletti is, in my opinion, arguably the best color commentator in the NHL today. That's coming from an Islander fan, by the way.
Odds for the folks at gambler's anonymous
17 to 1: Henrik Lundqvist continues his vendetta against ice girls, this time by setting upland mines around his crease.
5 to 1: It will take about two weeks for the New York media to call Glen Sather's job into question.
Obligatory serious analysis
Full disclosure: I've been an avid Islander fan for as long as I can remember, but I'm going to do my best to be unbiased during the rest of this post.
The Rangers grabbed the most media attention this off season by making a huge and previously inconceivable splash on the first day of free agency, by snapping up both Scott Gomez and Chris Drury. Combined, their deals total 12 years of service for the hefty sum of $86.75 million. If history is any indicator, these two could be the players that put the Rangers over the top.
While the additions of Gomez and Drury are enormous to the Rangers, the signings put them in a very precarious position. Not only did they not address any of the team's defensive needs, they also are now unbelievable close to the salary cap. Down the road, this could cause major issues in regards to re-signing young talent. We got a glimpse of that from the Sean Avery Fiasco earlier in the summer, and if things turn out for the worse, that may not be the last we will be seeing of those types of issues surrounding the Rangers. The team has a nice allotment of young talent, most notably netminder Henrik Lundqvist and forward Petr Prucha. It will be interesting to see how much of that young talent they will be able to hold onto in the coming years.
The other major issue that the team is facing this season is related to it's defense. The Rangers gave up the second fewest goals in the Eastern Conference last season, but a lot of that success can be credited to Lundqvist who started 69 games and had an outstanding GAA of 2.34. He went on to start all 10 of the team's playoff games and posted a ridiculous 2.07 GAA and .924 save percentage. The team lost Karl Rachunek to New Jersey and outside of Marek Malik and Michal Rozsival, there's not a whole lot of stars to talk about on the blueline.
Let's not focus too much on the negative, though. There's no doubt that the Rangers will make a heck of a run at the division title this year, and if Lundqvist is stellar yet again, they'll be right there in the race for the conference title as well. On paper, their offense looks like it is arguably the best in the East, right alongside Ottawa and Pittsburgh. For any other team, the loss of Nylander would hurt considerably, but due to the Rangers' off season additions, it's a non-factor. The team is returning Jagr, Shanny and Straka to go along with Gomez and Drury. Make no mistake, that's one of the best top fives in the league. If Prucha and some of the other kids can improve, along with a full season of Sean Avery, this should be a scary team in the attacking zone.
Prediction: I have said before that it's going to be a dog fight between the Rangers and Penguins for the top spot in the Atlantic, and I'm sticking to my guns. In the end, I think the Pens will take the title, leaving the Rangers with the 4th spot in the east.
The best looking ice girls in the Big Apple The Rangers don't have ice girls, but the Knicks, who by the way still exist, have dancers.
Two reborn features in a row. How about that. If you remember this one, you've really been around here a long time. It's everyone's favorite, Random You Tube Magic, to get you through the morning, it's Your Monday Morning Icebreaker.
This week, to kick things off in style, we bring back a legend and a classic, Mark Messier's tear ducts. Skip the first :30 of the video unless you want to hear some woman ramble on about her Mark Messier photo collection. Skip ahead to the 2:20 mark if you want to see when this thing really gets going.
I'm sorry for the lack of updates recently, but it's been a busy week. Expect a lot of stuff late Thursday and all day Friday... New edition of Buys and Sells and some other garbage for sure. Any requests?
Hey Feeny, if that is your real name, I think you missed the boat here. I just had one request for you, and you blew it. You failed your mission. But that's OK, I'm going to give you one more shot to see if you can make it up to Mullet Nation and I.
From April 29th:
Maybe that guy is out there somewhere reading this post or one of the other ones out there on the internets. Old Guy with a Sign, if you're reading this, get yourself on camera with a sign that says "Messier Sucks." I will be forever grateful. You can, of course, use funnier variations on that phrase. In fact, that would certainly get you some bonus points. So if you're reading this, God speed and you can do it. The Mullet believes in you.
Old Guy with a Sign... Feeny... Whoever you are time is of the essence. The way the Pens are playing right now, you might have only one more shot at this during Game Four on Thursday. So let's get to it. Show the world our message!
This would never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever happen... BUT it would be HILARIOUS!
Per Sporting News (not AP cause they are big dumb stupid heads):
The NHL has proposed disciplinary proceedings against Madison Square Garden that could result in the suspension or termination of the company's ownership of the New York Rangers, according to a draft letter written by NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman that was filed in New York district court late yesterday.
The letter, part of the league's ongoing legal fight against MSG, alleges that MSG -- by suing the NHL -- has violated the league constitution. The letter was part of a counterclaim the NHL filed asking the court to issue a judicial declaration allowing the NHL to discipline the Rangers and MSG internally. If the court fulfills that request, the league will immediately begin disciplinary proceedings against MSG.
Can you imagine the NHL kicking out Dolan and MSG? Ouch. The Rangers would be in trouble then. Hamilton Rangers, anyone? OK, seriously this isn't going to happen. But it's fun to think about.
There really is nothing to post about anymore. If you remember, this blog used to include posts that involved serious thinking and analysis. Now? Not so much. That's just what happens to the hockey world in mid-July. It starts to look like a barren wasteland of sport... We'll see how this little number goes, but this Offseason Journal thing might stick around -- but only if it appeases you, o gracious viewers and commenters.
Have fun in Toronto, Fetus. ViewImages
6:20 AM EST: Nightmares. Jason Blake is haunting me. Somewhere in Toronto, he's sitting around counting money, and doing whatever else it is that Jason Blake does. I imagine it involves coloring books and, you know, looking like a fetus... All that stuff he said about loving Long Island? A load of you know what. What an asshole.
8:15:Sum 41 is right. Waking up is really fucking hard to do. All I can think of is lying in bed, after those nightmares of Fetus kept me up.
8:20: Finally out of bed. I've got to be at work in 40 minutes (if it's relevant, I'm a lifeguard during the summer). First things first. Check TSN, I must. Something important had to have happened while I was asleep. There's been too little going on. I hope Forsberg signed, even if its not with the Islanders. Any news will do. Any news at all.
8:22: Stumble downstairs. Turn on computer. Alexei Yashin is on the front page of TSN. What the?!?!
8:23: Worst possible thing I could have seen at this hour of the morning. TSN must have it out for me. Evaluate potential options for suicide. The high ceiling in my kitchen is looking like a noose would be nice and cozy in there.
8:24: Realize that Yashin is no longer an Islander. Sigh deeply, and remove noose from neck. The photo was only in reference to how he, among other second tier free agents, has not been signed yet. Come to think of it, a picture of Mark Messier Waterworks McGee would have been the worst TSN headline to wake up to.
8:35: Time spent on the computer in the morning always flies. Some mornings, I check only email and TSN, but it still takes more than 10 minutes to do so. That's just impossible. Later I'll investigate possible black holes surrounding my desk.
8:40: Soft food for breakfast. It's necessary after such a shock to the system. Frozen waffles will do.
9:07: Arrive at work. No blogging today, there's no computer in the general vicinity. That's what happens when you work at a pool.
*intermission. Go grab a soda or some shit.
2:02 PM: Quittin time! I love any day that's a half day.
2:20: loltrade. Eh, that's not as catchy as lolcat. I'll keep trying... Seriously, throw me a friggin bone here. The Sens trade Peter Schaefer to Boston for Sean Donovan. Nope, not interesting. Don't care.
3:15: Random trains of thought. The Hurricanes re-acquired Matt Cullen for some no name players and a third rounder in 2008. Is it just me, or does Cullen look like post-90210 Jason Priestley, if Cullen changed his hair and aged a decade. Ok. That might be a bit of a stretch.
Matt Cullen
Now part of the Carolina Hurricanes
Jason Priestley
Still living off of “90201” fame
What's with all the trades? Do we need to remind GMs that this is the middle of free agent season?
3:19: What if I just blogged in questions all day? Would you like that? Is this the most irritating thing ever or what?
4:45: Considerd adding a poll to the site. Realized that I would be the only one voting. Maybe I can teach my dog to use Firefox.
5:41: Discovered LOL Jocks as per KSK. Great blog. Crappy Name. Needs more hockey. Always more hockey. Never not hockey. There we go! Name it Never Not Hockey. Kidding.
7:33: Late dinner tonight. Had to hit the gym for a little bit to get jacked. It's obviously not working. Leftover chicken parm. Reminds me of Ray Ferraro, Mr. Chicken Parm himself. Where is John Buccigross when you need him?
7:41: If Ray Ferraro is Chicken Parm, then who is Leftover Chicken Parm? No idea. Where's Buccigross?
9:47: It's almost time for the Mets game. The game is on late here on the east coast, cause they're in San Diego. It's Spanish for 'a whale's vagina'. I think that would be a great nickname for Mats Sundin.
10:35: Despair. What a terrible day for hockey. The most amusing part was that I actually got to say whale and vagina in the same sentence without making a fat chick joke. That's pretty hard to do. That being said, I feel as though hockey doesn't exist. Good thing there are only 70 days left till opening night. I'll make it. 'No sweat' I say, as I shake like a crack addict who needs a fix.
Truth be told, sports leagues are really starting to grasp at straws when it comes to finding new revenue streams. Take, for example, the folks over at NHL auctions. Right now, they're selling what could be a fans' dream (albeit an odd one) -- a spot in the Vancouver Canucks' team photo.
Personally, I see off-beat online sports auctions as the next big thing. So, to help our friends over at NHL auctions, here are a few things that they should consider selling... Feel free to add your own in the comments.
Tickets to a Mike Keenan Management seminar
Training session for aspiring GMs, hosted by Mike Milbury
The last time I checked it was still summer. As hockey fans, all that means is that we are still bored. That's why this little feature has returned yet again. Buying stuff is something to do. Talking about stuff we can buy -- also something to do. Talking about the weird stuff people are trying to sell us? That takes boredom by the throat and cuts the jugular. (Sorry if that was a little graphic -- I saw the new Batman last night. Great movie but I can't yet call it 'life changing'. Maybe after the second viewing.)
So, without any further interruption, I present to you your bizarre Ebay items of the week.
VINTAGE New York Rangers HOCKEY JERSEY Large NHL CCM @@ (Item #: 170235794395)
This one isn't bizarre but it may be the perfect gag gift. Have an Islander fan in your family that you really want to piss off? Making a Mark Messier voodoo doll? Want to call someone a douchebag but can't find the words to say it? Then why not do it metaphorically with this retro Rangers jersey! Whatever your reasoning, this jersey can do it all... Except play defense.
Sale Price: $12.50 + shipping.
VINTAGE COLUMBUS OWLS HOCKEY GIVE A HOOT BUTTON ! (Item #: 350079321752)
If you're looking to buy a piece of crap that someone found in their garage then this next item is for you. It's a really old button from a crappy state and a hockey team that may never have even existed! For only $12.51 you could be the proud owner of something that should have been thrown in the trash years ago! Best of all -- shipping is free. Hey, even if you got raped from behind on the sale price, at least you got a great deal on the shipping, right? I like those odds.
Sale Price: $12.51, free shipping.
Hockey USA Live The Game Coaster/Beer Mat (Item #: 250271230748)
Maybe you're the kind of person that likes to go out to a bar on Friday night. Maybe you're also the kind of person that goes to Canadian dive bars and wants to bring those warm and fuzzy feelings home. If so, then 99 cents is all you need to bring those great feelings home!
Why not relive the vague memories of your drunk escapades with a nice, cardboard coaster? You'll probably have to put it away when important company comes over so you don't look too trashy (Don't want the Donaldsons thinking we shop at the dollar store!) but that's OK. You can still get great use out of it while you're drinking alone by yourself in front of the TV.
Best of all, it's in mint condition and the seller claims it's "never been used before."
Wait. Why is Labatt Blue sponsoring American hockey?
Sale Price: .99 + 2.00 shipping.
LOT OF 9 COLGATE HOCKEY HEADS 1971/72 (Item #: 330252896604)
I have no idea what's going on here and the seller doesn't provide much insight. I can only assume that these were sold attached to Colgate toothpaste. There are tiny white heads of all your favorites -- Lafluer, Dionne, Mahovilich. Collect 'em all!
Here is a quick look at what is happening around the hockey world today.
Arkansas Icecats - Jeopardy host Alex Trebek will drop the puck for the opening faceoff night at the Icecats' home opener. Darrell Hammond will be there dressed as Sean Connery to piss Trebek off and also because the Icecats' Game Ops staff has a sick side.
Vancouver Canucks - Have hired Sean Avery as a fashion consultant.
NHL - Today the league unveiled a beta version of a redesigned NHL.com. Additionally, the Shop on NHL.com is offering brand new products such as a jar of Mark Messier's tears, a Gary Bettman Boo Machine and a book entitled 'A Handy Guide for Coping with Continual Failure'. The book will only be available to shoppers located in Long Island, Miami, Columbus, Los Angeles and Toronto.
Toronto Maple Leafs - Announced that they have acquired the rights to a playoff birth in 2010 in exchange for their hopes, dreams and aspirations.
We've made it, folks. The year-long journey is almost over. If you team hasn't made it this far, and chances are it hasn't, then thanks for sticking with us anyway. If your team is still alive and kicking, cherish these days you lucky sob.
But another season is in the books, save for seven more games (if that). It goes by so fast!
To make this fun, I've got one last little competition in store. We had fantasy hockey and college basketball. Now we've got some Stanley Cup Finals Pick 'Em. It's pretty simple. Email me (melroserocks@gmail.com) who you think is going to win the series, how many games it's going to take and a short paragraph on why. The best responses will be featured on the site, so get creative!
When this whole thing is said and done, one lucky winner is going to win themselves a guest post on the site (don't worry, it's not going to turn into Deadspin). Here at BMR World HQ, we'll conduct a drawing of all the correct predictions and pick one name out of a hat. One name to rule them all!
So that's all there is to it. It's quick and painless. I'll start us off...
I'll take Detroit in seven. I still think that at some point having MAF in net is going to come back to bite the Pens. This is that point. But it's going to be a good series. Both teams will walk into the Thunderdome and only one will come out. And they'll be a limping, bloody mess. This SATURDAY NIGHT ON WWE RAW!!! HELL IN A CELL!!!! YOURE EITHER THERE OR YOU'RE A WUSS!!! I'M COMING FOR YOU MESSIER AND THERE'S NO WHERE YOU CAN RUN. YOUR TEARS WON'T SAVE YOU NOW CAUSE THE PAIN TRAIN IS COMING!! WOOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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Mark Messier,
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